I"m being harassed/stalked on this dating site I've been on for 2 years.

crosstownTraffic · 04-18-2008, 04:14 AM

I may not finish this post b/c it's late, but there are a couple of people, two girls and aguy who started this flame war against me on a dating site, I have been bloggin on for at least 2 years.
They wrote all these nasty, hateful comments to me on my own blog, and then started accusing me of stuff I did not even do!
I cannot afford to pay for the premium dating sites and this one was free.. so I feel like my options to find someone on this site now.. are gone!

Unless of course, I create a new profile.. and I have already done that.. and somehow the prime offender who started the flame war against me (whom used to be quite friendly to me) has accused me of being the same profile I was before!
How would she know this I do not know, but she got most of my former blogmates (as you could call them) to also join her flaming war against me.. so I had like 25 people insulting me, not just her and her nasty other female friend and this jerk of a guy.

They have told so many lies about me, and even started this horrible blog... which was nothign but insults to me and lies about me.. and it was featured on the front page of the website!
You can imagine my anger and humiliation at being treated with such disrespect.. but I don't want her to ruin my chances at possibly finding someone compatibly on the web.

I could always post a brand new profile, and maybe put my location in another state, but that presents problems of its own for me.. cuz the guy who might find me interesting, might live not too far from me.

You see, this girl has created a myriad of problmes for me.. I contact the site owners over & over when this flame war first started out against me.. but all they did was delet MY profile, and now this girl (who is basically breaking ALL the rules of the site) is featured DAILY on the main page of this website.. even though she shows no picture of herself whatsoever.
I do not know what caused this to happen, but I do remember before this starting putting a picture of myself.. not my face, but my torso on that website.
I have a sort of curvy figure... so. .. all I can think of, is she saw it and was jealous of me.

Her friend is a beast. she keeps showing her face photo and man is she ugly and not pretty at all, very fat and baggy face.. and they are adults with children too.. It's creepy to think someone with grown children wuold act that way on the web, but that is their little lifestyle apparently.. to make rude comment to others on a website that is prohibited.
I think the only reason they post there is cuz they can lie all they want and all they got to do is post a smiley face of positive comment to all these different bloggers and they think automatically they are wonderful.
But in reality, these two chicks turned out to be the biggest back stabbers I have ever met on the web.
Of course, that does not solve my problem.. I would like to make friends on there, and I had alot of people leaving nice comments on my blogs before they started all this trouble with me.
I hate cyber-bullies and liars, but that is exactly what these people are... and people have bought their lies, hook-line_and-sinker.
What should I do? Just put up a new profile, pic and put them on ignore?

Cuppedia · 04-19-2008, 08:19 PM

Hello. Okay, the best option for you would obviously be to leave the site and find another place to talk to people, specially to those who you mention are leaving nice comments, you don't have to talk to them there specifically and you CAN meet people in other places (forums, chatrooms), it doesn't matter if the site is meant for dating or just talking.

Now, if you don't want to leave then you have to learn how to ignore them and never reply to what they say, for them it's a game and you can choose not to participate, it might sound like it's all elementary school again but you're an adult, if the flame war is no fun for you (some people enjoy them, when it's clear it's all about getting your frustrations out) don't feed it, eventually they might get tired of it if they see it's doing nothing for you.

I'm quite surprised the site owners have done nothing to help but that's really another good reason to leave that place, the internet is not like a town or a city, your options are endless, there's no need to hold on to dear life to a certain site.

Finally I don't think creating a new profile should be an option, they seem determined to find you and you have nothing to be ashamed of or run away from, as I said, if you want to stay there just ignore them and next time be very careful what you share with the world, often people are all "If they don't have a pic they have something to hide", who cares?, you have to start as friends and that doesn't require a single kind of looks, exposing everything about yourself to the world is unnecessary, if you "click" with a certain person then you can tell them more.

Good luck.

**avman** · 04-19-2008, 08:23 PM

If you've already tried to contact the management of that forum and they don't care or worse they actually encourage the behavior, I think your only option is to leave that forum and not go back. As Cuppedia mentioned there are plenty of other sites that don't put up with that behavior so there is no reason to stay at a site that is hostile to you.

crosstownTraffic · 04-22-2008, 11:06 AM

well, that was something I was wondering. Most of the dating sites per se, want you to pay a fee up front. We live in america, I see you do too, and money is just tight.

