I started posting here in January of last year. I wont get too much into it, but here is the long version for more detail/history of the problem in this post:
Under Relationiship Communication
Title: Wife Purposely Ignores my conversation
To summarize it, my wife early last year felt like I wasnt supporting her emotionally in the relationship - listening or empathizing her enough when
she was struggling at work. She even said this was on a level of severity of cheating (emotionally impactful). So she decided to cut-off and restrict communication, emotional, and physical affection. I feel I was patient and worked pretty hard at times over the year to try to bolster or foster an environment for those things however here I am over a year later, and feel like only the communication aspect has gotten better...while the emotional affection has gotten marginally better. The physical affection is still dead. I feel like I'm living with a friendly roommate. My advances for hugs or kisses are met with pats and pecks and physical affection is NEVER initiated by her. She changes in the closet and always rejects showers together that we used to always do. We've made love twice in a year and a half - I hate to say it, completely "duty sex" for her. I probably put more emphasis on physical expressions of love. And I feel like its grinded out, twisting a thorn in my side for a long time. I'm on travel for work at the moment which is good for the time it lets me reflect by myself. The last time I talked with her about this, she acknowledges the situation, but then plays down the importance, saying that's how it is (). I ask her if she can change, and she's continually said "I dont know". I definitely dont feel like she wants to change. When I confront her about it, she will switch over to blaming me for the whole change when I didnt support her over a year ago. I had apologized several times and tried to tell her I will be more supportive, but her response is, "Too little, too late".
So I fear that she will not be able to pull out of this loop. She is satisfied
by just being friends (going out shopping, travelling, cooking, living, conversiing together as you would your good friend) without the real physical or emotional intimacies that I am beginning to crave....
On travel, I went out with my friend, brother, and some female friends dancing and a night out on the city. All in good fun, however, I realized from the way the women in the group were treating me things I'm missing emotionally, being smiled at and attentatively listened to. Of course this was
1 evening, no expected relationships, and not really a fair comparison I think, but still....
My oldest friend tells me it's only a matter of time until I brake it off. Likewise my brother tells me I need to divorce if all my needs arent being met. I'm 31, she's 33, no kids; we both work. I do not want to divorce because I still love her and care about her, but with work and daily life consuming alot of my energy, I myself find it difficult to initiate change, partly out of the hope that she changes, and partly for the fear of what a major change will cause for myself.
Although an argument will almost certainly ensue, I"m going to bring it up again.
I'm looking for responses especially from women of what might to say or do to relieve or brake someone out of an emotional rut or build up desire? She rejects counseling. I've already tried picking up extra slack and trying to pay particularly closer attention during our conversations. The thing is I dont think she really knows whats wrong herself, only that limiting our contact feels like the right way for herself. So I think what feels right for her leaves me feeling left out - especially lacking for physical expressions of love.
Thanks for your responses.