Feeling Depressed and Like A Failure

CherryRVA · 05-22-2008, 01:41 PM

So, today was a baby shower at work.

Where I work, the office is split into three parts. The part I work in, it seems like people get hired cause they know how to do the work and have half a brain.

The other two parts....they seem to be hired strictly on who they ****, whose kid they are, where they went to school, how much money they have and if they are part of high society. Window dressing with no brains basically.

They held a baby shower today for one of these high society girls and I was EXPECTED to attend AND EXPECTED to buy a present. Nevermind that my partner and I....well, we have $40 to last us until Tuesday...us two, his 9 y.o. daughter, 3 dogs, a cat, and a turtle....food, milk, and gas...we have to make that last. I mean, for God's sake, rather than take food out of their mouths (in the form of peanut butter & jelly sandwich for breakfast), I scrounged 75 cents out of the seats in the car and bought Twinkies out of the vending machine for my breakfast. I drink a pot of coffee a day so that I don't get hungry until dinnertime.

On top of the fact my biological clock is TICKING like crazy. My partner and I have been trying to get pregnant since January. It is what it is....I don't need all the wheres and whyfores of why I shouldn't get pregnant right now, financially speaking. I've come to realize that I put off for 12 years not having a child, so I'm not waiting any longer. There's never a perfect time. However, as I said, we've been trying since January and every month, I realize I'm not pregnant. And it hurts so bad.

Having to be forced to go to this baby shower for this overprivileged girl, with her pearls and Land Rover and already has 2 other kids.....it's just all too much. I really can't stand how this girl acts. She's model thin and almost 6 feet tall. We were actually talking about bills one day and because I had so little money.....she actually was like "Oh honey....you all just need to eat less!!!!" This considering the fact I am about 5'4" and weigh about 180. I am proud of that because for over 10 years, I was 225. I backed her off and said "Well, that's funny considering that last week I was able to feed 2 adults, 1 child, 3 dogs, a cat, and a turtle on $17."

But yet, I sit here, watching all these society girls give her stuff for the new baby....a boy.....and I feel like such a failure. I feel like crawling in a hole.

This is the second time in a week that my depression has been triggered by something at work.

How do I get over these feelings?

I hate feeling this envious, this sad.

Tethys · 05-22-2008, 01:50 PM

Congrats on maintaining your weight loss!

Don't let people who have never known hardship get to you. They're not worth it. Plus, it's not that they are bad people -- they just don't understand. And probably never will.

You have accomplished a lot, on very little, so good for you!

redrose85 · 05-22-2008, 01:54 PM

You're not a failure. Repeat that to yourself. Does your partner work? Maybe one of you should consider taking up a second job, to help with the finances. I know what it's like to feel envious of others, but really, it does you no good. It can take quite a bit of time to concieve too, so don't feel like it's not going to happen. It will likely happen sooner if you are calm and relaxed about it though. The more you put pressure on yourself, the less likely it is that you will get pregnant. When there are office parties like this baby shower, just bring a card. Have your partner's daughter help you make it, and make it extra cute. The socialites really don't need a gift from every single person, esp, when they already have had babies and should have leftover baby things around the house.

And you know what... many of "society" girls and guys I've known over the years only appear to be happy. They are doing what's expected of them.

*hugs*

arcadefire · 05-22-2008, 01:54 PM

Aw don't feel bad! It's completely normal to feel envy. We all do. Some people are just born luckier than others.

Right now just don't think about your co-workers and concentrate on your life. Besides, you're way more important. When you are in these functions, smile, act fakely nice, then go. Just think in your mind that you were born with the talent to overcome all these obstacles and get where you are now.

PushingDaisies · 05-22-2008, 01:58 PM

If your depression stems from your work, why not try and get a job somewhere else? Im only 18 so obviously I dont know the whys and wherefores of job seeking, paying bills etc, but it seems to me that if you know the cause, surely the best thing would be to get rid of it and find somewhere where you would be happy?

Perhaps search online and see the types of jobs you can get with your qualifications. Or post a cv up on monster.com (i think thats right.)

I agree it was selfish of these girls for acting like that, I never 'expect' gifts etc, even for something like my birthday. Its rude. I wouldnt worry about the pregnancy thing atm, since you've only been trying since January, perhaps youve just been unlucky. Although again I dont know much about this.

If you want a job but dont have the qualifications, you caould always try something like night school, although obviously I dont know your situation and I would imagine youo are already working very hard.

Im so sorry you are going through this

hugs x

PushingDaisies · 05-22-2008, 01:59 PM

People who are given everything on a plate will only fall harder when something doesnt go their way

thejigsup · 05-22-2008, 03:27 PM

hey, I am tall and went to a good school and I am not mindless! You have class envy and that will only eat you alive. If you are finding it hard to feed the ones you have, what will you do when there is another mouth to feed. Your wants are no excuse to inflict an empty stomach on another child. If the girls are as brainless as you say, be thankful you are more sensible and intelligent than they are. And act that way.

