Fav Uncle died in a way that upsets

Tethys · 10-13-2007, 08:31 AM

I know the title sounds somewhat stupid, but I didn't know how to put it.

My favorite uncle died about a month ago. I loved him and his wife the most out of my extended family. But how he died keeps bothering me -- he lost control of his car on a bridge, and it ended up in flames. He burned to death.

His wife, my aunt, was VERY upset about the fire, understandably. We (as in the family) kept hoping the autopsy would come back with something that said he was unconscious or whatever before the fire. I mean, no one wants to think of a loved one burning to death. The official verdict was that he died from smoke inhalation. That means he died in the fire, and probably felt it. At least that is how I see it.

I keep thinking about his last moments. Did he suffer? Did he feel it? I can't stop thinking about it. They had to have a closed casket at the funeral because of how badly burned his corpse was.

I don't know what to say or explain why I'm typing this -- I just can't stop thinking about it and how he died. I cry a lot when I think about losing him but then I cry more when I think about how he died.

Just venting I guess...

Lana0120 · 10-13-2007, 08:43 AM

Hey Tethys. I'm sorry to hear about your loss. It doesn't sound stupid. Deaths are upsetting, but at least if you know someone died quickly and painlessly or if it was an illness which meant they could have their loved ones around them at the end, it doesn't seem as bad somehow. The thought that your uncle may have suffered before his death is incredibly distressing. I don't know much about this, but he may not have felt the fire at all, because as you say, he could well have been unconscious before he died of the smoke inhalation. Even if he had been conscious, I doubt it would have been for very long. I'd imagine it still would have been very, very quick. *hugs*

karvala · 10-13-2007, 09:35 AM

If it's any help or consolation, unconsciousness from smoke inhalation typically occurs quite rapidly when someone dies in a fire, and in a car fire this is particularly so because of the thick black toxic fumes given by burning tyres and burning petrol. As such, I can honestly say there is a good chance that he was unconscious before feeling the fire to any significant extent at all.

Tethys · 10-13-2007, 09:51 AM

Thanks, Karvala. It's just one of those things, you know? I and the rest of my family keep thinking about it, particularly his wife. All we have is his burned body and the coroner's report. Intellectually, I know what you are saying, but .... yes, thank you, that helps.

DN · 10-13-2007, 10:19 AM

I would not be surprised if he was also either unconscious or in deep shock from the impact of the collision and, as karvala, says smoke inhalation can have effects very quickly.

rose2summer · 10-13-2007, 11:09 AM

I would say he likely did not feel anything, especially since the autopsy said smoke inhalation. That means that was the cause of death. The doctor likely tested the blood for cyanide and if it was very high, determined that to be the cause of death. If he died by burning, there wouldn't have been enough time for the cyanide levels to raise that high.

Check this out:

Quote:

In many cases where a dead burn victim is found, more frequently than not, the person died from smoke inhalation prior to burning.

Quote:

One byproduct of fire is smoke. Smoke contains particulate matter and heated gases, such as hydrochloric acid, sulfur dioxide, ammonia and carbon dioxide, and toxins, including hydrogen sulfide and hydrogen cyanide.

Quote:

Cyanide kills quickly by disabling the bloods mechanism for carrying oxygen.

[Only registered and activated users can see links. ]

I am so sorry you had to undergo this and lose your uncle. I know the cause of death is a painful one for you, but it appears he died from the smoke inhalation and did not feel the burning. We are here for you.

Hugs! Rose

itsallgrand · 10-13-2007, 11:56 AM

I'm sorry to hear about this, Tethys.

I, too, have lost someone very dear to me by way of a tragic and frightening accident. This was many years ago now.

Since it is so raw for you, it makes a lot of sense to me that these questions and the moments before your uncle's passing are so much on your mind.

I have found that when someone passes this way, it takes a bit more time than usual to process and for a while, there can be a lot of shock. It's possible you are still in shock.

In my own experience, when the shock begins to wear off it seems our minds can get fixated on the most horrible moments and often create their own conclusions.

It's good to get facts. I, too, tend to believe that the info given was accurate. That the smoke inhalation would have prevented much of the suffering you are imagining he may have had to go through.

The human body and mind is remarkable for protecting itself from too much suffering. I feel rather confident that the smoke inhalation and the conditions would have made it so that your uncle would not have been aware of what was happening, very quickly.

I truly wish you some peace, soon. Take care.

Tethys · 10-17-2007, 10:52 AM

Thank you all for your responses. It does help.

Itsallgrand, thank you in particular for understanding what I am thinking. I think you're right. It just hasn't really sunk in yet -- that he's gone -- and the horrible circumstances of his death have made it harder. I have all these thoughts about when we were kids and having barbecues at his house, and my mind does weird things like trace those moments from old memories that ultimately led to this.

