Am I losing my mind?

TheSongbird · 04-28-2008, 02:04 PM

So, I am married, going on 2 years. Together for about 4-5 years.

I always thought I had made a wonderful decision by marrying my husband. He is wonderful and supportive, but lately I feel like I am not at all attracted to him anymore. Sex is amazing, but I just have no desire to be with him at all.

Here comes the really screwed up part:

A week ago I met a guy through a mutual friend and we hit it off instantly. Talked all night, have been talking all week. I have NEVER been one to get along with someone like I do with him, and I have never felt such an instant attraction to anyone - not even with my husband.

He knows I am married, we have a strong attraction to each other - yet will not act on it, and I am at a loss.

I am considering taking some time away from the husband and trying to get my head on straight. I have spoken to a friend about the situation and they said that if he is really that great of a friend, you can keep him as a friend and see if this feeling will pass - if it does, then you have gained a good friend out of it, if it doesn't - then you are screwed.

I am such a loss. I have no idea what to do. I am crazy about this guy, is that even possible after knowing him for such a short amount of time? I have lusted after guys before, but never felt like this. I don't know what to make of it.

Suggestions, advice, help?

redhearts · 04-28-2008, 02:09 PM

People who are married, are committed to each other and work hard at their relationship. Maybe you two just haven't had any special time together, no more romantic dates or no more outtings just the two of you. When you been married for some time and you don't plan any dates like when you were first going out.. then that spark can start to fade or what not. Cuz its used to eachother now and given up on oh well now we are married its different, etc. Its like if you don't hear sweet words from your husband and you hear it from someone else, then that can cause your mind to wonder. You just need to think, and not hide things. Communication is key. Do you feel like you and your mate have had some distance or something?

Your husband, are you starting to see him more as just a friend or something that you just aren't attracted to him? When did this start before or after you met this new guy, or was it after you were sort of admiring guys here and there? Has your husband let himself go?

george237 · 04-28-2008, 02:11 PM

I think you have to decide if you want to stay in this marraige. If you want to try and work it out you need to talk to him and think about counceling.

DN · 04-28-2008, 02:23 PM

I think you should leave your husband and let him find someone as wonderful and supportive as he is and that loves him as much as he does her.

But if you decide to take some time away from your husband don't assume that he will want you back if you decide you made a mistake.

redhearts · 04-28-2008, 02:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DN

I think you should leave your husband and let him find someone as wonderful and supportive as he is and that loves him as much as he does her.

But if you decide to take some time away from your husband don't assume that he will want you back if you decide you made a mistake.

I 1049% agree with this. Your husband has a right to know if your not just feeling him as much, so he knows if he will like to try to help you work things out between the two of you, or if he thinks you two just need the space..

You can't go on lying to yourself or your husband that your just not that into him as you were back in the day, its totally not fair.

lostandhurt · 04-28-2008, 03:22 PM

Aren't you having an emotional affair? If your husband were doing the same thing how would you feel? Sit down and figure out what you are really feeling before you go and talk to your husband. He deserves the truth doesn't he? Also, if you stay with your husband you can't keep this guy as a friend because he would be the failsafe waiting in the wings. Lying and betrayal is no way to save or end a marriage.

lost

tangi39 · 04-28-2008, 03:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lostandhurt

Aren't you having an emotional affair? If your husband were doing the same thing how would you feel? Sit down and figure out what you are really feeling before you go and talk to your husband. He deserves the truth doesn't he? Also, if you stay with your husband you can't keep this guy as a friend because he would be the failsafe waiting in the wings. Lying and betrayal is no way to save or end a marriage.

lost

I agree. A strong physical attraction doesn't equal love. Don't confuse the two. Your marriage sounds like real and lasting love - Do you want to risk that
for a fling ? Moments of temptation will come up several times during any marriage- the question is, do you give in to them ? Ask yourself what your marriage means to you. Like lost said, Would you want your husband to consider leaving you if he met a woman he was instantly attracted to that he had only known a short time ? If he "wasn't " feeling it 24/7- just trash the whole relationship cause he finds someone else attractive ?
Attraction ain't love- Infatuation is fleeting- Love is forever.

Something to think about before proceeding with anything.

