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Friend's Wedding Got Cancelled - What To Do With Bride's Maid Dress?


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Hi everyone,

 

I need a very tactful and sound advice on this. My friend's wedding is supposed to be this Sunday and I was supposed to be a Bride's Maid. On Tuesday, I got a call from her saying that the wedding is not happening anymore. Her reason was pretty lame, I thought, but I think she must've gone cold feet. Then there are rumors floating around saying that the guy's family called it off. I really don't know what's going on, she told me that she needs space from everyone just to process everything. I felt for her, and I was really sad.

 

On the other hand, I'm mainly concern about the dress I paid for - it's about $300 worth, with the alterations and all that. I want her to refund me, because while it's unfortunate that the wedding isn't happening anymore, I think that they should spend the money they would otherwise would have spent on the wedding reimbursing people like me. Anyhow, I don't know how to approach it, and I badly need your advice. $300 isn't something that I could just throw away.

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your friend just had her wedding called off and you want to ask her to reimburse you 300 dollars when in reality she is going to be paying a FORTUNE in cancellation costs...I think you are just going to have to do something to make that dress wearable...is it silk? could make a nice pajama!

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well, i know it might sound crass, but i had to go through leaps and bounds to pay for that dress. i didn't mind if i only wore the dress one time for $300, i mean, that was the whole purpose, yeah? i didn't mind not being reimbursed for that. but since it's not happening anymore...i don't know.

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well, i know it might sound crass, but i had to go through leaps and bounds to pay for that dress. i didn't mind if i only wore the dress one time for $300, i mean, that was the whole purpose, yeah? i didn't mind not being reimbursed for that. but since it's not happening anymore...i don't know.

 

You weren't going to get the money back anyway... Who cares if you never wore it? And if you are truly a close enough friend to be in the wedding party, you should be considerate enough to realize that a $300 loss to you is miniscule in comparison to the loss of her future with this guy, regardless of the reason.

 

You're being a tad bit self-centered here, IMO.

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Whatever her reasons were for cancelling the wedding, I'm sure the decision wasn't taken lightly considering the wedding was less than a week away. If she asked you to be a bridesmaid, she must consider you a close friend. If this friendship is important to you, right now you need to be there to support her through this...I'm sure it must be an extremely difficult time for her, especially if the rumours are true that the groom's husband called the wedding off...what does that say about the man she was planning to marry and spend her life with? Think about what she's going through...the cost of the dress is not important.

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I think it would be very inappropriate for you to ask for the money back. Yes, it really is a shame, and that's a lot of money, but you would have paid the 300$ anyway.

 

Can you not wear it to another event (formal dinner/party, a wedding where you are just a guest)?

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need a very tactful and sound advice on this.
As far as tact is concerned I cannot think of any tactful way that you could ask to be reimbursed for the money. As far as sound advice is concerned the best I can offer is - don't ask for the money.
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Yeah...I don't think there's any good way to ask for your money back without looking cheap, selfish, petty and uncaring.

 

I'd view it as one of the things that goes along with the deal when you agree to be in someone's wedding. You know you're going to be paying for or renting clothing/shoes that you will have no other use for ever again. Is it fair? Not really. But you had the option to decline being a bridesmaid back when she asked you.

 

I've only done the bridesmaid thing once. After that, I swore never again. When I got married it was just me and my husband down at the courthouse. To me, it just seems awfully presumptous to ask my friends to fork out a lot of money to have the "privilege" of being in my wedding...it's not something I would do. (and after that one time, it's not something I would agree to do for someone else, no matter how important they were to me)

 

So, I guess what it comes down to here is what's more important to you? Being a good friend or getting your money back?

 

As for what to do with the dress...you could try re-selling it -- ebay, craigslist, your local paper's classified. Is it prom season where you are? Maybe a notice at one of the local high schools or in the high school paper. Do you have a friend who sews or is artsy/crafty? Perhaps someone like that could tranform the garment into something you could use.

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Two choices:

 

You ask for reimbursement and lose a friend and never see that 300 dollars.

 

or

 

You let it slide and keep your friend and your class as I'm sure she's going through a very difficult emotional time right now.

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I agree with everyone on here. It sucks to lose $300 on a dress that you'll never wear, but not is NOT the time to talk about the money. Be there for her. If it comes up later, once she's done grieveing, maybe you can slip it in.

 

Who knows? Maybe they'll work things out and you'll end up using the dress after all.

 

Just consider it lost for now. Sorry!

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There is no tactful way to ask your friend for this money back. When you buy a bridesmaids dress it is pretty much money out the window regardless.

 

That is kind of sad that yousaid your main concern is the money you are out for the dress vs concern for your friend in what must be a pretty tumultuous time for her right now.

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One of my profs. told us to never bring money into the equation of friendship. He said, "Your best friend can become your enemy when you bring money up." My prof also advised that a great friendship is priceless compared to loosing money, "You lose money and you feel if for only a little while, however, you lose a friendship and you feel it for life."

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As for what to do with the dress...you could try re-selling it -- ebay, craigslist, your local paper's classified. Is it prom season where you are? Maybe a notice at one of the local high schools or in the high school paper. Do you have a friend who sews or is artsy/crafty? Perhaps someone like that could tranform the garment into something you could use.

