I really need your help.

I'm Alive · 11-06-2007, 03:28 PM

DO NOT TURN THIS THREAD INTO AN ABORTION DEBATE. I'M LOOKING FOR HELP FOR MY SISTER AND MY SITUATION AND WOULDN'T LIKE TO HAVE REPLIES FOR, OR AGAINST, ABORTION.

As some of you know, I am going to be 17 weeks pregnant on Thursday. It's my first child but I had raised my niece when she was born until she was nearly 3 months old because of complications my sister had after the birth.

My sister, who is 29, is also pregnant. She is planning on having an abortion. She was trying to hide it from our mom, but that plan didn't work out too well once she told someone at the diner she worked at, it got right back to my mom although she works at a different diner.

In the very beginning when she first found out, she told me she planned on having an abortion. I kept my mouth shut but over the last few weeks, it's all I've been able to think about. Not even 20 minutes ago, we got into a huge argument about it. I told her she needed to go to a doctor because she is showing more than I am and she's only around 10 to 12 weeks pregnant. She then told me about how my mom had found out and she had been planning on keeping the baby until she talked to my mom and my mom is pretty much forcing her to have one, so she is going to do it.

She already has two kids, and is 11 years older than I am, even though I'm having a baby and my mom is fully supporting us (as in she is behind us 100% and even though we are the ones paying for everything, she said she will help if we really need it).

My sister will be due about a month and a half after I am. I think the whole situation is affecting me more because I am pregnant too. My sister said while we were arguing that it wasn't a baby yet because she hadn't felt it move. I asked her if she would keep the baby but yet give it up for abortion and she said no because she would never been able to live with herself. Then I asked if she would be able to live with herself after an abortion and she said yes. That's when I went downstairs and cryed until I could barely breathe.

She had an abortion in May of 2005 and in July of the same year, she was feeling sick all the time and (I know it's gross but our toilet is really old and uses like 8 gallons every flush, so we use the "if it's yellow, let it mellow") when she went to the bathroom, I went in right after her and stuck a test in the toilet. Sure enough, she was pregnant again within 2 months of having an abortion. She did decided to keep that baby but ended up having a miscarriage at 7 months. After she had the abortion, I couldn't even look at her for a few days, and things were really tense between us for a long time after, even after she decided to keep the baby after the abortion.

I will be 18 on November 30th and my baby is due in April. I have made the decision that if she is willing to hand the baby over to me, I will raise him or her, even though the baby will know who their real mom is. This is tearing me apart inside. She thinks that the baby is just a "blob" even though the heart is already beating, meaning the baby has life running through him or her.

How do you think I should approach her on this, and what do I say? I am so confused. I don't know if I would even be able to look at her if she goes through with the abortion knowing she killed an innocent baby. It isn't the baby's fault, so why would she do it? Is it even legal for me to be able to have the rights of the child to be signed over to myself once the baby is born? Would I have to go through all the screening that happens when you are adopting a baby?

I know so little about this type of thing (meaning talking to my sister about me raising her baby and the legal things that happen with custody) and it's killing me knowing she has not one good reason for aborting this baby, except that she cares about herself more than anyone in her life, including the 2 kids she already has.

Please help, I'm sure all the stress about this isn't exactly helping my baby at all, but I just can't help it.

jul-els · 11-06-2007, 03:38 PM

If you don't want people to debate on abortion then why are you posting a thread on whether it's right or wrong to do so?

You can tell your sister how you feel and that's all you can do. It's her body and her business.

Clementine orange · 11-06-2007, 03:41 PM

I agree, it's her business. Look to your own life, let her worry about hers. Abortion is not an easy decision to make but she has to make it on her own. She knows how you feel so ....

I'm Alive · 11-06-2007, 03:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Seafarer227

Sounds like your sister is pretty irresponsible and has been consistently making very bad decisions. As long as you and your mother continue to bail her out, she's not going to change a thing. Someone's got to have a talk with her about condoms and soon.

After my sister had the miscarriage in January of 2006, she never went back onto birth control. She was always getting it late, sometimes never getting it at all. When I found out back in like June that she wasn't on the shot like she had been telling everyone, I told her that within the next 3 months, she would have a positive pregnancy test. I was right.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jul-els

If you don't want people to debate on abortion then why are you posting a thread on whether it's right or wrong to do so?

You can tell your sister how you feel and that's all you can do. It's her body and her business.

I asked NOTHING as to whether abortion was right or wrong. I asked HOW do I approach her and tell her how I felt and my idea of me raising the baby.

Shadows Light · 11-06-2007, 03:43 PM

Well... first of all, you need to calm down yourself. YOU have a little baby inside of you who feels everything you do. When you are stressed that baby is stressed. By the very passionate email you posted I can see how very upsetting this is to you.

It is... your sisters choice. Not yours. As much as we sometimes would like to save others for thier own good.... or play rescue hero. We can't. And its very emotionally exhausting isn't it?

