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Developing a crush on your therapist...


GoldenRoole

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I'm SURE this often comes up.

 

And yes, it seems to happening to me. And there's probably even some psychoanalytic term for it. But our chemistry seems amazing and effortless. From the penetrating look in his eyes and his body language, I often strongly sense that that he's taking a "different" kind of interaction towards me versus his other patients (of course it may very well be my imagining it, or simple fantasy, but it really DOES feel "real" for some reason).

 

His profession, I'll assume, frowns upon any type of intimate client-therapis relationship. But I still have additional questions...

 

a) If I confess this to him, will he then end our sessions and refer me to someone else?

 

b) Will he be flattered, brush or laugh it off and then continue our client-therapist relationship as per usual?

 

or,

 

c) Should * I * begin seeking another therapist (if these feelings become stronger and then wouldnt be able to focus on my own thereapy)?

 

Trust me, I'm no where near being "in love" or even infatuated. However, somehow, I can see myself getting there. When he calls me at home over the weekends I melt. And the warmth of his handshake and smile before and after our sessions make me feel so..... you know.

 

That's it.

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Wow, thanks guys for your quick and to-the-point repsonses.

 

However, can I ask why this would be so wrong/illegal/immoral/unethical? I mean, it's not like he's a crackhead or pimp anything. Sorry to sound so naive. But help me understand the "bad" that comes out of situations like this.

 

Please elaborate.

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Wow, thanks guys for your quick and to-the-point repsonses.

 

However, can I ask why this would be so wrong/illegal/immoral/unethical? I mean, it's not like he's a crackhead or pimp anything. Sorry to sound so naive. But help me understand the "bad" that comes out of situations like this.

 

Please elaborate.

 

For the same reason a doctor cannot operate on his family members. Same for dentists and other professionals. It is not prohibited.

 

If he's licensed, he can lose his license for fraternizing with a patient. That's not fair to him.

 

You're there to get help, not to meet men. It's just not the place for it, is all.

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I would get a new therapist and remove him from your life. No good can come of this.

 

 

How do you know this?

 

If she removes him as her therapist they why couldn't anything happen?

 

I'm not familiar with the law, and I have absolutely no answer to your questions about whether he'd be flattetered..it depends if he's feeling what you are.

 

I would get a new therapist. If anything does develop he's going to know everything about you before the relationship even starts. Obviously that's jumping the gun hugely, but as it is it would be highly unprofessional of him to abuse his position of trust with you.

 

I don't know. If you change your therapist then, I'd be inclined to tell you to trust your instincts. How you'd go about it I don't know.

 

I always say it's better to look back on a mistake than a missed opportunity. But this is a big thing and the last thing on his mind could be having any type of relationship out of the workplace with you. Tread carefully and look after yourself.

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if he is a respectable professional, he will not even contemplate having a personal relationship with someone her has a profesional relationship with.

 

having these feelings for your therapist is not uncommon.

 

it's called projection. he shows kindness and compassion for the situations that took you to see him in the first place.

it's resonable, that when we are in despair or just a little down that we develope feelings for those people that listen to us and 'understand' us.

 

the problem with this is that it is his job to listen, be compassionate and understanding.

 

if you really think that your feelings for this man will get in the way of your therapy, you should certainly think about looking for another therapist.

 

for the reasons that i have mentioned above, it is most likely that the way you think he sees you is entirely in your mind.

trying to pursue a relationship with this man is not really a good idea whatever way you look at it.

 

and yes, i did have a crush on my therapist. i got over it in a couple of weeks after rationalising my feelings for her based on my state of mind at the time.

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Hey I think it's perfectly normal so I wouldn't worry and if you do decide to "confess" it to him then that's your choice.

 

In the early days of going to see my therapist I really liked him but realised that in actual fact what goes on in that relationship is like a tiny microcosm of your other relationships and what I most liked about him was the fact that he was "there" for me, supported me, liked me, was non-judgemental and kind - all the things I felt I was missing in my life at that point and at times since. Now I still like him but not in a romantic way at all.

 

I was only reading stuff on transference and counter-transference (which I think is when the feelings are coming the other way) the other week and it's all very normal. After all, you share some pretty intimate and personal stuff with this person so somewhere along the line feelings can get mixed up.

 

Obviously if he's a proper therapist he will be bound be a strict code of ethics that will prohibit him doing anything improper so nothings going to come of it.

 

Personally I'd keep quiet about it and stop looking at him that way (if you can) or try and see what about the situation is familiar to you or reminds you of other interactions.

 

Depending on how long you've been going to see him you may, or may not feel comfortable talking to him about it.

 

Hope that helps.......

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i think this happens to people a lot. for pretty much 2 reasons:

 

-the therapist listens. cause he/she is so easy to talk to and you can feel they are a great match. too bad it's their job to listen and analyze. the interest is their job

 

-they are in a position of authority. their plaques on their wall make you think they are so smart and accomplished.

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You're experiencing transferential compulsions.

 

Thanks again S. Freud.

 

Entertain the idea, but don't act on it.

 

Thanks everyone.

 

I had my session with him today. Same interaction, however, this time I managed to ignore his lingering eyes and soft voice and warm, lingering handshake. I actually focused ONLY on what I came there to talk about.

 

You know, I'm glad I posted this thread when I did; It seems a lot easier to be able to go into the sessions now knowing that I won't/shouldn't act on any "desires" or crushes, as recommended here. As obvious as it seems now, had my interest been any stronger (or had I been really, really infatuated by now), I dont think our sessions would work because I'd be totally into HIM and not on my healing. Again, quite obvious. ... And had I waited to seek advice here, I'm sure I woulda gotten carried away with this fantasy.

 

Coming out of a bad heartbreak, I'm still such a romantic sucker seeking love in all of the wrong directions. *Sigh*

 

I wonder if there are any ENA stories (whether successful or unsuccessful)about people whove experienced 'forbidden' therapist-client dating. It'd be so interesting to me.

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I saw a tv show once where a doctor started to have feelings for a patient and so he immediately referred her to someone else and then started dating her. Not sure if this was just tv or whether an arrangement like this would also be considered inappropriate.

 

I guess doctors are people too, and so if they were to meet their soul mate in their office rather than in a bar you'd think there'd be something they could do to not violate any ethics, but pursue her as a love interest.

 

Then again therapists are in a unique position since they are talking about intimate things with the patient and their advances could actually harm the patient emotionally depending on their issues/problems. So I certainly can see that a therapist pursuing a patient would be inappropriate.

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