He's Catholic, I'm Agnostic

Schala · 04-06-2008, 02:13 AM

Well, I'm almost 24 years old, my boyfriend is 20. He's a very religious Catholic; goes to Church every Sunday, prays before meals and sleep. I was raised Catholic and Confirmed, but around 13 or 14 years old, I started to distance myself from religion. I only went to Church and such because my mother is Catholic and that's how I was raised. But at that age, I was realizing, that's the only reason I did it. And I began to explore other religions and my own personal beliefs. I dabbed in Wicca in high school, but eventually decided it really wasn't for me either. I guess the closest thing I can call myself is Agnostic. I wouldn't call myself an Atheist because I don't believe there isn't a God. However, I also don't necessarily believe there is one. I just say to myself "It's possible." and leave it at that.

Now, my boyfriend is also Vietnamese, and I'm white. So we have different cultural backgrounds too. That I have no problem with, because I've been exposed to Asian culture through my own interests, and I enjoy learning about other cultures, learning languages, and eating different foods. I know his mother will have a VERY hard time accepting me though.

My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year now. The religion issue has come up MANY times. When I first met him, he said it wasn't an issue at all. And after we dated for a bit, he began to realize it was more important to him than he originally thought, but he still wanted to stay with me. He was worried that I wouldn't go to the same place as him when we die, and that scared him, because he wanted me to be with him forever in death too. Eventually he got past that, claiming he couldn't believe the "Good Samaritan" in the Bible went to Hell, and he wasn't Catholic. And he knows we both share the same core values and morals, and knows I'm a good person. So he finally came to terms with it. However, the issue of going to Church was always a problem for him too. He's always gone to Church with his family or his brother (whom he lives with right now, while attending college), so when he looked into the future of us being married, he realized I wouldn't be going with him. He realized he'd have to go alone, and that made him sad. I told him he could always find other people to go with, meet people at Church, or heck, even go with my mom. I know my mother feels lonely about it sometimes, since my sister and I both distanced ourselves from Catholicism, and my dad never liked organized religion, so he never went to Church. However, he's still a spiritual person, but he just doesn't like organized religion. But he still went to big events, like our Baptisms, First Communions, Confirmation, etc. to support his family.

Well, then my boyfriend discussed children. He wants to raise them as Catholic. However, I always felt like the right thing to do is not force a certain religion on children right away. Their brains aren't even developed enough to fully comprehend or understand something so complex as God and religion, so why force it on them at such a young age? I figure, when they get old enough to understand it, then we could sit down and discuss it. He could share his beliefs, I could share mine, and let them decide. Afterall, everyone says religion is a personal choice anyway, so raising them a certain religion is sort of taking that "personal choice" away in my opinion. But somehow, I felt okay with it...I told him it was fine to raise our kids Catholic, but as they got older, if they wanted to explore other options, we should let them. He seemed okay with this. I felt like it was the best compromise, because I knew he'd struggle with me not going to Church with him/them.

However, lately, I've been rethinking things. I love my boyfriend to death. There are so many great things about him. He has such strong patience and determination. I've always felt like we were a team and we've worked through so many problems or obstacles that came up together. We'd listen to each other, respect each other, and work through things. But when it comes down to it, I'm really feeling like I can't handle him being so religious and raising our kids Catholic right away. When he says things like "I'm going to tell our kids Jesus loves them and say they should love Jesus too." I just think "UGH...." and feel annoyed.

I've recently been realizing I have this deep rooted hatred for Catholicism. For strong religious believers. I don't know why I'm like that. And I hate admitting to it, because I feel awful about it. I mean, I sit with my boyfriend when he prays, and I'm fine. I don't pray with him, but I sit there beside him before sleep or before meals. I don't start eating until he's finished praying, just because it's respectful. And he's never really fully tried to force me to change my beliefs (though he did try to press me into going to Church with him several times). I don't know. I wish I could figure out why I'm like this. I don't even feel comfortable around Churches or priests. I remember the one time he went to a Church by me, I dropped him off. And when I came to pick him up, I stood outside he Church waiting for him, and I just felt awkward. And then I saw the priest walk out, to shake everyone's hands as they were leaving, and I felt even more uncomfortable. I just wanted to get out of there asap.

