Muslim and Catholic Marriage and Kids

oddride · 10-09-2007, 06:59 AM

Hi guys and girls

ive read a few other posts but it seems no one has answered my question.

ive been in a relationship with my girlfriend who is a catholic and i am a muslim. we are both moderate. living in Australia

we are intending to get married and have compromised the wedding processes etc.

my main concern is and i want to hear from people who are in similar situations or have been in such circumstances to what do you do or what have you compromised on with your children??

1. how do you raise them in what religion?
2. can you raise a child with both religions?
3. do you allow them to eat pork? (this is the most important as i wish the children do not eat pork)
4. do they get baptised? ( we sort of agreed that they can recieve a blessing only and not a baptism)
5. do the boys get circumsized.

my concern is not with whether they should celebrate xmas or easter or the islamic festivities. it has to do mainly with the points i have made above. they are the only situations where we cannot agree.

i need your help

Butterfly~Wrists · 10-09-2007, 08:05 AM

Rais them to know of both religions and customs.

When they get older, they can then choose what religion to be.

Do not baptise them, untill they know thenselves what they belive in.
No boys do not get foreskin removed (sorry i cant spell)

I'd say no to pork also.
maybe at christmas.

(let them have christmas and such. as ur gfs family will espect to be able to send pressents.)

dqueen · 10-09-2007, 08:21 AM

Wow. That's a handful. I guess how you wish to raise your children depends on how religious you are, and how important your religious practices are to you. Are you practicing, non-practicing or in-between?

Now, I am a female so maybe my answers may be useless to you but I will try answering them to the best of my knowledge as I am familiar with the Islamic religion.

(Actually, I was just going to PM you my answers fearing backlash but I will post here anyway.)

1) I would raise them to be Muslim because the religious upbringing of children in Muslim-Christian marriages lies on the father's shoulders. Read this link for an explanation: [Only registered and activated users can see links. ]

2) See above. You CAN. God has given everyone freewill but whether you choose to or not is ultimately up to you. Knowledge about different religions is never a bad thing.

3) Hell no!!! Pork would be a HUGE no for me.

4) No baptism. You say you both have agreed on a blessing. Do you know that blessing is done (Islamically, of course) at the time or shortly after birth?

5) Well, this is tricky. As far as circumcision for males is concerned, it is a highly emphasized way of the Messenger of Allah (Sunnah) and one of the salient features of Islam.

The Prophet (Peace be upon him) said: “The practices related to Fitrah (natural human ways) are five: Circumcision, shaving the pubic hair, trimming the moustache, cutting the nails and removing the hair of the underarm” (Sahih al-Bukhari)

In the light of the above, newborn males should be circumcised before the child has attained puberty. Failing to do so will amount in leaving out a salient feature of Islam. So no it is not mandatory but is highly recommended. Personally, I would get my sons circumsized for the above reasons stated.

Hope I was of some help! If anything is unclear, just ask.

icarus27 · 10-09-2007, 09:09 AM

dqueen,

While what you've advised is technically accurate, (I'm speaking as a Muslim myself), it does lean heavily towards the Muslim partner's wishes. To come to an effective compromise, the OP can get *some* of what he wants, but the mum must also be able to pass some of the aspects of what she wants for her children.

I'm going to be controversial here, but I'm of the opinion that while Islamic laws allow mixed-faith marriages, the pre-condition seems to be that the non-Muslim partner has to give up a lot of his/her wishes. That doesn't seem fair, and it then becomes a dangerous flaw in the relationship that may threaten it later.

So what I'm saying is that the OP and his partner could be wise to look for those aspects which wouldn't compromise either faith. For example, if the children never eat pork, it doesn't violate any Catholic ideas. So that's a rule that would easily keep both parents happy. Baptism however, would be a different thing. Maybe the two parents could come to an agreement that the child will have a formal naming ceremony, but decide the character of that so that both religions would be respected. I mean, people write their wedding vows these days ... it might be just as possible.

oddride · 10-10-2007, 12:34 AM

in relation to the baptism my partner wishes to have a naming ceremony. i think this was done in an episode of sex and the city with miranda's child.

*havent seen the episode myself*

please continue your comments. this will promote new ideas or ways of thinking that maybe we can compromise on.

i greatly appreciate the comments.

Rabican · 10-10-2007, 10:50 PM

id get the kid circumsized... even just for sanitary reasons.. god im glad my parents went that route with me. I think guys with the foreskin... eh gross.

Also if you dont mind me taking your thread off topic, what is the muslim problem with pork? I dont get it.

