I'm Muslim & Girl is Christian - My family is not happy!

zrehman · 09-10-2007, 07:19 PM

Hey - I'll make this as short as possible.

I'm Muslim and my woman is Christian. I haven't told my parents about her and we've been dating for 1 year and 9 months on/off.

I want to tell my parents about her because I am tired of sneaking around and I'm especially tired of lying. I don't think I need to anymore.

I need advice on the best way to tell my parents about my relationship and the love for this woman and how I want to spend the rest of my life with her.

I don't think I would tell them that I've had a gf for 1 year and 9 months because I feel like that would be me telling them that I lied to them for 1 year and 9 months and I've been going behind their back.

I need advice ... please help.

chai714 · 09-10-2007, 07:53 PM

You enter a relationship because why? Because you want your family to approve? Or because the way she makes you feel?

Which is more important?

itsallgrand · 09-10-2007, 07:56 PM

Do you live at home?

What the worse case scenario here? The worse that you can think of in terms of how your parents will react, and what they can do to make your life hellish?

PeanutButter · 09-10-2007, 08:06 PM

Quote:

my woman is Christian

thats how i can tell your muslim, but she is not your property for one thing.

my dads side of the family is muslim, but its america and your free over here. regardless of all these hocus pocus traditions. but look just tell them "i been seeing this girl and i didnt know how to go about this with you guys, until i was sure it was serious. shes christian and i hope you guys can learn to accept this. its hard to pick and choose a muslim lady here, but i fell in love with her."

GettingBetter · 09-10-2007, 08:11 PM

Doesn't the Qur'an say something to the effect, "You will find closest to the believers those who say, 'We are Christians'"? I'm a Christian, and I've only read the first few books from the Qur'an, but it certainly seems that more times than not Islam is compatible with Christianity, and frankly I fail to see why there would be any problem.

Now, I certainly don't think you should bring that into the equation unless absolutely necessary. Rather, I would take more of a "Why-not?" approach, and would encourage them to meet her.

Of course, this will depend a lot on your parents, your girlfriend, and your relationship between you and your parents. Truly, you're the best judge here, but good luck!

LittleRed · 09-10-2007, 08:13 PM

So, I would just tell them.
I know little about your culture or religion, but I am sure that if you calmly told your parents about her, and how she is the one you want to spend your life with, then they will most likely go with your wishes. And if it were me I wouldnt tell them about the whole yr and 9 mos because they might make it into a really big deal.

And I think you might be able to help be so may I ask you a question?
I am christian and I like a muslim guy I go to school with. He is from Pakistan. I think he may like me too, but because of our differing religions I don't know if anything can happen. Can you give me a little insight into this? Thank you. Oh and also, I am 16 and so is he.

zrehman · 09-10-2007, 08:49 PM

Hey guys, thanks for the responses.

The thing is this. My parents are very religious and when my brother wanted to be with his gf who was Christian, they told him that he had to choose to be with them or to be on his own with his gf. I don't want to be given that choice, because I feel like its an unfair choice to give ANYONE. I don't want to have to choose between my family and the person I love.

Also, my gf wants to be a part of my family and told me that it will not make her happy if my family does not accept her.

I feel like I am in the middle and I know what I want, and that is for my family to accept my love. That is all. I just need a good way to talk to them about it were they will see where I am coming from.

zrehman · 09-10-2007, 08:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LittleRed

So, I would just tell them.
I know little about your culture or religion, but I am sure that if you calmly told your parents about her, and how she is the one you want to spend your life with, then they will most likely go with your wishes. And if it were me I wouldnt tell them about the whole yr and 9 mos because they might make it into a really big deal.

And I think you might be able to help be so may I ask you a question?
I am christian and I like a muslim guy I go to school with. He is from Pakistan. I think he may like me too, but because of our differing religions I don't know if anything can happen. Can you give me a little insight into this? Thank you. Oh and also, I am 16 and so is he.

Hey, it really depends on how strict his family is. My family is very strict and we were never allowed to have a girlfriend. Some families are becoming more modern with their views and allow their children to date. So you would have to find out from him by asking if his family is traditional or modern. That would be a start. I just hope my situation goes well, and if it does, I will let you know. Wish you the best! Anymore questions, just ask.

LittleRed · 09-10-2007, 09:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by zrehman

Hey, it really depends on how strict his family is. My family is very strict and we were never allowed to have a girlfriend. Some families are becoming more modern with their views and allow their children to date. So you would have to find out from him by asking if his family is traditional or modern. That would be a start. I just hope my situation goes well, and if it does, I will let you know. Wish you the best! Anymore questions, just ask.

Thank you for helping me out!
I will have to find out from him. BUt the problem is that he is really shy and i don't know how I should bring up these questions.
He is such a great guy and I want things to work but I just confused on what is in store. I don't want what is happening to you to happen to me and him if things do progress( no offense)

I am sorry about what you are going through. I know that I would never want to choose between my family anf the person I wanted to be with the rest of my life.
Just tell them all that you are telling us here.
Tell your parents that you love her but you couldn't live with them shutting you out of their lives because of your happiness!
They may be more traditional but disowning you is just horrible!
I really hope things work out for you too!