I'm just scared. I don't want to break up with him, I love him so much. But it frustrates me and irritates me when I think about him telling our kids about Jesus and raising them to be Catholic. Is it because I feel like he's taking away their personal choice of religion? I don't know. And I know it will cause confusion for our kids too. "Why do we have to go to Church, but mommy doesn't?" Things like that. But honestly, I can't even remember if I ever questioned something similar about my dad, since he didn't go, when I was little.

I dunno. I know I should talk to him, but I don't want to offend him either. And he has the tendency to feel bad and blame himself for making me "unhappy", so then I end up feeling worse. I'm also tired of rehashing the religion thing over and over and over. And it scares me that it may never go away, and we seem to put closure on it at times, but it's only temporarily. And before, I thought he might leave me because I'm not Catholic, and that really upset me. He even said it felt to him that it'd be a stupid reason to break up. So now, I'd feel like such a hypocrite if I broke up with him just because I can't handle HIM being Catholic or raising our kids Catholic. I think it's more so the kids than him. Because things are fine now, so if there were no kids in the picture, I think we'd be okay. But thinking about having kids...that's when I get scared/upset/worried.

I'm just not sure what to do. I do love him, and I do want to spend my life with him. I know he feels the same. There are so many other qualities he has that I love about him. I don't want to break up over this...but I feel like it may never go away. There were times where I thought "Maybe I'll just try and go to Church with him...maybe I can just "rediscover" it and change my feelings about it...." but then I rethink it and realize I don't want to do that. I don't know why I have such resentment towards it. I remember praying to God when I was a young kid....and somehow, it all changed. I don't even remember why. My life hasn't exactly been "easy". It's always been a roller coaster, with a lot of struggles and hardships.....so maybe at some point I became resentful towards God for it? I have no idea. :/ I'm just the type of person who can't put my full faith into something or someone without proof. I have a strong fear of disappointment. I have issues with trust too, but they're better than they used to be.

I'm sorry for the really long rambling post....I just have so much on my mind.

Jeen · 04-06-2008, 03:19 AM

You know this will be a "deal-breaker" at the end of the day if his religion is very strong it will be an issue for the rest of your life and if there are children it will get even worse. I have a friend or two who has to work on sunday and never has the time to spend a sunday with there family and church,the impact it left on there life is extensive and in many ways crippling there relationship with there family's.

sourpeach · 04-06-2008, 03:24 AM

i know maybe it seems like a small issue to you because you are agnostic, but religion is a MUCH bigger issue for those who believe in one and devoutly follow it. there will be no comprimise about raising your kids according to his religion, and there will be demands from him later in life that you follow the religion too, even if just to set an example for the kids -- an example you don't think is right. you don't want someone raising your children to not be able to think for themselves and lack general critical thinking skills, this is what religions have a tendency to do. and no, you don't want to try to rediscover it. think for a moment that there is no certainty of an afterlife, and in all probability it does not exist. why then, spend so much time praying, going to church, reading the bible, saying grace... even if it takes 2 minutes to say grace before a meal, over a lifetime, say 70 years.. do you know how much time that is WASTED trying to appease some sky-daddy that no one can prove exists? that's time that you could have spent actually living and enjoying life. it's gonna be really sad when these religious people die, and there is no afterlife, and all of their effort on earth went to waste, and their time spent cannot be gotten back and used for something more worth-while. then again, they will be dead, and there is no afterlife, so they won't even know it.

if him talking about telling your kids about jesus NOW before youre even married is starting to bug you.. how do you think it will make you feel once your kids start telling YOU about jesus, and criticizing you for not following the religion. "mommy, what are you giving up for lent this year" "nothing, i don't believe in lent" "but daddy says it's true" "well, daddy is not always right" "daddy!!!!! guess what mommy just said!!!!" and then you andyour husband have a massive fight because you are trying to "undermine" your childrens' faith... or that conversation could end with your kids telling you that you will go to hell if you dont accept christ as your savior.

i think you need to talk with him more about this and come clean with how you feel.

fragmint · 04-06-2008, 11:37 AM

I am not catholic but I believe 'growing up catholic' has helped shaped a lot of my morals and ethics, basic things like that. If you think about it even though you and him dont have the same religion you still have the same core values and are both good people. I think letting kids grow up with a religion can really benefit them and help them be good people. At the same time you can educate them to be open minded about other religions and to explore - not be so 'rigid' about their beliefs. just like how your boyfriend decided that it wouldnt make sense for the good samaritan to go to hell.

