Moving in together

unreg..... · 04-12-2008, 10:00 PM

Hi All!

How long in your opinion would you be with your partner before moving in together?

I'm thirty, so is he. We have a relatively serious relationship, togerther one year, see each other 3/4 times a week and go away for vacations regularly. I suggested it today and he said no way, not ready for it. I asked him when he thought he would be but he couldn't give me an answer! I was stunned, so I explained that by now, we should kind of know what we want but he didn't even want to talk about it. He seemed to be in his usual happy humour when we started discussing it but the conversation went downhill rapidly.

What are your thoughts on this? Thanks

Mysterygirl · 04-12-2008, 10:05 PM

did you ask him why? does he have it cozy where he is?

some guys don't like change ... maybe give him a little bit to think about it. In a week or two start bringing it back up jokingly ... make light of it so it doesnt seem to "scary" to him
just a suggestion that's all ...

unreg..... · 04-12-2008, 10:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mysterygirl

did you ask him why? does he have it cozy where he is?

some guys don't like change ... maybe give him a little bit to think about it. In a week or two start bringing it back up jokingly ... make light of it so it doesnt seem to "scary" to him
just a suggestion that's all ...

Thanks! Yes, I asked him why and he just said he wasn't ready, liked his space, it would be too costly, etc etc. He shares an apartment with two other guys....they aren't good friends though

itsallgrand · 04-12-2008, 10:21 PM

I don't think there is any real time or anything, it depends on what people want.

Did you have any reason up until to this point to believe he was interested in it becoming a live-in situation or did you sort of assume that to yourself?

Just trying to understand if the issue has been talked about with you two or breached in any way...maybe you took him by surprise and he felt this was "out of the blue" in a way?

Crazyaboutdogs · 04-12-2008, 10:24 PM

Not everyone wants to live with their girlfriend/boyfriend. Some people prefer to have their space unless they decide to get married. This does not reflect how he feels about you...it could simply be how he feels about living with a girlfriend in general.

redhearts · 04-12-2008, 10:37 PM

Just give it time, theres no need to rush!!!!

star-shaped · 04-20-2008, 01:14 PM

I read somewhere that statistically, 2 years is the best time for a couple to move in together.
But obviously in practice it does vary. You deinately need to be wary of doing it too soon though.

In my opinion a year is too soon. But this wouldn't be a reflection of how I feel about my partner, it's just a belief that I have in general. So as other people have said, it isn't necessarily a reflection of how he feels about you and there is no need to rush anyway!

jane2000 · 04-21-2008, 12:43 AM

I would simply just put it down to him not being entirely ready...a year is not that long imo.

I have been with my boyfriend for a year and I wouldnt want to move in with him just yet ( we do spend most nights together), however it is nice to have your own place and space when you need it.

I wouldnt worry. I dont think that it means he loves you less or anything, I just think he probably just isnt ready for it.

kluv224 · 04-21-2008, 12:45 AM

I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years and we just moved in together 8 months ago! lol we are young though but it was well worth the wait. Just go with your gut feeling and if it feels right do it. Totally up to you and how you feel your relationship is.

**Hope75** · 04-24-2008, 01:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by unreg.....

Hi All!

How long in your opinion would you be with your partner before moving in together?

I'm thirty, so is he. We have a relatively serious relationship, togerther one year, see each other 3/4 times a week and go away for vacations regularly. I suggested it today and he said no way, not ready for it. I asked him when he thought he would be but he couldn't give me an answer! I was stunned, so I explained that by now, we should kind of know what we want but he didn't even want to talk about it. He seemed to be in his usual happy humour when we started discussing it but the conversation went downhill rapidly.

What are your thoughts on this? Thanks

Some people are not comfortable living together with someone who is not their spouse. Maybe he isn't interested in a relationship that serious.

Have you talked about your relationship goals with him, and are they the same as yours?

If not, maybe you need to re-evaluate whether or not this relationship is really for you.

04-12-2008, 10:00 PM	#1
unreg..... Offline Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Posts: 15	Moving in together Hi All! How long in your opinion would you be with your partner before moving in together? I'm thirty, so is he. We have a relatively serious relationship, togerther one year, see each other 3/4 times a week and go away for vacations regularly. I suggested it today and he said no way, not ready for it. I asked him when he thought he would be but he couldn't give me an answer! I was stunned, so I explained that by now, we should kind of know what we want but he didn't even want to talk about it. He seemed to be in his usual happy humour when we started discussing it but the conversation went downhill rapidly. What are your thoughts on this? Thanks

04-12-2008, 10:05 PM	#2
Mysterygirl Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Gender: Female Posts: 232	did you ask him why? does he have it cozy where he is? some guys don't like change ... maybe give him a little bit to think about it. In a week or two start bringing it back up jokingly ... make light of it so it doesnt seem to "scary" to him just a suggestion that's all ... __________________ I'm selfish, impatient & a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control & at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best. ~ Marilyn Monroe

04-12-2008, 10:21 PM	#4
itsallgrand Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: following my grace... Gender: None Specified Posts: 6,783	I don't think there is any real time or anything, it depends on what people want. Did you have any reason up until to this point to believe he was interested in it becoming a live-in situation or did you sort of assume that to yourself? Just trying to understand if the issue has been talked about with you two or breached in any way...maybe you took him by surprise and he felt this was "out of the blue" in a way? __________________ "The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off." Mal Pancoast

04-21-2008, 12:43 AM	#8
jane2000 Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 61	I would simply just put it down to him not being entirely ready...a year is not that long imo. I have been with my boyfriend for a year and I wouldnt want to move in with him just yet ( we do spend most nights together), however it is nice to have your own place and space when you need it. I wouldnt worry. I dont think that it means he loves you less or anything, I just think he probably just isnt ready for it. __________________ "Be brave, take risks. Nothing can substitute experience" "The time to be happy is NOW" "There is no great genius without some touch of madness" "Our greatest experiences are often our quietest moments"

04-21-2008, 12:45 AM	#9
kluv224 Offline Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Gender: Female Age: 22 Posts: 122	I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years and we just moved in together 8 months ago! lol we are young though but it was well worth the wait. Just go with your gut feeling and if it feels right do it. Totally up to you and how you feel your relationship is. __________________ If we cut out the bad Well then we'd have nothing left Like I cut up your mouth The night I stuffed it all in And you lied to the angels Said I stabbed you to death If we go at the same time They'll clean up the mess They taped over your mouth Scribbled out the truth with their lies You little spies

04-12-2008, 10:24 PM	#5
Crazyaboutdogs Online Platinum Member Join Date: May 2006 Location: Canada Gender: Female Age: 46 Posts: 15,631	Not everyone wants to live with their girlfriend/boyfriend. Some people prefer to have their space unless they decide to get married. This does not reflect how he feels about you...it could simply be how he feels about living with a girlfriend in general.

04-12-2008, 10:37 PM	#6
redhearts Offline Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 4,620	Just give it time, theres no need to rush!!!!

04-20-2008, 01:14 PM	#7
star-shaped Offline Member Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 58	I read somewhere that statistically, 2 years is the best time for a couple to move in together. But obviously in practice it does vary. You deinately need to be wary of doing it too soon though. In my opinion a year is too soon. But this wouldn't be a reflection of how I feel about my partner, it's just a belief that I have in general. So as other people have said, it isn't necessarily a reflection of how he feels about you and there is no need to rush anyway!