Sleeping with a married woman.

antigravity · 10-04-2007, 11:56 PM

Hey everyone

I'm about to leave my g/f of 1.5yrs, because i'm extremely unhappy with her. She's had some things happen to her in the past that have made her a very negative and depressed person who is always on the edge of snapping. She always uses her past as an excuse and never tries to improve herself. Fortunately, we have had a beautiful baby girl together, who I wouldn't change for the world. But that makes things a little more complex.

ANYWAY, I've been talking intimately with a friend of hers for the past few weeks, and we've already fallen quite deeply for each other. Only problem is she's married with 2 children.

We've started sleeping together, and not only is the sex incredible, but we have similar views on both important and trivial things in life, and we have the same goals in life. We both find each other extremely attractive, and even from the first time I saw her (as a friend at that stage) I thought she was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.

We've both never cheated before, and we're not a big on having an 'affair'. She's told me she doesn't love her husband, and he's never made her happy, but she's stayed with him for the children.

I've told her that as much as i'm enjoying being with her, and falling for her, I can't do it any longer unless she can tell me 100% she's going to leave him. Otherwise, I can tell i'm going to fall further for her, and ultimately get very hurt. She was cool with this, and is going to have a good think about whether she wants to stay with him for the rest of her life.

Have I made the right decision? And if she says she will leave him, how long should I give her to do it?

HealingHandsWarmHeart · 10-05-2007, 12:08 AM

did you tell her that you are ending things ...or did you tell her that you want her to get a divorce?

that part was a little confusing.

antigravity · 10-05-2007, 12:12 AM

I am willing to continue things with her, if she can honestly say to me that she WILL leave her husband in the near future.

I find it very hard to fall for someone, and I have fallen for this girl so quickly, and so much, I can't just walk away without giving her a chance to leave her husband.

My concern, is if she says she'll leave him, how long should I give her to do it? A few months?

Zackinlaw · 10-05-2007, 12:15 AM

Sure, why not wreck 2 whole families and a friendship in one fell swoop?

Maybe I'm just wierd for thinking that when you have children, you might have to sacrifice a bit of your own personal happiness for their sake.

Maybe I'm wierd for thinking that marriage means something ... at the very least, a commitment to fidelity.

Maybe it's fashionable right now to think it's OK to skulk around and find what you think is missing in your relationship.

And maybe I'm wierd for thinking that an ultimatum to wreck her marriage as a prerequisite for being with you is just plain wrong.

But that's just me.

Zack.

HealingHandsWarmHeart · 10-05-2007, 12:16 AM

well she isn't going to go anywhere ... when she has you and her husband...what reason would she have to leave?

She won't leave him.

i really think you are in way over your head with this...and your going to waste a lot of time waiting around for this woman.

i know you care for her...but go do some research on extra marital affairs- they aren't pretty.

Entropy Smith · 10-05-2007, 12:23 AM

Really dude, your priorities are all screwed up...I feel sorry for your daughter.

antigravity · 10-05-2007, 12:26 AM

That's why I have asked her NOW whether she is going to leave or not.

I asked whether she just wants a bit of fun with me on the side, and she said that's not what she's after. I make her happy. Her husband doesn't. She wants to be with me, she's just not sure whether she has the guts to break up her family.

I understand how hard that would be for her, and have told her I'll give her time and support if she wants to leave him. But I just need to know now, instead of 1-2yrs down the track whether she's going to leave him.

Don't wanna be one of those people always waiting around for the divorce. I've got too many other things to do in my life than wait around. And i'm not big on cheating or having an affair too. In fact it makes me feel sick.

antigravity · 10-05-2007, 12:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Entropy Smith

Really dude, your priorities are all screwed up...I feel sorry for your daughter.

Fair enough... But you don't have to live in my shoes or live with my daughter's mother every single day.

I love my daughter, and would do almost anything for her. But her mother is a complete nutcase who I can't stand to be around anymore. I don't love her at all.

But you're saying I should stay with my partner even if I don't love her, just for my daughter?

Zackinlaw · 10-05-2007, 12:37 AM

Quote:

But you're saying I should stay with my partner even if I don't love her, just for my daughter?

Something to consider.

Flip it around ... are you saying that your daughter should endure a broken home just because you don't love her mother?

Idocsteve · 10-05-2007, 12:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by antigravity

Have I made the right decision? And if she says she will leave him, how long should I give her to do it?

No, you haven't made the right decision. She's a married woman. You are contributing to the downfall of their marriage. Just because she says things to you about how her husband treats her doesn't mean they are true. And that's not even the point. You have no business being with this woman.

You should immediately back off, discontinue the affair, and let her come to her own decisions regarding what she will do about her marriage. If/when she files for divorce, then maybe the two of you can talk about building something.

