Friends influences.

Taylor527 · 04-22-2008, 02:30 PM

I have been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years. We have been living together for a little over a year... marriage has not been on the top of our discussions, but we have brieftly talked about it. We are young, so we aren't in any real rush to get married, but its something we both want. Anywho, one of my boyfriend's friend just recently became single. He was over at our house last night and was talking about how many girls he meets a day and how many phone numbers he gets. I went to sleep at around midnight and left my bedroom door cracked (we live in a 750 sq foot 1 bed/1 bath apartment so the bedroom door is right next to the living room) so I over heard my boyfriend friend talking about how much better single life is, how being in a relationship is hell, and how many girls he has been with since he broke up with his girlfriend, etc. He kept going on and on about basically just how great single life is. My boyfriend doesn't really talk loud, so I couldn't hear his responses, although it seemed like his friend was talking alot more than my boyfriend was. Then the freakin' air conditioning kicked on and I couldn't hear anything... so I just fell asleep.

I am so worried that this stupid kid is drilling information into my boyfriend's head about what he is missing by being committed to me.

What can I do? I don't want to loose my boyfriend, my whole world would fall apart.

**lady00** · 04-22-2008, 02:37 PM

I think you should trust that your boyfriend has a mind of his own. I know it can be stressful, but his friends aren't going to influence him to leave you unless he already wants that. I think most people do not make relationship decisions based on what their friends do.

AwdreeHpburn · 04-22-2008, 02:38 PM

Hey Taylor - he prolly is. But that doesn't mean your bf is going to do anything about it.

I mean, is he really THAT impressionable?

**lady00** · 04-22-2008, 02:40 PM

It sounds like his friend is trying to brag because he's really not all that happy. He says relationships are hell...but he probably realizes that only applies to bad relationships or incompatible relationships...he probably wants what you and your bf have. I think people who brag and talk on and on about how great their relationship status is (single or coupled up) are merely revealing their own insecurities and seeking approval or agreement from others.

RayKay · 04-22-2008, 02:45 PM

If your boyfriend is that impressionable, then well....I am not sure what to say.

I am sure he listens to his friends stories, I mean he is hearing them. I am sure he also interprets them with a grain of salt....his friend is either excited about the single life, or hurting and covering up for it...either way, it is HIS thinking, not your boyfriends.

People can have their own mind and make their own decisions, I sure would not want to be with someone whom couldn't!

DN · 04-22-2008, 02:50 PM

There are certain people who, when they are jealous of something that other people have, try to put it down because it makes themselves feel better because they don't have it themselves.

He says that he has been with lots of girls - which is probably a lie. But even if he has been with some none of them seem to have been relationship material - or they decided he wasn't.

Taylor527 · 04-22-2008, 02:56 PM

And that is what I am trying to think... that my boyfriend won't want that or will just think his friend is lying and/or hurting.

I just hate when he hears things like that, it bothers me knowing that he has that information going into his mind.

His friend is total bad news, but that is a totally different subject.

I want to approach my boyfriend, just to hear what he says about it. But I don't even know where to start, I don't really want him knowing I was listening in.

Excalibur · 04-22-2008, 03:40 PM

Supposedly all that time with Clooney on a movie set had Brad Pitt wanting to be single, leaving his marriage - and ending up with a better looking trophy - Angelina Jolie.

How much influence someone has on you, depending on how much awareness you have about yourself.

**Hope75** · 04-24-2008, 01:30 PM

I wouldn't worry too much about what your bf's friends say- he has a mind of his own and can make his own decisions.

My fiance and I are getting married in 6 months and his best friends (who are married with 2 kids each) are always joking about 'the ball and chain' and 'just wait till you have kids' etc etc, but my fiance is still excited to marry me and makes his own choices.

To be honest I wouldn't even bring it up with your guy- what more reassurance do you need than the fact that he is choosing to be with you every day?

04-22-2008, 02:30 PM	#1
Taylor527 Offline Silver Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Florida Gender: Female Age: 22 Posts: 334	Friends influences. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years. We have been living together for a little over a year... marriage has not been on the top of our discussions, but we have brieftly talked about it. We are young, so we aren't in any real rush to get married, but its something we both want. Anywho, one of my boyfriend's friend just recently became single. He was over at our house last night and was talking about how many girls he meets a day and how many phone numbers he gets. I went to sleep at around midnight and left my bedroom door cracked (we live in a 750 sq foot 1 bed/1 bath apartment so the bedroom door is right next to the living room) so I over heard my boyfriend friend talking about how much better single life is, how being in a relationship is hell, and how many girls he has been with since he broke up with his girlfriend, etc. He kept going on and on about basically just how great single life is. My boyfriend doesn't really talk loud, so I couldn't hear his responses, although it seemed like his friend was talking alot more than my boyfriend was. Then the freakin' air conditioning kicked on and I couldn't hear anything... so I just fell asleep. I am so worried that this stupid kid is drilling information into my boyfriend's head about what he is missing by being committed to me. What can I do? I don't want to loose my boyfriend, my whole world would fall apart. Last edited by Taylor527; 04-22-2008 at 02:32 PM.