i dont think it is taking away their personal freedom. you're just doing what you feel as a parent is best for them ( or what he feels is best for them, since he is a parent too). its like limiting the amount of candy they eat, are you taking away their personal freedom to learn about eating healthy on their own through consequences? theyre kids, they need parents to decide things for them. they can decide on their own later on.

i guess i feel like youre being way too negative about religion. There are many branches of religion that believe in Jesus and then have their own differences. I believe that learning about Jesus is a good thing because SO many religions believe in him. Even if I dont believe in him now, I feel more well rounded just knowing the stories, and being able to understand and respect other people's beliefs because i know more about it. In the end the kids will still be able to choose, just ilke you did. But the basic things about being a good person they learned arent going to go away and i think thats a good thing

Schala · 04-06-2008, 01:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fragmint

i guess i feel like youre being way too negative about religion. There are many branches of religion that believe in Jesus and then have their own differences. I believe that learning about Jesus is a good thing because SO many religions believe in him. Even if I dont believe in him now, I feel more well rounded just knowing the stories, and being able to understand and respect other people's beliefs because i know more about it. In the end the kids will still be able to choose, just ilke you did. But the basic things about being a good person they learned arent going to go away and i think thats a good thing

I know I am way too negative about religion. That's part of the problem here. I have this deep resentment for it, and I really don't know why. I can't seem to let go of it either. :/ And I don't really see religion being necessary to install good values and morals in people. Like I don't associate being a good person to go to heaven or that stealing is wrong because "God says so". It's not like you take religion away and you don't learn any values or morals. Those can all be taught without religion.

I just think I'm also worried because I feel like my boyfriend was "scared" into becoming so religious. Things he has told me about his past and such. It's like religion is his reason to live, and without he feels like he has no reason. I mean, I know we all have our reasons to live and need to find comfort in something, but the whole idea of it....scares ME, because it's all based on faith and belief...something unknown. And he's always worried about if he does the wrong thing, God will be mad at him, he might go to hell, etc. etc. etc. This worries me. I know one day I'll die, just like everyone else. But frankly, I don't spend much time worrying about what will happen to me. I live the way I want to live, try to be a good person, just for the sake of being good. If there is a heaven and hell, and I go to hell because I don't go to Church or whatever.....then so be it. I want to be good for the sake of being good, not because I'm worried what will happen to me after I die. I just don't want my children to be fearful or stress and worry over what will happen to them after death. I don't want them to fear God and think they're going to hell because they told a lie or something. I don't want them to be "scared" into religion....

**lady00** · 04-06-2008, 02:27 PM

I think I understand how you feel. Although I've never had a conflict like this in a relationship, religious difference would be a deal breaker for me. I'm not religious and I can't see myself in a long-term relationship or marriage with someone who is...nor am I fond of the idea of raising children in a religion I don't subscribe to (because I don't have a religion at all, if I were with someone who did and believed strongly in it, I'd see this as a conflict). I really don't know what to say...sounds like this may be a deal-breaker for you. I know it would be for me.

Schala · 04-06-2008, 02:50 PM

I'm not really wanting to give up right now. I do want to stay with him. I just want to find ways to be more accepting and tolerable. I'm going to my parents' tonight, so I'm gonna to talk to my dad. He's not exactly in the same boat as I am, since he does firmly believe in God, but is just against organized religion. But maybe at some point he had issues with my mom raising us Catholic. Maybe he'll have some insight for me.

I really don't like being this way. I mean, I'm not saying I want to convert. That's not it at all. I'm fine with my beliefs (or lack there of), but I want to learn to be more tolerant and accepting of his. He did for me. He had a hard time with me not being religious for awhile, but he was able to come to terms with it, accept it, and deal with it. I do love him with all my heart, and I want to get through this with him.

tangi39 · 04-07-2008, 10:54 AM

In most relationships, it can be a deal breaker if you disagree on the following

1. Politics

2. Religion

3. Money Issues

4. How to Raise Children

5. How to spend free time

Do I think it's impossible, NO. But I do think if you strongly disagree on one or more- You are going to have a rocky relationship at times. I think it can be done- I know several successful relationships where people have dissimilar views- but here is the key- COMPROMISE.

