How do I make Hubby feel young???

FarthestEdge · 12-28-2007, 02:39 PM

I guess it's my turn to ask for advice.....

DH is 38, and he's had a rough couple of years with a myriad of health problems. Nothing major, I attribute a lot of it to the fact that when he was young, he had a very physical job which led to a lot of chronic injuries...

DH is very fit, and IMO very attractive, but because of his recent health problems, he is currently unable to exercise the way he is used to, and his physique has "softened" a little. To be honest, I prefer him this way. He is by no means overweight (his body fat runs around 13%), but the little fat he does carry has always been in one spot- and he hates it.... (Not that any of this matters to me, I married him 60 pounds ago and love him no matter what)

So he doesn't have his six-pack anymore, and his hair is a little grayer than it used to be...Personally, I love seeing the changes in him and knowing we're moving through life's phases together..

A few years ago when he lost the aforementioned 60 pounds, he started getting a lot of attention from other women- and he liked it. Let me be crystal clear on this: I do NOT have a problem with him enjoying the attention of other women. He knows when and where to draw the line and I am the one he "'brags" to because it makes him feel good. I know exactly what's going on and I'm fine with it..It's just a little ego-stroking that he didn't get when he was young...

But now, he's apparently not getting as much attention as he used to..He's also feeling old because of his recent health problems and the physical limitations that have been put on him. And it's getting him down...

So here's my question: What can I do to add a little excitement and "youth" to our lives? Before answering, please keep in mind that:

a) I am 6 months pregnant, so anything physically challenging or extra-naughty will have to wait awhile....
b) Since we are expecting a baby in the spring, and the financial hit that comes with taking a year off work, a vacation is also unfortunately out of the question at the moment....
c) We have a 3 year old as well, which naturally means most of our time together is family time.....

Suggestions?

**arwen** · 12-28-2007, 03:00 PM

Hey farthestedge,

The a-c things to keep in mind in suggesting things surely eliminated candidates involving sports together or a weekend of spa

Anyway, I think small compliments go a long way if they are not obviously just expressed to make him feel better. Things like, 'that pair of jeans look great on you' or 'I think you are becoming more toned' (even if it's not actually all that obvious...

).

Or without words: softly running through his hair while just kissing him in an intimate way, lots of physical contact (i.e. cuddling, maybe hinting to the time you will have a more active sexlife... etc).

Finally, if you want to go back in time a bit: do something you used to do before you got into the family stage- just for a night and as long as your physical condition allows for it. Maybe have friends over for a small dinnerparty, or go to a concert if there is a band that part of your more youthful years

Arwen

RayKay · 12-28-2007, 03:17 PM

I think men often seem to be very hard hit by the realization they are getting older and feel sometimes a bit lost about how to deal with their feelings of it (midlife crisis anyone?).

I know for me, being able to be physically fit is so important for me too....it really dos affect my mood if I am unable too for some reason outside control (like injury) and I do start to feel more sloth like and less happy with how I feel!

It might help if he can do some exercises that are gentler on his body if he has specific aches and pains - swimming for example is truly wonderful for chronic pain, calisthenics and a pilates/yoga program may also be very good for him.

Aside from that - I second arwen's suggestions as just making him feel desirable for being him, and make it known to him you think he is still the sexiest thing on the planet.

KAT MOMMY · 12-28-2007, 03:39 PM

I think that on your shopping trips one afternoon you should pick him up a shirt or maybe a hat-something bright, fun and vibrant. It would be cute to match it with something for the 3-yr old or the new baby/ that would surely make him feel "alive" again and it also would show him that you are OK with the weight and you like him just the same. Or maybe suggest a new cologne or something of that nature.

JadedStar · 12-28-2007, 04:07 PM

All you can do is probably what you already do - letting him know how sexy he is to you.

Unfortunately this sort of thing is internal to him and there is little you can do about it. I have a feeling when he lost the weight and was getting compliments his esteem was still low, the compliments just gave him temporary boosts. Now that he does not have those temporary boosts he is down a lot more.

He has to feel good aobut himself on his own. We cannot increase our partner's self esteem. We can make it known we desire them and love them, but good self esteem is something that comes from within the individual. He has to find it for himself.

KAT MOMMY · 12-28-2007, 04:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JadedStar

All you can do is probably what you already do - letting him know how sexy he is to you.

Unfortunately this sort of thing is internal to him and there is little you can do about it. I have a feeling when he lost the weight and was getting compliments his esteem was still low, the compliments just gave him temporary boosts. Now that he does not have those temporary boosts he is down a lot more.

He has to feel good aobut himself on his own. We cannot increase our partner's self esteem. We can make it known we desire them and love them, but good self esteem is something that comes from within the individual. He has to find it for himself.

For goodness sake Jade that is her husband she is pregnant, and the other child is only 3-can you at least sometime feel the least but empathy for the woman and her family. If you already have low-self esteem someone telling you your shoes are nice, or you are sexy is not going to do anything to boost the esteem if anything it will put that person in a deeper slumber wondering why are people lying to them. People with low self-esteem doubt everything about their being and you are right no one can lift that but the person themselves.

