A recipe for disaster

aneffigy123 · 08-28-2007, 03:51 PM

I've been on the ENA boards for almost 3 months now, and I've noticed a rather disturbing trend: most peoples' breakup stories start with how long they were together, immediately followed by "we were so totally in love -- we even talked about marriage and babies a few months after getting together." This was the case with my ex and myself; we said "I love you" to each other exactly one month into our relationship, and started talking about marriage 2-3 months in. Of course, our relationship crashed and burned inside of a year, though we're trying again now.

Why do people -- men, in particular, it seems -- say these things? Is it due to the overwhelming feeling of the honeymoon phase? My ex told me that I was the first person he had ever felt this way about, and he had only discussed marriage with an ex that he had dated for a few years previously. Are all of these too-quickly committed relationships doomed to fail?

~Paradigm · 08-28-2007, 04:07 PM

No, I think it's just because they're so hurt. How many stories have you seen on here where they say "We broke up. I kind of liked him and maybe down the road we could have gotten married. No big loss." Surely all the sad stories on here will tell of marriages, babies, and love that was abruptly torn from them.

Dako · 08-28-2007, 04:10 PM

Agreed. A breakup is a study in contrasts.
Even if the relationship was on shakey ground, the end is a lot more disturbing.

Lana0120 · 08-28-2007, 05:25 PM

I don't think that they are all doomed to failure. It's just, things do slow down sometimes and you reach a level... or something.

SilverManic · 08-28-2007, 07:15 PM

My husband and I met online and we were friends for 4 years before we said the 'I love you' and although I was stubbon and wouldn't say it until two days before I was due to go and meet him he knew I loved him too. We were married 2 months after meeting officially and are still together over a year later. We are really comfortable together, sure we have arguments but who doesn't? We have a baby on the way too!

So I don't think every fast relationship is doomed, I think it depends on the people and if they are ready to face the problems they will have after the honeymoon stage is over. Our honeymoon stage ended after 3 months. A month after we were married. It was a hard time but we worked though it together and now we know what makes eachother mad and only do it if we are perposly out to annoy lol.

Life can work in wierd ways. I was in a year and half relationship before that I knew I wouldn't be in forever. I think we really know deep down if it's ment to be for us or not. It's just if the other person agrees!

KG · 08-28-2007, 07:43 PM

IMHO...this site caters to those in need...not sure if this is the best place to find happy stories...
i will tell you that my personal relationship was the best there could ever be...
Proud that we made it 25 years!!!
KG

08-28-2007, 03:51 PM	#1
aneffigy123 Offline Silver Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Chicago Gender: Female Age: 23 Posts: 519	A recipe for disaster I've been on the ENA boards for almost 3 months now, and I've noticed a rather disturbing trend: most peoples' breakup stories start with how long they were together, immediately followed by "we were so totally in love -- we even talked about marriage and babies a few months after getting together." This was the case with my ex and myself; we said "I love you" to each other exactly one month into our relationship, and started talking about marriage 2-3 months in. Of course, our relationship crashed and burned inside of a year, though we're trying again now. Why do people -- men, in particular, it seems -- say these things? Is it due to the overwhelming feeling of the honeymoon phase? My ex told me that I was the first person he had ever felt this way about, and he had only discussed marriage with an ex that he had dated for a few years previously. Are all of these too-quickly committed relationships doomed to fail? __________________ "Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer." Rainer Maria Rilke

08-28-2007, 04:07 PM	#2
~Paradigm Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Posts: 206	No, I think it's just because they're so hurt. How many stories have you seen on here where they say "We broke up. I kind of liked him and maybe down the road we could have gotten married. No big loss." Surely all the sad stories on here will tell of marriages, babies, and love that was abruptly torn from them.

08-28-2007, 04:10 PM	#3
Dako Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Gender: None Specified Posts: 9,115	Agreed. A breakup is a study in contrasts. Even if the relationship was on shakey ground, the end is a lot more disturbing.

08-28-2007, 05:25 PM	#4
Lana0120 Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Gender: Female Posts: 3,467	I don't think that they are all doomed to failure. It's just, things do slow down sometimes and you reach a level... or something.

08-28-2007, 07:15 PM	#5
SilverManic Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Berkshire UK Gender: Female Posts: 829	My husband and I met online and we were friends for 4 years before we said the 'I love you' and although I was stubbon and wouldn't say it until two days before I was due to go and meet him he knew I loved him too. We were married 2 months after meeting officially and are still together over a year later. We are really comfortable together, sure we have arguments but who doesn't? We have a baby on the way too! So I don't think every fast relationship is doomed, I think it depends on the people and if they are ready to face the problems they will have after the honeymoon stage is over. Our honeymoon stage ended after 3 months. A month after we were married. It was a hard time but we worked though it together and now we know what makes eachother mad and only do it if we are perposly out to annoy lol. Life can work in wierd ways. I was in a year and half relationship before that I knew I wouldn't be in forever. I think we really know deep down if it's ment to be for us or not. It's just if the other person agrees!

08-28-2007, 07:43 PM	#6
KG Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: 2 miles east of Hicksville Gender: Male Posts: 4,905	IMHO...this site caters to those in need...not sure if this is the best place to find happy stories... i will tell you that my personal relationship was the best there could ever be... Proud that we made it 25 years!!! KG