This is to add to what others have written...
Originally Posted by NiceGuy76
Some of what you wrote makes me suspect that you also may have unintentionally said and did some things that "triggered" her impulse to go back to him, or stay with him. Even if she's putting herself in harm's way, you can't decide for her. She's an adult and you can't tell her what choices to make. Criticizing her isn't helpful. You also don't help at all by telling her she's "crazy." Your own frustration over the situation compounds her problem, confuses her even more, and doesn't help her make better choices. Of course all those feelings on your part are certainly understandable, but for an abuse victim, (i.e. the way abuse twists the mind around backwards), it's not helpful for her to hear those comments from you.
Here's a couple of articles to help explain why abuse victims go back...
Trauma Bonding : The Pull to the Perpetrator
Love and Stockholm Syndrome: The Mystery of Loving an Abuser
And here's another article to offer guidelines for how to truly help an abuse victim in a way the abuse victim most needs. This is an excerpt from the online article, but it's really an excerpt from the book Why Does He DO That? by Lundy Bancroft.
THE ABUSER: Pressures her severely.
SO YOU SHOULD: Be patient. Remember that it takes time for an abused woman to sort out her confusion and figure out how to handle her situation.
THE ABUSER: Talks down to her.
SO YOU SHOULD: Address her as an equal. If you speak to an abused woman as if you are smarter or wiser than she is, or as if she is going through something that could never happen to you, then you inadvertently confirm exactly what the abuser has been telling her, which is that she is beneath him. Remember, your actions speak louder than your words.
THE ABUSER: Thinks he knows what is good for her better than she does.
SO YOU SHOULD: Treat her as the expert on her own life. Don't assume that you know what she needs to do.
THE ABUSER: Dominates conversations.
SO YOU SHOULD: Listen more and talk less. The temptation may be great to convince her what a "jerk" he is, to analyze his motives, to give speeches covering entire chapters of this book. But talking too much inadvertently communicates to her that your thoughts are more important than hers, which is exactly how the abuser treats her. If you want her to value her own feelings and opinions, then you have to show her that you value them.
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