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Why is avoidance a sign that a shy person likes you?


ExarionUniverse19

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Okay, I've been reading some topics on this forum, and since both the girl I like and I are shy, I've been rather curious about them. A general message I've found is that shy people seem to avoid eye contact and conversation with the people they like. Now, I'm in a situation where the girl I like happens to be my ex. So there's plenty of reasons for her not to talk to me...but I'm too curious at the moment as to whether her avoiding me is a sign she likes me.

 

So, first of all, is the fact that she's my ex the only reason why she's avoiding me? I can definitely see that, as it's true that we ended on somewhat bad terms. But they weren't too bad, and it's not anything that can't be fixed.

 

Secondly, can someone please explain why avoidance is a sign of attraction among shy people? That's what I've been hearing, and before I start making irrational conclusions, I'd like to understand why this is true. I've tried reading up on the subject, but I haven't found anything. It would be better if my question was answered directly.

 

Thanks for reading.

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As a shy person, I will tell you our ways.

 

If I'm not 'into' someone....it's not gonna be too hard to talk, or make eye contact.

 

If I am, however, that little bit of conversation or eye contact has all that much more potential to go horribly wrong, and as such I want to avoid the situation and remain alone forever.

 

 

If it's your ex, she just doesn't want to talk to you. Why should she be shy?

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whoa, I don't know where you got "avoidance as a sign of interest" from a shy person. i think that is more of a side-effect of a person being shy. Then that means if a shy person doesn't like you, then they go right up and start talking to you? not really a shy person then!

 

if she's your ex, maybe she is avoiding you because she's your ex and the breakup went badly. why did you two break up? how long ago and who did the breaking up? I think it may be more likely that she is avoiding you because she doesn't want to talk to you.

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People tend to exaggerate themselves if they lik someone...

 

A conifdent person can come off as cocky

A flirty person lays it on thick

A shy person goes into the corner

 

Now those thigns can be overcome, in time, as long as you use what you have.

 

If you;re shy, use it! It;s a valid personality type like anything else and it's NOT a disease. Being shy and being a hermit are like being confidant and being arrogant, the former for both groups can be a good thing, if used well, the latter in each group is what;s bad.

 

In short,

 

Being Shy is nothing to be ashamed of, embrace it! Learn to use it! Love it!

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I think shy ppl avoid things that are out of the comfort zone. An ex would avoid you because she dislikes you. I have an ex that makes me run the other way w/o even thinking about it. It's just reflex because I don't want to see or be seen with her.

 

Well, I'm trying my best to return things to that comfort zone. I said hi to her the other day, and I was hoping to do the same the next day, but she came into class with her face buried in a book, so I didn't have the chance.

 

Why would she dislike me though? I didn't do anything bad to her, and I don't dislike her. If she dislikes me just because we broke up, then she's just being immature. Really, if I'm spending hours of my free time trying to figure out how to get things back to normal, and she just wants to avoid me, then she's just being selfish, I think. Of course, that's just an if.

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Im shy and I know tht I can make eye contact and talk to people I am not attracted to just fine, but when it comes to people I am attracted to is much harder for me to do.

 

 

Welcome to the human race. Just about everybody feels or has felt the same way you do. You need to remember that people can't read your mind. So if you like someone and are expecting them to be continuous in their attempts to approach you, forget it! (Especially where guys are concerned). If you're too shy, they take that as a message of disinterest. My advice is get a good book on how to overcome shyness. Read it - and then practice talking and smiling in front of a mirror. Nothing conveys friendliness like a smile. And sometimes... that's all it takes!

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You never answered my question about why you guys broke up. I think that is a huge piece of the puzzle here as to why she is avoiding you.

 

Well, it beats me. What she said is, and I quote: "I don't like you that way". There isn't much more to it than that, at least in terms of what she said. I'm not sure if this is the truth, or exactly what it means, as she isn't a very expressive person. I think it means she lost interest in me, but there are other reasons that she might not have told me.

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well, if she told you that flat out, then i think she may be avoiding you so you get over her and move on. if she told you that, then there is no point in you liking her anymore. That's true, she may have not told you the whole story, that could be true or not, but the bottom line is that she broke up with you, so i wouldn't look at her avoidance of you as a sign of interest at all.

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Oh, I get it now! She broke up with me! Why didn't I see it before?

 

Note the sarcasm. I know that she broke up with me, but why should that mean that I have to lose interest in her? That's a terrible way of looking at it. In saying I should just move on, you're telling me that I should give up on anything I believe in. You're telling me that I can't have goals. Or hopes. It's my goal for my high school's Mock Trial team to make it to state this year. Is it likely? No. It's my hope (or at least it was) that the Minnesota Twins make it to the postseason this year. Was it likely? No. My situation is no different.

 

I don't like criticizing people, especially those who help me. But when you tell me that I should give up on her just because she probably doesn't like me, you're telling me to give up. Stop trying.

 

Think of it this way. If you're in an advanced level math class, and a teacher assigns you a difficult problem, you're probably going to get stuck on it for awhile. In fact, it may become so frustrating that you that you'll feel like giving up. But what happens if you do give up? You lose out on not just credit for the class, but on a valuable lesson. The lesson that you should keep trying, even when things are tough.

 

But back to my situation -- you're probably telling me to give up because it's unlikely that any good will come of this. Wrong! I don't just intend to "win her back". In fact, that's not even my primary goal right now! I want to end this tension between us, and I want to us to be able to speak like normal people again. If I just give up, that will never happen. She will be content to never speak to me again, that will be the end of it. But I'm not going to give up. I want her to treat me as an equal again. Tell me that isn't possible, and I'll shut up. Tell me that there is no way I can ever talk to her again. Tell me that, and I'll give up on her.