First of all. Calm yourself. Then sit down and talk to your sister. If you truly want to take on the challenge of two babies... (Gosh Bless your heart). then just tell her.

Has your sister ever considered putting the baby up for adoption? There are so many child less couples who desperately desperately want to be parents.

I'm Alive · 11-06-2007, 03:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Clementine orange

I agree, it's her business. Look to your own life, let her worry about hers. Abortion is not an easy decision to make but she has to make it on her own. She knows how you feel so ....

It is her business, and I wouldn't never try to stop her from having it. That doesn't mean that it isn't going to affect me emotionally though. My plan was to TRY to tell her how I felt and my idea for me raising the baby. I never planned on actually stopping her from killing the baby.

(By the way, when I say killing the baby, that is how I feel, but I definitely respect OTHERS opinions on abortion, but to me, it is killing an innocent child. If you do not think it is, I'm fine with that. To each is own.

beauty21 · 11-06-2007, 03:46 PM

Unfortunately, this decision is your sister's and her's ONLY. She is the mother of this child, and she has a right to do what she wants. It's sad, but true. I understand how you feel though. My little sister was thinking about the same thing, when she found out she was pregnant. My heart broke when she told me she was thinking about abortion. But she eventually came around.

Your sister needs love and support right now. She doesn't need a speech or people being judgemental towards her and her baby. It's no wonder, she is thinking of abortion. Everybody has their faults. I'm sure she will come around. If she doesn't, it is her decision, and nobody else's.

flower99 · 11-06-2007, 03:48 PM

Hi I'm still alive, I think it's wonderful how much you care for that baby & how you are willing to raise the child if she is willing to let you (; that's beautiful..You have a good heart.
I'd simply tell her you've given this a lot of though & if she is willing, you'd like to adopt her child.
unfortunatly if she chooses not to, which she very well may there is nothing more you can do. Pray about it & pray for her, for wisdom & guidence to get her through this.
Hugs

I'm Alive · 11-06-2007, 03:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shadows Light

Well... first of all, you need to calm down yourself. YOU have a little baby inside of you who feels everything you do. When you are stressed that baby is stressed. By the very passionate email you posted I can see how very upsetting this is to you.

It is... your sisters choice. Not yours. As much as we sometimes would like to save others for thier own good.... or play rescue hero. We can't. And its very emotionally exhausting isn't it?

First of all. Calm yourself. Then sit down and talk to your sister. If you truly want to take on the challenge of two babies... (Gosh Bless your heart). then just tell her.

Has your sister ever considered putting the baby up for adoption? There are so many child less couples who desperately desperately want to be parents.

I asked her about adoption and she said she wouldn't be able to deal with it emotionally. Then when I asked about abortion, she said she would be perfectly fine with it.

I'm Alive · 11-06-2007, 03:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by flower99

Hi I'm still alive, I think it's wonderful how much you care for that baby & how you are willing to raise the child if she is willing to let you (; that's beautiful..You have a good heart.
I'd simply tell her you've given this a lot of though & if she is willing, you'd like to adopt her child.
unfortunatly if she chooses not to, which she very well may there is nothing more you can do. Pray about it.
Hugs

Thank you. That seriously just meant so much to me that I am actually crying my eyes out again.

