EVERYONE PLEASE READ, EVERYONE, PLEASE. This is truth about Beauty21...

beauty21 · 11-01-2007, 11:02 AM

The reason for this post is FEEDBACK. I'm afraid I haven't been comletely truthful with you guys, and it's tearing me apart. I was thinking about this all last night. You guys have become family to me and I look forward to coming into work and chatting with all of you everday. I feel like a liar, and I feel like I have been mean to some people on here and yes, it's because I feel bad about myself. First off, I admire all of you, I envy some of you and I don't even know you personally. But I feel like I do. And feelings control who I am. So before I get started I want to thank GOD, for the person who created this site, and for all the people here, because you have opened my eyes in so many ways.

I am 22 years old, and feel like I'm 40. As I look back at my life I never thought I'd turn out this way. I drink beer everyday, sometimes liquor and I smoke pot everyday too. I wish I had some ecstasy. I need it. I'm a VERY shy person and the pills make me outgoing and I feel free. There was a time I was addicted to pills. I couldn't control myself. I stopped because I was losing too much weight and they made me depressed when the feeling wore off. But still I want them. Is it bad to want one everyday, if I take care of myself in return?

I have messed up teeth. My ex boyfriend put something on my toothbrush and my teeth turned black underneath. My two front teeth are chipped too. I don't know why I won't go to the dentist, yes I do, I don't go because I spend all my money on weed and alcohol. It put that before my own health and it's a shame. Some say they hardly notice, but I know they are lying to spare my feelings.

When I was 16, I learned I had HPV. The kind with warts. My mom made me feel dirty, and she started to act really different towards me after this. She always acted funny towards me, but this was different. I can not explain it to you guys, she just acts like she doesn't love me anymore. I was young and I was into sex. I slept around, I don't know why. But I felt really embarrassed in front of my sisters, and my little sister thought it would be funny to tell the neighborhood. I didn't.

When I turned 17 I ran away from home. I went to live with my grandmother, and the only reason I was bold enough to run away is because I had a job which is my current job now at the FCC. I got it thru my high school, and I have had it ever since. Me and my parents didn't talk for 2 years and I hardly talked to my sisters ever in my life. Me and my ex moved in together and it was then he started physically abusing me. He took advantage of me, because he knew I had no friends or family to turn to. He manipulated me and he broke my heart.

When I finally got the courage to leave him, it was 4 years later and alot of damage had been done not only to my face and body, but my life as well. My job is now on the rocks and I'm hanging on by a thread. My supervisor is the best, understanding woman I know. I want to take a moment and thank GOD for her also. She was abused too when she was young so she understood what I was going thru and she felt my pain. She cried with me and she was there for me when I thought nobody gave a damn.

My current boyfriend has no job. He freeloads off everybody and he is always looking for a hand-out. Last night we were arguing, and he brought up my ex, he called him ugly. So I retaliated and called his ex ugly and fat, and he said she looked better than me. I don't think I will ever look at him the same. He is childish and immature and that is not what I need in my life at all. What was the point of arguing over our ex's? He then tried to be mad at me in return because I was mad at the comment he made. I just let him walk away, I am thru chasing after people that can walk away from me so easily.

BATYA, I hope you are reading this. I want to apologize to you. You were right. Me and my boyfriend have BIG trust issues. I don't trust him as far as I can throw him. And that is no way to live.

GHOST69, I want to apologize to you too. You were right on. I have big relationship problems, and I lie about little things and think they mean no harm.

RYAN 250, I am sorry. When you joined in the conversation I told you to basically mind your business. You were right too. I am bitter, and I have been for a very long time. I don't think I'm better than anybody though that is not the way I want to come off.

CHEESYSTREET, drop that girl. Yes, she is a liar. If she lies about little things she will lie about even bigger things. Sorry for giving you a hard time.

