not who i used to be and fighting it

under_my_amberella · 12-05-2007, 11:36 PM

I didn't want to become one of those women who gets married and has kids and suddenly has nothing in common with her old friends. Have I become that person?? NOo!! I don't want it.

I used to have his fabulously crazy life in a wonderful, fashionable, happening city. Had lots of friends, guys chasing me, lots of fun stories to tell, wonderful adventures, partying, all that stuff. Now, just a couple years later, my life is all about being a stay at home mom. My life revolves around my career, my husband, my baby, my family (mom, brother, relatives..), and other friends who are also married or moms.

So my old friends call me and say, "so, what's the latest gossip?" And I never have any gossip. I mean, I live in a new city now. So they wouldn't even be interested in hearing about what's happening in the lives of my new friends. And I hate hearing myself talk about my baby or my husband. Seriously, I know they don't care how many teeth my kid has now. Then they proceed to tell me stories about strippers and orgies (not that my friends were involved in these, but more friend-of-a-friend things..), about this new guy and that new guy and how big his penis is, etc. I love hearing about that stuff but I just feel like a loser when they're like, "so, what's new with you?" and all I can think of is my trip to my uncle's house last week, or the double date we went on to the Christmas Carol and all this other boring crap.

Then they say, "oh, we can't wait for you to come back here and party with us." And i also can't wait. But how much fun am I going to have partying with a bunch of drunk single girls when I'm supposed to be a respectable, mature woman now?

Anyone have any thoughts on this?

Censored · 12-05-2007, 11:53 PM

Yeah, i have a thought on this, the'yre probably thinking the same thing about you.

How lucky they probably think you are to have found the "one" to have had children, to be content with your life.........We all go through transitional phases.

I'm your friends in this story, partying, and living large , but you know what? I look at my married friends with kids and think, wow, maybe, hopefully, one day, that'll be me. Until then i just fill it with meaningless fun.

under_my_amberella · 12-05-2007, 11:56 PM

that's a good point. tonight my friend was telling me about how depressed she is to be turning 27 and still not have found the one and she's going to grow old and die alone.

JadedStar · 12-06-2007, 12:02 AM

Put it into perspective. We DO evolve into different people. Change is NOT bad all the time.

You are in a differnt place right now. If your values still feel like you should be single woman of the world gossiping with single friends then you have a problem. But if your values have shifted, I can tell you firsthand that sometimes a friend shift is a necessary byproduct.

And just because you have different values now does not mean you have to totally discard the old friends. I would suggest making one night a week, or even one night a month, a priority to reconnect with them if that is what your gut tells you that you want to do.

you are your own person. Only you know what values you have right now that should be on the forefront.

Censored · 12-06-2007, 12:04 AM

LOL, see, that is kinda depressing. But we seldom allow these thought to come to the surface. When i speak to my married friends with kids, i certainly don't say what i posted here. It's more like.

Woooooooooooooooooooooooo, yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh, rock on, when you comin out to the pub, we gotta have a huge one on Saturday....blah blah blah......

All a bit of a facade really. Not that i don't enjoy my life, i love it, but I also love the potential for the future that some of my friends have been brave enough to enter. Hope that makes sense.

JadedStar · 12-06-2007, 08:14 AM

What part is depressing??? LOL I wasn't sure what you meant.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Niceguyloses

LOL, see, that is kinda depressing. But we seldom allow these thought to come to the surface. When i speak to my married friends with kids, i certainly don't say what i posted here. It's more like.

Woooooooooooooooooooooooo, yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh, rock on, when you comin out to the pub, we gotta have a huge one on Saturday....blah blah blah......

All a bit of a facade really. Not that i don't enjoy my life, i love it, but I also love the potential for the future that some of my friends have been brave enough to enter. Hope that makes sense.

amtjrtcet · 12-06-2007, 01:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Niceguyloses

Yeah, i have a thought on this, the'yre probably thinking the same thing about you.

How lucky they probably think you are to have found the "one" to have had children, to be content with your life.........We all go through transitional phases.

I'm your friends in this story, partying, and living large , but you know what? I look at my married friends with kids and think, wow, maybe, hopefully, one day, that'll be me. Until then i just fill it with meaningless fun.

