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  1. #1
    Platinum Member TechResQ's Avatar
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    My son slept with his best friend's Mom...

    Hi everyone. I am having some problems deciding what to do about this situation. Any advice would be most appreciated.

    Two days ago my, just recently turned, 21 year old son told me about an incident that happened this summer and he is having MAJOR guilt issues with it. His best friend, who is 22 and an Army Ranger was home, on leave for a few days and of course my son was with him for the majority of his time back home. After a very large party one Saturday night, my son was awakened the next morning by his best friend's mom basically on top of him. Kissing him, and fondling him. She is 38, my son, at the time was 20. He told me he was still a little "foggy" and partially drunk from the night before, but he knew what was happening. She was not drunk, hadn't drank the night before (supposedly). Anyway, the lust progressed and they had sex.

    My son said he felt horribly guilty before, during and after. He knew it was wrong but he didn't stop himself or her. He said she acted as though nothing was wrong with what happened and went on about her business as usual.

    My son has known this family since he was 12 years old. He even used to call her his "second" Mom, because he would be over there almost everyday.

    I am so angry with her I can barely contain myself. Yes, I do know it takes two to tango, but this woman knew better! I can't believe she did this. My son is very remorseful and guilt ridden, he is really beating himself up so I didn't give him "the lecture". He not only feels guilty about how this will affect his relationship with his best friend, but the fact that she is married, with other children and her husband is a friend of my son's as well and he basically grew up with this family.

    Here is my dilemma...His best friend has heard through the grapevine that this happened and he is now trying to call my son to get the facts. I told him he needs to be honest with him. He should tell him the whole truth if he asks. BUT, I told him to be prepared for a break in the friendship, be prepared to be yelled at, called every name in the book. But also, be prepared to take it and not try to give excuses or place blame. Do you think this is good advice? Did I tell him the right thing to do? I want, so badly to contact her and tell her exactly what I think of her and what she did. Should I? Or should I stay completely out of it? I normally DO NOT fight his battles and I am not trying to do that now.

    Oh, one more thing...apparently she has done this before with many other guys. It was not a one time thing for her. AND she has called my son telling him not to tell her son the truth. She has called him crying, saying she thought she could trust my son not to tell anyone. She is a real piece of work!!

    I am so angry I am about to lose it!

    Thanks for any helpful advice or suggestions you can give me.
    Last edited by TechResQ; 12-06-2007 at 01:54 PM.

  2. #2
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    I say don't get involved. Your son is a grown man and he needs to be responsible for his own actions.

  3. #3
    Gold Member Loki71's Avatar
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    About the only thing you can do is tell her you no longer consider her a friend. They were both adults and like you said it takes 2. If your son didn't want it he should have stopped her. Yes she should not have done what she did. And as for telling her son what would that do other than rip a family apart and a friend ship as he might go after your son and blame him.
    Iím not insane ó my mother had me tested.

  4. #4
    Bronze Member baddasslegend92's Avatar
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    Wow!!!

    That is awful. I think you told him the right thing to do. I can just imagine how your son and his best friend must feel Then again they are both adults.
    If you don't like something change it;If you can't change it, change the way you think about it.

  5. #5
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    Wow! You and your son must be really close if he told you about that. Congrats on that.

    I think you gave your son solid advice. I mean, there really is no alternative.

    Also, I can understand how you're upset, but I don't think it's your business to get involved. That would probably be really embarrassing for your son and wouldn't help the situation in any way.

    good luck

  6. #6
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    How did your son's friend get to hear of it?

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by kaligrl22 View Post
    I say don't get involved. Your son is a grown man and he needs to be responsible for his own actions.
    I agree, you can't get involved. Although everything in your nature tells you that you should intervene, it would be a mistake. This is lesson learning time for both the mom and your son. Potentially, the mom in question is too irresponsible to take anything positive from this long term, even if it compromises her relationship with her son. However, your son can learn from this, and it's something that he has to go through on his own.

    I agree wholeheartedly that "the truth" is the best policy in this situation, even if it means jeopardizing his friendship with his best friend. If I were the son, it would be letter writing time. I would own up to my mistake, but also make it clear that it wasn't intended, pursued, or condoned. Basically, I'd say something like..."I am a terrible friend for what happened, and I've betrayed you. I hope you can forgive me at some point."

    I would shy away from "talking smack" about the mother as much as possible. It's his mother afterall. The son will have to face his mother's demons one way or another, and he's unlikely to require help from your son.

  8. #8
    Platinum Member flower99's Avatar
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    ^^^ great words^^
    Wow what a mess, she really is a piece of work.
    I think the advice you gave was good....wise advice.
    I don't think you should call the women, stay out of it & continue to support & encourage your son to do what's right. this is a big lesson he's learning the hard way....And remember that when your son fesses up (which will be hard, but is right & will clear his conscious) than that will blow her out of the water. And she will have to be accountable for her actions. I can't believe she would ask him to lie, that's so wrong. (on top of everything else)
    Last edited by flower99; 12-06-2007 at 02:14 PM.
    ~ There are a lot of changes in life, how we react to them that matters, it's what makes us who we are. ~

  9. #9
    Platinum Member Supa_gurl's Avatar
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    As you may already know, at 20, a man is still not a man. It takes many more years for him to mature. This sounds like a life altering experience for him, and probably a lesson learned. I think the woman did take full advantage of him. I am not saying he is not to blame for anything but I do feel he is not old enough to make such a grown up decision. Now as for you getting involved: You are right that you should not get involved, but being a mother myself I would not be following the advice I am giving you. I would go over there and Smack the Crap out of her. (thats just me maybe) I hope you son did learn a valuable lesson, it sounds as if he did. I also hope that if his friend knows of his mother's other escapades that he will be forgiving towards your son.
    Absence is to love what wind is to fire, it extinguishes the small and enkindles the great.

  10. #10
    Platinum Member TechResQ's Avatar
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    Unsuretexan,

    Thanks. I guess I didn't make it clear. I wouldn't tell her son, but he is asking my son for the truth. I think my son owes him that much. I could be wrong though.

    Someguy88,

    Thanks! My son and I are very close and he does tell me pretty much everything. I try not to step in very often. I think you are right, I doubt I will say anything to her (email, phone call), BUT if I ever see her in person, I might be tempted to. Hopefully that situation will not arise!
    Last edited by TechResQ; 12-06-2007 at 02:15 PM. Reason: spelling

  11. 12-06-2007, 02:15 PM

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