Ok I finally admit I'm not attractive, how to deal with it??

After being rejected and rejected time and time again from women! My self esteem has taken a complete 180 in the abyss. I mean I've always felt bad but now I feel so bad that I feel like I have butterflies in my stomach. I can't even stand to look at myself. Which is sad... I met a female off a dating personal site. We seemed to hit it off really well. She seemed to like my pictures but when we met in person it was another story. She had the nerve to actually tell me that she wasn't feeling me at all and that she actually found me ugly. She had the nerve to dismiss herself and get back in the car and to drive away. Do you know how humiliating that feels.... I've never felt so bad. I understand that the chick isn't worth me worrying or crying over but it still hurts.

This is not the first time I've been called ugly but this last stunt has been a complete blow to me. I'm so tired of being nice, so tired of being pushed over and trampled over by people again and again. I'm tired, I don't even feel like ever leaving my house again. I felt so miserable this morning that I called out sick for work today to mope in the bed like the pathetic loser that I am.

I know people are going to tell me to lighten up and everything is going to be ok. How can I feel good about myself when people don't even like me? How can I possibly love myself when I feel worthless and undesirable? I don't even care about trying to improve myself to look better to get validation for others. I'm not going to go to the gym,I'm not going to get better clothes all just to please others.. I'm just frustrated why people can't like me for who I am... I'm ugly... how can I deal with it?? I know I'm ugly because I have people tell me that constantly!!!

Well, I wont tell you to lighten up and everythings going to be okay, that'd be trivialising what you're saying and your feelings.

I know exactly what you mean, there has been times when I've seen photo's of myself and I've looked hydiously ugly. I've even asked people if that is how I really look and they've said yes. So I've felt the same as you.

There's been a lot of times where I was trampled over and treated like * * * * too.

This can all make you lose faith in other people, but you've got to rememebr there are genuine nice people out there who will like you for the person you are, you've got to remember the times when people have been friendly with you and treat you good.

And remember, not actually liking yourself and having low self esteem can cause you to come accross as less appealing to other people, which in turn makes you feel bad, and so the circle continues. Where as if you did like yourself which would mean you have a high self esteem, which would mean you'd be more confident and more happy, which will totally effect the way you come accross and will make you a lot more appealing and approachable to people.

I've noticed when I've felt like * * * * people aren't as warm to me, and seem a bit more serious. And when I've been feeling good about myself and I feel great people seem a lot more warmer towards me and smile more, and they try to make conversation, I seem to get treated a lot better and with more respect. Seriously.

I really don't know what to say to help you. Just, I didn't find my bf attractive at all when we first met. He had a big nose and terrible skin, but I love him to death now. I hope that you find someone worth your time, you seem like a sweet guy. I wish that I knew you in person, I am not a very good comforter via the computer.

That's horrible! I can't believe people have spoken to you that way!

I can understand how you must be very hurt by such ugly comments, but I still think you should do everything you can possibly do to make yourself appear your best. My ex is not a physically attractive man, when I first met him I was not attracted to him at all. We became friends because he has an amazing personality, after a short period he became more and more attractive to me, and eventually I fell in love with him. Looks eventually fade for us all, ones character is what counts in the end.

Those people are just mean. If you open yourself up to people like that...they will take advantage of it because human beings are cruel. There is no reason for anyone to say that to anyone. The girl probably had serious issues...any time you deal with people from online sites you have to take that into account. She's just a jerk...its not you.

Are you sure you are just not attracting women who are really ugly on the inside? A woman who is pretty inside and out I can't imagine would ever look at a guy and say "sorry you are too ugly and get back in her car".

I think your low self esteem is causing you to gravitate to people who are really ugly on the inside.

This is not typical behavior. I won't utter the word outloud that i think that kind of woman is that you have come in contact with. People are still human beings and too dismiss someone like that - well let's say I don't envy her karma (even if she didn't want to date you again, what she did by making you feel like less than human was disgusting).

Are you sure you are just not attracting women who are really ugly on the inside? A woman who is pretty inside and out I can't imagine would ever look at a guy and say "sorry you are too ugly and get back in her car".

 

I think your low self esteem is causing you to gravitate to people who are really ugly on the inside.

 

This is not typical behavior. I won't utter the word outloud that i think that kind of woman is that you have come in contact with. People are still human beings and too dismiss someone like that - well let's say I don't envy her karma (even if she didn't want to date you again, what she did by making you feel like less than human was disgusting).

I agree with this.

I agree with everyone else. That woman sounds like she's really really horrible. Even I wouldn't go on a date with someone and tell them they're ugly. That's insane. If she thought you were ugly on the date then surely she would have thought that by the pix - and to go on the date and THEN say you are ugly is completely nuts and horrible. I would try not to let that get to you because she seriously sounds like a really screwed up person.

You say people tell you you're ugly constantly. Who else says that? I think you should stand up to these people if they do that - if you don't already. Tell them 'I may be ugly but at least I'm not screwed up'. Maybe two wrongs don't make a right but you shouldn't let these people be mean to you and get away with it.

I don't know what to say to make yourself feel better about yourself. Maybe try to make good friends rather than just looking for dates. Do you have nice friends who you can talk to or have good times with? I think you need to stop associating with people who will bring you down. I'm sure there are some good people out there who'd love to know you and hang out with you - and then you might start feeling happier.

Also, this seems to be the sort of behaviour of shallow 'party' type girls. Usually you can tell if a girl is like that, even from an online profile and picture.

Think about if these girls really are your sort of girls, if not, then just don't bother with them at all. There are a lot of nice girls out there, and that doesn't mean they have to be boring.