 

Even better than selling it...have the entire wedding party donate the wedding clothes for kids going to proms but can't afford to buy an outfit for it. That way your friend will know that something good came out of her cancelled wedding. Here's a link.

 

link removed

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First off, you shouldn't have had to pay for the bridesmaid dress to begin with.

 

It befuddles me when brides ask someone to be in their wedding party but then say 'oh, it's an honour but it's going to cost you"

 

Weddings that I've been to, the bride does( and should, IMO) pay for the dress.

 

Everyone is right, there is no nice way to say it.. but she should have offered to pay for it in the first place.

 

I think it's extremely rude to ask someone to be in your wedding, but then to make them pay for what you are making them wear.

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Its actually pretty common to pay for your own bridesmaid dresses...when i had my wedding i paid for the girls to get their hair done and bought them a thank you present but unless you have endless funds coming out the wazoo its a super expensive additive that most people can't afford...

 

 

First off, you shouldn't have had to pay for the bridesmaid dress to begin with.

 

It befuddles me when brides ask someone to be in their wedding party but then say 'oh, it's an honour but it's going to cost you"

 

Weddings that I've been to, the bride does( and should, IMO) pay for the dress.

 

Everyone is right, there is no nice way to say it.. but she should have offered to pay for it in the first place.

 

I think it's extremely rude to ask someone to be in your wedding, but then to make them pay for what you are making them wear.

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Its actually pretty common to pay for your own bridesmaid dresses...when i had my wedding i paid for the girls to get their hair done and bought them a thank you present but unless you have endless funds coming out the wazoo its a super expensive additive that most people can't afford...

 

 

In the UK, from what I know, with all of my relatives living there, and many friends, the bride always pays... here in Canada, with my friends, they have mostely covered the bridesmaids, best man expenses... which they should in my opinion.

 

I've heard in the states it's the bridesmaids that pay, unfortunately.

 

I say if you can't afford it, then don't do it. It should be an honour,

 

I think its very disrespectful to make someone shell out 300$ ... I couldn't live with myself if i knew a friend had to pay that much for me.

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I've only heard of this happening in very rare circumstances(the familes were filthy rich

 

but why should the bridesmaid have to cover the costs?? it's the bride and groom's decision to want a certain look or dress... guests should not be funding their wedding.

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In the UK, from what I know, with all of my relatives living there, and many friends, the bride always pays... here in Canada, with my friends, they have mostely covered the bridesmaids, best man expenses... which they should in my opinion.

 

I've heard in the states it's the bridesmaids that pay, unfortunately.

 

I say if you can't afford it, then don't do it. It should be an honour,

 

I think its very disrespectful to make someone shell out 300$ ... I couldn't live with myself if i knew a friend had to pay that much for me.

 

have you been married? i am in canada too and have been in 4 weddings and i paid for my dress in each one.

Wait till you get married and all the costs add up and then see if you think its disrespectful.

It is an honour and most people don't have a problem handling the cost and if they do they have the option to decline.

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have you been married? i am in canada too and have been in 4 weddings and i paid for my dress in each one.

Wait till you get married and all the costs add up and then see if you think its disrespectful.

It is an honour and most people don't have a problem handling the cost and if they do they have the option to decline.

 

no not married, but I don't see what that has to do with it, and I would never make anyone pay for the dress., My opnion still stands that I think it's an insult and disrespectful to those who are supposed to eb honoured guests.

 

I know my mum says she couldn't believe it when she heard of bridesmaids having to pay for their own dresses... never heard of it in the UK..it's starting to happen here too. As I said in my other posts, why should your guests have to fund your wedding??

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no not married, but I don't see what that has to do with it, and I would never make anyone pay for the dress., My opnion still stands that I think it's an insult and disrespectful to those who are supposed to eb honoured guests.

 

I know my mum says she couldn't believe it when she heard of bridesmaids having to pay for their own dresses... never heard of it in the UK..it's starting to happen here too. As I said in my other posts, why should your guests have to fund your wedding??

 

You are not asking your guests to fund your wedding. You are asking your closest friends to stand up for you and yes there is a cost to it. So what?

I think it matters if you have been married or not because if you have then you know the costs involved if you haven't then you don't-simple as that.

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I don't see what the big deal is paying for your own dress. You do have the option to accept or decline being a bridesmaid, so you know what you are in for.

 

When I go to formal weddings my dresses can cost 300$ anyway, no different that being a bridesmaid.

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You are not asking your guests to fund your wedding. You are asking your closest friends to stand up for you and yes there is a cost to it. So what?

I think it matters if you have been married or not because if you have then you know the costs involved if you haven't then you don't-simple as that.

 

 

not really.. I have enough friends and relatives who have been married who agree with me, they wouldn't think of asking their maid of honour to pay for it themselves

 

So you just say, 'so what"??? to me that shows a lack of concern or care about your closest friends.

 

Really you are saying that you can't afford to pay for them, but you still want them to look a certain way. I think it's rude, that's all.. If I couldn't afford to pay for my bridesmaid's dresses, I wouldn't have one... and certainly wouldn't make them pay their own way.

 

You are getting them to fund your wedding, they are paying for the dress you want and the look you want. If you weren't getting married they have to pay for it.

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