Very true, there are two sides.

I have a close group of girlfirends. Me and 3 other girls. We've been friends since high school. We'd go shopping together, football games, clubbing, bars, always an adventure. And in just a matter of 24 months the three are married and two of them have kids. Then there's me. Single, dating someone, but no babies or marriage in the picture right now.

The 4 of us still get together every Sunday night for our "supper club" which is soooo tame from our old Sunday nights. They ask me a million questions and I can see the envy in their eyes when I talk about what's going on in my life of freedom and independence. But they see it right back in my eyes when they talk about their husbands and children.

12-05-2007, 11:36 PM	#1
under_my_amberella Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Gender: Female Age: 28 Posts: 5,035	not who i used to be and fighting it I didn't want to become one of those women who gets married and has kids and suddenly has nothing in common with her old friends. Have I become that person?? NOo!! I don't want it. I used to have his fabulously crazy life in a wonderful, fashionable, happening city. Had lots of friends, guys chasing me, lots of fun stories to tell, wonderful adventures, partying, all that stuff. Now, just a couple years later, my life is all about being a stay at home mom. My life revolves around my career, my husband, my baby, my family (mom, brother, relatives..), and other friends who are also married or moms. So my old friends call me and say, "so, what's the latest gossip?" And I never have any gossip. I mean, I live in a new city now. So they wouldn't even be interested in hearing about what's happening in the lives of my new friends. And I hate hearing myself talk about my baby or my husband. Seriously, I know they don't care how many teeth my kid has now. Then they proceed to tell me stories about strippers and orgies (not that my friends were involved in these, but more friend-of-a-friend things..), about this new guy and that new guy and how big his penis is, etc. I love hearing about that stuff but I just feel like a loser when they're like, "so, what's new with you?" and all I can think of is my trip to my uncle's house last week, or the double date we went on to the Christmas Carol and all this other boring crap. Then they say, "oh, we can't wait for you to come back here and party with us." And i also can't wait. But how much fun am I going to have partying with a bunch of drunk single girls when I'm supposed to be a respectable, mature woman now? Anyone have any thoughts on this? Last edited by under_my_amberella; 12-05-2007 at 11:41 PM.

12-05-2007, 11:53 PM	#2
Censored Offline Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Floating in a dirty puddle called bliss. Gender: Male Age: 34 Posts: 1,326	Yeah, i have a thought on this, the'yre probably thinking the same thing about you. How lucky they probably think you are to have found the "one" to have had children, to be content with your life.........We all go through transitional phases. I'm your friends in this story, partying, and living large , but you know what? I look at my married friends with kids and think, wow, maybe, hopefully, one day, that'll be me. Until then i just fill it with meaningless fun.

12-05-2007, 11:56 PM	#3
under_my_amberella Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Gender: Female Age: 28 Posts: 5,035	that's a good point. tonight my friend was telling me about how depressed she is to be turning 27 and still not have found the one and she's going to grow old and die alone.

12-06-2007, 12:02 AM	#4
JadedStar Offline Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: On a star far, far away... Posts: 16,340	Put it into perspective. We DO evolve into different people. Change is NOT bad all the time. You are in a differnt place right now. If your values still feel like you should be single woman of the world gossiping with single friends then you have a problem. But if your values have shifted, I can tell you firsthand that sometimes a friend shift is a necessary byproduct. And just because you have different values now does not mean you have to totally discard the old friends. I would suggest making one night a week, or even one night a month, a priority to reconnect with them if that is what your gut tells you that you want to do. you are your own person. Only you know what values you have right now that should be on the forefront.

12-06-2007, 12:04 AM	#5
Censored Offline Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Floating in a dirty puddle called bliss. Gender: Male Age: 34 Posts: 1,326	LOL, see, that is kinda depressing. But we seldom allow these thought to come to the surface. When i speak to my married friends with kids, i certainly don't say what i posted here. It's more like. Woooooooooooooooooooooooo, yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh, rock on, when you comin out to the pub, we gotta have a huge one on Saturday....blah blah blah...... All a bit of a facade really. Not that i don't enjoy my life, i love it, but I also love the potential for the future that some of my friends have been brave enough to enter. Hope that makes sense.