SWEET-BUTTA-BEAN, you make me laugh. There are days when I feel so bad inside but when I read your posts, you get me laughing and off to a good start. Whatever I am feeling bad about goes away.

LOVE LIKE WINTER - Yes I think 12 years old is too young for you. But I am sorry for being a jerk about it when all you wanted was advice.

EVERYONE ELSE - I love all of you. I really do. You all are like family to me. Thanks to the moderators, you guys are wonderful!

For some reason though I feel so alone inside. I don't have any friends I'm not close with my family. My boyfriend ain't worth a dime, and I feel like some ****. This is hardly everything I wanted to say, but this is the basics.

sandyv · 11-01-2007, 11:25 AM

Beauty21, Your honesty here is a good thing, something you should like about yourself.

I'm sorry your boyfriend is such a jerk. You can do better. I know it sounds cliche, but you can!

Sounds like you've been through so much in your life, you must be a strong person, another good thing about you.

Obviously you are worth much more than you give yourself credit for!

xxx

Sandy

Batya33 · 11-01-2007, 11:44 AM

Thanks for clearing this up. I am troubled that you claimed to be married but am very glad that you have cleared this up.

beauty21 · 11-01-2007, 11:45 AM

Thanks for your reply, Sandy.

I know I can do better than my bf. It's just so hard to let go, when you have no one else.

I hope everyone else, will reply to this.

beauty21 · 11-01-2007, 11:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Batya33

Thanks for clearing this up. I am troubled that you claimed to be married but am very glad that you have cleared this up.

Thanks for your reply. But I never said I was married.

Supa_gurl · 11-01-2007, 11:50 AM

Sounds like you need some counseling honey, Talking to someone that is impartial will help. As far as weed goes, I don't see a big problem with that, just do it in moderation if you can. If you can't then quit it all together. See if there is a drug counseling program you can get into. My prayers are with you. keep your head up and keep the faith. Oh and get rid of the freeloader.

ghost69 · 11-01-2007, 11:56 AM

wow beauty, i commend you on writing something like this. i appreciate the apology. that's something that is hard to do.

i wasn't hurt by your words. it was your opinion and how you felt at that time. you have the right to speak your mind as i do. we cool. remember, we are here to help and offer it from our experience, not our 100% correctness. and as for calling you out, i only did it out of speculation and the facts that i see. i DO know a lot about dating and relationships. i've been through a ton. trust me on that. i wouldn't want anybody to go through some of the crap i've been through. so, i can usually tell when someone is talking from hatred, confusion, and the like. not saying that is what you talk from, but i can sense something based on your posts.

i hope we can help you in any way.

moxi_crimefighter · 11-01-2007, 12:03 PM

i admire you!!!!!!!
although i dont think u have commented on any of my threads i just want to take the time to let u know YOU HAVE A FRIEND IN ME!!!!!
MOST of the ppl in the world WOULDNT even think of doing what you have and admitting there faults and lies so congrats!!! i know sooner or later you WILL start to feel better about your self and then can you start to make positive changes in ur life! i thinks there comes a point where you just get feed up with the bulls!*t and want something bigger.

so good luck and i hope something i said could help you!
Take care
Kirstie

Batya33 · 11-01-2007, 12:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by beauty21

Thanks for your reply. But I never said I was married.

That is right - you did not. You quoted someone else's post and said you had a boyfriend. I'm sorry about that and glad you are trying to get help for your situation.

beauty21 · 11-01-2007, 12:34 PM

Ghost - I'm glad you responded. I needed to make that clear to you, and I'm glad you understand.

Lady D - I'm glad I could help. I'm also glad you walked away from that guy. I know it wasn't easy, but you derserve better and you will find better.

