How to be happy alone?

low · 02-18-2008, 10:48 PM

So my divrce is final a year now. The ex is already engaged. I have my daughter every other weekend. The divorce crushed and broke me on every level. But still I continue on.

I feel extreme loneliness at night after work. So bad its deafening. I keep being told that I need to learn to be happy alone. But I don't think in my life I have ever been happy alone. I have one good friend of 20 years, but thats it. I don't have much of a life. I like what I do for a living, but the place I do it in sucks. I find that it drains me and makes me unhappy.

How does one be happy alone?

jettison · 02-18-2008, 10:52 PM

Hobbies, clubs, passions. Meeting pasionate people that are passionate about things other then just their significant other will completely transform your life. It will give you role models, friends, interests, and most importantly... your own passion.

Hint: There is nothing more attractive then a passionate person.

low · 02-18-2008, 10:59 PM

ok so that was vague.

Dako · 02-18-2008, 11:05 PM

I got used to being alone after the divorce.
If the house feels too empty I go out to a coffee shop or just take a walk.
Late-night shopping, garage projects and cooking keep me from twiddling my thumbs.
You could always break down and start dating.

On weekends I head for the hills on my moto or fly kites.

Kiwi_Sweet · 02-18-2008, 11:13 PM

Hi there hun. I know how you must feel with feelings of lonliness. I get like that sometimes. I think you should go see your doctor about getting on some medication to cope, at least until you are comfortable being single again.

My best is with you

iwishiknew · 02-18-2008, 11:18 PM

It is sometimes very hard for me to be happy when I am alone.

WaterIsLife · 02-18-2008, 11:37 PM

Find the little things in life that make you smile. These can certainly be different for different people. Try to remember back to when you were a kid....or when you first saw or experienced something for the first time.......Maybe its time to revisit some of these things again? Both the experience and the feeling within your soul.

sorry if this is a bit vague too!

shes2smart · 02-18-2008, 11:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jettison

Hobbies, clubs, passions. Meeting pasionate people that are passionate about things other then just their significant other will completely transform your life. It will give you role models, friends, interests, and most importantly... your own passion.

Hint: There is nothing more attractive then a passionate person.

Quote:

Originally Posted by low

ok so that was vague.

That is the answer, though.

It's up to you to figure out what your passions are.

One time, post break-up, I ended up at a harness racing track because it was cheaper than going to the movies and would keep me distracted longer than a movie.

I knew nothing about the sport...or wagering. I knew a little about horses since I used to ride.

Long story short, I immersed myself in that world and eventually owned and raced horses for a few years. It was just a hobby for me, and it had/has nothing to do with what I do for a living. However, it filled my time very enjoyably and I met a number of people along the way, some of whom became very good friends.

I don't live near a harness track anymore, so my current passion is cooking. I am always digging up new recipes to try and taking cooking classes that sound interesting. The classes are at a local kitchen gadget shop and part of the fun is being around other people who are really into food and cooking as well.

I was single for a long time (didn't get married until I was thirty-eight), and the key to being happy alone is to fill your life with activites/hobbies and/or work you find interesting. That may mean a lot of experimentation with a number of things before you figure out what your interests are. It may mean going out of your comfort zone and expanding your horizions.

Someone who has invested the time and made the effort to make their life a place they like being is in a win-win situation. Because, no matter if they are single or in a relationship, their life is a place they like being.

WaterIsLife · 02-18-2008, 11:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shes2smart

Someone who has invested the time and made the effort to make their life a place they like being is in a win-win situation. Because, no matter if they are single or in a relationship, their life is a place they like being.

I don't think I could have said it any better.

