His biological clock seems to be ticking, help

yeawutever · 11-21-2007, 01:22 PM

Hey I know I haven't been here in these forums b/c I still can't picture myself rasing children but now I need some advice. If there was any way for him to stop thinking about forming a family (for his clock to stop ticking) I would be glad but he seems to be firm on settling down it and he keeps saying ''You ain't gonna be young however,we're gonna age,I don't wanna end up all lonely with no kids.

Well one thing for sure when we met he did say he wanted kids some day in the future but if I didn't wanted any he was okay with me there would he none. Then months later as time pass by he stated that he would at least adopt one if I didn't wanted to give him any, now he wants his own. I'm kinda at lost, wasn't a girl's biological clock suppost to tick early than the guy since it's say that we mature faster most of the time. In the end I guess it's not that bad. I might conceive (if he wants a family,ok fine) once I have a stable life and I'm emotionally ready. Right now I think about enjoying life listening to music, at times I feel I think and act like a kid.

Lastly I'm also concern about the whole pregnancy process (I'm scare and disgusted by it too). What if I become ugly as a result or have to go through csearian process (I don't want to be left with scars on my belly) or the painful natural process along with disgusting blood. I honestly dunno if I can't picture myself with theone 9 month annoying process or how would I be a loving mother. Then again if he wants ok I'm willing to.

Snoopy24 · 11-21-2007, 01:45 PM

Don't have any baby's until you are ready. Physically and mentally. When you have a child you're body will change, you probably will have a couple of stretch marks, but you are making another human being, and that should be more than worth it. It's a beautiful thing being pregnant. You are still very young.

How long have you been dating? And how old is he?

It is always good to sort through this stuff now.

My old co-worker was with her husband for 20 years. They both knew from the beginning that she never wanted children and he wanted a handful. They ended up getting divorced for that only reason. Not to say you never want children, but if is ready now and you're not, you need to sit down and have a serious discussion. You shouldn't give in just to stay in the relationship or do it for him.

yeawutever · 11-21-2007, 01:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Snoopy24

How long have you been dating? And how old is he?
It is always good to sort through this stuff now.
You shouldn't give in just to stay in the relationship or do it for him.

We been dating for 15 months (more than a year). He's turning 23 next month.
Good point there, but I guess I love him so much I'll do for him. Off course if it was solely based on my decison then I wouldn't want kids at all (I guess I have no clock at any).

iLoveMyBabyCairo · 11-21-2007, 02:21 PM

Just remember, you're young...both of you...don't do this unless you're absolutely positive in your decision...you don't want to wind up feeling spiteful towards the baby

Snoopy24 · 11-21-2007, 02:29 PM

Honestly..I would consider breaking things off with him if I were you.

You are at two different points in your lives and I highly suggest you don't have kids any time soon. If you did, you would probably resent him later on in your life, no matter how much you love him. You're obviously not ready. Sit down talk to him and tell him you don't want children anytime soon. If he is OK with that, then work on your relationship and take things from there. If he's not okay with that, the best thing would be to leave..bc it WILL be a lot harder in a year or two from now.

I'm sure you love him very much, but it just seems you both want different things in your lives. My first boyfriend from 17-21 I loved more than anything in the world. I wanted to get married and have children with him ONE DAY, but he wanted it right then and there. I had two choices.

-Have children when I wasn't ready. And change my life in a way I didn't want to for a man i loved.

- Or leave.

I left. At first I regretted it. But four years later we are still friends, I have a wonderful boyfriend I want to marry one day, and I have never been happier in my life.

I know if I decided to have children with him, at that time in my life, I would not be happy at all today.

**arwen** · 11-21-2007, 02:59 PM

Hey Ailec, welcome back

!

Never start a family if you are not BOTH ready. In this case, you are not ready- which is no surprise, you are only 20 years old! Since men can have children for most of their lives, I doubt that it is an actual 'clock' that he has ticking. But it is clear that you are at different points in life. Is he able to provide for you and a child, and did you tell him the reasons why you are NOT ready? These need not all be emotional reasons, but can also be pragmatic, such as finances, careerwishes on your part, education first, ...

Hugs,

Arwen

Kalika · 11-21-2007, 09:16 PM

Ailec.. You're wayyyyyyyy too young. Don't even consider it. I have no idea why this guy is trying to rush you into something so devastatingly serious. I'd be very cautious when it comes to having sex with him if I were you.

