Lonely weekend+Alcohol+breaking NC = WRECK!

tushboy · 09-09-2007, 04:38 AM

I broke my NC for the 765th time !!!!!!

It really gets to me, when I have been keeping it for so long and being strong, and then I send him a stoopid text message after a few drinks!

I messaged him, "Hey hows life?"

He replied, "Cool"

I should have stopped, but I like an idiot sent another text, "Sorry I messaged you, am just a bit high"

NO REPLY

This is how my weekend went, I really shouldn't have messaged him! I think he was with his EX when I messaged, which is why he didn't message more than a word. Or I shudn't care actually.....going back to NC from today!

hmkmorain · 09-09-2007, 04:50 AM

NC only works if you want it to you dont need to feel bad about it old habits are hard to break just like quitting smoking people slip up but they still eventually do it. good luck

UnderBear · 09-09-2007, 05:38 AM

It takes some strength to maintain NC, but as stated so many time in this forum, it is the better for both your own feeling and for giving the other person the time to think on, reflect any even maybe miss the contact between you.

My advice is go cold turkey. In just a relatively short time, though the pain is probably here to stay for a while, you will start to see a lot of things differently.

tushboy · 09-09-2007, 06:01 AM

Yea I have set myself a 1 month period of NC..to begin with. Once I reach those many days, I will just push myself ahead, harder and harder till every memory of him goes away.

Rochelle · 09-09-2007, 08:30 AM

Awe, Tb it happens. don't beat yourself up. Atleast you knew it was a mistake immediately and are bound and determined not to let it happen again.

30 days is a great goal to set for yourself, NOW stick to it...lol.

Try a few tips:

-When going out for drinks, or having a few drinks (knowing you're going to be drinking that night) leave the phone at home, so you are not tempted while out, laughing and feeling brave, to text him or drunk dial!

-If you have to have it on you for emergency, then shut if off and give it to your friend to keep in her purse, etc...OUT OF SIGHT, OUT OF MIND!!!! lol

-Remind yourself the next time you are tempted how it went down the last time, and that no good will come from it.

-Remind yourself that if you do drunk text or text for hay of it, you are breaking your own rules, and will feel awful. Nothing needs to be said right at that moment that can't wait to be said at the end of your 30 days.

By then, whatever you felt was so important to write, will likely dissapate or not even be remembered....the moment will have passed. You wil feel stronger and better too everytime you DON'T give into the urge....it probably won't even get to 30 days, and you'll wondering why you ever thought you had to reach out to him in the first place and youll have better clarity and insight.

It's important you stick to this so that you can feel proud of yourself and really finish your healing! It might make him wonder too why you are trying...which is a good thing.

Good luck...keep us posted!

tushboy · 09-09-2007, 08:42 AM

Thanks Rochelle, that really meant a LOT. I am struggling, but I know I will survive. I just need to remind myself how terrible it feels each time you let yourself down. But as they say, am gonna dust my feet off and start walking again

sandyv · 09-09-2007, 09:01 AM

Good for you Tush, no one said it would be easy, and it isn't either....

One day at a time, we all fall off the wagon occasionally, myself being no exception....

I hope for your sake your ex stays away. What really makes it totally impossible (NC) is when they won't leave you alone. I'm there... right now... and I wish I wasn't....

HarleyHunny · 09-09-2007, 09:03 AM

I know people who, before getting sober, would unplug and hide the phone from themselves so they wouldn't make stupid drunken phone calls

tushboy · 09-12-2007, 09:51 AM

I later on realised that he sent a short "cool" reply as he was with his new guy watchin a movie!

anna_k · 09-12-2007, 10:27 AM

I know what you're going through. I broke NC about 800 times also. But you know what? You're trying too hard to do NC. It's still all too fresh and seems like....you don't really want to do NC at all (even though you KNOW it's what you should be doing).

I tried so hard to do NC. I'd sit there and say to myself 'Ok self, we're going to stick to NC this time! Starting now!'

You push and push and.....relapse.

Over time I grew to really WANT to stick to NC. I think in time this will happen to you too, though I'm sure you're thinking 'Meh, that's a loooong way off!'

I still fall off the wagon of-course but the difference is that now I do not contact-no matter how much I want to. Before, if I felt any urge to contact I would. Bad bad habit.

Hide your phone. Seriously. I did the drunken messaging as well. My friends actually physically took my phone away from me. And my messages were lame-o like yours. Laugh with me because it's funny in the end.

Also if you ever get the urge to do it again, remember that: there's nothing less attractive than getting a drunken call/text from an ex (especially when you're with a new person!).

Hang in there buddy.

