I have posted here before, but here is my story and some things ive picked up that might help people.
I have been with my ex for 7 years and have gone through break ups with him before, and to tell you the truth i believe they could be getting easier each time. I always had a level head about things, but when the actual break up would happen (he dumped me each time then came back saying he didnt even know where to start b/c he made a mistake) i would kind of lose control of myself. I dont know why, as he has had a major major major smoking weed problem and his life would revolve around that and id actually have to wait around til he found some just so we could start the night. I would plead for one night with him sober and he said of course he could stop at any time...this of course was not the case. a few years back i used to spend a few days after the break up trying to call him, asking why. This most recent time (2 days before my 22nd birthday, as it usually was RIGHT before my bday) i couldn't fight the urge to call one last time, but then i gave up and realized wow i really don't need to do this. He had cheated on me last year, but then his story changed to that he didn't? i didnt believe it for a second.
And he started calling me all these dirty names because during a long break up last time, yes i dated other guys. But i did everything by the book because it was after we broke up...what say did he have over my life after dumping me?? its strange how they want to dump us, yet they can have their fun and we're supposed to hang around pining for them. The thing i hated most was he always made decisions in a fit of anger then regretted it. But this time i think he really thinks the mean things that he says. Why he was with me for a year after all this happened, i don't know but its all of a sudden getting to him? i took care of him and for years he disregarded it but now all of a sudden i didn't take care of him like i used to because he crossed the line and he got mad for that?
it seems to me that everything happens according to when it's convenient for them. Our downfal happened b/c after he cheated, i wasnt as invested in the relationship and he told me it made his life hell and that it was all my fault?
so you see-- and this is for everyone out there-- misskitty is damn right when she says it is not 100% one person's fault (although he did cheat on me, we had problems before that. but who even know hows many other times he did!)
and i learned that being with someone who never says sorry or has remorse leaves you feeling like it's all your fault. This, my friends, is not true.
He has had such a hold over me making me feel worthless that its hard to believe anything anymore.
He alwaysused to say how he was mad b/c i always seemed to be ok and get over him easily. i said yea each time you do this, i get further away.
yet it's all still my fault and im a dirty * * * * in his eyes. I hate that we're ending the relationship with him thinking this, but i guess i have to remember I have my faults, but he made the relationship soo so diffuclt with no reciprocity. Yea it must have been hard for me to not be in it completely with my heart this time for him, but what about the countless years I was the one left in the dark when he turned his phone off for days at a time? No one should have to endure this and he does not realize most of his actions are what turned me into a hostile person towards him.
the most heart wrenching comment made at the end of all this was he said to me (and this was all by phone, mind you--he cant do anything in person)-- he said "You had your fun you stupid * * * * , now i'll have mine"
First of all a comment like that is uncalled for. Second, he truly thinks im gona put my life aside and just cry over him every day. I think the thing that hurts most is the * * * * comments. It made me cry pretty hard because i know im not like that. and it kills me to think he will only ever see that, and not remember me for ME.
thanks for listening guys