Not that you have to agree or even share your partners' views, but that you have to come to terms with and accept their right to feel that way. You don't have to agree on everything, but at the same time you cannot chastise them for their beliefs in any way. I am staunchly Catholic and I have several close Agnostic friends. So it can be done- the important thing is that we respect the fact that we are different & don't berate each other for our specific beliefs. One thing that makes this country great is our right to choose whatever religion we want-

I respect the fact that you chose your own path & did not just believe things because others told you to or out of habit.
But I think you need to also respect the fact that your BF's beliefs mean something important to him. I think if you can stop trying to convince each other what is "right " or "wrong" and merely accept that you just have different views- You can make this work.

Good Luck !

04-06-2008, 02:13 AM	#1
Schala Offline Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: NJ Gender: Female Age: 25 Posts: 7	He's Catholic, I'm Agnostic Well, I'm almost 24 years old, my boyfriend is 20. He's a very religious Catholic; goes to Church every Sunday, prays before meals and sleep. I was raised Catholic and Confirmed, but around 13 or 14 years old, I started to distance myself from religion. I only went to Church and such because my mother is Catholic and that's how I was raised. But at that age, I was realizing, that's the only reason I did it. And I began to explore other religions and my own personal beliefs. I dabbed in Wicca in high school, but eventually decided it really wasn't for me either. I guess the closest thing I can call myself is Agnostic. I wouldn't call myself an Atheist because I don't believe there isn't a God. However, I also don't necessarily believe there is one. I just say to myself "It's possible." and leave it at that. Now, my boyfriend is also Vietnamese, and I'm white. So we have different cultural backgrounds too. That I have no problem with, because I've been exposed to Asian culture through my own interests, and I enjoy learning about other cultures, learning languages, and eating different foods. I know his mother will have a VERY hard time accepting me though. My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year now. The religion issue has come up MANY times. When I first met him, he said it wasn't an issue at all. And after we dated for a bit, he began to realize it was more important to him than he originally thought, but he still wanted to stay with me. He was worried that I wouldn't go to the same place as him when we die, and that scared him, because he wanted me to be with him forever in death too. Eventually he got past that, claiming he couldn't believe the "Good Samaritan" in the Bible went to Hell, and he wasn't Catholic. And he knows we both share the same core values and morals, and knows I'm a good person. So he finally came to terms with it. However, the issue of going to Church was always a problem for him too. He's always gone to Church with his family or his brother (whom he lives with right now, while attending college), so when he looked into the future of us being married, he realized I wouldn't be going with him. He realized he'd have to go alone, and that made him sad. I told him he could always find other people to go with, meet people at Church, or heck, even go with my mom. I know my mother feels lonely about it sometimes, since my sister and I both distanced ourselves from Catholicism, and my dad never liked organized religion, so he never went to Church. However, he's still a spiritual person, but he just doesn't like organized religion. But he still went to big events, like our Baptisms, First Communions, Confirmation, etc. to support his family. Well, then my boyfriend discussed children. He wants to raise them as Catholic. However, I always felt like the right thing to do is not force a certain religion on children right away. Their brains aren't even developed enough to fully comprehend or understand something so complex as God and religion, so why force it on them at such a young age? I figure, when they get old enough to understand it, then we could sit down and discuss it. He could share his beliefs, I could share mine, and let them decide. Afterall, everyone says religion is a personal choice anyway, so raising them a certain religion is sort of taking that "personal choice" away in my opinion. But somehow, I felt okay with it...I told him it was fine to raise our kids Catholic, but as they got older, if they wanted to explore other options, we should let them. He seemed okay with this. I felt like it was the best compromise, because I knew he'd struggle with me not going to Church with him/them. However, lately, I've been rethinking things. I love my boyfriend to death. There are so many great things about him. He has such strong patience and determination. I've always felt like we were a team and we've worked through so many problems or obstacles that came up together. We'd listen to each other, respect each other, and work through things. But when it comes down to it, I'm really feeling like I can't handle him being so religious and raising our kids Catholic right away. When he says things like "I'm going to tell our kids Jesus loves them and say they should love Jesus too." I just think "UGH...." and feel annoyed. I've recently been realizing I have this deep rooted hatred for Catholicism. For strong religious believers. I don't know why I'm like that. And I hate admitting to it, because I feel awful about it. I mean, I sit with my boyfriend when he prays, and I'm fine. I don't pray with him, but I sit there beside him before sleep or before meals. I don't start eating until he's finished praying, just because it's respectful. And he's never really fully tried to force me to change my beliefs (though he did try to press me into going to Church with him several times). I don't know. I wish I could figure out why I'm like this. I don't even feel comfortable around Churches or priests. I remember the one time he went to a Church by me, I dropped him off. And when I came to pick him up, I stood outside he Church waiting for him, and I just felt awkward. And then I saw the priest walk out, to shake everyone's hands as they were leaving, and I felt even more uncomfortable. I just wanted to get out of there asap. I'm just scared. I don't want to break up with him, I love him so much. But it frustrates me and irritates me when I think about him telling our kids about Jesus and raising them to be Catholic. Is it because I feel like he's taking away their personal choice of religion? I don't know. And I know it will cause confusion for our kids too. "Why do we have to go to Church, but mommy doesn't?" Things like that. But honestly, I can't even remember if I ever questioned something similar about my dad, since he didn't go, when I was little. I dunno. I know I should talk to him, but I don't want to offend him either. And he has the tendency to feel bad and blame himself for making me "unhappy", so then I end up feeling worse. I'm also tired of rehashing the religion thing over and over and over. And it scares me that it may never go away, and we seem to put closure on it at times, but it's only temporarily. And before, I thought he might leave me because I'm not Catholic, and that really upset me. He even said it felt to him that it'd be a stupid reason to break up. So now, I'd feel like such a hypocrite if I broke up with him just because I can't handle HIM being Catholic or raising our kids Catholic. I think it's more so the kids than him. Because things are fine now, so if there were no kids in the picture, I think we'd be okay. But thinking about having kids...that's when I get scared/upset/worried. I'm just not sure what to do. I do love him, and I do want to spend my life with him. I know he feels the same. There are so many other qualities he has that I love about him. I don't want to break up over this...but I feel like it may never go away. There were times where I thought "Maybe I'll just try and go to Church with him...maybe I can just "rediscover" it and change my feelings about it...." but then I rethink it and realize I don't want to do that. I don't know why I have such resentment towards it. I remember praying to God when I was a young kid....and somehow, it all changed. I don't even remember why. My life hasn't exactly been "easy". It's always been a roller coaster, with a lot of struggles and hardships.....so maybe at some point I became resentful towards God for it? I have no idea. :/ I'm just the type of person who can't put my full faith into something or someone without proof. I have a strong fear of disappointment. I have issues with trust too, but they're better than they used to be. I'm sorry for the really long rambling post....I just have so much on my mind.