Day_Walker · 09-10-2007, 10:19 PM

Unless your parents have changed their point of view since your brother dated a Christian girl then it would seem that they are going to act in the same way. Now matter what you feel about the situation whether it is fair or not your parents arent going to adhere to your feelings. Yes you are in the middle because the choice is yours, something is going to give either you are going to date a muslim girl or your parents are going to have to change.

I think that regardless of the choice you make you need to make a stand with your family and show your independence, and explain to them that you will not let them influence who you date, express to them that apparently they are willing to lose a son because they refuse to change. In essence dont let them threaten you, let them know that you are above their influence. As for the choice that is yours and yours alone.

09-10-2007, 07:19 PM	#1
zrehman Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Buffalo, NY Gender: Male Age: 29 Posts: 458	I'm Muslim & Girl is Christian - My family is not happy! Hey - I'll make this as short as possible. I'm Muslim and my woman is Christian. I haven't told my parents about her and we've been dating for 1 year and 9 months on/off. I want to tell my parents about her because I am tired of sneaking around and I'm especially tired of lying. I don't think I need to anymore. I need advice on the best way to tell my parents about my relationship and the love for this woman and how I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I don't think I would tell them that I've had a gf for 1 year and 9 months because I feel like that would be me telling them that I lied to them for 1 year and 9 months and I've been going behind their back. I need advice ... please help. __________________ "If you love someone, let them go. If they come back to you, than they are yours to keep. If not, than they were never yours to begin with."

09-10-2007, 07:53 PM	#2
chai714 Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: The End of the Pier Gender: Male Age: 31 Posts: 2,704	You enter a relationship because why? Because you want your family to approve? Or because the way she makes you feel? Which is more important? __________________ "Your mind is your greatest weapon." - David J. Lieberman, Ph.D "Most every person or situation can be influenced through the power of psychology."

09-10-2007, 07:56 PM	#3
itsallgrand Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: following my grace... Gender: None Specified Posts: 6,783	Do you live at home? What the worse case scenario here? The worse that you can think of in terms of how your parents will react, and what they can do to make your life hellish? __________________ "The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off." Mal Pancoast

09-10-2007, 08:49 PM	#7
zrehman Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Buffalo, NY Gender: Male Age: 29 Posts: 458	Hey guys, thanks for the responses. The thing is this. My parents are very religious and when my brother wanted to be with his gf who was Christian, they told him that he had to choose to be with them or to be on his own with his gf. I don't want to be given that choice, because I feel like its an unfair choice to give ANYONE. I don't want to have to choose between my family and the person I love. Also, my gf wants to be a part of my family and told me that it will not make her happy if my family does not accept her. I feel like I am in the middle and I know what I want, and that is for my family to accept my love. That is all. I just need a good way to talk to them about it were they will see where I am coming from. __________________ "If you love someone, let them go. If they come back to you, than they are yours to keep. If not, than they were never yours to begin with."

09-10-2007, 10:19 PM	#10
Day_Walker Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: California Gender: Male Age: 28 Posts: 4,881	Unless your parents have changed their point of view since your brother dated a Christian girl then it would seem that they are going to act in the same way. Now matter what you feel about the situation whether it is fair or not your parents arent going to adhere to your feelings. Yes you are in the middle because the choice is yours, something is going to give either you are going to date a muslim girl or your parents are going to have to change. I think that regardless of the choice you make you need to make a stand with your family and show your independence, and explain to them that you will not let them influence who you date, express to them that apparently they are willing to lose a son because they refuse to change. In essence dont let them threaten you, let them know that you are above their influence. As for the choice that is yours and yours alone. __________________ "A long habit of not thinking a thing wrong gives it the superficial appearance of being right, and raises at first a formidable outcry in defense of custom. But the tumult soon subsides. Time makes more converts than reason." Thomas Paine "The wise man questions others wisdom because he questions his own, the foolish man because it is different from his own." Leo Stein

09-10-2007, 08:11 PM	#5
GettingBetter Offline Silver Member Join Date: May 2007 Gender: Male Age: 21 Posts: 412	Doesn't the Qur'an say something to the effect, "You will find closest to the believers those who say, 'We are Christians'"? I'm a Christian, and I've only read the first few books from the Qur'an, but it certainly seems that more times than not Islam is compatible with Christianity, and frankly I fail to see why there would be any problem. Now, I certainly don't think you should bring that into the equation unless absolutely necessary. Rather, I would take more of a "Why-not?" approach, and would encourage them to meet her. Of course, this will depend a lot on your parents, your girlfriend, and your relationship between you and your parents. Truly, you're the best judge here, but good luck!

09-10-2007, 08:13 PM	#6
LittleRed Offline Member Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Kentucky Gender: Female Posts: 21	So, I would just tell them. I know little about your culture or religion, but I am sure that if you calmly told your parents about her, and how she is the one you want to spend your life with, then they will most likely go with your wishes. And if it were me I wouldnt tell them about the whole yr and 9 mos because they might make it into a really big deal. And I think you might be able to help be so may I ask you a question? I am christian and I like a muslim guy I go to school with. He is from Pakistan. I think he may like me too, but because of our differing religions I don't know if anything can happen. Can you give me a little insight into this? Thank you. Oh and also, I am 16 and so is he.