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  1. #1
    Member sunflower512's Avatar
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    How do you survive when your soulmate dies?

    I never believed in love or soul mates... that is until I met mine. Our relationship wasn't a bed of roses, we had to fight very hard for it. We dated for a year, took a year off and dated other people and finally found our way back to each other. Throughout our relationship and even breakup, he would tell me, his friends, who ever would listen, that it was only a break, and that one day I was going to be his wife. Four days after we were officially back together, I got the worst phone call of my life... its been 7 months and I still cry every night, morning and usually in between. He died of undiagnosed Lukemia, and some days I can't even accept that.

    I need to know how you survive after this kind of loss. I'm not really alive anymore, I just go through the everyday without feeling what's happening. I'm graduating from college in May and I don't know what I'm going to do. He always talked about getting engaged for graduation.

    Recently, I found out that someone in my building is interested me. The thought of being with anyone else makes me physically sick.

    I could really sue the advice of someone who has done this. My friends try to understand, but their advice isn't something I think I can take, because it doesnt stem from experience.

  2. #2
    Member ryan1987's Avatar
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    sunflower i am so sorry to hear about this, i cant give you advice like you requested but i just want you to know that im thinking of you right now, i just wanted to say something after reading this,

  3. #3
    Member sunflower512's Avatar
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    Thank you.

  4. #4
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    I'm really sorry to hear that. It's the sort of tragedy you really don't expect to be facing until much later in life.

    I don't know how you handle it. I suspect time will be the only thing that takes the edge off your pain. Otherwise I guess you have to try and find inspiration in his life and young death.

    I hope others can be of more use.

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  6. #5
    Silver Member romantic sweetheart's Avatar
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    Love Is Forever

    Hello Sunflower,

    I was so sorry to hear about your loss. I wish I could take the pain away, but perhaps a few kind and uplifting words can ease some of the sorrow.....

    I think about the truth of love and soulmates...And everything in my heart, and everything I have read and understood, reveals that soulmates are never separated, not even in death. Once love is created, it is never destroyed. Death and separation are illusions that exist in the physical--they exist for important soul lessons, but they exist as a thin veil over our deep soul-consciousness. We only need to think of a beloved person, and they are there. We only need to call out in our hurt and despair, and we are comforted.

    Loss in the physical is so painful, because it seem permanent. But death is our passageway into a new life; death is like walking from one room to another room, yet still being in the same house. In the ancient days, fall was considered the beginning of the year. This is because people of yore recognised that death is the beginning, not the end.

    It is so hard for us here now to accept this, because our pain is real, our pain is immense, and we long to hold the body of our loved one, we long to hear their voice, see their eyes, clasp their hands, walk with them down many paths. It seems impossible that a beautiful life can end so soon. How can this be? How can these alive eyes and this alive voice and this alive soul be subtracted from existence?

    And yet....he has not.....and yet...he still exists. As surely as you do. A person, whether here for 80 years or 20 years, has lived the life s/he was destined to live. Every experience created and shared was fashioned out of the deepest, most perfect love...even our sorrowful lessons, even our painful lessons.

    I remember Gibran saying "Your sorrow is no less wondrous than your joy" "Pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding"

    This beautiful person that you loved with all your heart.....Loved you, and still loves you. The bonds between soulmates are forever....You will be together always, in many lifetimes, in many relationships, always in love. There has not been a time when you have been without, even if one must leave before the other.

    I found an inspirational song that highlights the idea of twin flame love....And the belief that there is no separation. If you would like, you can listen to the music and watch the touching video here: http://youtube.com/watch?v=sfBw0IWwO5U I think this beautiful music will speak to your heart.

    We follow our loved ones in their journeys, even if they transcend the physical to the spirit realm and beyond. Part of our souls are permantly infused in theirs---indestructible, infinite, glorious. You, the you that you are now, with all of your beauty and spark and deepest thoughts, are contained in the heart of his soul.

    And so, like a mother carries with her always some of the little cells of each of her children inside her womb, so too, do you carry him, and he carries you...beyond all space and time.

    In dreams he will come to you......And tell you it is all right. Trust in him, believe in him, bless him on his path. For he will never be far away....not more than a thought, or a tear, or a silent smile, away.

    Bless you......May you be comforted.....May you be lifted to the heart of God....may you find peace......May your grief be the potion which heals the self......May your sorrow be the winter of your heart that gives way to the delicate birth of spring......

    May you appreciate and honour your sacred soul....And the pain that cleanses it now.....And not rush the process, but embrace it, as you embrace that which is holy and true........

    You live now, a part of him.....A soul, carrying the secrets of a life not lived in vain. You will love always. You will find joy again. You will not forget, but you will transcend, and you will live. And you will understand the deepest part of the self that longs to become a part of love's heart.