Raredreams · 10-15-2007, 03:01 PM

What I can tell you is that my mom is Catholic and my father is Jewish. I have five siblings and as I can remember, religion and personal belief was never an issue in our kitchen table. We were all raised independent. I turned out to be Catholic, just like 2 of sister and the other 3 became Jewish. They both taught us about their different belief and basically it was up to us to decide on our own.
Pork was an issue, since my dad wont eat it, but my mom loves it. But, they let us eat it if we wanted to. Mind you, pork was hardly served and by the time I first saw it, I was already a teenager. By that time, we knew what belief we wanted to keep.
Baptism...we all did...
However, even though I am Catholic, I didnt baptist my daughter only because I felt that the church donation for this typew of ceremony was crazy and I didnt want to put this money in no preachers pocket, if you know what I mean.

Circumsized... my brother's got it done..not because of religion, but for health reason...

Hope I was able to help

oddride · 10-24-2007, 10:15 PM

That was a great help. Thanks!!

If there are any other people in similar situations id love to hear from you.

Only if there was 1 religion for everybody i wouldnt have to go through such dramas.

A_starz · 10-25-2007, 12:07 AM

hey everyone ..
well am new to do this ..but i have some questions concernin also about the muslim and catholic marriage..its soo weird cause i ahave those questions as well.. but me question is how are you gettin married thru hes religion on thru her religion or just through court..can someone help..

Quote:

Originally Posted by oddride

Hi guys and girls

ive read a few other posts but it seems no one has answered my question.

ive been in a relationship with my girlfriend who is a catholic and i am a muslim. we are both moderate. living in Australia

we are intending to get married and have compromised the wedding processes etc.

my main concern is and i want to hear from people who are in similar situations or have been in such circumstances to what do you do or what have you compromised on with your children??

1. how do you raise them in what religion?
2. can you raise a child with both religions?
3. do you allow them to eat pork? (this is the most important as i wish the children do not eat pork)
4. do they get baptised? ( we sort of agreed that they can recieve a blessing only and not a baptism)
5. do the boys get circumsized.

my concern is not with whether they should celebrate xmas or easter or the islamic festivities. it has to do mainly with the points i have made above. they are the only situations where we cannot agree.

i need your help

valiantv · 10-25-2007, 07:01 AM

Hi... if you want to keep them religious I would do the following:

Quote:

1. how do you raise them in what religion?

You said you were moderate, so what I would do is find out what is acceptable to both religions, and bring them to mass and the mosque or whatever. Only the bits that contradict each other are the real conflict here. For these bits, explain both schools of thought. It will expand their minds too.

Quote:

2. can you raise a child with both religions?

See #1 above

Quote:

3. do you allow them to eat pork? (this is the most important as i wish the children do not eat pork)

If this is most important, then do not. There is no catholic rule that says you must eat pork...

Quote:

4. do they get baptised? ( we sort of agreed that they can recieve a blessing only and not a baptism)

Well look up the technicalities of baptism. From what I know it means the holy spirit is accepting your soul or something like that. However, I don't know if it means the Muslim God (who is supposedly the same God anyway) is shunning you... Find this out. If not, then I don't see the problem with baptism!

Quote:

5. do the boys get circumsized.

Again, see above.

Basically what I'm saying is that why not give them best of both worlds. Give them all the Muslim stuff and all the Catholic stuff. Whereas people on here (e.g. by not being baptised) are suggesting you do neither. The only problems you have are where there is a direct conflict - i.e. where Catholicism requires you to do something that Islam forbids or vice versa. In these cases, you can reach a compromise.

10-09-2007, 08:21 AM	#3
dqueen Offline Silver Member Join Date: Sep 2007 Gender: Female Age: 25 Posts: 465	Wow. That's a handful. I guess how you wish to raise your children depends on how religious you are, and how important your religious practices are to you. Are you practicing, non-practicing or in-between? Now, I am a female so maybe my answers may be useless to you but I will try answering them to the best of my knowledge as I am familiar with the Islamic religion. (Actually, I was just going to PM you my answers fearing backlash but I will post here anyway.) 1) I would raise them to be Muslim because the religious upbringing of children in Muslim-Christian marriages lies on the father's shoulders. Read this link for an explanation: [Only registered and activated users can see links. ] 2) See above. You CAN. God has given everyone freewill but whether you choose to or not is ultimately up to you. Knowledge about different religions is never a bad thing. 3) Hell no!!! Pork would be a HUGE no for me. 4) No baptism. You say you both have agreed on a blessing. Do you know that blessing is done (Islamically, of course) at the time or shortly after birth? 5) Well, this is tricky. As far as circumcision for males is concerned, it is a highly emphasized way of the Messenger of Allah (Sunnah) and one of the salient features of Islam. The Prophet (Peace be upon him) said: “The practices related to Fitrah (natural human ways) are five: Circumcision, shaving the pubic hair, trimming the moustache, cutting the nails and removing the hair of the underarm” (Sahih al-Bukhari) In the light of the above, newborn males should be circumcised before the child has attained puberty. Failing to do so will amount in leaving out a salient feature of Islam. So no it is not mandatory but is highly recommended. Personally, I would get my sons circumsized for the above reasons stated. Hope I was of some help! If anything is unclear, just ask. __________________ Good things come to those who wait. Last edited by dqueen; 10-09-2007 at 08:24 AM.

