Mother pushing me to get prenup

someguy69 · 12-12-2007, 06:12 PM

I need some advice / opinions here please

I'm less than a month away from getting married, and my mother has started putting major pressure on me to get a prenuptial agreement with my fiancee, to the point of not only refusing to go the wedding if we do not get one, but pretty much cutting me out of her will (she changed her will to leave everything she was leaving to me to my [future] children instead).

Her reasoning is that she wants to protect her family assets (and my younger brother). I co-own my deceased grandparent's property with her, and she wants to make sure that in case of divorce, my wife wouldn't have any claim to it, or any other assets owned by my mother.

My fiancee believes that a prenuptial agreement renders the wedding vows meaningless ("all that I am, all that I have, I give to you"), and therefore makes the marriage meaningless. She also feels that giving into the demands of my mother will set a very bad precedent for the rest of our marriage.

Please help!

Killasasparilla · 12-12-2007, 06:14 PM

Personally, I think that you should go along with your mother on this one.

**melrich** · 12-12-2007, 06:14 PM

OK if you co-own some assets with your mother I can somewhat understand her position.

I can also understand where your wife is coming from.

Why not look at a legal agreement that goes only to the assets your mother part owns and addresses only your mother's interest?

RayKay · 12-12-2007, 06:17 PM

I can see your mothers side if she is concerned about the property to be honest. It's not like it is all yours to give, it is your family's and I am sure your grandparents intended it to go to family - not be bickered over in a divorce by exes!

Personally, I don't see why a prenup makes the vows "meaningless" in any sense.......it is about the assets you are bringing in before or after marriage, and if you put meaning into the vows you will never NEED to use the prenup anyway so what is the worry? I am a little worried she would consider marriage "meaningless" with a prenup to be honest; seems like an odd statement!

I can see her worries about the pressure from your mom - but this is about the property that your family owns together and has been passed down, whether you were married to her or not, and a prenup can deal strictly with that and nothing else if you wanted - seems fair to me, doesn't it? I think that is more than fair given it is your family's property and is co-owned.

I certainly would sign one...not because I think we will need it but because most people when they get married don't think they will ever be in that situation and they are. Furthermore, to me it is also a statement saying I AM in this for the right reasons because I have no interest in that property/assets aside from what we set out in the prenup.

I am curious, does your mom have concerns about this woman overall and that is why she is more concerned?

Crazyaboutdogs · 12-12-2007, 06:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by melrich

OK if you co-own some assets with your mother I can somewhat understand her position.

I can also understand where your wife is coming from.

Why not look at a legal agreement that goes only to the assets your mother part owns and addresses only your mother's interest?

I am with Melrich on this one. With the divorce rate so high, I think a prenup is actually very important. It doesn't cheapen the vows at all....you can be both romantic and pragmatic...one doesn't preclude the other.

moxi_crimefighter · 12-12-2007, 06:19 PM

i have to agree with melrich that sound like a really good way to reach a common ground with everyone!

southerngirl · 12-12-2007, 06:23 PM

I am going to be one more voice (typed word) that agrees.

Sign a prenup that only deals with said property and if she is with you 100 % for the right reasons I do not see whys he should have a problem with this.

It does not make anything meaningless. I really can see where they would be concerned if there should be family assets being fought over.

Batya33 · 12-12-2007, 06:27 PM

Melrich and Raykay are right on target. I have an irrational romantic side to me that is anti-prenup but I also know I would not want any part of my (hypothetical!) husband's assets that he brought into the marriage. what we buy together, etc and child support and the like is a different matter. I don't believe when you marry you agree to give all you own financially/materialistically to your spouse.

**melrich** · 12-12-2007, 06:33 PM

Quote:

husband's assets that he brought into the marriage.

This seems to be in the USA the one thing that is significantly different to financial settlements here.

After 5 years of marriage here, the assets of the couple (pre-owned or attained during the marriage) are pretty much treated the same.

There can be some discretionary allowance (say if one partner came in with $20m and the other came in with nothing) but if was just, say, a single property that one partner came into the marriage with it would be included in the division of assets.

jmantra · 12-12-2007, 06:34 PM

I agree with everyone here...

I see a prenup as a nescessary evil these days though I don't think it makes your vows meaningless.

People can be pretty selfish and vicious when it comes to divorce, so it's good to have it just in case.

Though I do find quite rude of your mother to threaten to cut you off if you don't do what she wants, sounds quite manipulative. if my mom would have said something like that to me, I would have stood up to her and said "go right ahead, I have my lovely wife, I'll be just fine without you"

12-12-2007, 06:12 PM	#1
someguy69 Offline Member Join Date: Apr 2005 Age: 37 Posts: 271	Mother pushing me to get prenup I need some advice / opinions here please I'm less than a month away from getting married, and my mother has started putting major pressure on me to get a prenuptial agreement with my fiancee, to the point of not only refusing to go the wedding if we do not get one, but pretty much cutting me out of her will (she changed her will to leave everything she was leaving to me to my [future] children instead). Her reasoning is that she wants to protect her family assets (and my younger brother). I co-own my deceased grandparent's property with her, and she wants to make sure that in case of divorce, my wife wouldn't have any claim to it, or any other assets owned by my mother. My fiancee believes that a prenuptial agreement renders the wedding vows meaningless ("all that I am, all that I have, I give to you"), and therefore makes the marriage meaningless. She also feels that giving into the demands of my mother will set a very bad precedent for the rest of our marriage. Please help!