Sure, at first the good feeling may be brief and fleeting. But keep at it. You'll find that your life is truly a place you like being.

low · 02-19-2008, 12:23 AM

well thanks to all. I gave up everthing for my marrriage. everything. so i have no passions anymore. as for dating, its bad getting worse. its the reason i am here. I found someone (out of the 20 or so i dated) that I am smitten with. we rarely talk abymore as she is going thru a period where she wants to be alone. her last words to me were that i needed to make myself happy vs her making me happy. But I didn't look to her to make me happy, she just did it by being her. so thats over now anyway.

dating is horrible. all these women, always too busy, its like why join a dating site when you are clearly too f-in busy anyway? And the rejection, ugh. I am a very not good looking guy. the only thing i have going for me is that i am kind, gentle and sweet. I worship women.

evidently looks are far more important than i thought, or i am just not desirable.

who knows

02-18-2008, 10:48 PM	#1
low Offline Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Posts: 4	How to be happy alone? So my divrce is final a year now. The ex is already engaged. I have my daughter every other weekend. The divorce crushed and broke me on every level. But still I continue on. I feel extreme loneliness at night after work. So bad its deafening. I keep being told that I need to learn to be happy alone. But I don't think in my life I have ever been happy alone. I have one good friend of 20 years, but thats it. I don't have much of a life. I like what I do for a living, but the place I do it in sucks. I find that it drains me and makes me unhappy. How does one be happy alone?

02-18-2008, 10:52 PM	#2
jettison Online Platinum Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: West Bay Posts: 4,969	Hobbies, clubs, passions. Meeting pasionate people that are passionate about things other then just their significant other will completely transform your life. It will give you role models, friends, interests, and most importantly... your own passion. Hint: There is nothing more attractive then a passionate person. __________________ A unique opportunity... If you were at the deathbed of a woman you secretly loved all your life but whom you never had the courage to tell and then she tells you that she secretly loved you all these years, what a great opportunity that would be to practice your "poker face." "I wish someone knew me. I’d pick them apart and find out who I am." - Equestrian Dynamo

02-18-2008, 11:05 PM	#4
Dako Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Gender: None Specified Posts: 9,115	I got used to being alone after the divorce. If the house feels too empty I go out to a coffee shop or just take a walk. Late-night shopping, garage projects and cooking keep me from twiddling my thumbs. You could always break down and start dating. On weekends I head for the hills on my moto or fly kites. Last edited by Dako; 02-18-2008 at 11:08 PM.

02-18-2008, 11:18 PM	#6
iwishiknew Offline Silver Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Illinois Gender: Male Age: 31 Posts: 1,231	It is sometimes very hard for me to be happy when I am alone. __________________ "Some people more than others judge people by their looks, moreover attractiveness probably most affects first impressions" (Livingston) "To give anything less than your best is to sacrifice the Gift." "I am an ugly duckling"

02-18-2008, 11:37 PM	#7
WaterIsLife Offline Platinum Member Join Date: May 2007 Location: Sunny Florida Gender: Male Age: 36 Posts: 1,260	Find the little things in life that make you smile. These can certainly be different for different people. Try to remember back to when you were a kid....or when you first saw or experienced something for the first time.......Maybe its time to revisit some of these things again? Both the experience and the feeling within your soul. sorry if this is a bit vague too! __________________ "...because as we know, there are known knowns; there are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns-the ones we don't know we don't know." ~ former USA Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld.

02-18-2008, 10:59 PM	#3
low Offline Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Posts: 4	ok so that was vague.

02-18-2008, 11:13 PM	#5
Kiwi_Sweet Offline Join Date: Oct 2007 Gender: Female Posts: 989	Hi there hun. I know how you must feel with feelings of lonliness. I get like that sometimes. I think you should go see your doctor about getting on some medication to cope, at least until you are comfortable being single again. My best is with you

02-19-2008, 12:23 AM	#10
low Offline Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Posts: 4	well thanks to all. I gave up everthing for my marrriage. everything. so i have no passions anymore. as for dating, its bad getting worse. its the reason i am here. I found someone (out of the 20 or so i dated) that I am smitten with. we rarely talk abymore as she is going thru a period where she wants to be alone. her last words to me were that i needed to make myself happy vs her making me happy. But I didn't look to her to make me happy, she just did it by being her. so thats over now anyway. dating is horrible. all these women, always too busy, its like why join a dating site when you are clearly too f-in busy anyway? And the rejection, ugh. I am a very not good looking guy. the only thing i have going for me is that i am kind, gentle and sweet. I worship women. evidently looks are far more important than i thought, or i am just not desirable. who knows