BeStrongBeHappy · 04-28-2008, 04:40 PM

So you are ready to throw over a 5 year relationship after only knowing a guy one week?

The new guy is just a fantasy... he may be nothing like you think he is, a liar, a con, someone who wants married women because he enjoys cheating and no responsibility, and who will dump you like a hot rock once he's had sex with you.

what you are doing is like paying $10,000 for a $5 grab bag, or gambling everything you own on a single crap shoot. Odds are NOT good that this will work out for you.

First, SLOWWWWWW down. this is ONE WEEK you are talking about. You're in a hormonal fit and in the grips of a high school crush. *Everybody* seems perfect when you first start crushing on them. It is only later that you find out the real him, and in 5 years you might be just as bored, and he might not be nearly a nice guy.

And he most likely WON'T be around in 5 years, and your husband sounds like a keeper.

Please consider getting some individual and marriage counseling right now before you go any farther. Put this other guy on hold and tell him you need to resolve your marriage before you even consider going any farther, and quit talking to him til you are done with the counseling.

Honestly, what kind of decent guy tries to run off with a married woman? What happens if you get serious, and he chases off after the next one he sees?

There are lots of players who try to seduce anybody and everybody they can, and seeing if they can entice a married woman is just a game for them. Please be very very careful, there are sharks in that water where you are swimming now.

tangi39 · 04-28-2008, 04:45 PM

Also, if I may ask Songbird-

Why question your relationship now ?

Did you honestly think once you got married you'd never in the rest of your life meet another man you found extremely attractive or interesting or with whom you shared a connection ? Marriage doesn't give you "magic blinders" to the opposite sex. You'll never have ANY Ltr where you never find anyone else attractive. It doesn't mean you don't love your spouse cause you find someone else attractive- I'm sure there's women your husband finds attractive in some way or other. It's what you DO that counts.

Is it possible you just like the honeymoon phase but get scared when the tough trials of the relationship start ?

You've reached a trial - The rest is up to you.

tangi39 · 04-28-2008, 04:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BeStrongBeHappy

So you are ready to throw over a 5 year relationship after only knowing a guy one week?

The new guy is just a fantasy... he may be nothing like you think he is, a liar, a con, someone who wants married women because he enjoys cheating and no responsibility, and who will dump you like a hot rock once he's had sex with you.

what you are doing is like paying $10,000 for a $5 grab bag, or gambling everything you own on a single crap shoot. Odds are NOT good that this will work out for you.

First, SLOWWWWWW down. this is ONE WEEK you are talking about. You're in a hormonal fit and in the grips of a high school crush. *Everybody* seems perfect when you first start crushing on them. It is only later that you find out the real him, and in 5 years you might be just as bored, and he might not be nearly a nice guy.

And he most likely WON'T be around in 5 years, and your husband sounds like a keeper.

Please consider getting some individual and marriage counseling right now before you go any farther. Put this other guy on hold and tell him you need to resolve your marriage before you even consider going any farther, and quit talking to him til you are done with the counseling.
Honestly, what kind of decent guy tries to run off with a married woman? What happens if you get serious, and he chases off after the next one he sees?

There are lots of players who try to seduce anybody and everybody they can, and seeing if they can entice a married woman is just a game for them. Please be very very careful, there are sharks in that water where you are swimming now.

I agree. Well put BeStrongBeHappy.

04-28-2008, 02:04 PM	#1
TheSongbird Offline Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Posts: 1	Am I losing my mind? So, I am married, going on 2 years. Together for about 4-5 years. I always thought I had made a wonderful decision by marrying my husband. He is wonderful and supportive, but lately I feel like I am not at all attracted to him anymore. Sex is amazing, but I just have no desire to be with him at all. Here comes the really screwed up part: A week ago I met a guy through a mutual friend and we hit it off instantly. Talked all night, have been talking all week. I have NEVER been one to get along with someone like I do with him, and I have never felt such an instant attraction to anyone - not even with my husband. He knows I am married, we have a strong attraction to each other - yet will not act on it, and I am at a loss. I am considering taking some time away from the husband and trying to get my head on straight. I have spoken to a friend about the situation and they said that if he is really that great of a friend, you can keep him as a friend and see if this feeling will pass - if it does, then you have gained a good friend out of it, if it doesn't - then you are screwed. I am such a loss. I have no idea what to do. I am crazy about this guy, is that even possible after knowing him for such a short amount of time? I have lusted after guys before, but never felt like this. I don't know what to make of it. Suggestions, advice, help?