09-09-2007, 04:38 AM	#1
tushboy Offline Silver Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Mumbai, India Gender: Male Posts: 683	Lonely weekend+Alcohol+breaking NC = WRECK! I broke my NC for the 765th time !!!!!! It really gets to me, when I have been keeping it for so long and being strong, and then I send him a stoopid text message after a few drinks! I messaged him, "Hey hows life?" He replied, "Cool" I should have stopped, but I like an idiot sent another text, "Sorry I messaged you, am just a bit high" NO REPLY This is how my weekend went, I really shouldn't have messaged him! I think he was with his EX when I messaged, which is why he didn't message more than a word. Or I shudn't care actually.....going back to NC from today!

09-09-2007, 04:50 AM	#2
hmkmorain Offline Member Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Clearfield, UT Gender: Male Posts: 24	NC only works if you want it to you dont need to feel bad about it old habits are hard to break just like quitting smoking people slip up but they still eventually do it. good luck __________________ Make it better than you found it. :)

09-09-2007, 05:38 AM	#3
UnderBear Offline Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Oslo, Norway Gender: Male Age: 29 Posts: 99	It takes some strength to maintain NC, but as stated so many time in this forum, it is the better for both your own feeling and for giving the other person the time to think on, reflect any even maybe miss the contact between you. My advice is go cold turkey. In just a relatively short time, though the pain is probably here to stay for a while, you will start to see a lot of things differently. __________________ My story: http://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=177436

09-09-2007, 06:01 AM	#4
tushboy Offline Silver Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Mumbai, India Gender: Male Posts: 683	Yea I have set myself a 1 month period of NC..to begin with. Once I reach those many days, I will just push myself ahead, harder and harder till every memory of him goes away.

09-09-2007, 08:30 AM	#5
Rochelle Offline Silver Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Posts: 326	Awe, Tb it happens. don't beat yourself up. Atleast you knew it was a mistake immediately and are bound and determined not to let it happen again. 30 days is a great goal to set for yourself, NOW stick to it...lol. Try a few tips: -When going out for drinks, or having a few drinks (knowing you're going to be drinking that night) leave the phone at home, so you are not tempted while out, laughing and feeling brave, to text him or drunk dial! -If you have to have it on you for emergency, then shut if off and give it to your friend to keep in her purse, etc...OUT OF SIGHT, OUT OF MIND!!!! lol -Remind yourself the next time you are tempted how it went down the last time, and that no good will come from it. -Remind yourself that if you do drunk text or text for hay of it, you are breaking your own rules, and will feel awful. Nothing needs to be said right at that moment that can't wait to be said at the end of your 30 days. By then, whatever you felt was so important to write, will likely dissapate or not even be remembered....the moment will have passed. You wil feel stronger and better too everytime you DON'T give into the urge....it probably won't even get to 30 days, and you'll wondering why you ever thought you had to reach out to him in the first place and youll have better clarity and insight. It's important you stick to this so that you can feel proud of yourself and really finish your healing! It might make him wonder too why you are trying...which is a good thing. Good luck...keep us posted!

09-09-2007, 08:42 AM	#6
tushboy Offline Silver Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Mumbai, India Gender: Male Posts: 683	Thanks Rochelle, that really meant a LOT. I am struggling, but I know I will survive. I just need to remind myself how terrible it feels each time you let yourself down. But as they say, am gonna dust my feet off and start walking again

09-09-2007, 09:01 AM	#7
sandyv Offline Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Toronto, Canada Gender: Female Posts: 1,877	Good for you Tush, no one said it would be easy, and it isn't either.... One day at a time, we all fall off the wagon occasionally, myself being no exception.... I hope for your sake your ex stays away. What really makes it totally impossible (NC) is when they won't leave you alone. I'm there... right now... and I wish I wasn't....

09-09-2007, 09:03 AM	#8
HarleyHunny Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Gender: None Specified Posts: 196	I know people who, before getting sober, would unplug and hide the phone from themselves so they wouldn't make stupid drunken phone calls

09-12-2007, 09:51 AM	#9
tushboy Offline Silver Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Mumbai, India Gender: Male Posts: 683	I later on realised that he sent a short "cool" reply as he was with his new guy watchin a movie!

09-12-2007, 10:27 AM	#10
anna_k Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Aug 2006 Posts: 234	I know what you're going through. I broke NC about 800 times also. But you know what? You're trying too hard to do NC. It's still all too fresh and seems like....you don't really want to do NC at all (even though you KNOW it's what you should be doing). I tried so hard to do NC. I'd sit there and say to myself 'Ok self, we're going to stick to NC this time! Starting now!' You push and push and.....relapse. Over time I grew to really WANT to stick to NC. I think in time this will happen to you too, though I'm sure you're thinking 'Meh, that's a loooong way off!' I still fall off the wagon of-course but the difference is that now I do not contact-no matter how much I want to. Before, if I felt any urge to contact I would. Bad bad habit. Hide your phone. Seriously. I did the drunken messaging as well. My friends actually physically took my phone away from me. And my messages were lame-o like yours. Laugh with me because it's funny in the end. Also if you ever get the urge to do it again, remember that: there's nothing less attractive than getting a drunken call/text from an ex (especially when you're with a new person!). Hang in there buddy.