I just dont have $20-$30 each month to plunk down to just belong to a site, because they are so restrictive, you could not do more than maybe send a "wink" to someone you were attracted to.

BTW, avman, your kids (if those are yours) certainly have grown!

well, I would love to know of other good sites that you can blog, chat, and post a picture for free.

Truth be told. I never found that site "that" great. Most of the time when I sent a blog, hardly anyone posted on it...
The few that did, now I see are all part of this posse that makes the movie "Mean Girls" look tame!

Yikes.. these people are ALOT older than the people on this website, well older.. some are in their late 30s and most are at least 50 and almost 60!!!
Pretty sad huh.... you got some middle-aged divorced people and bored housewives who act less mature than the 16 year old people who post here! Truly.. I feel more safe here than on that site...

still, I never see people on here ganging up on others the way this site has done. I guess it cuz the moderators are actually moderating... but i'm sad and angry because I did have a few good cyber friends on that site..and I was there for years. One jerk of a girl who cannot follow the rules and 17 pages of blogs of mine were wiped out!

Now this one girl and her two friends (and then her cast of cyber-bullies) have all ruined it for me.

I'm also truthfully, feelign kind of tramautized avman.. What are the effects of cyber-bullies...
I feel like the rug has been ripped out from under me. The prime instigator of all the attacks (and I have heard she's made a bunch of rude posts on other people's blogs too) has only been there for 6 months and thinks, that just b/c her blogs end up on the main page...she is entitled to break the rules (like posting hateful comments) b/c she is one of the "popular" bloggers.

Really, I would also like to warn the new bloggers there.. b/c she's very manipulative.. if only I had known what she was like to start. I had actually considered her to be one of my good friends there online, b/c she would always post encouraging comments on my posts.
Little did i know she had such a dark side to her personality, and was actually so mean and cruel, but i saw just the other day, as early back as before Halloween.. someone posted a blog wiht halloween colors, grey & orange, (yeah, it was a bit tough to read, but in keeping with the Halloween spirit, and I thought it looked cute.
She came on that person's blog and says.. "Oh, what's with these bleep-ing colours (bleep is substituted for a swear word she used, also against the rules!) I can hardly read this thing!

So.. it's not just me she's been cruel too, but what she will do is get on almost EVERYONE'S blog and post kind words, esp. the new bloggers and win their confidence.

Then... if she suddenly decides to strike out against someone or thinks your posts is not "funny enough", then she'll come and start attackign you and get a bunch of her other cyber-pals to do so likewise..

I have contacted the site owners..as they are supposed to have an abuse dept.. but she just keeps getting her profile deleted, and then of course, pretends she had nothing to do about it (she's quite the convincing liar to those who don't really know her). I am sure either her friends actually "know" as they also take part in the bullying, or they just are not aware of the fact that she breaks the rules on that site CONSTANTLY.... and that is why they keep deleting her profile.

I feel angry cuz i have been there a few years at least, and before the last 6 months, this was a very peaceful site.. no one really harassed anyone there, and there was not all this backstabbing belittling comments being made by anyone, let anyone the people who are always on the MAIN PAGE now.. but now this place is just ridiculous...

I feel like I'm swimming with sharks in there... whew.. well, thanks for letting me get this off my chest..
What other websites allow blogging, and chatting and perhaps e-mailing a time or two and you could post photos?
I had even posted an original poem I wrote there, and no sooner than 30 minutes later, that chick who is such a scoundrel on that site and gets her profile deleted once a month, had copied and pasted and put it in her blog! She gave me no credit whatsoever..but I called her on it and told her she had just broken copyright laws.

I had even put a copyright mark on the poem when I posted it, so there is nothing this chick (if she even is female, we never have seen a single photo of her, honestly) won't stoop to!

I wish the site owners would just find out her IP address and get her banned, but I don't think the site is set up that way.
In fact, even if you block someone from posting in your blogs, they can still SEE them anyway, and then make rude & hateful comments to others about them!

If you would like to send me a list of other websites privately (don't know if we can post them on the open forum) I would definitely be grateful.

Thanks people for the kind and supportive words.. I feel like of beat up mentall after this experience...

Has anyone else ever experienced cyber-bullying?

