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  1. #1
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    how can you tell if a guy enjoys having sex with you?

    ok well i have a feeling i think way too much into things but this is something that is really really bothering me. ever since my last boyfriend and i broke up at the end of last summer i have been very self conscious about sex. we had a horrible breakup and said a lot of hurtful things to each other including him telling me i was horrible in bed and he did not enjoy having sex with me at all (even though he would initiate it 2-3 times a day and would get mad if i didnt want to.) So i dont know if he really felt that way or was just trying to hurt me. Either way I'm totally paranoid now that im boring or terrible when it comes to sex.

    Well my current boyfriend and i have been dating for a month and a half now and last night we had sex for the first time. He didnt say "that was amazing" or anything like that, just cuddled with me afterwards. The next day he text messaged me saying that he was wanting that to happen for awhile now and it was even better than he expected. So I was feeling a little more confident. So tonight we go at it again, this time with me on top. At first i felt like he was really into it, he was saying how good it felt. Then he started looking up at me smiling and i felt like he was laughing at me or making fun of me for something so i asked him "whats so funny?" he said "nothing, im just smiling at you." So I dont know if that was a good thing or bad thing? Then we switched positions and he lasted for probably a little over 5 minutes. Something else that bothered me was that he didnt make a sound, no moaning or talking or anything. When he was done he just laid on top of me breathing hard and didnt say anything. I didnt get a "that was great" or "i loved it" or anything. A few minutes later he said "i was so turned on." Thats about the most positive thing he said about it.

    He continued cuddling with me for about an hour and I could tell he was falling asleep so i said i was gonna go. He usually asks me to stay a little longer but this time he didnt. I laid there for a couple more minutes hoping he would say "lets do it again." Instead he said "well i would say lets do it again but you will probably be really sore tomorrow for work." I didnt know whether to take that as him making an excuse not to do it again or him wanting me to say no ill be fine, lets do it again. So i just got up and got dressed to leave. He walked me to the door, gave me a kiss and said he would miss me and to call him when i got home. I called him when i got home and i was hoping he would say something about it, like i really enjoyed it or i had a good time tonight or something but he just said sweet dreams babe ill talk to you tomorrow and that was it.

    i hope i am just being paranoid about this...im just so worried that he doesnt enjoy it with me. Does he seem like he doesnt like it? How could I tell if he does or not? Plus, is that enough to make a guy uninterested in you and think about breaking up or are guys willing to keep trying until it gets better? Help me out here, i need some opinions and advice please!
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  3. #2
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    Different guys will express it differently. Give it some more time and you'll figure out his style and if he's having a good time or not. So far, it sounds like he prefers to express himself by telling you directly he's enjoying things instead of making noises like some other guys might.

  4. #3
    Bronze Member GypsyMuse's Avatar
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    Sorry you had that experience with your previous ex but if he was initiating two or three times a day it probably wasn't as "bad" as he said it was. It might not even have been bad at all. He might just have been trying to hurt you because of the breakup.

    You're probably over-analyzing. Sounds like your new guy enjoyed it in his own way. Every guy is different and all you have to do is once in a while ask him, "Is there anything else you might like to try or like me to do that would be fun for a change?" He might say yes and he might say no, things are just fine. Either way, it keeps communication open and that's the most important thing.

  5. #4
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    Guys are not that hard to please. Your ex was just trying to hurt your feelings.

  6. #5
    Gold Member Mlost's Avatar
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    Everyone knows that one of the first things a guy feels after sex is being relaxed, tired. He could easily have just knocked out there, but apparently you don't feel secure to have him fall asleep after sex. So he was making all these innuendoes that half hinted sex or no sex.

    Talk to him because it's not a big deal but you're making it a big deal. He probably just totally crashed after you got off the phone because he was spent. Just because he doesn't verbalize everything doesn't mean it was bad or not special for him.
    Signposts don't normally provide you with advance photographs of what you'll find at the end of the road, but that doesn't mean they aren't pointing in the right direction.
    ~ N.T. Wright "Surprised by Hope"

  7. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by ladyblue07 View Post
    Guys are not that hard to please. Your ex was just trying to hurt your feelings.
    ^ correct.

  8. #7
    Silver Member CandyKins's Avatar
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    If you make such a huge issue about sex, then it won't get very far in the relationship and can possibly end the relationship.

    I think you're being paranoid and you're analyzing it a bit too much. DON'T WORRY. I'm sure your current boyfriend loves you. But I would suggest you talk to him how you feel. Don't make it seem drastic, best to keep it casual.

    I don't know what you do in bed but, do you both make love? I mean properly and really make love. Instead of trying to reach for an orgasm. When you make love you don't have sex intention of getting an orgasm. You say sweet things softly to one another, keeping it passionate and deep. I can imagine when making love an orgasm will automatically come. Use stuffs like music, candles, incense and rose petals to build the mood of lovemaking.

    See the difference of after sex: "Oh that was good" and "I love you so much" (then cuddle for a long time).

    I dunno, try and make it sincere, instead of "fun and bouncy".

  9. #8
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    Our (guys') standards are really not that high. What really matters is that we get off. I guess there are some people that really don't have a clue, but it's more of an evolutionary function than anything else, so that really isn't that common. As long as the person is "into it," they're not going to be "bad" at it.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member metrogirl's Avatar
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    I don't know how difficult it is for a woman to be bad in bed.

    One of the greatest ego killers is to tell someone they suck in the bedroom. Your ex just wanted to hurt your feelings. If he was initiated sex that often, then you couldn't have been that bad.

    I think you are spending way too much time analyzing what your boyfriend thinks and feels about the way you make love.

    First, you really need to just chill out. I mean that will all due respect. He obviously enjoys sex with you. Just because he isn't moaning and groaning doesn't mean he isn't enjoying it.. My ex ex sounded like a grizzly bear when he reached orgasm and had a multitude of sounds during sex. My recent ex, I thought he was dead one night....Not a sound, not a peep....Not even when he orgasmed. At first I thought the same thing, that he didn't enjoy the act but I realized that he did enjoy it very much, validating that by wanting to have even more fun time in the bedroom.

    Don't give it another thought......If you know that you are satisfying him and he is still coming back for more and he wants to cuddle, girl you got this.....

    Don't even worry.
    I shared my spare on Feb 4th. Ask me about living kidney donation.

  11. #10
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    "how can you tell if a guy enjoys having sex with you?"

    Once the guy falls asleep after sex, hold a small mirror under his nose, and if the mirror fogs, he enjoyed it.

    Sorry couldn't resist.

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