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Thread: I pledge to propose to my ex-girlfriend...

  1. #1
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    I pledge to propose to my ex-girlfriend...

    I was seeing my now ex-girlfriend for 6 years until she broke up with me this past April. After 6 years, she wanted to get engaged and I was hesitant. She finally got tired of waiting around for me.

    I was hesitant because there were always things about her that bugged me and I thought perhaps she was not the one for me. However, now that she has been gone, I miss her so much. I'm a very picky, perfectionist, loner sort of person that isn't interested in a lot of friends. However, I'm realizing that this sort of lifestyle isn't very satisfying at all. I need to take the good with the bad and do a better job of accepting people.

    I still intensely love her. Right now we are still friends and we see each other maybe once a month. I know she still loves me. However, she just can't bring herself to be my girlfriend again.

    I finally signed up on match.com to try and meet some other people. However, after a month of it, it's not going very well. No one seems very interested in me and none of the girls I message are responding. My membership expires in 2 months and if it keeps going on like this, I won't renew my membership.

    I just can't keep going on like this alone. I desperately want someone in my life. Tonight I made a pledge to God that if He doesn't give me some sign that there is something else out there for me, I'm going to propose to my ex-girlfriend. This post is basically physical evidence for that pledge.

    I'll just have to see what happens. Everyone please hope the best for me.




     


  2. #2

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    I hope the best for you, but "I desperately want someone in my life" is a lousy reason to propose. Look back at what you say are the "things about her that bugged me and I thought perhaps she was not the one for me."

    If you can't honestly say that you desparately want HER in your life, do both of you a favor and let her go.

    Zack.

  3. #3
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    Yeah I agree with Zack, lack of reponses on Match and being desperate for someone in your life is not a good reason to propose.

    The fact that you are even on Match tells me that you are in no way ready to propose to this girl.

    I think you need to re-think where you are at with everything.

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by melrich View Post
    The fact that you are even on Match tells me that you are in no way ready to propose to this girl.
    But...if she can't bring herself to be his girlfriend again, at least he's trying to look elsewhere and move on.

    However, as Zack said, you have to be sure you want this particular girl in your life for good, other than because "you need someone in your life." I'm sure you didn't mean it like this--probably a lot of thoughts just coming together at once--but you can't be like, I just want to settle down already, and I don't care who I settle down with. That isn't a reason to settle down at all.

    I don't question your love for this girl at all. In fact, you're realizing how important she was to you. And, for some people, they only see this when the other person is already gone. It's too bad we can't see the importance of other people...before they leave.

    I know this is cliche, but if you found someone that you can love and accept and be satisfied for the long haul, you can't let that go...or you should at least try to get it back.

    Remember: nothing is meant to be until is has already happened. You can't say you two were meant to be and if she doens't want to come back, you can't blame yourself because for whatever reasons, it simply wasn't meant to be at the time. If you've seen the light and want to propose, then I say go for it and good luck.

    If things don't work out to your liking, it will hurt badly, but at least you tried. If things do work out, make sure you can love her and accept her for who she is, and love her because of her flaws, not despite them--before you propose. Good luck!

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Hope75's Avatar
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    I'm trying to imagine how I would feel if my ex was shopping around on match.com and if things didn't pan out by his expiration date on the dating site he would propose to me.

    Yep. Pretty awful.

    I agree with Zack.

    The only reason you should be proposing is because you adore her and can't imagine spending your life with anyone else (which you obviously can because you are looking for dates on match.com).

    Anything else is just settling, and she deserves more than that.
    Mama to a beautiful baby girl born 6-25-09. :) AND a beautiful baby boy born 6-14-11. :)

    Baby # 2 forever missed lost 6-3-10.

    "An angel in the book of life wrote down my baby's birth.
    Then whispered as she closed the book "too beautiful for earth".
    ~author unknown

    "Victory is sweetest when you have known defeat"
    ~ Malcolm Forbes

  7. #6
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    I understand that the situation sounds silly. But this has been impossible for me to get over. I'm very lonely. And I didn't even realize how lonely I was until recently. It's not just because of the breakup. I need people in my life. I've always pushed people away my whole life because I'd nitpick at them and be dissatisfied with them.

    I really do love her and want her to be in my life. I don't feel that I'm quite ready to propose, but I don't know if that feeling will ever come. Perhaps I have a fear of commitment.

    I'm basically looking at these next two months as time to figure things out. I need something to come to me (not necessarily my future wife) to make me realize that she is not the one for me because I can't get over her by myself. If nothing presents itself, I'm going to take it to mean that my inability to open up to her and my "nitpickiness" are the only reasons why I haven't been able to propose to her.

    Again, I just need some plan of action laid out. I can't get over her.

  8. #7
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    And the other thing is...I still want her as my girlfriend. The only reason I'm looking elsewhere is because she doesn't want to get back together in that way.

    I know the only way to get her back is to propose. True, I may be settling. But if I don't want to live without her then what does it matter?

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Hope75's Avatar
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    You definitely shouldn't even be thinking of proposing to her.

    Notice how you say you need "people" in your life, not her in your life.

    She wanted you to marry her- so the only way you think you can get her back is by proposing when you aren't even sure that's what you want.

    I can't think of a worse idea, and one that is more unfair to her.

    I seriously hope you will reconsider.
    Mama to a beautiful baby girl born 6-25-09. :) AND a beautiful baby boy born 6-14-11. :)

    Baby # 2 forever missed lost 6-3-10.

    "An angel in the book of life wrote down my baby's birth.
    Then whispered as she closed the book "too beautiful for earth".
    ~author unknown

    "Victory is sweetest when you have known defeat"
    ~ Malcolm Forbes

  10. #9
    Platinum Member browneyedgirl36's Avatar
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    Please, please PLEASE think long and hard about this, and ONLY seek to reconcile with your ex if you REALLY want to marry her and be with her for a very long time. It sounds like being alone -- not your ex -- is what you can't get over. I can only come to this conclusion from what you've written here, but this is what you seem to be saying, and it is important that you know what you want before pursuing your ex again. She doesn't deserve to get her hopes up only to have them dashed when, once again, you decide you can't marry her because you aren't sure.

    Did you say you'd only been on Match.com for a month? If you've been looking for other women, it seems that you're not 100% sure about your ex. And, if you've only given it a month, you haven't given yourself a real chance to meet anyone else. Your comment about how none of the women seem interested in you and that many of them don't respond leads me to believe that you would "settle" for your ex, someone you KNOW loves you and cares for you.

    Again, please don't ask for a reconciliation, and especially, don't make a marriage proposal, unless you are certain it is what you want. It would be very unfair to your ex for you to do it when you aren't sure it's what you want.
    "You cannot be directed to decide against yourself without first being deceived into thinking that what hurts you can also help you."

    Guy Finley

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    Have you ever tried dating some girl that was just using you to get over her boyfriend? If your answer is yes, then obviously you know it was doomed from the start.

    You CAN get over her by yourself!!! The worst thing you can do is use another girl as a rebound. DON'T DO IT! What happens when you find someone else, and you use her to get over the ex. What happens when the ex possibly comes back and says she still loves you. You're obviously going to run back and the new girl will be left in the dust, heartbroken.

    Don't sell yourself short. You can get over her, without anyone else. If things in her past or whatever made you decide that she isn't the right girl for you, then run with that! Use that as your motivation. But please don't use someone else!!!

    I guess by now you can tell I was a victim of this cowardly maneuver. I'm not sure if it gets any worse than to love someone, only to find you were nothing mroe than a rebound to them. Absolutely heartbreaking, and a severe crush to your confidence, self esteem, and self-worth!

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