It almost seems like a control thing ... like he wants to have a baby with you so he can have ties to you forever

11-21-2007, 01:22 PM	#1
yeawutever Online Platinum Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Gender: None Specified Age: 22 Posts: 5,673	His biological clock seems to be ticking, help Hey I know I haven't been here in these forums b/c I still can't picture myself rasing children but now I need some advice. If there was any way for him to stop thinking about forming a family (for his clock to stop ticking) I would be glad but he seems to be firm on settling down it and he keeps saying ''You ain't gonna be young however,we're gonna age,I don't wanna end up all lonely with no kids. Well one thing for sure when we met he did say he wanted kids some day in the future but if I didn't wanted any he was okay with me there would he none. Then months later as time pass by he stated that he would at least adopt one if I didn't wanted to give him any, now he wants his own. I'm kinda at lost, wasn't a girl's biological clock suppost to tick early than the guy since it's say that we mature faster most of the time. In the end I guess it's not that bad. I might conceive (if he wants a family,ok fine) once I have a stable life and I'm emotionally ready. Right now I think about enjoying life listening to music, at times I feel I think and act like a kid. Lastly I'm also concern about the whole pregnancy process (I'm scare and disgusted by it too). What if I become ugly as a result or have to go through csearian process (I don't want to be left with scars on my belly) or the painful natural process along with disgusting blood. I honestly dunno if I can't picture myself with theone 9 month annoying process or how would I be a loving mother. Then again if he wants ok I'm willing to. __________________ Opened-minded to those in need of help. Not everything is black and white as it seems.... If you're gonna do something, think twice and make sure it's something worthy that you don't later on regret!!!!!!!!!!! Still in a LDR with boyfriend. Last edited by yeawutever; 11-21-2007 at 01:27 PM.

11-21-2007, 02:21 PM	#4
iLoveMyBabyCairo Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Liverpool, where the sun never shines. Gender: Female Age: 22 Posts: 6,025	Just remember, you're young...both of you...don't do this unless you're absolutely positive in your decision...you don't want to wind up feeling spiteful towards the baby __________________ JenSocietyOfSloreMaking!© --Lionel Hutz No that's not how you express love! You express your love by calling her a dirty little ***** and slapping her in the face with your penis! --hersmudders...always classy.

11-21-2007, 02:59 PM	#6
arwen Offline Super Moderator Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: The Netherlands Gender: Female Age: 29 Posts: 5,396	Hey Ailec, welcome back ! Never start a family if you are not BOTH ready. In this case, you are not ready- which is no surprise, you are only 20 years old! Since men can have children for most of their lives, I doubt that it is an actual 'clock' that he has ticking. But it is clear that you are at different points in life. Is he able to provide for you and a child, and did you tell him the reasons why you are NOT ready? These need not all be emotional reasons, but can also be pragmatic, such as finances, careerwishes on your part, education first, ... Hugs, Arwen __________________ You always* have a choice.* 11 February 2010: [Only registered and activated users can see links. ]* is due!* Please see the forum rules for posting on enotalone.com

11-21-2007, 01:45 PM	#2
Snoopy24 Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: New York Gender: Female Posts: 1,621	Don't have any baby's until you are ready. Physically and mentally. When you have a child you're body will change, you probably will have a couple of stretch marks, but you are making another human being, and that should be more than worth it. It's a beautiful thing being pregnant. You are still very young. How long have you been dating? And how old is he? It is always good to sort through this stuff now. My old co-worker was with her husband for 20 years. They both knew from the beginning that she never wanted children and he wanted a handful. They ended up getting divorced for that only reason. Not to say you never want children, but if is ready now and you're not, you need to sit down and have a serious discussion. You shouldn't give in just to stay in the relationship or do it for him.

11-21-2007, 02:29 PM	#5
Snoopy24 Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: New York Gender: Female Posts: 1,621	Honestly..I would consider breaking things off with him if I were you. You are at two different points in your lives and I highly suggest you don't have kids any time soon. If you did, you would probably resent him later on in your life, no matter how much you love him. You're obviously not ready. Sit down talk to him and tell him you don't want children anytime soon. If he is OK with that, then work on your relationship and take things from there. If he's not okay with that, the best thing would be to leave..bc it WILL be a lot harder in a year or two from now. I'm sure you love him very much, but it just seems you both want different things in your lives. My first boyfriend from 17-21 I loved more than anything in the world. I wanted to get married and have children with him ONE DAY, but he wanted it right then and there. I had two choices. -Have children when I wasn't ready. And change my life in a way I didn't want to for a man i loved. - Or leave. I left. At first I regretted it. But four years later we are still friends, I have a wonderful boyfriend I want to marry one day, and I have never been happier in my life. I know if I decided to have children with him, at that time in my life, I would not be happy at all today.

11-21-2007, 09:16 PM	#7
Kalika Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Gender: Female Posts: 1,343	Ailec.. You're wayyyyyyyy too young. Don't even consider it. I have no idea why this guy is trying to rush you into something so devastatingly serious. I'd be very cautious when it comes to having sex with him if I were you. It almost seems like a control thing ... like he wants to have a baby with you so he can have ties to you forever