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Ok, WHY would you avoid someone you like?


bella2007

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I never will understand why a person would run away or hide from someone you are interested in romantically or at least are attracted to??? I always thought that it was a good thing to have a crush on someone. I want to be around them more actually...can you all please explain why all the hiding or avoidance? Thanks

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When you have feelings for someone you become vulnerable to them, and you feel like you are no longer in control of your emotions, because they become powerful triggers of your emotions. They can affect you, and if you're a control freak like me, then that's very unsettling to be so affected. It's when the universe reminds you that you're small, and that's scary.

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I never will understand why a person would run away or hide from someone you are interested in romantically or at least are attracted to??? I always thought that it was a good thing to have a crush on someone. I want to be around them more actually...can you all please explain why all the hiding or avoidance? Thanks

 

Oh no! My post on Raiden's thread prompted this, didn't it?! ;-)

 

It's insecurity and fear of rejection, plain and simple. We invest our self-worth in that person's eyes and if they don't view us as the most valuable thing, we want to go stick our heads in the sand...

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Theyre afraid of rejection. I guess.

 

Been there done that, many many times. More than likely I just didnt have the guts to put myself out there and get to the point where it comes down to yes or no from them. I dont take being judged well and I am afraid of being rejected.

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Oh no! My post on Raiden's thread prompted this, didn't it?! ;-)

 

It's insecurity and fear of rejection, plain and simple. We invest our self-worth in that person's eyes and if they don't view us as the most valuable thing, we want to go stick our heads in the sand...

 

 

Well, those 2 are a good deal of what most people exprience, but I agree with Lucy Lou, when you like someone you do feel vulnerable and no longer really in control of your emotions. That person, pretty much is a powerful trigger of your emotions.

 

(Sorry If I directally copied your words Lucy, I didn't know of another way to word them.)

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I never will understand why a person would run away or hide from someone you are interested in romantically or at least are attracted to??? I always thought that it was a good thing to have a crush on someone. I want to be around them more actually...can you all please explain why all the hiding or avoidance? Thanks

 

do you think someone is avoiding you? maybe they really aren't interested. i've pushed women away when i thought it was gonna get serious. but, usually when i've done that, i step back and realize they weren't right for me.

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He actually "practices" saying what he needs to say to me before approaching me. He will walk to a window, a corner or the other side of the room...look out the window (to calm himself down) and then when he is ready or done practicing he will approach me to tell me something or ask a question (work related) it sounds rehearsed sometimes and other times he seems more calm, maybe he just needs to get his anxiety under control. He has done it recently but would do it ALOT when we first started working together...he just always seems to need to be prepared before approaching me.

 

The other day...he walked all the way down to the end of the hallway (on purpose instead of walking passed me) just to walk all the way back towards me, glance at me, and then as he walk passed me said hello softly and ask 'what's up' quickly...then put his head back down as he walked away...he did't even stop for a response. I know it took alot for him to do that i could tell.

 

Some mornings he will walk by me 2 or 3 times before saying anything!!! He needs to know i am there so he can get a grip on himself i guess....lol!!!! If he's caught off guard by me, he seems surprised by my being there and can't look at me...he'll look down and walk away quickly...he seems overwhelmed when he's not prepared!!!

 

But when he KNOWS i am there in the hallway, by the door, in the cafe...then he just walks by me, can say hello and sometimes even will stop to talk!!!!! As long as he's comfortable@@@@

 

 

He goes through different doors to avoid walking passed me before saying anything to me some mornings. Then when he's ready he walks by me a few times saying nothing each time and then out of the blue walks passed me to say hello...when he seems most comfortable at that point.

 

 

It's just a viscious cycle for him and i do feel badly....thats why i don't try anymore!!!! He knows i like him but still NEEDS to be prepared and not be surprised or caught off guard...i couldn't live that way!!!!

 

The other day i saw he had glasses on, when he saw i was walking into the room he ripped them off his face (through them down into his lap) and wouldn't turn around on his chair until they were off...i thought that was odd...so what if he wears glasses????? I do to read!!!!

 

 

Thanks so much for your responses!!!!!!!!!!!

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I never will understand why a person would run away or hide from someone you are interested in romantically or at least are attracted to??? I always thought that it was a good thing to have a crush on someone. I want to be around them more actually...can you all please explain why all the hiding or avoidance? Thanks

 

theres this new awesome discovery called "shyness"

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Nah...he approaches me anyway...he just needs time to do it so he is calm.

 

He does talk/approach daily when he's relaxed!!! He has anxiety over talking to me...thats obvious...i just wish he could relax. I don't even say hello or approach him anymore!!!

 

Also, the girl who spoke to him about me, he still talks to and hangs out with and they BOTH said hello to me the other day when they were walking in the hallway together we are all friends!!!!!!!!!!

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Fear. I mean, what if you are either not sure that the other person likes you or you know for a fact that they don't? You don't want to make an ass of yourself.

 

Quoted for truth.

 

Shyness (fear) is probably the dominant reason why someone would behave like this.

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He doesn't avoid THEM ever...he looks for them in the morning actually. They all grab coffee together most mornings!!!

 

They are older than him and are all like mothers to him so i guess he is comfortable with them. I'd think he wouldn't look for them if he didn't want discussions AND he wouldn't make a point of being around me either...but he does when he's comfortable.

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He actually "practices" saying what he needs to say to me before approaching me. He will walk to a window, a corner or the other side of the room...look out the window (to calm himself down) and then when he is ready or done practicing he will approach me to tell me something or ask a question (work related) it sounds rehearsed sometimes and other times he seems more calm, maybe he just needs to get his anxiety under control

 

 

HOW on earth do you know for SURE he does this? I am sure he wouldn't do it where you could see, so how do you know?

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LOL! Cuz i have been in my classroom or office and he will come in to say something to me or ask a question but instead of coming right over to me he walks over to the window WITH ME STANDING RIGHT THERE and then after 2 or 3 minutes turn around and say "Oh yah...blah blah blah" or come up to me with some statement and have no expression or be so nervous his face is frozen while speaking...also he gets dry mouth bad sometimes.

 

Seriously, i am right there when he walks in, my classroom is small so for him to walk in and go right over to the window (he's done this several times) when i am right there and stare outside until i say "Hey Mark..." then he has to turn around...lol...makes no sense. We are alone, you know its my classroom, come over and talk??? But i know now its his anxiety and nervousness thats why i have never and WILL NEVER make comments when he does it!!! The funny part is 5 minutes later he'll be joking around with another staff member in the hallway as soon as he leaves my room. He just gets reeeeeeeeally nervous sometimes when he has to talk to me...i often wonder why he just doesn't tell the secretary what he needs to say to me and be done with it.

 

I guess he wants to try?!? It must be hell for him cuz i would hate it...i hear anxiety and panic attacks (from family members) are horrible to live with.

 

My cousin said he use to do the "window thing" too for years but then got some help...he read alot, talked to someone...he got help.

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