Moms of young children better in a work crisis?

This is just an "I've always wondered" question. In my informal survey of places I've worked, I've noticed that women with young children (let's say, 2-9 or so) are better at handling work related pressures or "fire drills" (where something has to get done unexpectedly in a very short time period or there's a damage control issue that suddenly comes up).

I've always surmised that this is because even the worst work "crisis" is nothing like trying to take care of a small child where every minute can be a new adventure or crisis. (I am not a mom but for several years of my life I worked with young children in various capacities and I work with children as a volunteer now.) By "better" I mean they remain more centered and are more "no nonense" - they just dive in and do what it takes to get the job done without getting involved in any hierarchy or politics issues and without getting visibly stressed.

Am I just imagining this or does this ring true for anyone else?

Thanks!

I wonder if part of this is just life balance and overall life experience though and also realizing that "this too shall pass"?

I don't know, I consider myself pretty level headed during crisis; and I don't have children! I have however gone through some rougher things in life that probably have balanced me out and make me realize this "crisis" is really quite surmountable - just plow through it and get through it...and as I said keep that "this too shall pass" frame of mind.

I also tend to avoid the politics and hierarchy that occurs in workplaces (which I also note tends to be present in grad school!), which may be part of why I do so. Some people tend to feed into the frenzy when they are embroiled in the office politics.

I'm trying to think about the people I've worked with. I think it depends on their personality too. Some people are just cool during stressful times. And I think that some people, even if they have small children and deal with stress all the time, just don't handle it well. They get overwhelmed easily. In fact, I have a coworker now who is raising his young grandchildren and the man gets upset over EVERYTHING. Anything that happens it the end of the world. That is a man though and you asked about women. Have you noticed a gender difference at all?

This is where my informal survey has its major flaws. I typically notice it in women but it also could be that given the traditional set up of the mom having more time with the kids than the dad I don't connect the dots the same way when it comes to men. When I think about it though, I worked with someone for a few years who had two young children and he fit that "cool calm collected" type I mentioned in my original post. Hmmmmm.

Being a mom definitely gives you new skills. I think how people react in a "crisis" is more to do with their personality and EI than probably anything else but I can see how the experience of being a mom could improve an individuals ability to cope.

I think it'd be interesting to see these people interact with their children. Like say you had someone with small children who was not good at handling crisis. It'd be interesting to see how they deal with their children when they are upset. I bet they don't stay cool then either and the house is chaotic. That's just a generalization though and it could be that someone is great with kids and just not good at their job haha.

I think it is a personality thing too, as in not all moms with kids that age react well to emergencies or situations requiring control and working under pressure. My mother and me to name two. LOL

We were both horrible at handling emergencies at that age of our lives (when our kids were aged 2 - 9). Very hyper and got really hyper during emergencies.

HOwever, i didn't enter the corporate world until my youngest was six so i dont know if i can even make a fair analogy here at all. My ability to hander pressure and remain calm and collected just came later in life with maturity. My skills I learned while parenting I am sure helped a good deal but I do think I would have honed them regardless.

I suppose I wouldn't take issue with that the majority of the time. My mom is a very emotional person, and most of the time I was in a better position to make clearer decisions.

She once called my dad in the middle of a conference to hysterically inform him that I had lost my batman figure and did not know where it was. I of course could care less, but she is just nuts.

I guess my own experience isn't the norm, though.

I think there are studies that have shown women who have children are stronger, smarter, and more capable then women who have never had children....

Never heard of such a study. What I do know is that I volunteered in a homeless shelter for over 5 years where women and children lived. Over the 5 years I probably met over 100 women and saw hundreds of women. In general, the women looked constantly tired, unhealthy, sad or stressed (including when they were pregnant) - they were all unemployed and often pregnant again. I am not criticizing them - I felt sorry for them - but certainly they were not smarter, stronger or more capable than me (I do not have children) simply because they had children. There were exceptions - women who continued to look healthy, well rested, energetic and enthusiastic but that was not the norm - which is not surprising given that environment.

Of my friends who are mothers (mostly professionals by education and/or career) many of them are constantly exhausted or stressed and look far older than they are - certainly not "stronger" or "more capable" looking than me or other women I know who do not have children.

Nothing of that is a criticism of their choice - I think it's wonderful that they're mothers - but I don't think giving birth and being a mother is linked to being smarter or stronger. I would be curious to see that study and see whether it applies only to women who give birth or also to women who adopt or use a surrogate, etc. Also, how long are they mothers? Does it count if they lose custody of the child or if the child (g-d forbid) dies young? How about a lesbian mother to her partner's child or a stepmother?

