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Thread: Getting rid of insecurities and trust issues...

  1. #1
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    Getting rid of insecurities and trust issues...

    How do I get rid of insecurites? I feel I will be the end of my relationship if I do not rid them. For the last two weeks I have been paranoid at every phone ring or text my girl gets. It is to the point I have approached her about it and she continually says its her friends. I don't know how to get rid of my paranoid state and I need help. Mind you at the same time...she is with me everyday...I don't get it...sigh.

    This morning I woke up to turn my phone alarm off and there her phone was with a text message from a guy...so I woke her up and asked if she could promise me she would never hurt me...she did...then I told her why I asked her. I told her when I turned my phone off...I glanced at her phone a message was there...so she says she didn't know a David when she grabbed the phone it was someone she knew texting about a party event...I felt so dumb...help me please...I think I want therapy because of all this...I think my past relationships have scared me.

  2. #2
    Gold Member honeyspur's Avatar
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    You sound very aware of your issue.

    I think that if you become more involved with your girl's friends, you will feel more at ease. Try taking a leadership stance and construct some kind of casual get together.
    It is possible to "drive" someone to cheating by constantly *bringing it up". The innocent person begins thinking about it constantly as well and can become "conditioned".

    Being too focused on supposed infedelity also says you are not committed to the relationship. This lack of security can break an otherwise strong foundation. A partner can feel as though you are not really in the relationship - but somewhere else altogether. They can begin to judge you as a selfish person - only interested in your own neurosis.

    I bet your girl has issues of her own and she could be doing other things to make you feel secure, so please do not shoulder ALL the responsibility. But since we all improve at our own pace, it is best to focus on ourselves, giving your girl the example she needs to do so herself and the empowerment you need in order to believe in yourself, the power of your love and the understanding that all things can be changed.

    I do recommend therapy. I always recommend, non-medicative, one on one discussion therapy - so look for a psychologist or counselor - not a psychiatrist.
    Think about starting your own self-journey journal on here in the journal section and start taking an active role in your recovery. Because that's what's going on here. You are still recovering from past trauma.
    Good luck and thank you for posting.

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by honeyspur View Post
    You sound very aware of your issue.

    I think that if you become more involved with your girl's friends, you will feel more at ease. Try taking a leadership stance and construct some kind of casual get together.
    It is possible to "drive" someone to cheating by constantly *bringing it up". The innocent person begins thinking about it constantly as well and can become "conditioned".

    Being too focused on supposed infedelity also says you are not committed to the relationship. This lack of security can break an otherwise strong foundation. A partner can feel as though you are not really in the relationship - but somewhere else altogether. They can begin to judge you as a selfish person - only interested in your own neurosis.

    I bet your girl has issues of her own and she could be doing other things to make you feel secure, so please do not shoulder ALL the responsibility. But since we all improve at our own pace, it is best to focus on ourselves, giving your girl the example she needs to do so herself and the empowerment you need in order to believe in yourself, the power of your love and the understanding that all things can be changed.

    I do recommend therapy. I always recommend, non-medicative, one on one discussion therapy - so look for a psychologist or counselor - not a psychiatrist.
    Think about starting your own self-journey journal on here in the journal section and start taking an active role in your recovery. Because that's what's going on here. You are still recovering from past trauma.
    Good luck and thank you for posting.


    The get together idea looks like a great idea...I did ask her the other day if she had a problem with me ever meeting her friends (male). With no hesitation she said no. So I felt a lot of stress come off of my shoulders...but I do not get what the issue with me is. Its like I believe her...but at the same time I don't. She is such a great women and I do not get what my problem is.

    I feel she has been trying to make me feel secure...when the phone rang latley she would be like "oh its_____." I would not even have to ask. I was fine with that...no worries. I guess the time the text came got me worried...it came at 12:30 or in the a.m.

    After this happend today...I apologized to her and promised I would never question her again about the phone. I just want to trust her...thats all.

    As for the empowerment...I told my girl to give me reassurance...I am the more affectionate of the two...and she has not dealt with someone as affectionate as me....so I guess she is hold back a little too.
    Last edited by donescobar2000; 03-01-2008 at 01:21 PM.

  4. #4
    Member Lsdaddy's Avatar
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    I can relate to what you are going through. My girlfriend has a ton of friends (girls and guys) and gets texts and calls constantly. I am still uncomfortable about some of it but am getting better. Let me definitely recommend therapy. I started about a month and a half ago after I blew up at her regarding this issue. I promised to get help and it has helped us out quite a bit. I trust her more now but still have my moments. It takes time...

    Get help, have her be actively involved and make sure that you are honest with each other...those like us can get past this and have healthy relationships in the future, we just need to get out of our own way. Good luck.

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