Post break-up: Mutual friends, how to handle it?
Hi all, I am in desperate need of some advice so any help gratefully received.
Two months ago my boyfriend of 1 year broke up with me for someone else. I am absolutely gutted and feel utterly inadequate. He has refused to speak to me and i am struggling to deal with things. We have a big group of friends together - some were his friends first and others we met together through those people. Over the last year I have formed close bonds with many of the others in the group. Since we split up our friends have been supportive, telling me they really dont want to see me disappear from the group.
However, I dont know how it is going to work. I have spent time with several of these friends one on one and on two occasions with the group (minus my ex-boyfriend and few others closer to him) Then last week they all went out minus me and my ex-boyfriend brought along his new girlfriend. I dont think I can handle this - the image of him dancing. laughing with a group of friends I love, kissing someone else is too hard to stomach. Of my friends making friends with this new girl - i hate it. I guess I'm scared that I contribute nothing and that they will replace and forget me as easily as my ex-boyfriend has done.
I drunkenly text the girl I've made closest friends with saying 'there is no place for me anymore' and she has taken offense that I would think she would drop me for the new girl. I've apologised and explained that I meant I cant see how we can be friends anymore because I dont want to be a crap friend, I know I'll ask questions about my ex, his new girl, and irrationally feel betrayed every time she sees them. This isnt fair and I dont want to treat anyone like this.
The options as I see it are: 1) see them all one on one but miss out on the group activities
2) sometimes I go to group things, sometimes my ex goes
3) forget it, move on and try to meet new people
With 1 and 2 I will always know that when i'm not there, my ex and his new girl are, and feel inadequate. I'll want to know if he mentioned me etc. Also, he might not want to sometimes miss out as per option 2 (he has refused to speak to me since we split up. Initally he said he wanted to be friends again one day but I went a bit crazy and now he has told me not to contact him. Also, is being friends with an ex ever possible or healthy when i've been hurt so much by the end of the relationship? Certainly not now when I want him back anyway)
So..........I feel that I've lost my best friend in my ex-boyfriend and now i think i'm losing the whole group. I love spending time with them all - but I cant see how it can work. Any advice?