11-06-2007, 03:28 PM	#1
I'm Alive Offline Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Gender: Female Age: 19 Posts: 115	I really need your help. DO NOT TURN THIS THREAD INTO AN ABORTION DEBATE. I'M LOOKING FOR HELP FOR MY SISTER AND MY SITUATION AND WOULDN'T LIKE TO HAVE REPLIES FOR, OR AGAINST, ABORTION. As some of you know, I am going to be 17 weeks pregnant on Thursday. It's my first child but I had raised my niece when she was born until she was nearly 3 months old because of complications my sister had after the birth. My sister, who is 29, is also pregnant. She is planning on having an abortion. She was trying to hide it from our mom, but that plan didn't work out too well once she told someone at the diner she worked at, it got right back to my mom although she works at a different diner. In the very beginning when she first found out, she told me she planned on having an abortion. I kept my mouth shut but over the last few weeks, it's all I've been able to think about. Not even 20 minutes ago, we got into a huge argument about it. I told her she needed to go to a doctor because she is showing more than I am and she's only around 10 to 12 weeks pregnant. She then told me about how my mom had found out and she had been planning on keeping the baby until she talked to my mom and my mom is pretty much forcing her to have one, so she is going to do it. She already has two kids, and is 11 years older than I am, even though I'm having a baby and my mom is fully supporting us (as in she is behind us 100% and even though we are the ones paying for everything, she said she will help if we really need it). My sister will be due about a month and a half after I am. I think the whole situation is affecting me more because I am pregnant too. My sister said while we were arguing that it wasn't a baby yet because she hadn't felt it move. I asked her if she would keep the baby but yet give it up for abortion and she said no because she would never been able to live with herself. Then I asked if she would be able to live with herself after an abortion and she said yes. That's when I went downstairs and cryed until I could barely breathe. She had an abortion in May of 2005 and in July of the same year, she was feeling sick all the time and (I know it's gross but our toilet is really old and uses like 8 gallons every flush, so we use the "if it's yellow, let it mellow") when she went to the bathroom, I went in right after her and stuck a test in the toilet. Sure enough, she was pregnant again within 2 months of having an abortion. She did decided to keep that baby but ended up having a miscarriage at 7 months. After she had the abortion, I couldn't even look at her for a few days, and things were really tense between us for a long time after, even after she decided to keep the baby after the abortion. I will be 18 on November 30th and my baby is due in April. I have made the decision that if she is willing to hand the baby over to me, I will raise him or her, even though the baby will know who their real mom is. This is tearing me apart inside. She thinks that the baby is just a "blob" even though the heart is already beating, meaning the baby has life running through him or her. How do you think I should approach her on this, and what do I say? I am so confused. I don't know if I would even be able to look at her if she goes through with the abortion knowing she killed an innocent baby. It isn't the baby's fault, so why would she do it? Is it even legal for me to be able to have the rights of the child to be signed over to myself once the baby is born? Would I have to go through all the screening that happens when you are adopting a baby? I know so little about this type of thing (meaning talking to my sister about me raising her baby and the legal things that happen with custody) and it's killing me knowing she has not one good reason for aborting this baby, except that she cares about herself more than anyone in her life, including the 2 kids she already has. Please help, I'm sure all the stress about this isn't exactly helping my baby at all, but I just can't help it.

11-06-2007, 03:38 PM	#2
jul-els Offline Platinum Member Join Date: May 2007 Location: yellow matter custard Gender: Male Posts: 2,117	If you don't want people to debate on abortion then why are you posting a thread on whether it's right or wrong to do so? You can tell your sister how you feel and that's all you can do. It's her body and her business. __________________ "Information is not Knowledge; Knowledge is not Wisdom; Wisdom is not Truth; Truth is not Beauty; Beauty is not Love; Love is not Music; Music is the best." - Frank Zappa http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgFL__1rrB4 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7T4lg8VAjMI&feature=related

11-06-2007, 03:43 PM	#5
Shadows Light Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Mar 2005 Gender: Female Posts: 2,560	Well... first of all, you need to calm down yourself. YOU have a little baby inside of you who feels everything you do. When you are stressed that baby is stressed. By the very passionate email you posted I can see how very upsetting this is to you. It is... your sisters choice. Not yours. As much as we sometimes would like to save others for thier own good.... or play rescue hero. We can't. And its very emotionally exhausting isn't it? First of all. Calm yourself. Then sit down and talk to your sister. If you truly want to take on the challenge of two babies... (Gosh Bless your heart). then just tell her. Has your sister ever considered putting the baby up for adoption? There are so many child less couples who desperately desperately want to be parents. __________________ "Sit vis vobiscum." "nemo me impune lacessit" "Libera Te Ex Inferis" "Homo sapiens non urinat in ventum"

11-06-2007, 03:48 PM	#8
flower99 Offline Platinum Member Join Date: May 2006 Gender: Female Posts: 1,948	Hi I'm still alive, I think it's wonderful how much you care for that baby & how you are willing to raise the child if she is willing to let you (; that's beautiful..You have a good heart. I'd simply tell her you've given this a lot of though & if she is willing, you'd like to adopt her child. unfortunatly if she chooses not to, which she very well may there is nothing more you can do. Pray about it & pray for her, for wisdom & guidence to get her through this. Hugs __________________ ~Love is not gazing into each other's eyes; it is looking together in the same direction.~ ~ There are a lot of changes in life, how we react to them that matters, it's what makes us who we are. ~ Last edited by flower99; 11-06-2007 at 03:50 PM.

11-06-2007, 03:41 PM	#3
Clementine orange Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: La Belle Province Gender: Male Posts: 3,659	I agree, it's her business. Look to your own life, let her worry about hers. Abortion is not an easy decision to make but she has to make it on her own. She knows how you feel so ....

11-06-2007, 03:46 PM	#7
beauty21 Offline Gold Member Join Date: May 2007 Posts: 960	Unfortunately, this decision is your sister's and her's ONLY. She is the mother of this child, and she has a right to do what she wants. It's sad, but true. I understand how you feel though. My little sister was thinking about the same thing, when she found out she was pregnant. My heart broke when she told me she was thinking about abortion. But she eventually came around. Your sister needs love and support right now. She doesn't need a speech or people being judgemental towards her and her baby. It's no wonder, she is thinking of abortion. Everybody has their faults. I'm sure she will come around. If she doesn't, it is her decision, and nobody else's.