Confused and mentally exploding

Dracia · 08-25-2007, 02:42 PM

I'm afraid this will be long.

In 2003, when I was 13, I was a member of a fanfiction website and wrote some stories. I made friends with a lot of the people who reviewed my stories. After some amount of time, i.e. 2 years on, I remembered one of the friends and added him to my MSN contacts.

After about a week of talking to him, I fell for him. I already had a boyfriend at the time, and after about a month, I dumped him. The internet guy's mother found out about me and freaked, thinking I was an undercover cop trying to lure him into talking to an underage girl. So, she disconnected him.

(I should probably mention he is 3 years older than me)

Before she disconnected him, he sent me an email telling me I had more or less ruined his life, and everyone around him now hated him.

A month later, I found him commenting on a political blog, and that's when I found out that he'd only had his email disconnected and had parental controls put on his computer

so we agreed to try and talk on AIM.

This went well for about a week, then his mother managed to sign on to his name while he was at school and found he was still talking to me. She made him delete AIM.

After a couple of months, he left me some emails saying he'd got a new address, so all was well. We declared our love etc and became cyber partners.

I was over the moon, because of course, I've never had such intense feelings for someone like this before. But over the course of 2006, his interest wained (sp?) somewhat, well, at least in the way he would type his messages. We called each other a few times, but that stopped after a while (I don't blame him, though, it's ruddy expensive to call internationally), and he just seemed so evasive about a lot of things. In the end, I got a boyfriend closer to home whose older sister pretty much kept him locked up for the last 10 years to look after her dogs and rescue animals (she runs a animal rescue... well, I guess he runs it more than her).

I tell my current boyfriend to stop doing everything she tells him to because she is walking all over him, but he won't stop. I hate seeing him being de-based all the time and it stresses me out.

So of course, my escape is the internet crush. My feelings for him are at a peak again, like they were in 2005, because he wants me back and is talking more to me than he did before. I don't want to give everything up to move to America to find out he's not all that, but I don't know if I can live with my current situation for much longer.

Any advice?

Lana0120 · 08-25-2007, 02:50 PM

It sounds like both of the guys you were interested in had very dominant women in their lives, who ran their lives? I say nay to both...

Dracia · 08-25-2007, 02:56 PM

I seem to always have a knack for finding guys whose dads have left/died thus they were brought up and thusly controlled by women

Lana0120 · 08-25-2007, 03:17 PM

Ditto. My ex boyfriend was like that. A very nice lad but very much a mummy's boy. Although there are good things about that - such guys can be 'in touch with their feminine side' and quite thoughtful, they do tend to toe the line as far as the dominant female in their life is concerned. I really do think it just isn't going to work out with you with either of these guys and that you should just keep your eyes open. Good luck with whatever you decide to do!

Dracia · 08-25-2007, 06:48 PM

They'll be alright as far as the women are concerned. They'll be moving out in the next couple of years methinks

I'm more worried about who I like more, and whether to give everything up for nothing or keep what I've got and miss out on something I could have had...

Lana0120 · 08-26-2007, 04:30 PM

If you have doubts about either of these guys, I still say the same. Also, whilst guys may improve when they move out, the issue will never go away, especially if you settle down together - the dominant woman can still have a big effect on your man.

Hearts · 08-29-2007, 09:37 PM

Well first of all there is something totally wrong here, you have two guys in your life at the same time you have to choose one of them eventually otherwise it will keep being troublesome for you. So first you should start from choosing one of them.

08-25-2007, 02:42 PM	#1
Dracia Offline Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: UK Gender: Female Age: 19 Posts: 32	Confused and mentally exploding I'm afraid this will be long. In 2003, when I was 13, I was a member of a fanfiction website and wrote some stories. I made friends with a lot of the people who reviewed my stories. After some amount of time, i.e. 2 years on, I remembered one of the friends and added him to my MSN contacts. After about a week of talking to him, I fell for him. I already had a boyfriend at the time, and after about a month, I dumped him. The internet guy's mother found out about me and freaked, thinking I was an undercover cop trying to lure him into talking to an underage girl. So, she disconnected him. (I should probably mention he is 3 years older than me) Before she disconnected him, he sent me an email telling me I had more or less ruined his life, and everyone around him now hated him. A month later, I found him commenting on a political blog, and that's when I found out that he'd only had his email disconnected and had parental controls put on his computer so we agreed to try and talk on AIM. This went well for about a week, then his mother managed to sign on to his name while he was at school and found he was still talking to me. She made him delete AIM. After a couple of months, he left me some emails saying he'd got a new address, so all was well. We declared our love etc and became cyber partners. I was over the moon, because of course, I've never had such intense feelings for someone like this before. But over the course of 2006, his interest wained (sp?) somewhat, well, at least in the way he would type his messages. We called each other a few times, but that stopped after a while (I don't blame him, though, it's ruddy expensive to call internationally), and he just seemed so evasive about a lot of things. In the end, I got a boyfriend closer to home whose older sister pretty much kept him locked up for the last 10 years to look after her dogs and rescue animals (she runs a animal rescue... well, I guess he runs it more than her). I tell my current boyfriend to stop doing everything she tells him to because she is walking all over him, but he won't stop. I hate seeing him being de-based all the time and it stresses me out. So of course, my escape is the internet crush. My feelings for him are at a peak again, like they were in 2005, because he wants me back and is talking more to me than he did before. I don't want to give everything up to move to America to find out he's not all that, but I don't know if I can live with my current situation for much longer. Any advice? Last edited by Dracia; 08-25-2007 at 02:44 PM.

08-25-2007, 06:48 PM	#5
Dracia Offline Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: UK Gender: Female Age: 19 Posts: 32	They'll be alright as far as the women are concerned. They'll be moving out in the next couple of years methinks I'm more worried about who I like more, and whether to give everything up for nothing or keep what I've got and miss out on something I could have had... __________________ "I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada." - Britney Spears

08-25-2007, 02:50 PM	#2
Lana0120 Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Gender: Female Posts: 3,467	It sounds like both of the guys you were interested in had very dominant women in their lives, who ran their lives? I say nay to both...

08-25-2007, 02:56 PM	#3
Dracia Offline Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: UK Gender: Female Age: 19 Posts: 32	I seem to always have a knack for finding guys whose dads have left/died thus they were brought up and thusly controlled by women

08-25-2007, 03:17 PM	#4
Lana0120 Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Gender: Female Posts: 3,467	Ditto. My ex boyfriend was like that. A very nice lad but very much a mummy's boy. Although there are good things about that - such guys can be 'in touch with their feminine side' and quite thoughtful, they do tend to toe the line as far as the dominant female in their life is concerned. I really do think it just isn't going to work out with you with either of these guys and that you should just keep your eyes open. Good luck with whatever you decide to do!

08-26-2007, 04:30 PM	#6
Lana0120 Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Gender: Female Posts: 3,467	If you have doubts about either of these guys, I still say the same. Also, whilst guys may improve when they move out, the issue will never go away, especially if you settle down together - the dominant woman can still have a big effect on your man.

08-29-2007, 09:37 PM	#7
Hearts Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Gender: Female Age: 21 Posts: 138	Well first of all there is something totally wrong here, you have two guys in your life at the same time you have to choose one of them eventually otherwise it will keep being troublesome for you. So first you should start from choosing one of them.