This is why I doubt there was such a study or that such study could be accurate because of the many different ways a woman can "have" children or be a "mother" and then you have to account for whether they work while raising children, how often, in what environment, whether they were "smart" before having children, etc. Also I would be surprised if that study was done only on mothers and not fathers, and I am sure there would have been reactions by women who choose not to have children or cannot have children - they are supposed to believe they are less strong and smart because their bodies cannot bear children?

Okay....maybe the study was on rats....but I think the guy that did the study thought it could also apply humans....link removed

Very interesting - thanks!

Yes indeed-there are so many balls to juggle being a mother of a small child and there is no room for slow poke rolling. Got to go extra hard and but all you got into it because when you have a small child there's no way to say -"Mommy don't have it"

In my experience mums of young children do a lot of talking about their young children and a lot less work. They also tend to ask for a lot of time off on behalf of their young children.

I imagine they would need extra time off work to raise their children from time to time. I quit work because it was something I couldn't juggle after two years. Anyone who has ever kept their career and raised a family I bow and worship you.

Thanks for sharing. My issue had more to do with how mothers of young children deal with work crises while on the job - not about taking time off to work in the home raising children but I completely agree with you!

Batya, I guess what happens is that only the most organized women end up holding the high-pressure jobs after having children. They are the only ones that survive it. So I can imagine they are the type that would handle a crisis very well.

Interesting point. Hasn't been my experience (particularly if the woman is the main breadwinner and she has few options once pregnant other than to remain in her pre-pregnancy job) but I can see where there might be a natural selection process.

I guess the reason a woman would end up the main breadwinner is because she is a natural go-getter.

I am thinking of scenarios where the man is a go getter but in a field that doesn't typically command job stabilty or an income they can live on - i.e. artists, musicians, etc. And where the woman fell in love, as one of my friends did, with a man with a great imagination but no ambition. Two young kids later, she is the main breadwinner out of necessity. I am continuously impressed with how she holds it all together - including managing the family's finances since he is financially irresponsible. I should add that I believe she would work out of the home and in the home even if he made an adequate salary/benefits, but just less hours.

In my experience mums of young children do a lot of talking about their young children and a lot less work. They also tend to ask for a lot of time off on behalf of their young children.

In my experience the "time off" is for "time on" working in the home and if they are given time off past their maternity leave, it is unpaid, and often it negatively impacts their career progress. No free ride for the most part.

In my job, it would be seen as unprofessional to focus on talking about one's children while there was a project or deadline that needed attention. Just like it would be unprofessional to talk about your social life, your family, your dog, anything personal to an extent where the work wasn't getting done. In fact, my guess is that people who talk about their kids as you described also talked about all other personal stuff before they had kids. They just switched topics.

Those who care about their image at work do not do so.

I guess the reason a woman would end up the main breadwinner is because she is a natural go-getter.

Or she is a single mom.

The largest segment of those living in poverty up here are single parents, and they are usually WORKING parents......I think when you know you have no other choice, you are going to deal with work crisis' because you have too.

My mum by the way was a single mum for a while, she had me as she was finishing her undergrad degree (I was not planned!), but then stayed at home as my dad was a trucker and so she could not really work when he could be gone for days or weeks...when they divorced I was 7, my brother was 2 and she was 7 months pregnant. She had been planning on going into police force before he left and been accepted (delayed due to pregnancy) but realized that would not be a good job with three young kids at home, so took an office job and went back to school at nights to upgrade her education related to the insurance field. Graduated with 4.0 in her second business degree, and had been taking different programs ever since to upgrade (risk management, etc).

She is a hard worker.....she had been headhunted frequently and today she is a VERY high position in a national insurance company. She likes her job; she kept doing it even while battling cancer, but I know originally she did not go to work because she was "driven" too.

She would of preferred to have stayed at home when we were young....she had always wanted to be a mum and be there full-time....but circumstances changed and I am so proud of her! She kept us in our house, made sure that we did not feel "poor", stretched the dollar, figured out ways to still enable us to play sports (asking for donated gear, etc) - my dad was not exactly good about the very little child support he had to pay anyway (he got off with having to pay almost nothing) so she really did it on her own. A while later she met my stepfather and a year later we all moved in together and that eased the burden, but she still kept working at that point.

I'm thinking her man is extremely fortunate, Batya. I only hope he appreciates her.

She sounds like a wonderful person. Many would have slugged around after that and given up. You must be very proud of your mom, RayKay.

She sounds like a wonderful person. Many would have slugged around after that and given up. You must be very proud of your mom, RayKay.

 

I am - she's my hero!