With this situation I don't think that it's a matter of self-esteem issues but more like a mid-life crisis deal. She the wife is probably beautiful and glowing and he just has come to realization that men get old faster than women. That is alot to stomach and I can understand her fustration.

Have a heart---I know that isn't jaded too-now is it???

DONT START IT EITHER

-----

ghost69 · 12-28-2007, 04:23 PM

surprise him with a gracious hug when he gets home or something and pull his pants off and just give him a bj. tell him he is sexy. i'm sure that will make his day.

FarthestEdge · 12-28-2007, 04:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JadedStar

All you can do is probably what you already do - letting him know how sexy he is to you.

Unfortunately this sort of thing is internal to him and there is little you can do about it. I have a feeling when he lost the weight and was getting compliments his esteem was still low, the compliments just gave him temporary boosts. Now that he does not have those temporary boosts he is down a lot more.

He has to feel good aobut himself on his own. We cannot increase our partner's self esteem. We can make it known we desire them and love them, but good self esteem is something that comes from within the individual. He has to find it for himself.

I know you are absolutely right when it comes to the feeling sexy bit. Been there myself, and I know it's up to me- I don't hold him responsible for my sense of self-worth...

Still, I know that in the past, things like going on vacation somewhere new, or having an adventure of sorts always breathes new life into us and our relationship as well, 'cause for those brief moments, we feel young again and "go back" to those earlier years, when we were "young" and just having fun with life... (Word of warning though, when you're 33 and 21 year olds are telling you "You guys are too cool- you ROCK!"...you've gone waaaaay to far with the tequila

)

Man, I sound like I am feeling old...But I am in the mommy-zone right now and content with my boring, predictable routine life...In part because I know this is just a phase of our life where excitement and adventure takes a back seat to the more important task of parenting...The day will come when we will be able to find the balance and pursue our own interests without being at the expense of our kids...And I am content to wait...

But a little bit of excitement or adventure would help him feel younger right now...I am just fresh out of ideas...

As for the feeling sexy part, I continue to do what I can...I can't help it, I DO find him incredibly sexy...but he thinks I am biased because I love him....The attention from other women was what convinced he actually WAS sexy...It's messed up...

Thanks to all for your input. I'd love to hear from some of the guys on this. I have a feeling this may be a bit of a guy thing, as RayKay suggested...

chai714 · 12-28-2007, 04:35 PM

I think your question is how do you make someone feel young (again). Well, you do youthful things. What do fit, active people do? The first and most noticeable would be to notice their energy levels - they're higher than people older than them. If he can keep up with you guys' 3 year old, that ought to be accomplishment in and of itself. But as far as what he can do on his own should be up to him. The only thing you can do is throw out ideas. Subscribe to a fitness magazine for him, change the car he drives and get a booming system and wheels, buy him more youthful clothes, make a sports box for him that includes a football, basketball and whatever he likes to play/watch, and somehow incorporate this with your child so that he can be a familyman/youthful feeling husband.

Good luck.

FarthestEdge · 12-28-2007, 04:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ghost69

surprise him with a gracious hug when he gets home or something and pull his pants off and just give him a bj. tell him he is sexy. i'm sure that will make his day.

Well, I guess this is what I get for asking for the guys perspective!!!!!!

FYI, I am very "demonstrative" of my desire for him in that regard. Hubby jokes sometimes that this is why we are still married.....

But thanks for the laugh....

12-28-2007, 02:39 PM	#1
FarthestEdge Offline Gold Member Join Date: May 2007 Gender: Female Posts: 836	How do I make Hubby feel young??? I guess it's my turn to ask for advice..... DH is 38, and he's had a rough couple of years with a myriad of health problems. Nothing major, I attribute a lot of it to the fact that when he was young, he had a very physical job which led to a lot of chronic injuries... DH is very fit, and IMO very attractive, but because of his recent health problems, he is currently unable to exercise the way he is used to, and his physique has "softened" a little. To be honest, I prefer him this way. He is by no means overweight (his body fat runs around 13%), but the little fat he does carry has always been in one spot- and he hates it.... (Not that any of this matters to me, I married him 60 pounds ago and love him no matter what) So he doesn't have his six-pack anymore, and his hair is a little grayer than it used to be...Personally, I love seeing the changes in him and knowing we're moving through life's phases together.. A few years ago when he lost the aforementioned 60 pounds, he started getting a lot of attention from other women- and he liked it. Let me be crystal clear on this: I do NOT have a problem with him enjoying the attention of other women. He knows when and where to draw the line and I am the one he "'brags" to because it makes him feel good. I know exactly what's going on and I'm fine with it..It's just a little ego-stroking that he didn't get when he was young... But now, he's apparently not getting as much attention as he used to..He's also feeling old because of his recent health problems and the physical limitations that have been put on him. And it's getting him down... So here's my question: What can I do to add a little excitement and "youth" to our lives? Before answering, please keep in mind that: a) I am 6 months pregnant, so anything physically challenging or extra-naughty will have to wait awhile.... b) Since we are expecting a baby in the spring, and the financial hit that comes with taking a year off work, a vacation is also unfortunately out of the question at the moment.... c) We have a 3 year old as well, which naturally means most of our time together is family time..... Suggestions?