10-09-2007, 06:59 AM	#1
oddride Offline Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Posts: 3	Muslim and Catholic Marriage and Kids Hi guys and girls ive read a few other posts but it seems no one has answered my question. ive been in a relationship with my girlfriend who is a catholic and i am a muslim. we are both moderate. living in Australia we are intending to get married and have compromised the wedding processes etc. my main concern is and i want to hear from people who are in similar situations or have been in such circumstances to what do you do or what have you compromised on with your children?? 1. how do you raise them in what religion? 2. can you raise a child with both religions? 3. do you allow them to eat pork? (this is the most important as i wish the children do not eat pork) 4. do they get baptised? ( we sort of agreed that they can recieve a blessing only and not a baptism) 5. do the boys get circumsized. my concern is not with whether they should celebrate xmas or easter or the islamic festivities. it has to do mainly with the points i have made above. they are the only situations where we cannot agree. i need your help

10-09-2007, 08:05 AM	#2
Butterfly~Wrists Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Gender: Female Posts: 1,652	Rais them to know of both religions and customs. When they get older, they can then choose what religion to be. Do not baptise them, untill they know thenselves what they belive in. No boys do not get foreskin removed (sorry i cant spell) I'd say no to pork also. maybe at christmas. (let them have christmas and such. as ur gfs family will espect to be able to send pressents.)

10-09-2007, 09:09 AM	#4
icarus27 Offline Silver Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Reading, UK Gender: Male Age: 31 Posts: 504	dqueen, While what you've advised is technically accurate, (I'm speaking as a Muslim myself), it does lean heavily towards the Muslim partner's wishes. To come to an effective compromise, the OP can get some of what he wants, but the mum must also be able to pass some of the aspects of what she wants for her children. I'm going to be controversial here, but I'm of the opinion that while Islamic laws allow mixed-faith marriages, the pre-condition seems to be that the non-Muslim partner has to give up a lot of his/her wishes. That doesn't seem fair, and it then becomes a dangerous flaw in the relationship that may threaten it later. So what I'm saying is that the OP and his partner could be wise to look for those aspects which wouldn't compromise either faith. For example, if the children never eat pork, it doesn't violate any Catholic ideas. So that's a rule that would easily keep both parents happy. Baptism however, would be a different thing. Maybe the two parents could come to an agreement that the child will have a formal naming ceremony, but decide the character of that so that both religions would be respected. I mean, people write their wedding vows these days ... it might be just as possible.

10-10-2007, 12:34 AM	#5
oddride Offline Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Posts: 3	in relation to the baptism my partner wishes to have a naming ceremony. i think this was done in an episode of sex and the city with miranda's child. havent seen the episode myself please continue your comments. this will promote new ideas or ways of thinking that maybe we can compromise on. i greatly appreciate the comments.

10-10-2007, 10:50 PM	#6
Rabican Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: FL Gender: Male Age: 29 Posts: 2,086	id get the kid circumsized... even just for sanitary reasons.. god im glad my parents went that route with me. I think guys with the foreskin... eh gross. Also if you dont mind me taking your thread off topic, what is the muslim problem with pork? I dont get it.

10-15-2007, 03:01 PM	#7
Raredreams Offline Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Miami, FL Gender: Female Posts: 7	What I can tell you is that my mom is Catholic and my father is Jewish. I have five siblings and as I can remember, religion and personal belief was never an issue in our kitchen table. We were all raised independent. I turned out to be Catholic, just like 2 of sister and the other 3 became Jewish. They both taught us about their different belief and basically it was up to us to decide on our own. Pork was an issue, since my dad wont eat it, but my mom loves it. But, they let us eat it if we wanted to. Mind you, pork was hardly served and by the time I first saw it, I was already a teenager. By that time, we knew what belief we wanted to keep. Baptism...we all did... However, even though I am Catholic, I didnt baptist my daughter only because I felt that the church donation for this typew of ceremony was crazy and I didnt want to put this money in no preachers pocket, if you know what I mean. Circumsized... my brother's got it done..not because of religion, but for health reason... Hope I was able to help

10-24-2007, 10:15 PM	#8
oddride Offline Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Posts: 3	That was a great help. Thanks!! If there are any other people in similar situations id love to hear from you. Only if there was 1 religion for everybody i wouldnt have to go through such dramas.