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Thread: Developing a crush on your therapist...

  1. #11
    Silver Member Wimpy's Avatar
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    Hey I think it's perfectly normal so I wouldn't worry and if you do decide to "confess" it to him then that's your choice.

    In the early days of going to see my therapist I really liked him but realised that in actual fact what goes on in that relationship is like a tiny microcosm of your other relationships and what I most liked about him was the fact that he was "there" for me, supported me, liked me, was non-judgemental and kind - all the things I felt I was missing in my life at that point and at times since. Now I still like him but not in a romantic way at all.

    I was only reading stuff on transference and counter-transference (which I think is when the feelings are coming the other way) the other week and it's all very normal. After all, you share some pretty intimate and personal stuff with this person so somewhere along the line feelings can get mixed up.

    Obviously if he's a proper therapist he will be bound be a strict code of ethics that will prohibit him doing anything improper so nothings going to come of it.

    Personally I'd keep quiet about it and stop looking at him that way (if you can) or try and see what about the situation is familiar to you or reminds you of other interactions.

    Depending on how long you've been going to see him you may, or may not feel comfortable talking to him about it.

    Hope that helps.......
    <== "The best thing about the new job was the huge celery"

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  2. #12
    Platinum Member ghost69's Avatar
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    i think this happens to people a lot. for pretty much 2 reasons:

    -the therapist listens. cause he/she is so easy to talk to and you can feel they are a great match. too bad it's their job to listen and analyze. the interest is their job

    -they are in a position of authority. their plaques on their wall make you think they are so smart and accomplished.
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  3. #13
    Bronze Member mumble's Avatar
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    You're experiencing transferential compulsions.

    Thanks again S. Freud.

    Entertain the idea, but don't act on it.
    I only know what I believe, the rest seems so absurd to me.
    -Ty Tabor

    << Django Reinhardt

  4. #14
    Gold Member comfyshoes's Avatar
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    please excuse me for getting the wrong word.
    transference is indeed what i was talking about.
    my brain is not so sharp after a nightshift!

    wait, i was right the first time.
    asked the duty psych at the hospital tonight
    Last edited by comfyshoes; 11-08-2007 at 12:26 AM.
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  6. #15
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    Update

    Quote Originally Posted by mumble View Post
    You're experiencing transferential compulsions.

    Thanks again S. Freud.

    Entertain the idea, but don't act on it.
    Thanks everyone.

    I had my session with him today. Same interaction, however, this time I managed to ignore his lingering eyes and soft voice and warm, lingering handshake. I actually focused ONLY on what I came there to talk about.

    You know, I'm glad I posted this thread when I did; It seems a lot easier to be able to go into the sessions now knowing that I won't/shouldn't act on any "desires" or crushes, as recommended here. As obvious as it seems now, had my interest been any stronger (or had I been really, really infatuated by now), I dont think our sessions would work because I'd be totally into HIM and not on my healing. Again, quite obvious. ... And had I waited to seek advice here, I'm sure I woulda gotten carried away with this fantasy.

    Coming out of a bad heartbreak, I'm still such a romantic sucker seeking love in all of the wrong directions. *Sigh*

    I wonder if there are any ENA stories (whether successful or unsuccessful)about people whove experienced 'forbidden' therapist-client dating. It'd be so interesting to me.

  7. #16
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    I saw a tv show once where a doctor started to have feelings for a patient and so he immediately referred her to someone else and then started dating her. Not sure if this was just tv or whether an arrangement like this would also be considered inappropriate.

    I guess doctors are people too, and so if they were to meet their soul mate in their office rather than in a bar you'd think there'd be something they could do to not violate any ethics, but pursue her as a love interest.

    Then again therapists are in a unique position since they are talking about intimate things with the patient and their advances could actually harm the patient emotionally depending on their issues/problems. So I certainly can see that a therapist pursuing a patient would be inappropriate.

  8. #17
    Gold Member May_It_Be's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by shes2smart View Post
    Very, very much agreed with you guys on this one. Time for a new therapist. If your heterosexual, and I'm assuming you are, then try for one of the same sex. Maybe that will help to avoid this problem in the future.
    Is love by its very nature fleeting? I think it was Aristotle who said, "Come children, let me tell you a tale about ships and whales," which has nothing to do with love, but he meant it when he said it. -- Ron Burgandy; The Anchorman

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