04-18-2008, 04:14 AM	#1
crosstownTraffic Offline Silver Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: United States Gender: Female Posts: 655	I"m being harassed/stalked on this dating site I've been on for 2 years. I may not finish this post b/c it's late, but there are a couple of people, two girls and aguy who started this flame war against me on a dating site, I have been bloggin on for at least 2 years. They wrote all these nasty, hateful comments to me on my own blog, and then started accusing me of stuff I did not even do! I cannot afford to pay for the premium dating sites and this one was free.. so I feel like my options to find someone on this site now.. are gone! Unless of course, I create a new profile.. and I have already done that.. and somehow the prime offender who started the flame war against me (whom used to be quite friendly to me) has accused me of being the same profile I was before! How would she know this I do not know, but she got most of my former blogmates (as you could call them) to also join her flaming war against me.. so I had like 25 people insulting me, not just her and her nasty other female friend and this jerk of a guy. They have told so many lies about me, and even started this horrible blog... which was nothign but insults to me and lies about me.. and it was featured on the front page of the website! You can imagine my anger and humiliation at being treated with such disrespect.. but I don't want her to ruin my chances at possibly finding someone compatibly on the web. I could always post a brand new profile, and maybe put my location in another state, but that presents problems of its own for me.. cuz the guy who might find me interesting, might live not too far from me. You see, this girl has created a myriad of problmes for me.. I contact the site owners over & over when this flame war first started out against me.. but all they did was delet MY profile, and now this girl (who is basically breaking ALL the rules of the site) is featured DAILY on the main page of this website.. even though she shows no picture of herself whatsoever. I do not know what caused this to happen, but I do remember before this starting putting a picture of myself.. not my face, but my torso on that website. I have a sort of curvy figure... so. .. all I can think of, is she saw it and was jealous of me. Her friend is a beast. she keeps showing her face photo and man is she ugly and not pretty at all, very fat and baggy face.. and they are adults with children too.. It's creepy to think someone with grown children wuold act that way on the web, but that is their little lifestyle apparently.. to make rude comment to others on a website that is prohibited. I think the only reason they post there is cuz they can lie all they want and all they got to do is post a smiley face of positive comment to all these different bloggers and they think automatically they are wonderful. But in reality, these two chicks turned out to be the biggest back stabbers I have ever met on the web. Of course, that does not solve my problem.. I would like to make friends on there, and I had alot of people leaving nice comments on my blogs before they started all this trouble with me. I hate cyber-bullies and liars, but that is exactly what these people are... and people have bought their lies, hook-line_and-sinker. What should I do? Just put up a new profile, pic and put them on ignore?

04-19-2008, 08:23 PM	#3
avman Offline Administrator Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Minnesota Gender: Male Age: 42 Posts: 6,526	If you've already tried to contact the management of that forum and they don't care or worse they actually encourage the behavior, I think your only option is to leave that forum and not go back. As Cuppedia mentioned there are plenty of other sites that don't put up with that behavior so there is no reason to stay at a site that is hostile to you. __________________ "Children are a wonderful gift . . . They have an extraordinary capacity to see into the heart of things and to expose sham and humbug for what they are." Desmond Tutu

04-19-2008, 08:19 PM	#2
Cuppedia Offline Silver Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 421	Hello. Okay, the best option for you would obviously be to leave the site and find another place to talk to people, specially to those who you mention are leaving nice comments, you don't have to talk to them there specifically and you CAN meet people in other places (forums, chatrooms), it doesn't matter if the site is meant for dating or just talking. Now, if you don't want to leave then you have to learn how to ignore them and never reply to what they say, for them it's a game and you can choose not to participate, it might sound like it's all elementary school again but you're an adult, if the flame war is no fun for you (some people enjoy them, when it's clear it's all about getting your frustrations out) don't feed it, eventually they might get tired of it if they see it's doing nothing for you. I'm quite surprised the site owners have done nothing to help but that's really another good reason to leave that place, the internet is not like a town or a city, your options are endless, there's no need to hold on to dear life to a certain site. Finally I don't think creating a new profile should be an option, they seem determined to find you and you have nothing to be ashamed of or run away from, as I said, if you want to stay there just ignore them and next time be very careful what you share with the world, often people are all "If they don't have a pic they have something to hide", who cares?, you have to start as friends and that doesn't require a single kind of looks, exposing everything about yourself to the world is unnecessary, if you "click" with a certain person then you can tell them more. Good luck.