04-22-2008, 02:38 PM	#3
AwdreeHpburn Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Tiffany's Gender: Female Age: 37 Posts: 4,637	Hey Taylor - he prolly is. But that doesn't mean your bf is going to do anything about it. I mean, is he really THAT impressionable? __________________ What i really meant to say, is that I'm sorry for the way I am......

04-22-2008, 02:45 PM	#5
RayKay Offline Platinum Member Join Date: May 2004 Location: Middle of Canada Gender: Female Age: 30 Posts: 13,270	If your boyfriend is that impressionable, then well....I am not sure what to say. I am sure he listens to his friends stories, I mean he is hearing them. I am sure he also interprets them with a grain of salt....his friend is either excited about the single life, or hurting and covering up for it...either way, it is HIS thinking, not your boyfriends. People can have their own mind and make their own decisions, I sure would not want to be with someone whom couldn't! __________________ [FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=darkolivegreen][B]<--- [COLOR=sienna]Carbun the Super-Bunny[/COLOR][/B][/COLOR][/FONT] [B][FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=#556b2f][/COLOR][/FONT][/B] [FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=darkolivegreen][B]At the end of the day, how you imprinted on someones life and heart is the only true mark any of us leave on this earth and is what we are most proud of... [/B][/COLOR][/FONT][I][SIZE=1]- My Biggest Hero and Mentor: My Mum.[/SIZE][/I] [FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=orange][B]Il faut d'abord durer [/B][/COLOR][/FONT][I][SIZE=1]- Ernest Hemingway[/SIZE][/I]

04-22-2008, 02:50 PM	#6
DN Online Super Moderator Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Ontario, Canada Gender: Male Posts: 23,439	There are certain people who, when they are jealous of something that other people have, try to put it down because it makes themselves feel better because they don't have it themselves. He says that he has been with lots of girls - which is probably a lie. But even if he has been with some none of them seem to have been relationship material - or they decided he wasn't. __________________ Immaturity is not defined by him not doing what you want him to do. Hartman's Law of Prescriptivist Retaliation: "any article or statement about correct grammar, punctuation, or spelling is bound to contain at least one eror".

04-24-2008, 01:30 PM	#9
Hope75 Online Super Moderator Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: kitteh ville Gender: Female Age: 33 Posts: 12,506	I wouldn't worry too much about what your bf's friends say- he has a mind of his own and can make his own decisions. My fiance and I are getting married in 6 months and his best friends (who are married with 2 kids each) are always joking about 'the ball and chain' and 'just wait till you have kids' etc etc, but my fiance is still excited to marry me and makes his own choices. To be honest I wouldn't even bring it up with your guy- what more reassurance do you need than the fact that he is choosing to be with you every day? __________________ Muffin cats need love too. Please refer to the forum rules before posting: http://www.enotalone.com/forum/forum-rules.php Mama to a beautiful baby girl born 6-25-09. :)

04-22-2008, 02:37 PM	#2
lady00 Offline Super Moderator Join Date: May 2004 Gender: Female Age: 25 Posts: 7,869	I think you should trust that your boyfriend has a mind of his own. I know it can be stressful, but his friends aren't going to influence him to leave you unless he already wants that. I think most people do not make relationship decisions based on what their friends do.

04-22-2008, 02:40 PM	#4
lady00 Offline Super Moderator Join Date: May 2004 Gender: Female Age: 25 Posts: 7,869	It sounds like his friend is trying to brag because he's really not all that happy. He says relationships are hell...but he probably realizes that only applies to bad relationships or incompatible relationships...he probably wants what you and your bf have. I think people who brag and talk on and on about how great their relationship status is (single or coupled up) are merely revealing their own insecurities and seeking approval or agreement from others.

04-22-2008, 02:56 PM	#7
Taylor527 Offline Silver Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Florida Gender: Female Age: 22 Posts: 334	And that is what I am trying to think... that my boyfriend won't want that or will just think his friend is lying and/or hurting. I just hate when he hears things like that, it bothers me knowing that he has that information going into his mind. His friend is total bad news, but that is a totally different subject. I want to approach my boyfriend, just to hear what he says about it. But I don't even know where to start, I don't really want him knowing I was listening in.

04-22-2008, 03:40 PM	#8
Excalibur Offline Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 1,651	Supposedly all that time with Clooney on a movie set had Brad Pitt wanting to be single, leaving his marriage - and ending up with a better looking trophy - Angelina Jolie. How much influence someone has on you, depending on how much awareness you have about yourself.