Iris-PJ · 05-22-2008, 03:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CherryRVA

last week I was able to feed 2 adults, 1 child, 3 dogs, a cat, and a turtle on $17.

Hi there, in regards to your money management skills, that is amazing! I need to develop some skills like that. I know it is hard to feel positive, especially when you feel certain things are being "thrown" in your face. But what you have is a sense of what has real worth in your life, family.

Maybe it's time to change jobs.

wishing you the best,
-PJ

I am also done with the frivolity of things now a days... I rather celebrate people with love and fun, than events with things.

CherryRVA · 05-22-2008, 07:42 PM

thejigsup----I have nothing against tall people who go to good schools. In fact, one of the guys who is in another business in the same building is really tall, thin, and went to a good school. He's a funny great guy.

But when I sit here and listen to mindless crap like...... (in this girl's lovely Valley girl voice)

"Oh my Gawd, Americans just need to stop being so OVER-consumptive...." while she's clothed head to toe in Ralph Lauren, covered in diamonds, and drinking a $7 latte.

"Oh my GAWD, I want to get a lawn chair and sit across the street and watch them!!!!" after being told that Orthodox Jews walk to synagogue and there was one right down the street from the office.

"My father ALWAYS used legal Mexicans...." then when asked what and where her father's business was...."A construction company in Arizona".

or

"I took a job at a winery during college....I spent all my paychecks right there..."

Do you see where I'm going with this? Yeah, perhaps a bit of "class envy".

But they are a bunch of morons....I guess my real problem is a hatred of morons and that crosses all social classes.

redhearts · 05-22-2008, 10:18 PM

The way I see it you only care about yourself, although thats hard to believe because you can try really hard to find another job.

I say that because your baby will grow up all on a hard road. You just want to have it now for you, becaues you feel that time is running out etc. But you won't be able to give this baby all the things he/she deserves or wants. You will have to say no no no to nearly everything. You want to bring your child up having things, not struggling especially when you got that choice.

05-22-2008, 01:41 PM	#1
CherryRVA Offline Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: In town Gender: Female Posts: 12	Feeling Depressed and Like A Failure So, today was a baby shower at work. Where I work, the office is split into three parts. The part I work in, it seems like people get hired cause they know how to do the work and have half a brain. The other two parts....they seem to be hired strictly on who they ****, whose kid they are, where they went to school, how much money they have and if they are part of high society. Window dressing with no brains basically. They held a baby shower today for one of these high society girls and I was EXPECTED to attend AND EXPECTED to buy a present. Nevermind that my partner and I....well, we have $40 to last us until Tuesday...us two, his 9 y.o. daughter, 3 dogs, a cat, and a turtle....food, milk, and gas...we have to make that last. I mean, for God's sake, rather than take food out of their mouths (in the form of peanut butter & jelly sandwich for breakfast), I scrounged 75 cents out of the seats in the car and bought Twinkies out of the vending machine for my breakfast. I drink a pot of coffee a day so that I don't get hungry until dinnertime. On top of the fact my biological clock is TICKING like crazy. My partner and I have been trying to get pregnant since January. It is what it is....I don't need all the wheres and whyfores of why I shouldn't get pregnant right now, financially speaking. I've come to realize that I put off for 12 years not having a child, so I'm not waiting any longer. There's never a perfect time. However, as I said, we've been trying since January and every month, I realize I'm not pregnant. And it hurts so bad. Having to be forced to go to this baby shower for this overprivileged girl, with her pearls and Land Rover and already has 2 other kids.....it's just all too much. I really can't stand how this girl acts. She's model thin and almost 6 feet tall. We were actually talking about bills one day and because I had so little money.....she actually was like "Oh honey....you all just need to eat less!!!!" This considering the fact I am about 5'4" and weigh about 180. I am proud of that because for over 10 years, I was 225. I backed her off and said "Well, that's funny considering that last week I was able to feed 2 adults, 1 child, 3 dogs, a cat, and a turtle on $17." But yet, I sit here, watching all these society girls give her stuff for the new baby....a boy.....and I feel like such a failure. I feel like crawling in a hole. This is the second time in a week that my depression has been triggered by something at work. How do I get over these feelings? I hate feeling this envious, this sad.

