My mom is CRAZY!

niceandslow · 01-02-2008, 09:18 AM

Wow. I don't even know where to begin with this one. Basically, my mother wants to ruin my life so I can be unhappy and lonely like she is. My mother suffers from depression and anxiety, and she recently developed a bad drinking problem. When she drinks, she becomes very angry and mean. She will take her anger out on other people so they will feel what she is feeling.

So last night, we were talking and she told me I should leave my boyfriend. The reason being we didn't spend NYE together because he worked, then she started listing off a million different reasons why I should dump him. She insisted he was just using me for sex. This is what made me really angry. This started her into a rage. She just kept ranting and going on and on. So she finally told me, she was going to call him at work. She knows where he works because she knows that is where we met. She called information to get the number. I pleaded with her not to call because it is disrespectful to call him at work. To make sure she didn't, I was like you can talk to him next time I'm with him. Well, she was like give me his house number or I will call him at work. So I was forced into it even though it was against my better judgment. She apparently called him and left a message to call her once he got home, and she threatened if he didn't that she would come up to confront him. (She lives 5 hours away.)

After this, my brother called and I said I don't know what to do. I need to talk to Dave, and let him know what she is doing. I was like she is nuts. A mother doing what she is doing is beyond inappropriate. She heard me say this because she was on the phone eavesdropping. Then she decided to call him at work. Well, this really made me upset. My bf called right away and was like what is going on. I tried to explain but it is so hard.

For the next 2 hours, I was hearing my mother argue with me on the phone. All because she wants to get involved in my relationship. She thinks I am going to get hurt, and I tell her if I do then I have to learn on my own. I can't have other people tell me what to do. She threatened to drive all the way up here today and destroy my life. She said she wants to ruin my life and she will do anything so he will never call or talk to me again. What mother does that to her daughter?

Last night was the last straw with my mother. I don't know how serious she was, but it is insane. I really am contemplating about changing my number so she can't contact me. I really don't know what to do about this whole situation. How can I make sure she doesn't drive up here? In ways, I just want to give up all contact with my mother, but she is still my mother. What does one do in this situation?

rose2summer · 01-02-2008, 10:14 AM

niceandslow-

Your mother is really interfering in your personal life.

I think the best thing to do is have a talk with her and tell her that her experiences in life don't mirror your own.

Tell her you care about her but that if she doesn't stay our of your life, you will need to move out.

Are you you still living at home? Can you move out? Are you in school?

Maybe carefully figuring out how much dependence you really need from her financially and emotionally will dictate your decision.

Hugs, Rose

niceandslow · 01-02-2008, 10:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rose2summer

niceandslow-

Your mother is really interfering in your personal life.

I think the best thing to do is have a talk with her and tell her that her experiences in life don't mirror your own.

Tell her you care about her but that if she doesn't stay our of your life, you will need to move out.

Are you you still living at home? Can you move out? Are you in school?

Maybe carefully figuring out how much dependence you really need from her financially and emotionally will dictate your decision.

Hugs, Rose

The thing is I live on my own, 5 hours away. Even with this distance between us, she is too involved in my personal life. I have told her she doesn't need to worry about me, but she can't seem to let me go and fend for myself. it is so hard to talk to someone who is so stubborn.

rose2summer · 01-02-2008, 10:27 AM

Can you just stop telling her what goes on in your life?

When she asks, you can say, mother, I love you dearly, but you need to let me grow up and be an adult, and trust me that I am making the decisions that I find are best for myself.

Maybe she was so hurt in her own life, she fears that for you.

I would just avoid telling her anything to be honest.

Hugs, Rose

ernurse75 · 01-03-2008, 01:09 AM

Sorry to say but it sounds like with a diagnoses of "depression and anxiety" your mom has been to the doctor and been seeking meds for uncomfortable feelings within herself for a long time. Now she is drinking too so that leads me to believe that she is self medicating probably on top of an antidepressant and some sedatives. Your mom is really uncomfortable in her own skin. I am right?

If so then you and I know that this is totally about her. She can't get beyond her own insides. She needs the help, not you. It is really hard to tell your own mom to step back from your life. Especially one with these sort of problems. They are the very best at guilt trips and have manipulated you for years into thinking you will be responsible for their fall. My mom has some problems herself.

You are going to have to be very assertive and set limits immediately. Refuse to discuss your relationship and tell her why. If you need to end the conversation just say so and hang up. Take the phone off the hook. Make sure you are consistent and expect her to pout. But if you refuse to contribute to the drama for long enough then she might unload on someone else. Or, better yet, she might get the professional help she needs. Sometimes tough love is the best. If you need to change your number... do it! Change your locks too. You can write letters to tell her how much you love her and explain to her exactly why you have to limit contact for a while. Make sure she knows it is your decision and not your boyfriend's.

This is a hard step but in the long run, she will want to have a relationship and lay off a bit. Don't let it ruin your life! It is only lived (as we know it) once around.

3boys · 01-03-2008, 11:38 AM

You need to talk to her when she hasn't been drinking and tell her that if she continues this behavior, you will charge her with harassment. Yes, I realize she's your mother, but she needs to realize that she's crossed the line and there will be consequences for her actions. If she doesn't, she will never stop.