04-06-2008, 03:19 AM	#2
Jeen Offline Gold Member Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Within myself. Gender: Female Age: 39 Posts: 777	You know this will be a "deal-breaker" at the end of the day if his religion is very strong it will be an issue for the rest of your life and if there are children it will get even worse. I have a friend or two who has to work on sunday and never has the time to spend a sunday with there family and church,the impact it left on there life is extensive and in many ways crippling there relationship with there family's. __________________ In everyday there is time to cry, smile, hope, believe, live, work, think, forget, love, dance, play, help, ask, 我不懂！and a million more. "I just have to do it"

04-06-2008, 03:24 AM	#3
sourpeach Offline Join Date: Apr 2008 Posts: 77	i know maybe it seems like a small issue to you because you are agnostic, but religion is a MUCH bigger issue for those who believe in one and devoutly follow it. there will be no comprimise about raising your kids according to his religion, and there will be demands from him later in life that you follow the religion too, even if just to set an example for the kids -- an example you don't think is right. you don't want someone raising your children to not be able to think for themselves and lack general critical thinking skills, this is what religions have a tendency to do. and no, you don't want to try to rediscover it. think for a moment that there is no certainty of an afterlife, and in all probability it does not exist. why then, spend so much time praying, going to church, reading the bible, saying grace... even if it takes 2 minutes to say grace before a meal, over a lifetime, say 70 years.. do you know how much time that is WASTED trying to appease some sky-daddy that no one can prove exists? that's time that you could have spent actually living and enjoying life. it's gonna be really sad when these religious people die, and there is no afterlife, and all of their effort on earth went to waste, and their time spent cannot be gotten back and used for something more worth-while. then again, they will be dead, and there is no afterlife, so they won't even know it. if him talking about telling your kids about jesus NOW before youre even married is starting to bug you.. how do you think it will make you feel once your kids start telling YOU about jesus, and criticizing you for not following the religion. "mommy, what are you giving up for lent this year" "nothing, i don't believe in lent" "but daddy says it's true" "well, daddy is not always right" "daddy!!!!! guess what mommy just said!!!!" and then you andyour husband have a massive fight because you are trying to "undermine" your childrens' faith... or that conversation could end with your kids telling you that you will go to hell if you dont accept christ as your savior. i think you need to talk with him more about this and come clean with how you feel.