    Love never dies.
    For even as love crowns you,
    So shall he crucify you.
    Even as he ascends to your height and caresses
    your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun
    So shall he descend to your roots
    and shake them in their clinging to the earth.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member avman's Avatar
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    sunflower I am very sorry to hear of your loss. There are others here who have been through a loss as well and while I don't want to speak for them I think they would be of great help. They will really understand exactly what you are going through.

    KG is the best person I can think of and I hope he does not mind me pointing him out here.
    You can make the world a better place - one person at a time.

  8. 11-29-2007, 10:08 PM
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  9. #7
    Platinum Member RayKay's Avatar
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    All I can say is...time does heal.

    I was 22 when my boyfriend died two weeks before his 26th birthday. We had been together five years, survived a year of long distance, many changes together and in our lives, and were planning on being married in the next couple years. While he had been diagnosed with an illness a few months earlier, he was being treated and it was actually a sudden side effect of the medication that caused his death, not the illness. It was unexpected - and extremely tragic.

    I can say it was incredibly hard; I had been with him for so long and we really were best friends and wonderful partners.

    I was also of an age where none of my peers had gone through that.

    You need to realize though, life will go on; and he would want you to go on too and find love again. There is more than one love for us in this world and in our lifetimes in the case that things like this DO happen or it does not work out for some reason. I know that at times you may feel a sense of guilt - but don't. You are doing nothing wrong by moving forward and if he loved you, he would want the same.

    I have never forgotten him - and never will - but I have loved again and am in a wonderful relationship and am exactly where I SHOULD be. I love my partner greatly, and cannot imagine HIM not being in my life and so I have to say things really do work out, even if it is not always as you THOUGHT it should. It is a strange thing as I still think of him and what would of been, more sadness he is not here to live the wonderful life he was living - but I cannot be sad about how my life has turned out or how that experience in my life has made me who I am - I just wish it had not taken him losing his life for that! People whom have been there know what I am saying....even though it is confusing at times to explain it!

    It is SO important to live your life with joy and not in constant sorrow. My late boyfriend he LOVED life - truly loved it. What a dishonour it would be to him and his memory for me not to take every day as a wonderful gift and seize every opportunity to love, laugh and cry and explore who I am. That is how I remember him - by living to the fullest every day.
    Last edited by RayKay; 11-29-2007 at 10:29 PM.
    [FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=darkolivegreen][B]<--- [COLOR=sienna]Carbun the Super-Bunny[/COLOR][/B][/COLOR][/FONT]
    [B][FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=#556b2f][/COLOR][/FONT][/B]
    [FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=darkolivegreen][B]At the end of the day, how you imprinted on someones life and heart is the only true mark any of us leave on this earth and is what we are most proud of... [/B][/COLOR][/FONT][I][SIZE=1]- My Biggest Hero and Mentor: My Mum.[/SIZE][/I]


    [FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=orange][B]Il faut d'abord durer [/B][/COLOR][/FONT][I][SIZE=1]- Ernest Hemingway[/SIZE][/I]

  10. #8
    JadedStar's Avatar
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    This is so sad. I am so sorry to hear this...life will go on. There are people who went thru this (like raykay above and some others). A lot of support here hon.

  11. #9
    Platinum Member KG's Avatar
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    Sunflower,
    I know where you are. I'm 9 months since my wife died, with 3 months notice, during the holidays. Yesterday was my birthday, I cried all night because she wasn't here to help celebrate with me. We had 25 years together.
    What I've learned in 9 months...You are going to cry, the gut wrenching, fetal position, on the floor crying that no one knows about but you. Until you feel like throwing up. You are going to cry when a song comes on. Or when you fold and put away a certain shirt/skirt.
    But that is grief coming OUT of you. It HAS to come out of you. Grief bottled up is counterproductive. LET IT OUT. It's your RIGHT to grieve, on your own terms, no one elses. And NO ONE has the right to say "you should be...". It is your private time. With him. And his memory.
    About seeing anyone....you will know, when the tears have kinda subsided, like only every 6 weeks or so ( LOL! ). When you can even think about someone else being around you. When you are ready. YOU YOU YOU. It is all about you. Not anyone elses preconceived notion of what's right for you.
    But for right now, hold on to your feelings, cry your heart out, don't hurt youself, and let yourself grieve. It's your love coming to the top! It's what he deserves. It is also your tribute to how much you miss him!
    Finally, I give you ***HUGS***, 'cause I know you need them.
    PM me anytime. OK? OK!
    KG
    Thank you for the laughter,
    thank you for the dance,
    thank you for the Love,
    and thank you for the chance.

  12. #10
    Platinum Member keenan's Avatar
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    What beautiful posts. I don't have anything so wonderful to give you, sunflower, but I wanted to say that I'm so sorry for your loss. Thank you for reaching out ~ ENA is full of wonderful people who can give you love and support, and you are very welcome here. Big hug.

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