01-02-2008, 09:18 AM	#1
niceandslow Offline Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Gender: Female Age: 24 Posts: 73	My mom is CRAZY! Wow. I don't even know where to begin with this one. Basically, my mother wants to ruin my life so I can be unhappy and lonely like she is. My mother suffers from depression and anxiety, and she recently developed a bad drinking problem. When she drinks, she becomes very angry and mean. She will take her anger out on other people so they will feel what she is feeling. So last night, we were talking and she told me I should leave my boyfriend. The reason being we didn't spend NYE together because he worked, then she started listing off a million different reasons why I should dump him. She insisted he was just using me for sex. This is what made me really angry. This started her into a rage. She just kept ranting and going on and on. So she finally told me, she was going to call him at work. She knows where he works because she knows that is where we met. She called information to get the number. I pleaded with her not to call because it is disrespectful to call him at work. To make sure she didn't, I was like you can talk to him next time I'm with him. Well, she was like give me his house number or I will call him at work. So I was forced into it even though it was against my better judgment. She apparently called him and left a message to call her once he got home, and she threatened if he didn't that she would come up to confront him. (She lives 5 hours away.) After this, my brother called and I said I don't know what to do. I need to talk to Dave, and let him know what she is doing. I was like she is nuts. A mother doing what she is doing is beyond inappropriate. She heard me say this because she was on the phone eavesdropping. Then she decided to call him at work. Well, this really made me upset. My bf called right away and was like what is going on. I tried to explain but it is so hard. For the next 2 hours, I was hearing my mother argue with me on the phone. All because she wants to get involved in my relationship. She thinks I am going to get hurt, and I tell her if I do then I have to learn on my own. I can't have other people tell me what to do. She threatened to drive all the way up here today and destroy my life. She said she wants to ruin my life and she will do anything so he will never call or talk to me again. What mother does that to her daughter? Last night was the last straw with my mother. I don't know how serious she was, but it is insane. I really am contemplating about changing my number so she can't contact me. I really don't know what to do about this whole situation. How can I make sure she doesn't drive up here? In ways, I just want to give up all contact with my mother, but she is still my mother. What does one do in this situation?

01-02-2008, 10:14 AM	#2
rose2summer Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Apr 2006 Gender: Female Posts: 2,389	niceandslow- Your mother is really interfering in your personal life. I think the best thing to do is have a talk with her and tell her that her experiences in life don't mirror your own. Tell her you care about her but that if she doesn't stay our of your life, you will need to move out. Are you you still living at home? Can you move out? Are you in school? Maybe carefully figuring out how much dependence you really need from her financially and emotionally will dictate your decision. Hugs, Rose __________________ If life is fulfilled we go away with empty hands. ~Chinese Proverb~ With every failure, there's a chance for success. With every failure, there's a chance to learn. ~Rose~

01-02-2008, 10:27 AM	#4
rose2summer Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Apr 2006 Gender: Female Posts: 2,389	Can you just stop telling her what goes on in your life? When she asks, you can say, mother, I love you dearly, but you need to let me grow up and be an adult, and trust me that I am making the decisions that I find are best for myself. Maybe she was so hurt in her own life, she fears that for you. I would just avoid telling her anything to be honest. Hugs, Rose __________________ If life is fulfilled we go away with empty hands. ~Chinese Proverb~ With every failure, there's a chance for success. With every failure, there's a chance to learn. ~Rose~

01-03-2008, 01:09 AM	#5
ernurse75 Offline Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: TX desert Gender: Female Posts: 25	Sorry to say but it sounds like with a diagnoses of "depression and anxiety" your mom has been to the doctor and been seeking meds for uncomfortable feelings within herself for a long time. Now she is drinking too so that leads me to believe that she is self medicating probably on top of an antidepressant and some sedatives. Your mom is really uncomfortable in her own skin. I am right? If so then you and I know that this is totally about her. She can't get beyond her own insides. She needs the help, not you. It is really hard to tell your own mom to step back from your life. Especially one with these sort of problems. They are the very best at guilt trips and have manipulated you for years into thinking you will be responsible for their fall. My mom has some problems herself. You are going to have to be very assertive and set limits immediately. Refuse to discuss your relationship and tell her why. If you need to end the conversation just say so and hang up. Take the phone off the hook. Make sure you are consistent and expect her to pout. But if you refuse to contribute to the drama for long enough then she might unload on someone else. Or, better yet, she might get the professional help she needs. Sometimes tough love is the best. If you need to change your number... do it! Change your locks too. You can write letters to tell her how much you love her and explain to her exactly why you have to limit contact for a while. Make sure she knows it is your decision and not your boyfriend's. This is a hard step but in the long run, she will want to have a relationship and lay off a bit. Don't let it ruin your life! It is only lived (as we know it) once around.

01-03-2008, 11:38 AM	#6
3boys Offline Silver Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Posts: 316	You need to talk to her when she hasn't been drinking and tell her that if she continues this behavior, you will charge her with harassment. Yes, I realize she's your mother, but she needs to realize that she's crossed the line and there will be consequences for her actions. If she doesn't, she will never stop.