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Men to chase or not? Do women like being chased?


bubblyblonde11

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Do men still like to chase women, especially at the beginning when you start dating? Do they like to take the lead when making the first few dates?

 

What do women prefer being chased and pursued?

 

From what I have read in books etc, men like to chase/pursue and to give to a female they like, a women just has to be receptive and thank him.

i.e. books like Men are from Mars Women are from Venus "on a date".

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Do men still like to chase women, especially at the beginning when you start dating? Do they like to take the lead when making the first few dates?

 

What do women prefer being chased and pursued?

 

From what I have read in books etc, men like to chase/pursue and to give to a female they like, a women just has to be receptive and thank him.

i.e. books like Men are from Mars Women are from Venus "on a date".

 

everyone wants to feel chased now and then. it shouldn't be one sided. but at the same time, things get boring if its too easy. the trick is to run juuuust far enough ahead that they think they're going to catch you, and then let them do so only when you're ready.

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everyone wants to feel chased now and then. it shouldn't be one sided. but at the same time, things get boring if its too easy. the trick is to run juuuust far enough ahead that they think they're going to catch you, and then let them do so only when you're ready.

 

very good point, I like that. Keeps everyone on there toes!

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As a woman, I both like and don't like the chase. It's a real ego boost as well as an exhilarating feeling to be chased by someone you like and have feelings for. It makes you feel needed and wanted. I DON'T like the chase though because in a way, you are playing a "game" (acting aloof, etc) so you peak a guy's interest. I find that hard to do because I tend to be the type of person that lets the other person know if I dig him or not. I have a hard time hiding my feelings.

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As a woman, I both like and don't like the chase. It's a real ego boost as well as an exhilarating feeling to be chased by someone you like and have feelings for. It makes you feel needed and wanted. I DON'T like the chase though because in a way, you are playing a "game" (acting aloof, etc) so you peak a guy's interest. I find that hard to do because I tend to be the type of person that lets the other person know if I dig him or not. I have a hard time hiding my feelings.

 

I agree, I like to be chased, but only for a brief time I suppose, but I give in to the chase very easily if I like the guy. My BF can read me so easily, I am so open about my feelings and wear my heart on my sleeve. thereforeeee I don't like games either, I hate things like 'the 3 day rule' - they're either interested or not, why pretend you're not if you are haha!

 

BTW, your guinea piglets are soooooo cute!!!

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I hate chasing women. We are not in junior highschool anymore. Stop with these silly games. Either you're interested or you're not interested. I'm done with these games of cat and mouse.

 

Ok thats why I started this thread to see what men and women think about it. Its not games just the way it has always been from the dark ages I suppose. Men hunt?

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I like being stimulated (who doesn't?), but that's not enough. Hey, I like stimulating probably as much as near any man...it feels good to bring pleasure to someone...thinks lots of women do.

Wouldn't want to swallow that down to hold a man's interest in chasing me tail.

Don't want to have to lay it on thick to sweeten him up either.

 

To see a man hold perfectly still while his emotions are clearly going nuts, that's pretty damn hot to me.

 

It takes a while to get to know someone. That's not liking being chased, that's honestly wanting to see who this person is.

So you make my heart flutter? So what. What else is there. What about when I have an off day?

And if he isn't engaged enough with what I am, he'll leave on his own without me having to do anything.

 

We aren't chasing like cat n mouse, we're deciding into each other's company enough to stand still.

 

That is intense. Slowly, slowly facing each other more and more. And LOVING every moment of it. Oooh look, look at his cute little wrinkle there and his habit of scowling in traffic

 

Aint' that excitement enough? lol. Getting close with all of you aware is the ultimate adrenaline rush.

 

Guess all games get lame after a while. Doesn't matter how many new toys and accessories ya get for it, it's still the same damn game.

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i figured i'd like to be chased. it just affirms the intention of the guy who is doing the chasing. so if it happens that i like the guy back, then the chasing ends sooner. and if I don't like him back, i'd just tell him to back off.

 

no games played.

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Yes, but you asked about whether women like pursuit. Me being a woman, I responded: to a degree, but it's not important.

Not even important enough to base a decision whether this guy does indeed like me or not.

 

Pursuit:

 

# the act of pursuing in an effort to overtake or capture; "the culprit started to run and the cop took off in pursuit"

# a search for an alternative that meets cognitive criteria; "the pursuit of love"; "life is more than the pursuance of fame"; "a quest for wealth"

# avocation: an auxiliary activity

# pastime: a diversion that occupies one's time and thoughts (usually pleasantly); "sailing is her favorite pastime"; "his main pastime is gambling"; "he counts reading among his interests"; "they criticized the boy for his limited pursuits"

 

that's the first google definitions ...

 

Interesting the mention of a pastime. An effort to capture. To overtake.

 

Sounds like being prey, doesn't it?

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My problem is that most girls liked to be chased but at the same time have no interested in dating. They just like the ego boost. That's selfish and wrong imo. Why waste the guy's time?

 

It could also be that they change their mind, cos at the chasing stage she doesn't really know the guy, then as she gets to know him a bit better she may start to feel that he's not her type after all.

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Absolutely..whether I like it or not.

 

Perfect example...2 cute girls I've been talking to. Both are cute, smart, funny, etc. They both possess qualities that I look for.

 

One of them talks to me, calls sometimes, I call her sometimes. She never seems over eager to go out, but we do go out. She drives me crazy and I want to get her.

 

The other...calls/texts/ims me all the time. She sends me random messages with no real point. I should like this girl..but I'm getting annoyed.

