How do i get back to it

mzde · 02-06-2008, 09:32 AM

Ok here's how it goes I’m only 19 and I’ve only had two real meaningful relationships. The first was with a guy that was a little older than myself I was 15 when I meet him he was 22. I was with him while I was in high school. He was my all my first love and everything. We spent day in and day out with each other. I could never shake the fact that he was hiding something though. When I graduated from high school my family moved away (14 hours away) so a long distance relationship was out of the question.

We didn't talk for almost a year then one day we ended up in the same chat room. After I seen he was online everything changed I thought I was over him but all the feelings came right back to the surface. We talked for a little while and he asked me for my number. I didn't really feel comfortable with that because I was in a relationship at the time so I took his. It took me two weeks to call him. When I finally did he told me how much he missed me and how he still loved me. Well we talked for a while and the feeling I had when we were together that something just wasn't right I addressed it. He told me that while he was seeing me that he was carrying on a totally different relationship. This broke my heart into so many pieces I wouldn't know where to start to pick them up at.

This was the man who I gave my all to for four years and he's just telling me this. To hear this brought me down to say the least and my boyfriend picked up on it. I was being moody toward him I didn't want him to touch me I didn't want to spend any time with him at all. How do I get over this situation because I don't want to lose my boyfriend over this but it’s just so hard and now I don't trust my boyfriend and I know he's not doing the same thing but it’s just hard not to take it out on him. He doesn’t know the situation but he wants me to work it out but I don't know how.

If anyone could help me I would really appreciate it.

Sunshine75 · 02-06-2008, 09:45 AM

mzde - always listen to your gut!

You knew that your first love was cheating but didn't have the proof, and probably didn't want it because you were in love with him. Now that he's admitted to it, you know who HE is.

His actions are no reflection on how your current boyfriend is or how other men are. It is how HE is.

I would suggest cutting all contact with the ex. If he lied to you and cheated on you before, then he really isn't a good friend. A friend wouldn't do that. Once he's back out of your life, things will probably improve with your current boyfriend.

If you still don't feel better towards your boyfriend after this then maybe you could take a little break from him to sort yourself out. You opened up an old wound by getting back in touch with the ex. All the feelings coming back up and then finding out that he WAS cheating on you is like being back in that time and finding out then. So in effect, it's like you're carrying on two relationships emotionally - the one with the ex, and the one with the current bf- and the ex just broke your heart. You might need to re-heal from that.

If you have a good relationship with your current boyfriend and you've discussed your ex, you might even talk to him about it. Let him know you ran into your ex on a chat room and found out he had been cheating on you and now you feel upset about it. He might understand and be able to help you through it.

02-06-2008, 09:32 AM	#1
mzde Offline Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: GA Gender: Female Age: 21 Posts: 9	How do i get back to it Ok here's how it goes I’m only 19 and I’ve only had two real meaningful relationships. The first was with a guy that was a little older than myself I was 15 when I meet him he was 22. I was with him while I was in high school. He was my all my first love and everything. We spent day in and day out with each other. I could never shake the fact that he was hiding something though. When I graduated from high school my family moved away (14 hours away) so a long distance relationship was out of the question. We didn't talk for almost a year then one day we ended up in the same chat room. After I seen he was online everything changed I thought I was over him but all the feelings came right back to the surface. We talked for a little while and he asked me for my number. I didn't really feel comfortable with that because I was in a relationship at the time so I took his. It took me two weeks to call him. When I finally did he told me how much he missed me and how he still loved me. Well we talked for a while and the feeling I had when we were together that something just wasn't right I addressed it. He told me that while he was seeing me that he was carrying on a totally different relationship. This broke my heart into so many pieces I wouldn't know where to start to pick them up at. This was the man who I gave my all to for four years and he's just telling me this. To hear this brought me down to say the least and my boyfriend picked up on it. I was being moody toward him I didn't want him to touch me I didn't want to spend any time with him at all. How do I get over this situation because I don't want to lose my boyfriend over this but it’s just so hard and now I don't trust my boyfriend and I know he's not doing the same thing but it’s just hard not to take it out on him. He doesn’t know the situation but he wants me to work it out but I don't know how. If anyone could help me I would really appreciate it.

02-06-2008, 09:45 AM	#2
Sunshine75 Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Posts: 188	mzde - always listen to your gut! You knew that your first love was cheating but didn't have the proof, and probably didn't want it because you were in love with him. Now that he's admitted to it, you know who HE is. His actions are no reflection on how your current boyfriend is or how other men are. It is how HE is. I would suggest cutting all contact with the ex. If he lied to you and cheated on you before, then he really isn't a good friend. A friend wouldn't do that. Once he's back out of your life, things will probably improve with your current boyfriend. If you still don't feel better towards your boyfriend after this then maybe you could take a little break from him to sort yourself out. You opened up an old wound by getting back in touch with the ex. All the feelings coming back up and then finding out that he WAS cheating on you is like being back in that time and finding out then. So in effect, it's like you're carrying on two relationships emotionally - the one with the ex, and the one with the current bf- and the ex just broke your heart. You might need to re-heal from that. If you have a good relationship with your current boyfriend and you've discussed your ex, you might even talk to him about it. Let him know you ran into your ex on a chat room and found out he had been cheating on you and now you feel upset about it. He might understand and be able to help you through it.