04-28-2008, 02:23 PM	#4
DN Offline Super Moderator Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Ontario, Canada Gender: Male Posts: 23,439	I think you should leave your husband and let him find someone as wonderful and supportive as he is and that loves him as much as he does her. But if you decide to take some time away from your husband don't assume that he will want you back if you decide you made a mistake. __________________ Immaturity is not defined by him not doing what you want him to do. Hartman's Law of Prescriptivist Retaliation: "any article or statement about correct grammar, punctuation, or spelling is bound to contain at least one eror".

04-28-2008, 02:09 PM	#2
redhearts Offline Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 4,620	People who are married, are committed to each other and work hard at their relationship. Maybe you two just haven't had any special time together, no more romantic dates or no more outtings just the two of you. When you been married for some time and you don't plan any dates like when you were first going out.. then that spark can start to fade or what not. Cuz its used to eachother now and given up on oh well now we are married its different, etc. Its like if you don't hear sweet words from your husband and you hear it from someone else, then that can cause your mind to wonder. You just need to think, and not hide things. Communication is key. Do you feel like you and your mate have had some distance or something? Your husband, are you starting to see him more as just a friend or something that you just aren't attracted to him? When did this start before or after you met this new guy, or was it after you were sort of admiring guys here and there? Has your husband let himself go?

04-28-2008, 02:11 PM	#3
george237 Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Posts: 2,123	I think you have to decide if you want to stay in this marraige. If you want to try and work it out you need to talk to him and think about counceling.

04-28-2008, 03:22 PM	#6
lostandhurt Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: California Gender: Male Age: 45 Posts: 2,150	Aren't you having an emotional affair? If your husband were doing the same thing how would you feel? Sit down and figure out what you are really feeling before you go and talk to your husband. He deserves the truth doesn't he? Also, if you stay with your husband you can't keep this guy as a friend because he would be the failsafe waiting in the wings. Lying and betrayal is no way to save or end a marriage. lost

04-28-2008, 04:40 PM	#8
BeStrongBeHappy Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Gender: Female Posts: 7,413	So you are ready to throw over a 5 year relationship after only knowing a guy one week? The new guy is just a fantasy... he may be nothing like you think he is, a liar, a con, someone who wants married women because he enjoys cheating and no responsibility, and who will dump you like a hot rock once he's had sex with you. what you are doing is like paying $10,000 for a $5 grab bag, or gambling everything you own on a single crap shoot. Odds are NOT good that this will work out for you. First, SLOWWWWWW down. this is ONE WEEK you are talking about. You're in a hormonal fit and in the grips of a high school crush. Everybody seems perfect when you first start crushing on them. It is only later that you find out the real him, and in 5 years you might be just as bored, and he might not be nearly a nice guy. And he most likely WON'T be around in 5 years, and your husband sounds like a keeper. Please consider getting some individual and marriage counseling right now before you go any farther. Put this other guy on hold and tell him you need to resolve your marriage before you even consider going any farther, and quit talking to him til you are done with the counseling. Honestly, what kind of decent guy tries to run off with a married woman? What happens if you get serious, and he chases off after the next one he sees? There are lots of players who try to seduce anybody and everybody they can, and seeing if they can entice a married woman is just a game for them. Please be very very careful, there are sharks in that water where you are swimming now.

04-28-2008, 04:45 PM	#9
tangi39 Offline Gold Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Posts: 925	Also, if I may ask Songbird- Why question your relationship now ? Did you honestly think once you got married you'd never in the rest of your life meet another man you found extremely attractive or interesting or with whom you shared a connection ? Marriage doesn't give you "magic blinders" to the opposite sex. You'll never have ANY Ltr where you never find anyone else attractive. It doesn't mean you don't love your spouse cause you find someone else attractive- I'm sure there's women your husband finds attractive in some way or other. It's what you DO that counts. Is it possible you just like the honeymoon phase but get scared when the tough trials of the relationship start ? You've reached a trial - The rest is up to you.