11-01-2007, 11:02 AM	#1
beauty21 Offline Gold Member Join Date: May 2007 Posts: 960	EVERYONE PLEASE READ, EVERYONE, PLEASE. This is truth about Beauty21... The reason for this post is FEEDBACK. I'm afraid I haven't been comletely truthful with you guys, and it's tearing me apart. I was thinking about this all last night. You guys have become family to me and I look forward to coming into work and chatting with all of you everday. I feel like a liar, and I feel like I have been mean to some people on here and yes, it's because I feel bad about myself. First off, I admire all of you, I envy some of you and I don't even know you personally. But I feel like I do. And feelings control who I am. So before I get started I want to thank GOD, for the person who created this site, and for all the people here, because you have opened my eyes in so many ways. I am 22 years old, and feel like I'm 40. As I look back at my life I never thought I'd turn out this way. I drink beer everyday, sometimes liquor and I smoke pot everyday too. I wish I had some ecstasy. I need it. I'm a VERY shy person and the pills make me outgoing and I feel free. There was a time I was addicted to pills. I couldn't control myself. I stopped because I was losing too much weight and they made me depressed when the feeling wore off. But still I want them. Is it bad to want one everyday, if I take care of myself in return? I have messed up teeth. My ex boyfriend put something on my toothbrush and my teeth turned black underneath. My two front teeth are chipped too. I don't know why I won't go to the dentist, yes I do, I don't go because I spend all my money on weed and alcohol. It put that before my own health and it's a shame. Some say they hardly notice, but I know they are lying to spare my feelings. When I was 16, I learned I had HPV. The kind with warts. My mom made me feel dirty, and she started to act really different towards me after this. She always acted funny towards me, but this was different. I can not explain it to you guys, she just acts like she doesn't love me anymore. I was young and I was into sex. I slept around, I don't know why. But I felt really embarrassed in front of my sisters, and my little sister thought it would be funny to tell the neighborhood. I didn't. When I turned 17 I ran away from home. I went to live with my grandmother, and the only reason I was bold enough to run away is because I had a job which is my current job now at the FCC. I got it thru my high school, and I have had it ever since. Me and my parents didn't talk for 2 years and I hardly talked to my sisters ever in my life. Me and my ex moved in together and it was then he started physically abusing me. He took advantage of me, because he knew I had no friends or family to turn to. He manipulated me and he broke my heart. When I finally got the courage to leave him, it was 4 years later and alot of damage had been done not only to my face and body, but my life as well. My job is now on the rocks and I'm hanging on by a thread. My supervisor is the best, understanding woman I know. I want to take a moment and thank GOD for her also. She was abused too when she was young so she understood what I was going thru and she felt my pain. She cried with me and she was there for me when I thought nobody gave a damn. My current boyfriend has no job. He freeloads off everybody and he is always looking for a hand-out. Last night we were arguing, and he brought up my ex, he called him ugly. So I retaliated and called his ex ugly and fat, and he said she looked better than me. I don't think I will ever look at him the same. He is childish and immature and that is not what I need in my life at all. What was the point of arguing over our ex's? He then tried to be mad at me in return because I was mad at the comment he made. I just let him walk away, I am thru chasing after people that can walk away from me so easily. BATYA, I hope you are reading this. I want to apologize to you. You were right. Me and my boyfriend have BIG trust issues. I don't trust him as far as I can throw him. And that is no way to live. GHOST69, I want to apologize to you too. You were right on. I have big relationship problems, and I lie about little things and think they mean no harm. RYAN 250, I am sorry. When you joined in the conversation I told you to basically mind your business. You were right too. I am bitter, and I have been for a very long time. I don't think I'm better than anybody though that is not the way I want to come off. CHEESYSTREET, drop that girl. Yes, she is a liar. If she lies about little things she will lie about even bigger things. Sorry for giving you a hard time. SWEET-BUTTA-BEAN, you make me laugh. There are days when I feel so bad inside but when I read your posts, you get me laughing and off to a good start. Whatever I am feeling bad about goes away. LOVE LIKE WINTER - Yes I think 12 years old is too young for you. But I am sorry for being a jerk about it when all you wanted was advice. EVERYONE ELSE - I love all of you. I really do. You all are like family to me. Thanks to the moderators, you guys are wonderful! For some reason though I feel so alone inside. I don't have any friends I'm not close with my family. My boyfriend ain't worth a dime, and I feel like some ****. This is hardly everything I wanted to say, but this is the basics.

