Would you see a psychologist for your own issues?

mariemck · 12-07-2007, 04:26 PM

Hi there..

I'm wondering if anyone here would see a benefit in seeing a psychologist if they are having relationship issues and self-struggles within your relationship?

As my previous posts have mentioned, I am engaged and in a very unhealthy relationship.. It is very toxic and has caused alot of emotional damage on me.. I have become severely depressed and physically ill...
My relationship is not physically abusive, but it has definitely been verbally and emotionally abusive and I have tried numerous attempts to leave but never feel strong enough to do it.
Whenever I think logically I should leave, and logically know I will be ok, I try and take a few days of separation and each time I am weak and can't leave... I love him to death, and he loves me but he has serious jealousy and control issues.. and bigtime trust issues... I feel like a prisoner and can't go anywhere without us having a huge arguement.

I have in my past been in another long-term, where I had all the freedom in the world, and yet I ended up cheating on him

I feel terrible, but I feel like I have a split personality... like one part of me is this settle down homebody type... yet this other side is this wild girl and I have internal battles all the time on what I should be doing...
I feel I am way too young to be engaged and not ready to get married... yet when the thought of being single and free is sort of lonely and intimidating to me

I am 25, and feel that I should be alot stronger and independent with my emotions... I'm such a softie, I am a very emotional person and I think I might have a love addiction...... I always need someone in my heart... and when I don't I feel empty... which is why I often have a hard time leaving a relationship that I am unhappy in, unless I have someone else there right away.

I have been to a counsellor, but it doesn't seem to be helping, she just listens to me..... I don't need someone to listen, I need someone to help me understand why I am the way I am so that I can fix it and become a better person... I don't want to hurt anyone by staying somewhere i am unhappy.

Eire1 · 12-07-2007, 05:10 PM

If you have these kinds of issues now, don't get married. Marriage won't make things better, just more complicated.

Maybe you need to find a new therapist. Perhaps one that specializes in marriage/relationships/sex, etc..

-BK- · 12-07-2007, 05:13 PM

The simple answer is yes! If you see that there are some issues, then please talk to someone about what they are. It's never too late, or too early, to address things in ourselves that could be better. We go to the doctor when we're sick. We take our car into a mechanic when it's not running well. Why wouldn't we take our mind/heart into a therapist when we aren't at 100%? I don't know that you need a psychologist, but you might want to try a different therapist if the current one isn't working. You have to feel comfortable with their style in order for it to work correctly...

Aurian · 12-07-2007, 06:52 PM

Yes, try someone else. I have been to four counselors in my lifetime and each had their own way of doing things - some more effective than others. Like you, I found a counselor who just got me to talk and listened to be rather ineffective.

The best counselor was one who challenged the things I said, turned our meetings into debates and gave me reading and homework. His sessiosn were very interactive and very helpful.

So try someone new.

12-07-2007, 04:26 PM	#1
mariemck Offline Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 41	Would you see a psychologist for your own issues? Hi there.. I'm wondering if anyone here would see a benefit in seeing a psychologist if they are having relationship issues and self-struggles within your relationship? As my previous posts have mentioned, I am engaged and in a very unhealthy relationship.. It is very toxic and has caused alot of emotional damage on me.. I have become severely depressed and physically ill... My relationship is not physically abusive, but it has definitely been verbally and emotionally abusive and I have tried numerous attempts to leave but never feel strong enough to do it. Whenever I think logically I should leave, and logically know I will be ok, I try and take a few days of separation and each time I am weak and can't leave... I love him to death, and he loves me but he has serious jealousy and control issues.. and bigtime trust issues... I feel like a prisoner and can't go anywhere without us having a huge arguement. I have in my past been in another long-term, where I had all the freedom in the world, and yet I ended up cheating on him I feel terrible, but I feel like I have a split personality... like one part of me is this settle down homebody type... yet this other side is this wild girl and I have internal battles all the time on what I should be doing... I feel I am way too young to be engaged and not ready to get married... yet when the thought of being single and free is sort of lonely and intimidating to me I am 25, and feel that I should be alot stronger and independent with my emotions... I'm such a softie, I am a very emotional person and I think I might have a love addiction...... I always need someone in my heart... and when I don't I feel empty... which is why I often have a hard time leaving a relationship that I am unhappy in, unless I have someone else there right away. I have been to a counsellor, but it doesn't seem to be helping, she just listens to me..... I don't need someone to listen, I need someone to help me understand why I am the way I am so that I can fix it and become a better person... I don't want to hurt anyone by staying somewhere i am unhappy.

12-07-2007, 06:52 PM	#4
Aurian Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Vancouver, Canada Gender: Female Age: 30 Posts: 2,364	Yes, try someone else. I have been to four counselors in my lifetime and each had their own way of doing things - some more effective than others. Like you, I found a counselor who just got me to talk and listened to be rather ineffective. The best counselor was one who challenged the things I said, turned our meetings into debates and gave me reading and homework. His sessiosn were very interactive and very helpful. So try someone new. __________________ How to spot a loser and understanding the abused victim: http://www.drjoecarver.com/3/miscellaneous2.htm Excellent articles!

12-07-2007, 05:10 PM	#2
Eire1 Offline Gold Member Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: East Coast Gender: Male Posts: 599	If you have these kinds of issues now, don't get married. Marriage won't make things better, just more complicated. Maybe you need to find a new therapist. Perhaps one that specializes in marriage/relationships/sex, etc..

12-07-2007, 05:13 PM	#3
-BK- Offline Silver Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Gender: Male Age: 39 Posts: 289	The simple answer is yes! If you see that there are some issues, then please talk to someone about what they are. It's never too late, or too early, to address things in ourselves that could be better. We go to the doctor when we're sick. We take our car into a mechanic when it's not running well. Why wouldn't we take our mind/heart into a therapist when we aren't at 100%? I don't know that you need a psychologist, but you might want to try a different therapist if the current one isn't working. You have to feel comfortable with their style in order for it to work correctly...