Cyber-relationships and love part 2

amberche · 04-16-2008, 12:21 AM

To recap, one of my best friends "online" confessed that he loved me and wanted to work towards meeting and hopefully becoming a couple. We have been talking online for over 4 years, we talk about everything, he knows more about me than anyone and I believe I know more about him as well. It was only a month ago that we exchanged pictures, but it has been longer than that that he has been saying he wants a relationship. The problem is that he is much younger than i am, 5 years younger, and I don't know if he loves me or this fantasy idea of me, or if he is just playing with me and all this time we weren't friends he just wanted someone online to mess with. I have no idea. He has talked to girls before online a few years ago it slowed down. But I used to joke with him about that, he never said he was in love to them, or with them. But they would send him pictures... among other things, and i just never played that game so we were able to build a friendship. Being supportive of one and another talking on the phone occasionally. Sometimes even going months and months without talking... this is not an everyday relationship/obsession. I tell him to look for someone else and he says no. Well I took some of your advice and tried to explain to him he is probably just in love with a fantasy. And his response was that he was in love with me, that our relationship is about working for something worth having, Fantasy he can get anywhere and its not about anything sexual because anyone can get laid. He said he actually thought about it. So what do i do. i don't want to lose a friend, and i don't know how to get him to change his mind. And plus all his talk about feelings is making me question mine towards him. So is he playing a game still. what is he thinking and how can i fix this relationship before it goes too far?

GypsyMuse · 04-16-2008, 02:28 AM

Five years isn't much. I know couples where the woman is eight years older and eleven years older and they are happy. The distance gets less as you get older too. There's very little difference between an 85-year-old woman and an 80-year-old man, especially considering women live longer on average.

Of more concern is your nervousness about his apparently strong feelings for you. Obviously you don't feel you know him well enough yet to share them and how can he really know how he feels when he only knows your online side.

The only way to find out is to meet him and do things together, get to know each other better. Are you comfortable with that? If not, it might be kind to let him know that's not going to happen so he can get over you and find a closer relationship elsewhere.

Excalibur · 04-16-2008, 11:48 AM

Until you meet, until you share alot of face time to evaluate what he's said - against the realityhe's really created, vs. what you think he means by what he said and what you've assumed his is world.....nobody can know anything for sure.

shadowdreamz · 04-18-2008, 12:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by amberche

The problem is that he is much younger than i am, 5 years younger, and I don't know if he loves me or this fantasy idea of me, or if he is just playing with me and all this time we weren't friends he just wanted someone online to mess with.

K here I go again. I am 17 years older than my bf. We met online and through ups and downs we are together and happy. And if you were both completely honest. How is it a fantasy? And five years online is a long time for someone to mess with another person, unless they wanted more.

Age is just a number. It is who the person is and how they treat you, and how you feel when you are with them that matters most..

04-16-2008, 12:21 AM	#1
amberche Offline Member Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 90	Cyber-relationships and love part 2 To recap, one of my best friends "online" confessed that he loved me and wanted to work towards meeting and hopefully becoming a couple. We have been talking online for over 4 years, we talk about everything, he knows more about me than anyone and I believe I know more about him as well. It was only a month ago that we exchanged pictures, but it has been longer than that that he has been saying he wants a relationship. The problem is that he is much younger than i am, 5 years younger, and I don't know if he loves me or this fantasy idea of me, or if he is just playing with me and all this time we weren't friends he just wanted someone online to mess with. I have no idea. He has talked to girls before online a few years ago it slowed down. But I used to joke with him about that, he never said he was in love to them, or with them. But they would send him pictures... among other things, and i just never played that game so we were able to build a friendship. Being supportive of one and another talking on the phone occasionally. Sometimes even going months and months without talking... this is not an everyday relationship/obsession. I tell him to look for someone else and he says no. Well I took some of your advice and tried to explain to him he is probably just in love with a fantasy. And his response was that he was in love with me, that our relationship is about working for something worth having, Fantasy he can get anywhere and its not about anything sexual because anyone can get laid. He said he actually thought about it. So what do i do. i don't want to lose a friend, and i don't know how to get him to change his mind. And plus all his talk about feelings is making me question mine towards him. So is he playing a game still. what is he thinking and how can i fix this relationship before it goes too far?

04-16-2008, 02:28 AM	#2
GypsyMuse Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Roving gypsy Gender: Female Posts: 170	Five years isn't much. I know couples where the woman is eight years older and eleven years older and they are happy. The distance gets less as you get older too. There's very little difference between an 85-year-old woman and an 80-year-old man, especially considering women live longer on average. Of more concern is your nervousness about his apparently strong feelings for you. Obviously you don't feel you know him well enough yet to share them and how can he really know how he feels when he only knows your online side. The only way to find out is to meet him and do things together, get to know each other better. Are you comfortable with that? If not, it might be kind to let him know that's not going to happen so he can get over you and find a closer relationship elsewhere.

04-16-2008, 11:48 AM	#3
Excalibur Offline Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 1,651	Until you meet, until you share alot of face time to evaluate what he's said - against the realityhe's really created, vs. what you think he means by what he said and what you've assumed his is world.....nobody can know anything for sure.