But not a minute before. Your family is already screwed. Put your d!ck back in your pants and stop messing things up for another family.

10-04-2007, 11:56 PM	#1
antigravity Offline Member Join Date: Sep 2005 Gender: Male Age: 26 Posts: 368	Sleeping with a married woman. Hey everyone I'm about to leave my g/f of 1.5yrs, because i'm extremely unhappy with her. She's had some things happen to her in the past that have made her a very negative and depressed person who is always on the edge of snapping. She always uses her past as an excuse and never tries to improve herself. Fortunately, we have had a beautiful baby girl together, who I wouldn't change for the world. But that makes things a little more complex. ANYWAY, I've been talking intimately with a friend of hers for the past few weeks, and we've already fallen quite deeply for each other. Only problem is she's married with 2 children. We've started sleeping together, and not only is the sex incredible, but we have similar views on both important and trivial things in life, and we have the same goals in life. We both find each other extremely attractive, and even from the first time I saw her (as a friend at that stage) I thought she was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. We've both never cheated before, and we're not a big on having an 'affair'. She's told me she doesn't love her husband, and he's never made her happy, but she's stayed with him for the children. I've told her that as much as i'm enjoying being with her, and falling for her, I can't do it any longer unless she can tell me 100% she's going to leave him. Otherwise, I can tell i'm going to fall further for her, and ultimately get very hurt. She was cool with this, and is going to have a good think about whether she wants to stay with him for the rest of her life. Have I made the right decision? And if she says she will leave him, how long should I give her to do it? __________________ "I've been living with the false impression that everyone will have their time."

10-05-2007, 12:08 AM	#2
HealingHandsWarmHeart Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: New Jersey Gender: Female Age: 37 Posts: 2,601	did you tell her that you are ending things ...or did you tell her that you want her to get a divorce? that part was a little confusing. __________________ “Nobody can hurt me without my permission.” ~ Ghandi Last edited by HealingHandsWarmHeart; 10-05-2007 at 12:09 AM. Reason: misread original post

10-05-2007, 12:12 AM	#3
antigravity Offline Member Join Date: Sep 2005 Gender: Male Age: 26 Posts: 368	I am willing to continue things with her, if she can honestly say to me that she WILL leave her husband in the near future. I find it very hard to fall for someone, and I have fallen for this girl so quickly, and so much, I can't just walk away without giving her a chance to leave her husband. My concern, is if she says she'll leave him, how long should I give her to do it? A few months? __________________ "I've been living with the false impression that everyone will have their time." Last edited by antigravity; 10-05-2007 at 12:14 AM.

10-05-2007, 12:16 AM	#5
HealingHandsWarmHeart Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: New Jersey Gender: Female Age: 37 Posts: 2,601	well she isn't going to go anywhere ... when she has you and her husband...what reason would she have to leave? She won't leave him. i really think you are in way over your head with this...and your going to waste a lot of time waiting around for this woman. i know you care for her...but go do some research on extra marital affairs- they aren't pretty. __________________ “Nobody can hurt me without my permission.” ~ Ghandi

10-05-2007, 12:26 AM	#7
antigravity Offline Member Join Date: Sep 2005 Gender: Male Age: 26 Posts: 368	That's why I have asked her NOW whether she is going to leave or not. I asked whether she just wants a bit of fun with me on the side, and she said that's not what she's after. I make her happy. Her husband doesn't. She wants to be with me, she's just not sure whether she has the guts to break up her family. I understand how hard that would be for her, and have told her I'll give her time and support if she wants to leave him. But I just need to know now, instead of 1-2yrs down the track whether she's going to leave him. Don't wanna be one of those people always waiting around for the divorce. I've got too many other things to do in my life than wait around. And i'm not big on cheating or having an affair too. In fact it makes me feel sick. __________________ "I've been living with the false impression that everyone will have their time."

10-05-2007, 12:15 AM	#4
Zackinlaw Offline Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: New Jersey, USA Gender: Male Age: 25 Posts: 1,991	Sure, why not wreck 2 whole families and a friendship in one fell swoop? Maybe I'm just wierd for thinking that when you have children, you might have to sacrifice a bit of your own personal happiness for their sake. Maybe I'm wierd for thinking that marriage means something ... at the very least, a commitment to fidelity. Maybe it's fashionable right now to think it's OK to skulk around and find what you think is missing in your relationship. And maybe I'm wierd for thinking that an ultimatum to wreck her marriage as a prerequisite for being with you is just plain wrong. But that's just me. Zack.

10-05-2007, 12:23 AM	#6
Entropy Smith Offline Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: New Yawk Gender: Male Posts: 925	Really dude, your priorities are all screwed up...I feel sorry for your daughter.