Do you date alcoholics or drug addicts?

Would you date someone who you found out was an alcoholic or a drug addict?

Do you think you can get your needs met in a relationship with an addict?

no, i would not. i've done it before, and it hurt like hell. my aunt is a psychatrist specializing in addictions. her quote to me was, 'the addict loves his drug, above all else. a distant second, his mother. no one else registers on the scale.'

NO, not now.

Although I would not exclude someone from dating if they were recovering and had some sobriety behind them. Can't hold someones past against them.

-Kevin

My ex was an alcoholic and a heavy smoker. His drinking and smoking did eventually cause major issues in our relationship. And yes, they put their drinking first, even before you. My ex was always trying to make sure he had a supply of alcohol. Whenever he came up to visit me, he always made sure that we went and picked up a case of beer before 10 PM (in Milwaukee, they stopped selling liquor in grocery stores at 10 PM). Or else we had to eat at restaurants that served beer or alcohol. He couldn't go a day without drinking. And smoking was another thing. He literally cringed at having to be on a 4 hour plane ride without being able to smoke. The minute we landed and we were off the plane, he was running out to the smoking area.

Yeah, it was an interesting relationship.

NO, not now.

 

Although I would not exclude someone from dating if they were recovering and had some sobriety behind them. Can't hold someones past against them.

 

-Kevin

yes, recovering would be another issue. though i would still keep an eye out, i would really admire it if he got help for his problems and was working through them. but many addictions have a genetic basis, so i'd be afraid of our kids getting these genes. no one in my family has an addiction problem, and i want to keep it that way!

Would you date someone who you found out was an alcoholic or a drug addict?

Do you think you can get your needs met in a relationship with an addict?

I did for 5 years when I was younger ( from age 17-23). I lived with a man whom I was engaged to who was a drug addict and an alcoholic. I didn't realize how bad it was until I was completely entrenched in the relationship.

It was abusive, unhealthy, and dangerous, and I would not do it again nor would I recommend that anyone else try it.

After him I dated another (closet) alcoholic for 2 years until I realized how bad it was.

The biggest truth is that an addict or alcoholic loves the drink or the drug and it will always come first... and that leaves a lot of hurt and disappointment for the sorry partner who will always come second.

yes, recovering would be another issue. though i would still keep an eye out, i would really admire it if he got help for his problems and was working through them. but many addictions have a genetic basis, so i'd be afraid of our kids getting these genes. no one in my family has an addiction problem, and i want to keep it that way!

Ummmm, I don't know about the genetic angle frankly. There is absolutely no family history on either side of addiction in my genes, however I was a drug addict for several years. And as far as the "recovering" statement, an addict, even a former one who has been sober for 20 years is always considered to be in a state of recovering.

-Kevin

Ummmm, I don't know about the genetic angle frankly. There is absolutely no family history on either side of addiction in my genes, however I was a drug addict for several years. And as far as the "recovering" statement, an addict, even a former one who has been sober for 20 years is always considered to be in a state of recovering.

 

-Kevin

there is definitely evidence that some people are more biologically prone to addictions than others. it's not all just the home environment or having weak will power or self-medicating. i think it can definitely run in families, but that doesn't mean that just because no one else has it that no one else will develop it.

and yes, i agree with the 'state of recovery' comment, even after 20 years.

My parents both have addictive personalities and i (and all 6 of my siblings) have not inherited any of that. I truly believe it's not in the genes (for the most part, maybe i'm missing something) so there should be no worry about that. It's all what we've been taught that makes us behave the way we do.

As for the question, that was one of the first things I asked my fiance when i first met him. If he said he was a drinker or on drugs, I was going to keep him as a friend and find someone else to become romantically involved with. Thankfully, he has the same views as I do. I've seen the drama of alcoholism in my parents and I do not want anymore alcohol/drugs in my life period. I do not think of anyone who drinks/takes drugs as a bad person, it's just that it all just leads to so much pain when you become attatched to that person.

there is definitely evidence that some people are more biologically prone to addictions than others. it's not all just the home environment or having weak will power or self-medicating. i think it can definitely run in families, but that doesn't mean that just because no one else has it that no one else will develop it.

 

and yes, i agree with the 'state of recovery' comment, even after 20 years.

Sure sure, I understand where you are coming from with the genetics argument, but being prone to something and having will are two different things. For example, one may have a genetic pre-disposition for cancer, but cancer isn't really a choice. So based upon that, would you chose your partner if you thought there was a higher increase of your children having cancer?

With drug abuse, there are choices to be made by the individual. So simply because one has the genetic code for alcoholism doesn't mean they will ever be alcoholics just because they enjoy a beer every now and then.

-Kevin

Would you date someone who you found out was an alcoholic or a drug addict?

Do you think you can get your needs met in a relationship with an addict?

I have dated 2 men who was in recovery , one was in recovery for 10 yrs and one was in recovery for 16 months . 9 times out of 10 there is other issues,in addition to recovery ,because in both cases ,they also suffered from some serious mental health issues . I will never again date anyone in recovery ,no matter how long they have been in recovery .

I would never ever date alcoholics or drug addicts.

They come with too many problems, they'll always leave you skint, they get ratty, lazy, violent and probably won't even notice you're there unless they're in a bad mood and need someone to yell at.