Brilliant post by Brightest Dark. Myles, I hope you pay extra attention to this bit:

If she thought you were ugly on the date then surely she would have thought that by the pix - and to go on the date and THEN say you are ugly is completely nuts and horrible. I would try not to let that get to you because she seriously sounds like a really screwed up person.

You're not ugly, man. From a logical standpoint, you can tell this woman just was a horrible person and that you're not ugly, she is.

yo, that girl is a snot. F her. keep trying. it happens to everyone. sometimes you hit dry spells where you can feel really ugly. you have to get rid of that feeling and keep truckin so to speak.

Wow - I can't imagine anyone doing that. She sounds absolutely VILE. You had the luckiest escape on the planet, what a spiteful woman.

There are a lot of threads about looks here, and I get that it's important. But hand on heart, looks don't matter. Basically, so long as you look after yourself then forget the looks, it's about the personality and attitude. Try it - try a day of looking EVERYONE in the eye and smiling, and a day of not, and see how differently people react to you

Anyway, she sounds awful. Lucky lucky escape!

You say people tell you you're ugly constantly. Who else says that? I think you should stand up to these people if they do that - if you don't already. Tell them 'I may be ugly but at least I'm not screwed up'. Maybe two wrongs don't make a right but you shouldn't let these people be mean to you and get away with it.

Ah but if he said that that wouldn't be a wrong would it? He doesn't deserved getting dissed for no reason, but they would deserve getting dissed back.

More like one wrong and one right makes a right.

WOW, what a B**CH! Here's my advice, if you feel like you are unattractive then you should attempt to change that for YOU and not others. When you love who you are then others can too. I agree with some other posts that that girl you went out with had some insecurity issues of her own. She said that to make herself feel better. Anyway hang in there dude, life can be a pain in the ass sometimes.

The thing with photos that I have on my site, they're like glamour shots taken at one of those picture places where they hide every imperfection. They can make everyone look like a model so I have those type of pictures displayed. Personally I feel like I don't look like the same person in real life as in the photos. I sorta led her on in a way I guess I can say... because the photos really don't look like me so I think I set myself up for disappointment! Everyone comments on those photos but the average everyday photos, I never get a response which makes me believe I'm ugly..

I'm feeling very cold and sick.. They're just so many mean superficial people out there. I feel so humiliated that she was so disgusted that she didn't give me a chance. She is not the first person to call me ugly. My friends do it, even though they say they're playing when they joke around I know they're serious. Girls done it before. In Elementary and in high school I was always the little geeky kid everyone made fun of and laughed at.. Now that I'm 20 years old, it still seems I'm always get kicked to the curb or I'm the butt of every practical joke. I really just don't have the strength to even try anymore to feel good. I hate even going out because I'm so anxious and nervous when I'm out, I can't even feel comfortable in my own skin because I feel so ugly. It's gotten to the point where I avoid mirrors. I don't even like to look at myself.. how pathetic is that??

I hate myself because people can't seem to love me for who I am. I don't honestly think I have a real friend. It's sorta odd, I find that all of my friends are really superficial and it's not like I'm consciously looking for these type of people. They're always striving for perfection and I fall short because they always seem to tease me about how lame and ugly I am, but they always say that they're joking. When I confront them, the claim I'm being too girly and being way too sensitive. They're nice people, I mean it's not always like that, we go out and do things for one another like friends do.

I keep having flashbacks of the things people said and did to me over the past and it's literally giving me a headache to the point where I feel like I'm going to pass out of throw up. I'm really exhausted and tired of people. I want to go on an island by myself, that way people won't judge me or talk about me..

Myles to eliminate your own heartache please only use realistic untouched up photos. What good is it to get more meets if they end in disaster? Wouldn't it be better to be realistic with the photos and maybe meet fewer women but the ones you do meet know what to expect and won't likely get upset and leave?

She told you that you are ugly and she drove away?!!!. Humiliating, but beautiful in the severeness of the brutal honesty!

I wouldn't say there was anything beautiful about the way she was being.

We seemed to hit it off really well. She seemed to like my pictures but when we met in person it was another story. She had the nerve to actually tell me that she wasn't feeling me at all and that she actually found me ugly. She had the nerve to dismiss herself and get back in the car and to drive away.

What a b****.

Myles to eliminate your own heartache please only use realistic untouched up photos. What good is it to get more meets if they end in disaster? Wouldn't it be better to be realistic with the photos and maybe meet fewer women but the ones you do meet know what to expect and won't likely get upset and leave?

That's true. I use a good 'un and a bad 'un.

Ugly people do!!!!!!!!!!!!

Compassion runs riot amongst some users' ideologies...

The cruelty was beautifully pure. Most people would lie, they would stay there, they would make stuff up. She said it like it was!!!!!!!!!!!!

There is a such a thing as tactfulness and caring about another persons feelings.

She could've at least said 'look, I'm sorry but I just don't feel attracted to you.' Probably would've been best for her to just at least go on the date and then say that afterwards, either in real life, on the phone or online. Maybe saying you didn't really look like how you looked on your photo as well would've been helpful too him.

Ugly people do!!!!!!!!!!!!

You obviously need an attitude adjustment.

Maybe saying you didn't really look like how you looked on your photo would've been helpful too him as well.

That's true. No one looks that different on photos than they do in real life, unless they've been severely altered in Photoshop (the photos, I mean).

I was used by a LIAR! Maybe I am ugly too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Not too sure what you're getting at.

Oh yes they do!!! Shadows, angles, lighting, lack thereof. People LIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You have your own thread about lying, let him have his...