11-01-2007, 11:50 AM	#6
Supa_gurl Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Wasting away in San An-tone Gender: Female Age: 33 Posts: 1,496	Sounds like you need some counseling honey, Talking to someone that is impartial will help. As far as weed goes, I don't see a big problem with that, just do it in moderation if you can. If you can't then quit it all together. See if there is a drug counseling program you can get into. My prayers are with you. keep your head up and keep the faith. Oh and get rid of the freeloader. __________________ Absence is to love what wind is to fire, it extinguishes the small and enkindles the great.

11-01-2007, 11:56 AM	#7
ghost69 Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Desert Gender: Male Posts: 33,427	wow beauty, i commend you on writing something like this. i appreciate the apology. that's something that is hard to do. i wasn't hurt by your words. it was your opinion and how you felt at that time. you have the right to speak your mind as i do. we cool. remember, we are here to help and offer it from our experience, not our 100% correctness. and as for calling you out, i only did it out of speculation and the facts that i see. i DO know a lot about dating and relationships. i've been through a ton. trust me on that. i wouldn't want anybody to go through some of the crap i've been through. so, i can usually tell when someone is talking from hatred, confusion, and the like. not saying that is what you talk from, but i can sense something based on your posts. i hope we can help you in any way. __________________ Not only am I friendly, but I'm invisible too. Too perfect of a relationship is too weird-g69 If you say you are normal, I'd think you are weird-g69 The world can only get better, it depends on how you look at it-g69 'As wicked as you are, you're beautiful to me'-5fingerdeathpunch you cannot control the world, you can only live in it the best you can for you-g69 NooOoOoooOOoOoOoooooo

11-01-2007, 12:03 PM	#8
moxi_crimefighter Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: where MEN have PINK hair Gender: Female Age: 22 Posts: 319	i admire you!!!!!!! although i dont think u have commented on any of my threads i just want to take the time to let u know YOU HAVE A FRIEND IN ME!!!!! MOST of the ppl in the world WOULDNT even think of doing what you have and admitting there faults and lies so congrats!!! i know sooner or later you WILL start to feel better about your self and then can you start to make positive changes in ur life! i thinks there comes a point where you just get feed up with the bulls!*t and want something bigger. so good luck and i hope something i said could help you! Take care Kirstie __________________ iiM Jeffree freakin Star!! lol

11-01-2007, 11:25 AM	#2
sandyv Offline Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Toronto, Canada Gender: Female Posts: 1,877	Beauty21, Your honesty here is a good thing, something you should like about yourself. I'm sorry your boyfriend is such a jerk. You can do better. I know it sounds cliche, but you can! Sounds like you've been through so much in your life, you must be a strong person, another good thing about you. Obviously you are worth much more than you give yourself credit for! xxx Sandy

11-01-2007, 11:44 AM	#3
Batya33 Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Posts: 19,062	Thanks for clearing this up. I am troubled that you claimed to be married but am very glad that you have cleared this up.

11-01-2007, 11:45 AM	#4
beauty21 Offline Gold Member Join Date: May 2007 Posts: 960	Thanks for your reply, Sandy. I know I can do better than my bf. It's just so hard to let go, when you have no one else. I hope everyone else, will reply to this.

11-01-2007, 12:34 PM	#10
beauty21 Offline Gold Member Join Date: May 2007 Posts: 960	Ghost - I'm glad you responded. I needed to make that clear to you, and I'm glad you understand. Lady D - I'm glad I could help. I'm also glad you walked away from that guy. I know it wasn't easy, but you derserve better and you will find better.