He left a wife and children behind, and I know they are suffering more than I, but I can't but help feel such a profound loss. He was such a good, kind man.

Thank you.

10-13-2007, 08:31 AM	#1
Tethys Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Golden State Posts: 2,165	Fav Uncle died in a way that upsets I know the title sounds somewhat stupid, but I didn't know how to put it. My favorite uncle died about a month ago. I loved him and his wife the most out of my extended family. But how he died keeps bothering me -- he lost control of his car on a bridge, and it ended up in flames. He burned to death. His wife, my aunt, was VERY upset about the fire, understandably. We (as in the family) kept hoping the autopsy would come back with something that said he was unconscious or whatever before the fire. I mean, no one wants to think of a loved one burning to death. The official verdict was that he died from smoke inhalation. That means he died in the fire, and probably felt it. At least that is how I see it. I keep thinking about his last moments. Did he suffer? Did he feel it? I can't stop thinking about it. They had to have a closed casket at the funeral because of how badly burned his corpse was. I don't know what to say or explain why I'm typing this -- I just can't stop thinking about it and how he died. I cry a lot when I think about losing him but then I cry more when I think about how he died. Just venting I guess...

10-13-2007, 09:35 AM	#3
karvala Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Aug 2005 Gender: None Specified Posts: 2,331	If it's any help or consolation, unconsciousness from smoke inhalation typically occurs quite rapidly when someone dies in a fire, and in a car fire this is particularly so because of the thick black toxic fumes given by burning tyres and burning petrol. As such, I can honestly say there is a good chance that he was unconscious before feeling the fire to any significant extent at all. __________________ May you live all the days of your life Trying to heal from after a breakup? Perhaps you need Enhanced No Contact: http://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?p=1438257

10-13-2007, 10:19 AM	#5
DN Online Super Moderator Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Ontario, Canada Gender: Male Posts: 23,445	I would not be surprised if he was also either unconscious or in deep shock from the impact of the collision and, as karvala, says smoke inhalation can have effects very quickly. __________________ Immaturity is not defined by him not doing what you want him to do. Hartman's Law of Prescriptivist Retaliation: "any article or statement about correct grammar, punctuation, or spelling is bound to contain at least one eror".

10-13-2007, 11:56 AM	#7
itsallgrand Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: following my grace... Gender: None Specified Posts: 6,790	I'm sorry to hear about this, Tethys. I, too, have lost someone very dear to me by way of a tragic and frightening accident. This was many years ago now. Since it is so raw for you, it makes a lot of sense to me that these questions and the moments before your uncle's passing are so much on your mind. I have found that when someone passes this way, it takes a bit more time than usual to process and for a while, there can be a lot of shock. It's possible you are still in shock. In my own experience, when the shock begins to wear off it seems our minds can get fixated on the most horrible moments and often create their own conclusions. It's good to get facts. I, too, tend to believe that the info given was accurate. That the smoke inhalation would have prevented much of the suffering you are imagining he may have had to go through. The human body and mind is remarkable for protecting itself from too much suffering. I feel rather confident that the smoke inhalation and the conditions would have made it so that your uncle would not have been aware of what was happening, very quickly. I truly wish you some peace, soon. Take care. __________________ "The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off." Mal Pancoast

10-13-2007, 08:43 AM	#2
Lana0120 Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Gender: Female Posts: 3,467	Hey Tethys. I'm sorry to hear about your loss. It doesn't sound stupid. Deaths are upsetting, but at least if you know someone died quickly and painlessly or if it was an illness which meant they could have their loved ones around them at the end, it doesn't seem as bad somehow. The thought that your uncle may have suffered before his death is incredibly distressing. I don't know much about this, but he may not have felt the fire at all, because as you say, he could well have been unconscious before he died of the smoke inhalation. Even if he had been conscious, I doubt it would have been for very long. I'd imagine it still would have been very, very quick. hugs

10-13-2007, 09:51 AM	#4
Tethys Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Golden State Posts: 2,165	Thanks, Karvala. It's just one of those things, you know? I and the rest of my family keep thinking about it, particularly his wife. All we have is his burned body and the coroner's report. Intellectually, I know what you are saying, but .... yes, thank you, that helps.

10-17-2007, 10:52 AM	#8
Tethys Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Golden State Posts: 2,165	Thank you all for your responses. It does help. Itsallgrand, thank you in particular for understanding what I am thinking. I think you're right. It just hasn't really sunk in yet -- that he's gone -- and the horrible circumstances of his death have made it harder. I have all these thoughts about when we were kids and having barbecues at his house, and my mind does weird things like trace those moments from old memories that ultimately led to this. He left a wife and children behind, and I know they are suffering more than I, but I can't but help feel such a profound loss. He was such a good, kind man. Thank you.