04-06-2008, 11:37 AM	#4
fragmint Offline Gold Member Join Date: May 2007 Posts: 628	I am not catholic but I believe 'growing up catholic' has helped shaped a lot of my morals and ethics, basic things like that. If you think about it even though you and him dont have the same religion you still have the same core values and are both good people. I think letting kids grow up with a religion can really benefit them and help them be good people. At the same time you can educate them to be open minded about other religions and to explore - not be so 'rigid' about their beliefs. just like how your boyfriend decided that it wouldnt make sense for the good samaritan to go to hell. i dont think it is taking away their personal freedom. you're just doing what you feel as a parent is best for them ( or what he feels is best for them, since he is a parent too). its like limiting the amount of candy they eat, are you taking away their personal freedom to learn about eating healthy on their own through consequences? theyre kids, they need parents to decide things for them. they can decide on their own later on. i guess i feel like youre being way too negative about religion. There are many branches of religion that believe in Jesus and then have their own differences. I believe that learning about Jesus is a good thing because SO many religions believe in him. Even if I dont believe in him now, I feel more well rounded just knowing the stories, and being able to understand and respect other people's beliefs because i know more about it. In the end the kids will still be able to choose, just ilke you did. But the basic things about being a good person they learned arent going to go away and i think thats a good thing

04-06-2008, 02:27 PM	#6
lady00 Offline Super Moderator Join Date: May 2004 Gender: Female Age: 25 Posts: 7,867	I think I understand how you feel. Although I've never had a conflict like this in a relationship, religious difference would be a deal breaker for me. I'm not religious and I can't see myself in a long-term relationship or marriage with someone who is...nor am I fond of the idea of raising children in a religion I don't subscribe to (because I don't have a religion at all, if I were with someone who did and believed strongly in it, I'd see this as a conflict). I really don't know what to say...sounds like this may be a deal-breaker for you. I know it would be for me.

04-06-2008, 02:50 PM	#7
Schala Offline Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: NJ Gender: Female Age: 25 Posts: 7	I'm not really wanting to give up right now. I do want to stay with him. I just want to find ways to be more accepting and tolerable. I'm going to my parents' tonight, so I'm gonna to talk to my dad. He's not exactly in the same boat as I am, since he does firmly believe in God, but is just against organized religion. But maybe at some point he had issues with my mom raising us Catholic. Maybe he'll have some insight for me. I really don't like being this way. I mean, I'm not saying I want to convert. That's not it at all. I'm fine with my beliefs (or lack there of), but I want to learn to be more tolerant and accepting of his. He did for me. He had a hard time with me not being religious for awhile, but he was able to come to terms with it, accept it, and deal with it. I do love him with all my heart, and I want to get through this with him.

04-07-2008, 10:54 AM	#8
tangi39 Offline Gold Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Posts: 925	In most relationships, it can be a deal breaker if you disagree on the following 1. Politics 2. Religion 3. Money Issues 4. How to Raise Children 5. How to spend free time Do I think it's impossible, NO. But I do think if you strongly disagree on one or more- You are going to have a rocky relationship at times. I think it can be done- I know several successful relationships where people have dissimilar views- but here is the key- COMPROMISE. Not that you have to agree or even share your partners' views, but that you have to come to terms with and accept their right to feel that way. You don't have to agree on everything, but at the same time you cannot chastise them for their beliefs in any way. I am staunchly Catholic and I have several close Agnostic friends. So it can be done- the important thing is that we respect the fact that we are different & don't berate each other for our specific beliefs. One thing that makes this country great is our right to choose whatever religion we want- I respect the fact that you chose your own path & did not just believe things because others told you to or out of habit. But I think you need to also respect the fact that your BF's beliefs mean something important to him. I think if you can stop trying to convince each other what is "right " or "wrong" and merely accept that you just have different views- You can make this work. Good Luck !