Neediness, obsessions, gender differences.

Clementine orange · 04-24-2008, 05:52 PM

As a public service I will post this. It does have a personal side of it since I recently ended a relationship, in part, because she was too needy (and too worried that I would end it...)

The following is from Tuesday's Globe and Mail (One of Canada's 2 national newspapers) in the "social studies" kind of section. I hope I can legally do this. I will also edit slightly for brevity.

"Men and women are needy in different ways" Nando Pelusi writes in Psychology Today magazine.

"men get obsessed before they land a partner; women get obsessed after they find one. Men and women alike become desparate for a guarantee of love, but that desparation kicks in, roughly speaking, at different points of the relationship."

I've seen neediness araise even when men and women do not aprticularily care for the person they're needy about.. In addition, the anguish associated with the need for love paradosically causes some peopl eto dispense with love altogether - it's just too painful for them.

ghost69 · 04-24-2008, 05:55 PM

i like that statement. holds a lot of water too.

Cognitive_Canine · 04-24-2008, 05:56 PM

I read the exact same thing in psychology today.

I think it's true.

Men get hold up on relationships they haven't entered, and women tend to not want to let go of relationships with people they don't even like.

Excalibur · 04-24-2008, 06:06 PM

"the greatest relationships are those in which the desire for each other significantly outweighs the need of one another." Dahli Lama

CallingAllAngels · 04-24-2008, 06:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Clementine orange

I've seen neediness araise even when men and women do not aprticularily care for the person they're needy about.. In addition, the anguish associated with the need for love paradosically causes some peopl eto dispense with love altogether - it's just too painful for them.

Thanks for posting this.

I find it sad that, rather than communicate what's going on, people would rather dispense with love all together.

Why does love have to be so hard and hurt so much?

Personally, I would rather take the risk than not. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Great thread.

~Allie

DN · 04-24-2008, 06:23 PM

The problem with generalisations like this is that they break down too often when applied to individuals and so become useless.

CarnelianButterfly · 04-24-2008, 07:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DN

The problem with generalisations like this is that they break down too often when applied to individuals and so become useless.

My thoughts exactly. Are we sheep? Nope, so we don't follow just because some said it was so.

knightNshiningarmor · 04-24-2008, 07:47 PM

yes...why is it that how hard it is to fall in love it seems so easy to fall out of love.

Cognitive_Canine · 04-24-2008, 08:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DN

The problem with generalisations like this is that they break down too often when applied to individuals and so become useless.

Well, of course there will always be exceptions.

However, i have read about two separate studies that show these trends in behaviour.

I find it really interesting.

CallingAllAngels · 04-24-2008, 08:06 PM

Personally, I've never had this happen to me, but I find the study interesting and the thread interesting.......

04-24-2008, 05:52 PM	#1
Clementine orange Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: La Belle Province Gender: Male Posts: 3,659	Neediness, obsessions, gender differences. As a public service I will post this. It does have a personal side of it since I recently ended a relationship, in part, because she was too needy (and too worried that I would end it...) The following is from Tuesday's Globe and Mail (One of Canada's 2 national newspapers) in the "social studies" kind of section. I hope I can legally do this. I will also edit slightly for brevity. "Men and women are needy in different ways" Nando Pelusi writes in Psychology Today magazine. "men get obsessed before they land a partner; women get obsessed after they find one. Men and women alike become desparate for a guarantee of love, but that desparation kicks in, roughly speaking, at different points of the relationship." I've seen neediness araise even when men and women do not aprticularily care for the person they're needy about.. In addition, the anguish associated with the need for love paradosically causes some peopl eto dispense with love altogether - it's just too painful for them.

04-24-2008, 05:55 PM	#2
ghost69 Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Desert Gender: Male Posts: 33,424	i like that statement. holds a lot of water too. __________________ Not only am I friendly, but I'm invisible too. Too perfect of a relationship is too weird-g69 If you say you are normal, I'd think you are weird-g69 The world can only get better, it depends on how you look at it-g69 'As wicked as you are, you're beautiful to me'-5fingerdeathpunch you cannot control the world, you can only live in it the best you can for you-g69 NooOoOoooOOoOoOoooooo

04-24-2008, 06:23 PM	#6
DN Offline Super Moderator Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Ontario, Canada Gender: Male Posts: 23,439	The problem with generalisations like this is that they break down too often when applied to individuals and so become useless. __________________ Immaturity is not defined by him not doing what you want him to do. Hartman's Law of Prescriptivist Retaliation: "any article or statement about correct grammar, punctuation, or spelling is bound to contain at least one eror".

04-24-2008, 07:47 PM	#8
knightNshiningarmor Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: inbetween Somewhere and Nowhere Gender: Male Posts: 1,128	yes...why is it that how hard it is to fall in love it seems so easy to fall out of love. __________________ Utopia would be perfectly boring.

04-24-2008, 08:06 PM	#10
CallingAllAngels Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Gender: Female Posts: 4,904	Personally, I've never had this happen to me, but I find the study interesting and the thread interesting....... __________________ "Accept Life On Life's Terms"....JAH You can't change yesterday but you can ruin today worrying about tomorrow. God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change The Courage to change the things I can And the Wisdom to know the difference...

04-24-2008, 05:56 PM	#3
Cognitive_Canine Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Somewhere over the rainbow Gender: Female Posts: 11,326	I read the exact same thing in psychology today. I think it's true. Men get hold up on relationships they haven't entered, and women tend to not want to let go of relationships with people they don't even like.

04-24-2008, 06:06 PM	#4
Excalibur Offline Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 1,651	"the greatest relationships are those in which the desire for each other significantly outweighs the need of one another." Dahli Lama