 

Sorry to rant, but I'm sick of people telling me just to give up! It's not like she's ruining my life. True, I will endure frustration while trying to "get her back". But that frustration is something I want to endure. Not just to get her back, but to better myself. Regardless of the result, I will be a better person when this is all said and done.

 

So, any other opinions?

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some people get back with their ex, but it's pretty rare and doesn't usually last. without knowing more details about how long you dated, what the relationship problems were, etc... it's hard to give more detailed advice. but in general, I'd say that very very few people get back together. "perservering" when you are talking about math or baseball is nobel, but going after a person who has already rejected you is foolish and a waste of time. At the extreme, it is also stalkerish.

 

I'd say move onto someone new, you'd have more luck there than with a girl who says, "i don't like you in that way" and who avoids you when she sees you.

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Okay, I gotcha. I'll just turn on that magic switch that allows me to like anyone I want.

 

You see, I stop listening to you when you say "move onto someone new". You act like it's that easy. Like I can want someone new at any time. Maybe you don't understand my desire for this girl because you don't understand shy people. Maybe you don't understand romantic feelings enough, or it's been too long since you've been in this kind of a situation. I don't know what it is, but you really don't get what I'm talking about here.

 

Like I said, my main goal here is for us to become friendly again. What on earth is wrong with that? Yes, her shyness and unwillingness to talk to me for the time being may make it more difficult...but eventually, she's going to have to open up a little bit. It's very possible that she'll be in the same extracurricular as me this year, and if so, how could we not get along?

 

I could go on and on about how I'm not suffering, and how I believe in myself and my goals...but it really doesn't matter if the subject of my explanations doesn't understand how I feel. I want this girl, and I am willing to take the time and energy to get her back. There may come a time when her immaturity in dealing with me is too much, and if and when that time comes, I'll stop. But you know what? I'll know when this is over. Because I will feel it. When my feelings of frustration, anger and disappointment become stronger than my feelings of desire and willingness to perservere, I'll know to stop. Because I will have had enough.

 

But until then...I'm going to try. If you wish to continue "debating" this with me, answer this: do you or do you not think that I will feel better if and when my ex and I return to speaking normally to each other?

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I said hi to her on Thursday as she walked into class. She said "hello" back. The next day, I planned to do the same, but I was unable to due to the fact that she came into class a bit later (after several others had entered) and had her face buried in a book.

 

I have also sent a couple of emails to her, but they have been business emails (regarding this extracurricular). She has not responded. I fear that this is because she isn't going to join the extracurricular this year simply due to my presense.

 

Oh, and I plan to go up and talk to her after class tomorrow to ask her about this extracurricular. I suppose that'll be the real...test.

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Well, it beats me. What she said is, and I quote: "I don't like you that way". There isn't much more to it than that, at least in terms of what she said. I'm not sure if this is the truth, or exactly what it means, as she isn't a very expressive person. I think it means she lost interest in me, but there are other reasons that she might not have told me.

 

Ok.... how was the relationship while it lasted? did something happen at the end that made her turn off suddenly? did you say something to upset her, or was she pretty luke-warm throughout the 1 month relationship?

 

do you think she has anyone new in her life? do you have any mutual friends that might give you some insight into what happened (not that gossip is the most reliable information).

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Wow, lashing out much? Your question was why shy people avoid those they are attracted to, and thereforeeee do people think that your ex is avoiding you because she likes you. Those are two different questions, and the reasons people avoid those they are attracted to are not the same reasons people avoid their exes. One is not synonymous with the other. It is not "shy people avoid those they are attracted to" and "this girl avoids me" thereforeeee "she must be attracted to me." Shy is just one descriptive. In your case, the far more pertinent word is "Ex." Everyone I'm sure understands your pain about the situation, but it doesn't seem fair to lash out at them for their honest conclusions. And the conclusion seems to be no, she is not avoiding you because she likes you, she is avoiding you because she dumped you and wants it to remain that way. That isn't to say that your feelings of wanting her back aren't valid, but those who are suggesting you move on are just trying to encourage you not to nurture false hopes. Yes, there may be a slight chance of her taking you back, but those who are advising you to let go are just trying to help stave off further heartache. What you do with that is your choice.

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Ok.... how was the relationship while it lasted? did something happen at the end that made her turn off suddenly? did you say something to upset her, or was she pretty luke-warm throughout the 1 month relationship?

 

Very infatuation-like. She was all over me at first, but after about a half a month, she mellowed out a bit and I was always the one setting up "dates" (more like spending time together after school) and stuff. Also, I suspect that she may have broken up with me due to my disappreciation of her parents' views of our relationship (they didn't want her to date until college). That is, I was a tad pushy when it came to the subject. But she never said anything about it, so I've been left to speculate.

 

But I could definitely see the break up coming. That final weekend, she didn't communicate with me at all, and prior to that she wasn't very enthusiastic when talking with me.

 

do you think she has anyone new in her life? do you have any mutual friends that might give you some insight into what happened (not that gossip is the most reliable information).

 

Hah, gossip. Don't want to go there. That will lead to her finding out about my "plans". The last thing I want is for her to know about how I feel. I tried to get some insight from a mutual friend 6 months ago, which resulted in him saying to me over and over again "get over it, she doesn't like you anymore". It was very painful at the time. And then, I started to think that the two of them had something going on, which got really annoying, especially since I'd heard from him that her parents approved of him but not me...

 

Which brings me to your first question. No, I don't think she has anyone new in her life, and I base that belief on the fact that her parents disapprove dating. That, and she's very relationship-shy.

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