12-12-2007, 06:14 PM	#2
Killasasparilla Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Louisiana Gender: Male Age: 17 Posts: 245	Personally, I think that you should go along with your mother on this one. __________________ I'm here... barely.

12-12-2007, 06:17 PM	#4
RayKay Offline Platinum Member Join Date: May 2004 Location: Middle of Canada Gender: Female Age: 30 Posts: 13,270	I can see your mothers side if she is concerned about the property to be honest. It's not like it is all yours to give, it is your family's and I am sure your grandparents intended it to go to family - not be bickered over in a divorce by exes! Personally, I don't see why a prenup makes the vows "meaningless" in any sense.......it is about the assets you are bringing in before or after marriage, and if you put meaning into the vows you will never NEED to use the prenup anyway so what is the worry? I am a little worried she would consider marriage "meaningless" with a prenup to be honest; seems like an odd statement! I can see her worries about the pressure from your mom - but this is about the property that your family owns together and has been passed down, whether you were married to her or not, and a prenup can deal strictly with that and nothing else if you wanted - seems fair to me, doesn't it? I think that is more than fair given it is your family's property and is co-owned. I certainly would sign one...not because I think we will need it but because most people when they get married don't think they will ever be in that situation and they are. Furthermore, to me it is also a statement saying I AM in this for the right reasons because I have no interest in that property/assets aside from what we set out in the prenup. I am curious, does your mom have concerns about this woman overall and that is why she is more concerned? __________________ [FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=darkolivegreen][B]<--- [COLOR=sienna]Carbun the Super-Bunny[/COLOR][/B][/COLOR][/FONT] [B][FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=#556b2f][/COLOR][/FONT][/B] [FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=darkolivegreen][B]At the end of the day, how you imprinted on someones life and heart is the only true mark any of us leave on this earth and is what we are most proud of... [/B][/COLOR][/FONT][I][SIZE=1]- My Biggest Hero and Mentor: My Mum.[/SIZE][/I] [FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=orange][B]Il faut d'abord durer [/B][/COLOR][/FONT][I][SIZE=1]- Ernest Hemingway[/SIZE][/I] Last edited by RayKay; 12-12-2007 at 06:20 PM.

12-12-2007, 06:19 PM	#6
moxi_crimefighter Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: where MEN have PINK hair Gender: Female Age: 22 Posts: 319	i have to agree with melrich that sound like a really good way to reach a common ground with everyone! __________________ iiM Jeffree freakin Star!! lol

12-12-2007, 06:23 PM	#7
southerngirl Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: NW Georgia Gender: Female Posts: 3,032	I am going to be one more voice (typed word) that agrees. Sign a prenup that only deals with said property and if she is with you 100 % for the right reasons I do not see whys he should have a problem with this. It does not make anything meaningless. I really can see where they would be concerned if there should be family assets being fought over. __________________ A wise man learns by the mistakes of others, a fool by his own. Latin Proverb

12-12-2007, 06:14 PM	#3
melrich Offline Super Moderator Join Date: Jul 2003 Gender: Male Posts: 8,503	OK if you co-own some assets with your mother I can somewhat understand her position. I can also understand where your wife is coming from. Why not look at a legal agreement that goes only to the assets your mother part owns and addresses only your mother's interest?

12-12-2007, 06:27 PM	#8
Batya33 Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Posts: 19,073	Melrich and Raykay are right on target. I have an irrational romantic side to me that is anti-prenup but I also know I would not want any part of my (hypothetical!) husband's assets that he brought into the marriage. what we buy together, etc and child support and the like is a different matter. I don't believe when you marry you agree to give all you own financially/materialistically to your spouse.

12-12-2007, 06:34 PM	#10
jmantra Offline Silver Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Pittsburgh, PA USA Age: 26 Posts: 493	I agree with everyone here... I see a prenup as a nescessary evil these days though I don't think it makes your vows meaningless. People can be pretty selfish and vicious when it comes to divorce, so it's good to have it just in case. Though I do find quite rude of your mother to threaten to cut you off if you don't do what she wants, sounds quite manipulative. if my mom would have said something like that to me, I would have stood up to her and said "go right ahead, I have my lovely wife, I'll be just fine without you" __________________ If you're looking for someone to love, look in the mirror... "Don't fear the penguin!" Take a peak inside my mind: http://www.jmantra.com Do you find yourself comparing yourself to others? See this thread: http://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?p=2154197