confused....

[darkpumpkin]

First let me say Merry Holiday to all those at Enotalone!

I am dating this guy but I'm a bit confused about a certain part of his behavior. Why will he say something expecting me to say something example: he works out of town ALOT, it's not easy. In fact its very hard on me but I try to be supportive. He will say something like:

He says: you want me to quit don't you.
Me: no, I mean it's hard but I can deal with it.
He says: no you really want me to quit.

That maybe a bad example here's another one.

We met on eharmony about 3 months ago. I cancelled my subscription about a month or two in, I just like focusing on one guy. I know he still has his but can rarely checks it, I think....doesn't really matter. I brought it up because I wanted to let him know that they charge you every month unless you cancel and he told me he rarely goes on it. And he says: I should really cancel that shouldn't I?

I say: If you want to

Then he just looks a way and drops it.

Last night I asked him if he would cancel eharmony and he was so happy....I don't get it? I thought guys were straightforward? My one guy friend says that guys play the game to get what they want just as much as girls.....

[NewPhillyGuy]

Originally Posted by darkpumpkin

First let me say Merry Holiday to all those at Enotalone!

I am dating this guy but I'm a bit confused about a certain part of his behavior. Why will he say something expecting me to say something example: he works out of town ALOT, it's not easy. In fact its very hard on me but I try to be supportive. He will say something like:

He says: you want me to quit don't you.
Me: no, I mean it's hard but I can deal with it.
He says: no you really want me to quit.

That maybe a bad example here's another one.

We met on eharmony about 3 months ago. I cancelled my subscription about a month or two in, I just like focusing on one guy. I know he still has his but can rarely checks it, I think....doesn't really matter. I brought it up because I wanted to let him know that they charge you every month unless you cancel and he told me he rarely goes on it. And he says: I should really cancel that shouldn't I?

I say: If you want to

Then he just looks a way and drops it.

Last night I asked him if he would cancel eharmony and he was so happy....I don't get it? I thought guys were straightforward? My one guy friend says that guys play the game to get what they want just as much as girls.....

If you've been dating the guy for 3 months, I think it's reasonable for you to want him to cancel his account. You stated that you are the type of girl that focuses on one guy at a time, and that's fine. I respect that. I tend to be the same.

Since it really seems to bother you (which it might me as well), I would tell him how you feel directly and request, politely, that he cancel his account. You are also pretty much asking him for exclusivity at this point. I am not sure if you have had this conversation already. Perhaps a better angle would be to tell him how you feel and ask him where you both stand as a couple. If he responds that he is also looking for exclusivity, I think it's certainly reasonable to request that he delete his account, and he should respond in a way which clearly acknowledges your feelings. In that case, he should be prompt to delete his account.

If he seems to hesitate in deleting or expresses that he's not ready for exclusivity, you have to decide whether or not you are ok with the current situation, and would you be able to continue seeing him in light of the uncertainty. Some people would be ok with this and others would not. What's most important for you, at this point, is that you are true to yourself about what you want, and that you are clear in your communication about your wants and needs to your partner.

If your partner refuses to acknowledge your feelings, you may have to decide to end the relationship. Be strong enough and have enough self-respect to walk away. Don't fear being alone, as you can always find someone else who's a better match for you. You could always try eHarmony again, if you would like.

I was dating a girl for a brief period of time (just two months), who also listed her self as single on a social networking site, although she asked me to be exclusive with her pretty quickly. I believe it was after just 2-3 dates, which while flattering, was a bit strange considering how quickly it happened. Her interest level and motivation in making dates quickly declined, which is what I expected from someone who rushed like that. I made the choice to end the relationship due to the uncertainy and perhaps mind-gaming on her part. It was more than just her listing herself as single. there were a few dealbreakers which I had experienced with her that led me to make my decision. I am so happy that I did.

Best of luck to you. Please share more detail, if you would. It would help us to better understand your situation and to advise you.

[Gath]

I'm not sure how the payments for eharmony work, but is it possible he paid for a certain amount of time up front? He also may just not care much.

I have a netflix subscription I haven't used in the last year because I'm out of the country most of the time. . . but I uh. . .haven't canceld that either. I can't cancel it from here, and I always forget about it when I go back.

Could be it just slips his mind a lot.

[darkpumpkin]

Oh no I guess I wasn't clear, very sorry. I wasn't really bothered that he had the account. He fogets that he has it and i just didn't want him to be charged for it. My question was why did he keep dropping hints for me to say that I WANTED him to drop the account. I mean we already discussed that we are exclusive so that wasn't a problem.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

perhaps he is looking for signs as to how committed you are to him... i.e., you intend to be around a while if you tell him you don't want him keeping a profile on eHarmony...

some people are flattered if someone is a bit jealous.

if everything else is going well i wouldn't read too much into this... i would if he were insisting he keep the profile though!