12-28-2007, 03:00 PM	#2
arwen Offline Super Moderator Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: The Netherlands Gender: Female Age: 29 Posts: 5,396	Hey farthestedge, The a-c things to keep in mind in suggesting things surely eliminated candidates involving sports together or a weekend of spa Anyway, I think small compliments go a long way if they are not obviously just expressed to make him feel better. Things like, 'that pair of jeans look great on you' or 'I think you are becoming more toned' (even if it's not actually all that obvious... ). Or without words: softly running through his hair while just kissing him in an intimate way, lots of physical contact (i.e. cuddling, maybe hinting to the time you will have a more active sexlife... etc). Finally, if you want to go back in time a bit: do something you used to do before you got into the family stage- just for a night and as long as your physical condition allows for it. Maybe have friends over for a small dinnerparty, or go to a concert if there is a band that part of your more youthful years Arwen __________________ You always* have a choice.* 11 February 2010: [Only registered and activated users can see links. ]* is due!* Please see the forum rules for posting on enotalone.com

12-28-2007, 03:17 PM	#3
RayKay Offline Platinum Member Join Date: May 2004 Location: Middle of Canada Gender: Female Age: 30 Posts: 13,270	I think men often seem to be very hard hit by the realization they are getting older and feel sometimes a bit lost about how to deal with their feelings of it (midlife crisis anyone?). I know for me, being able to be physically fit is so important for me too....it really dos affect my mood if I am unable too for some reason outside control (like injury) and I do start to feel more sloth like and less happy with how I feel! It might help if he can do some exercises that are gentler on his body if he has specific aches and pains - swimming for example is truly wonderful for chronic pain, calisthenics and a pilates/yoga program may also be very good for him. Aside from that - I second arwen's suggestions as just making him feel desirable for being him, and make it known to him you think he is still the sexiest thing on the planet. __________________ [FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=darkolivegreen][B]<--- [COLOR=sienna]Carbun the Super-Bunny[/COLOR][/B][/COLOR][/FONT] [B][FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=#556b2f][/COLOR][/FONT][/B] [FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=darkolivegreen][B]At the end of the day, how you imprinted on someones life and heart is the only true mark any of us leave on this earth and is what we are most proud of... [/B][/COLOR][/FONT][I][SIZE=1]- My Biggest Hero and Mentor: My Mum.[/SIZE][/I] [FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=orange][B]Il faut d'abord durer [/B][/COLOR][/FONT][I][SIZE=1]- Ernest Hemingway[/SIZE][/I]

12-28-2007, 04:23 PM	#7
ghost69 Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Desert Gender: Male Posts: 33,444	surprise him with a gracious hug when he gets home or something and pull his pants off and just give him a bj. tell him he is sexy. i'm sure that will make his day. __________________ Not only am I friendly, but I'm invisible too. Too perfect of a relationship is too weird-g69 If you say you are normal, I'd think you are weird-g69 The world can only get better, it depends on how you look at it-g69 'As wicked as you are, you're beautiful to me'-5fingerdeathpunch you cannot control the world, you can only live in it the best you can for you-g69 NooOoOoooOOoOoOoooooo

12-28-2007, 04:35 PM	#9
chai714 Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: The End of the Pier Gender: Male Age: 31 Posts: 2,705	I think your question is how do you make someone feel young (again). Well, you do youthful things. What do fit, active people do? The first and most noticeable would be to notice their energy levels - they're higher than people older than them. If he can keep up with you guys' 3 year old, that ought to be accomplishment in and of itself. But as far as what he can do on his own should be up to him. The only thing you can do is throw out ideas. Subscribe to a fitness magazine for him, change the car he drives and get a booming system and wheels, buy him more youthful clothes, make a sports box for him that includes a football, basketball and whatever he likes to play/watch, and somehow incorporate this with your child so that he can be a familyman/youthful feeling husband. Good luck. __________________ "Your mind is your greatest weapon." - David J. Lieberman, Ph.D "Most every person or situation can be influenced through the power of psychology."

12-28-2007, 03:39 PM	#4
KAT MOMMY Offline Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: The Dirty South Gender: Female Age: 29 Posts: 886	I think that on your shopping trips one afternoon you should pick him up a shirt or maybe a hat-something bright, fun and vibrant. It would be cute to match it with something for the 3-yr old or the new baby/ that would surely make him feel "alive" again and it also would show him that you are OK with the weight and you like him just the same. Or maybe suggest a new cologne or something of that nature.

12-28-2007, 04:07 PM	#5
JadedStar Offline Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: On a star far, far away... Posts: 16,347	All you can do is probably what you already do - letting him know how sexy he is to you. Unfortunately this sort of thing is internal to him and there is little you can do about it. I have a feeling when he lost the weight and was getting compliments his esteem was still low, the compliments just gave him temporary boosts. Now that he does not have those temporary boosts he is down a lot more. He has to feel good aobut himself on his own. We cannot increase our partner's self esteem. We can make it known we desire them and love them, but good self esteem is something that comes from within the individual. He has to find it for himself.