Plus people who take drugs are VERY paranoid, they'll be convinced you're cheating and talking about them and will watch you closely and may not even let you out.

Get out while you can.

Not worth it.

My ex is an alcoholic. I didnt believe it'd be a problem when he told me he was an alcoholic (I didnt realize then the damage alcoholism can do, despite growing up wiht an alcoholic mother. Classic denial!). Because he is a functioning alocholic (holds down a good job, pays his own bills, etc), I thought he woudl be ok. After a while, my mom, a reckless alcoholic, started doing all sorts of things that made my life crazy, and I started seeing similar things in him, even though he was still very functioning. Just excuse making, laziness, lack of motivation, situational manipulation, etc. It hurt like crazy but he made me feel like I made him drink more (and even said as much).

I got myself into Al-Anon to deal with my mom, and I ended up realizing I needed it for him as well.

I know now i have a choice to stay in that situation or get out. I was far from innocent with the things I did to him, but I still would never get myself into that situation again, recovering addict or not. You can't hold someone's past against them, no, but you can control how you are affected by it, and I choose not to be.

 

With drug abuse, there are choices to be made by the individual. So simply because one has the genetic code for alcoholism doesn't mean they will ever be alcoholics just because they enjoy a beer every now and then.

 

Alcoholism and drug abuse runs rampant in my family. My mom, grandma, grandfather, uncle (2 of them), an aunt, and a cousin are all alcoholics and/or drug addicts. Everyone in my family drinks. Everyone but me. I don't drink a drop. A lot of it is b/c I don't like the taste and the way it makes me feel, but a big part of it is also that I don't want to do anything like that to myself. I don't want to be part of the cycle. If I enjoyed a glass of wine or something every once and a while, I hardly think that I'd be an alcoholic. Being an alcoholic is also very much a state of mind--certain characteristics come along with having a bottle attached to your hand. If one enjoys a drink every now and then but doesn't act any differently on a daily basis, I see nothing wrong with drinking.

I went on a few dates with a recovering alcoholic/addict (8 years sober). I stopped dating him for reasons unrelated to his addiction but I could sense that for him being sober meant also giving up some of his enthusiasm for life - that he had not yet found a way to replicate that without drugs or alcohol- he seemed a bit "flat".

I dated someone who I thought had a drinking problem. While that was going on it was often a terrible experience including putting my safety at risk at times. He stopped drinking a lot which was good but I remember that time period very well. I would avoid that like the plague (I was much younger then).

i have an addictive personality. so i can help them kick the drugs.

but no, i would not date either knowing that.

A lot would depend on the circumstances of the individual.

Some people go through a heavy drug/drinking stage when young and grow out of it. If one excluded people who have had former problems with drugs/drink, i think no one would ever have a date!

And some people who have had drinking problems do successfully overcome them. They get major points for recognizing they have a problem and dealing with it and recovering from it.

And there are many people with all kinds of drinking/drug problems that never admit to having a problem. So they haven't labelled themselves as such, but obviously have a problem.

Personally, i would observe their behavior and attitudes and make the call. I would make it very clear that i will not be with someone who is actively drinking/drugging, and that it is a dealbreaker and if i discovered they were relapsing, i would break up with them (and mean it).

I would never date someone who has a history of alcoholism.

I find that most of the women, a vast majority actually, who are otherwise fine people, in my area, gravitate to two extremes, "party girl" and "church lady," with none in between and regardless of age. Almost every woman I date has a drinking problem, but not really rising to the level of alcoholism. So yes, all the women I end up dating have drinking problems. It's either tolerate that, date church lady or be permanently single. I choose to try to put up with the drinking problems.

If your'e attracting extremists - it's because you're an extremist.

You attract what you are.

If your'e attracting extremists - it's because you're an extremist.

You attract what you are.

Hmm, I'm a 44 y.o. white man. That's what I am. So by your theory, I should be attracting lots of 44 y.o. white men. Thankfully, this is not the case, or I'd be in much worse shape than I am with all the heavy drinking women I date.

But thanks for the thought...

Hmm, I'm a 44 y.o. white man. That's what I am. So by your theory, I should be attracting lots of 44 y.o. white men. Thankfully, this is not the case, or I'd be in much worse shape than I am with all the heavy drinking women I date.

 

But thanks for the thought...

.....lol, that made me laugh.

there is definitely evidence that some people are more biologically prone to addictions than others. it's not all just the home environment or having weak will power or self-medicating. i think it can definitely run in families, but that doesn't mean that just because no one else has it that no one else will develop it.

 

and yes, i agree with the 'state of recovery' comment, even after 20 years.

I think you are right annie......My recent ex is an alcoholic, his father, his brother and one of his sisters are as well.....His brother and sister actually use drugs as well......He did drugs in the past but is now clean because of job requirements. He is subjected to random drug testing.....

I know in my heart he will never stop drinking......He doesn't think he has a problem, thereforeeee why stop? That is his theory.

Addictions run in my family. I have dealt with eating disorders, shopping and sex...none of them were healthy and all for different reasons! Addictions are hard but not a reason to completely blow someone off. It's definitely hard and trying to be with someone with an addiction but if they recognize their issue and are willing to work on it then it can work!