 

Note...I hate talking on the phone/texting/im'ing with a girl I'm interested in unless it's to make plans to go out on a date. It just doesn't make much sense to me to have a big conversation via one of those and then have nothing to talk about when we are together.

 

Also...I want to be excited to see you..and constantly talking while apart doesn't create that tension. I see so many couples that spend every day together and if they are not together for some reason they are texting/calling each other constantly. I, personally...see that leading to too many problems.

 

Just my opinion...

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Contrary to what I see written in this thread, Mars and Venus is not about games, nor playing "hard-to-get". From what I gather, Mars and Venus, it is about letting the man take the lead and the woman being receptive (key word receptive, i.e. not playing hard to get) to his advances.

 

Folks, in the past, I was the one to take the lead in initiating dates--with men who weren't ever clearly interested in me. Looking back retrospectively, I realize that me taking the lead was out of my

innocense/inexperience

 

If they had any interest in me, prior to me taking the lead--well, I effectively killed that interest by decreasing their attraction towards me. There is a subtle feminine approach vs. a masculine approach. The feminine approach doesn't involve taking the lead, instead it involves the concept of being receptive to a man's interest and not playing hard to get.

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I think that if you want a guy to really be into you, you have to let him chase you a little. On a superficial level it just makes sense. On a superficial level, I often am attracted to guys who only act a little interested...I like chasing. But it gets me nowhere because a guy who is being chased will never be truly interested unless something happened where the chasing thing was abruptly cut off and they missed you or it...and thats rare.

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Do men still like to chase women, especially at the beginning when you start dating? Do they like to take the lead when making the first few dates?

 

What do women prefer being chased and pursued?

 

From what I have read in books etc, men like to chase/pursue and to give to a female they like, a women just has to be receptive and thank him.

i.e. books like Men are from Mars Women are from Venus "on a date".

 

People are naturally more drawn and more interested in what is just beyond their reach rather than something that is readily available.

 

Think of this. If you, as a girl, consider yourself (your total package-looks, personality, social status, etc) an 8, then chances are almost certain that you will only be dating 8's and up with few possible exceptions. Why would you be so interested in a 5? You could get tons of 5's. You could have your pick of the litter. What's going to keep you so interested in a 5? It takes no effort on your part and you can just stand there at a bar and be hit on by 5's.

 

But what about a 9 or a 10? Can you as an 8 walk into a bar and have tons of 9's or 10's trying to get your attention? No. Supply and demand. You'd have to work hard to get a 9 or a 10, as they can still get people who are 9's and 10's themselves. Why would they go for an 8? They still can and do, but you're going to have to work harder to separate yourself from all of the other 8's that approach them.

 

So yes, the chase is important. The harder it is to get something the more value it has. This is part of the reason why desperate guys who have trouble getting a single girlfriend all tend to fall head over heels for every crush they fail to get. They've thrown away their value by being so desperate for the girl. Why would the girl see value in someone she could totally walk over but still have them trying to win her? What about someone that easy is going to be more attractive than a guy who is a challenge, someone whom is hard to win, whom has value and status? Woudl a girl feel proud to introduce her new boyfriend, the guy she pulls along everywhere she goes by his hand, or the Prom King?

 

This isn't ALWAYS true, but it almost always is. My friend and I were discussing this last night. He was saying how this girl in college was a 8 and she had a boyfriend whom was a 5. I'm not talking about looks, I am talking about "total package". He thought that the reason she did this was for security. She was confident she could always have that guy there... after all, she was an 8 and he was a 5... why the hell would he screw up? He wouldn't leave her, she's so much above him. So he was safe.

 

However... this girl cheated on this 5 all the time. While she felt the safety and security of having that guy there, he didn't give her what she needed. She knew she could do better but was afraid herself to latch onto another 9 or a 10... because they might leave. Despite this 5 getting this 8, would you want to be that guy? (or girl if it were vice versa) I wouldn't. And in fact, once she started doing this, she herself dropped in value.

 

So do guys and girls prefer the chase? Well, it certainly might not be fun all of the time, it might be downright stressful and a lot of work to chase, but if you're chasing then what you're chasing has value to you and that's going to make it more attractive.

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I don't think it is much of a matter of who does the initiations. If you are attractive and you are perceptive to the other persons feelings towards you then it is obvious men and women do the same amount of initiations. However, the song and dance of the actualy asking out or move making is almost always done by the man. For whatever reason that may be one can only speculate.

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I like this thread. I just read it all and I'm going to try to analyze what I got out of it as a whole. Here it goes.

 

When you want somebody you feel is above you then you try hard and accept things that aren't necessarily what you really want. For instance, if somebody is pretty, smart, you will accept inconveniences in their personality and treatment of you. You lower your standards. This causes the other person to feel that you need him/her and they don't need you. So in turn you get treated badly.

 

This definitely seems true. And I think with enough hard thought, anybody could come to that conclusion. But where to go from here? Should one be the pursuer or the pursued? If you pursue, then you make yourself become the dependent and thereforeeee the one clinging to the relationship. If you pick somebody lower than you then you just always feel as though you could do better which hurts their feelings because they feel like they depend on you. So what do we do?

 

Here are two possibilities:

 

Shoot for the moon, if you miss, you'll still be among the stars. (Aim higher always because then if you don't get somebody above you you might just end up with somebody your level or hey you may get that person)

 

or

 

Hold out for somebody who you feel equal to?

 

What do we do?

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Ok thats why I started this thread to see what men and women think about it. Its not games just the way it has always been from the dark ages I suppose. Men hunt?

 

It is games. It's really basic behavior that's pretty useless to two thinking people. It's a mating game.

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