05-22-2008, 01:54 PM	#4
arcadefire Offline Platinum Member Join Date: May 2008 Gender: Female Posts: 1,288	Aw don't feel bad! It's completely normal to feel envy. We all do. Some people are just born luckier than others. Right now just don't think about your co-workers and concentrate on your life. Besides, you're way more important. When you are in these functions, smile, act fakely nice, then go. Just think in your mind that you were born with the talent to overcome all these obstacles and get where you are now. __________________ I've been searching for a heart of gold... - Neil Young

05-22-2008, 01:58 PM	#5
PushingDaisies Offline Silver Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Hanbury, UK Gender: Female Age: 20 Posts: 418	If your depression stems from your work, why not try and get a job somewhere else? Im only 18 so obviously I dont know the whys and wherefores of job seeking, paying bills etc, but it seems to me that if you know the cause, surely the best thing would be to get rid of it and find somewhere where you would be happy? Perhaps search online and see the types of jobs you can get with your qualifications. Or post a cv up on monster.com (i think thats right.) I agree it was selfish of these girls for acting like that, I never 'expect' gifts etc, even for something like my birthday. Its rude. I wouldnt worry about the pregnancy thing atm, since you've only been trying since January, perhaps youve just been unlucky. Although again I dont know much about this. If you want a job but dont have the qualifications, you caould always try something like night school, although obviously I dont know your situation and I would imagine youo are already working very hard. Im so sorry you are going through this hugs x __________________ Love to faults is always blind, Always is to joy inclined, Lawless, wing'd and unconfined, And breaks all chains from every mind. >>> William Blake A sure sign of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.- Albert Einstein When life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade. Then find someone whose life has given them vodka and have a party!

05-22-2008, 01:59 PM	#6
PushingDaisies Offline Silver Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Hanbury, UK Gender: Female Age: 20 Posts: 418	People who are given everything on a plate will only fall harder when something doesnt go their way __________________ Love to faults is always blind, Always is to joy inclined, Lawless, wing'd and unconfined, And breaks all chains from every mind. >>> William Blake A sure sign of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.- Albert Einstein When life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade. Then find someone whose life has given them vodka and have a party!

05-22-2008, 01:50 PM	#2
Tethys Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Golden State Posts: 2,165	Congrats on maintaining your weight loss! Don't let people who have never known hardship get to you. They're not worth it. Plus, it's not that they are bad people -- they just don't understand. And probably never will. You have accomplished a lot, on very little, so good for you!

05-22-2008, 01:54 PM	#3
redrose85 Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Canada Gender: Female Age: 24 Posts: 2,362	You're not a failure. Repeat that to yourself. Does your partner work? Maybe one of you should consider taking up a second job, to help with the finances. I know what it's like to feel envious of others, but really, it does you no good. It can take quite a bit of time to concieve too, so don't feel like it's not going to happen. It will likely happen sooner if you are calm and relaxed about it though. The more you put pressure on yourself, the less likely it is that you will get pregnant. When there are office parties like this baby shower, just bring a card. Have your partner's daughter help you make it, and make it extra cute. The socialites really don't need a gift from every single person, esp, when they already have had babies and should have leftover baby things around the house. And you know what... many of "society" girls and guys I've known over the years only appear to be happy. They are doing what's expected of them. hugs

05-22-2008, 03:27 PM	#7
thejigsup Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Los Angeles, CA Gender: Female Age: 53 Posts: 4,129	hey, I am tall and went to a good school and I am not mindless! You have class envy and that will only eat you alive. If you are finding it hard to feed the ones you have, what will you do when there is another mouth to feed. Your wants are no excuse to inflict an empty stomach on another child. If the girls are as brainless as you say, be thankful you are more sensible and intelligent than they are. And act that way.

05-22-2008, 07:42 PM	#9
CherryRVA Offline Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: In town Gender: Female Posts: 12	thejigsup----I have nothing against tall people who go to good schools. In fact, one of the guys who is in another business in the same building is really tall, thin, and went to a good school. He's a funny great guy. But when I sit here and listen to mindless crap like...... (in this girl's lovely Valley girl voice) "Oh my Gawd, Americans just need to stop being so OVER-consumptive...." while she's clothed head to toe in Ralph Lauren, covered in diamonds, and drinking a $7 latte. "Oh my GAWD, I want to get a lawn chair and sit across the street and watch them!!!!" after being told that Orthodox Jews walk to synagogue and there was one right down the street from the office. "My father ALWAYS used legal Mexicans...." then when asked what and where her father's business was...."A construction company in Arizona". or "I took a job at a winery during college....I spent all my paychecks right there..." Do you see where I'm going with this? Yeah, perhaps a bit of "class envy". But they are a bunch of morons....I guess my real problem is a hatred of morons and that crosses all social classes.

05-22-2008, 10:18 PM	#10
redhearts Offline Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 4,623	The way I see it you only care about yourself, although thats hard to believe because you can try really hard to find another job. I say that because your baby will grow up all on a hard road. You just want to have it now for you, becaues you feel that time is running out etc. But you won't be able to give this baby all the things he/she deserves or wants. You will have to say no no no to nearly everything. You want to bring your child up having things, not struggling especially when you got that choice.