04-22-2008, 11:06 AM	#4
crosstownTraffic Offline Silver Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: United States Gender: Female Posts: 655	well, that was something I was wondering. Most of the dating sites per se, want you to pay a fee up front. We live in america, I see you do too, and money is just tight. I just dont have $20-$30 each month to plunk down to just belong to a site, because they are so restrictive, you could not do more than maybe send a "wink" to someone you were attracted to. BTW, avman, your kids (if those are yours) certainly have grown! well, I would love to know of other good sites that you can blog, chat, and post a picture for free. Truth be told. I never found that site "that" great. Most of the time when I sent a blog, hardly anyone posted on it... The few that did, now I see are all part of this posse that makes the movie "Mean Girls" look tame! Yikes.. these people are ALOT older than the people on this website, well older.. some are in their late 30s and most are at least 50 and almost 60!!! Pretty sad huh.... you got some middle-aged divorced people and bored housewives who act less mature than the 16 year old people who post here! Truly.. I feel more safe here than on that site... still, I never see people on here ganging up on others the way this site has done. I guess it cuz the moderators are actually moderating... but i'm sad and angry because I did have a few good cyber friends on that site..and I was there for years. One jerk of a girl who cannot follow the rules and 17 pages of blogs of mine were wiped out! Now this one girl and her two friends (and then her cast of cyber-bullies) have all ruined it for me. I'm also truthfully, feelign kind of tramautized avman.. What are the effects of cyber-bullies... I feel like the rug has been ripped out from under me. The prime instigator of all the attacks (and I have heard she's made a bunch of rude posts on other people's blogs too) has only been there for 6 months and thinks, that just b/c her blogs end up on the main page...she is entitled to break the rules (like posting hateful comments) b/c she is one of the "popular" bloggers. Really, I would also like to warn the new bloggers there.. b/c she's very manipulative.. if only I had known what she was like to start. I had actually considered her to be one of my good friends there online, b/c she would always post encouraging comments on my posts. Little did i know she had such a dark side to her personality, and was actually so mean and cruel, but i saw just the other day, as early back as before Halloween.. someone posted a blog wiht halloween colors, grey & orange, (yeah, it was a bit tough to read, but in keeping with the Halloween spirit, and I thought it looked cute. She came on that person's blog and says.. "Oh, what's with these bleep-ing colours (bleep is substituted for a swear word she used, also against the rules!) I can hardly read this thing! So.. it's not just me she's been cruel too, but what she will do is get on almost EVERYONE'S blog and post kind words, esp. the new bloggers and win their confidence. Then... if she suddenly decides to strike out against someone or thinks your posts is not "funny enough", then she'll come and start attackign you and get a bunch of her other cyber-pals to do so likewise.. I have contacted the site owners..as they are supposed to have an abuse dept.. but she just keeps getting her profile deleted, and then of course, pretends she had nothing to do about it (she's quite the convincing liar to those who don't really know her). I am sure either her friends actually "know" as they also take part in the bullying, or they just are not aware of the fact that she breaks the rules on that site CONSTANTLY.... and that is why they keep deleting her profile. I feel angry cuz i have been there a few years at least, and before the last 6 months, this was a very peaceful site.. no one really harassed anyone there, and there was not all this backstabbing belittling comments being made by anyone, let anyone the people who are always on the MAIN PAGE now.. but now this place is just ridiculous... I feel like I'm swimming with sharks in there... whew.. well, thanks for letting me get this off my chest.. What other websites allow blogging, and chatting and perhaps e-mailing a time or two and you could post photos? I had even posted an original poem I wrote there, and no sooner than 30 minutes later, that chick who is such a scoundrel on that site and gets her profile deleted once a month, had copied and pasted and put it in her blog! She gave me no credit whatsoever..but I called her on it and told her she had just broken copyright laws. I had even put a copyright mark on the poem when I posted it, so there is nothing this chick (if she even is female, we never have seen a single photo of her, honestly) won't stoop to! I wish the site owners would just find out her IP address and get her banned, but I don't think the site is set up that way. In fact, even if you block someone from posting in your blogs, they can still SEE them anyway, and then make rude & hateful comments to others about them! If you would like to send me a list of other websites privately (don't know if we can post them on the open forum) I would definitely be grateful. Thanks people for the kind and supportive words.. I feel like of beat up mentall after this experience... Has anyone else ever experienced cyber-bullying?