Smoking...

DavidWebb · 08-16-2007, 01:12 AM

Just to start off this is my first time on this or any other advice site. Now that that's out of the way onto my problem...

My girlfriend and I have been dating for quite a while now and we have a recurring problem that comes up at least once a month, the fact that I smoke. She wants me to quit and I'm just not at the point where I want to yet. She knew that I smoked before we began our relationship but I'm not sure what to do about it as time goes on.

I want to quit at some point but not right now, I try to explain that with the line of work I'm in and the fact that I'm in the military where most of the people in my unit smoke, that it's harder for me because I'm always exposed to it.

What should I do to let her know that I'm going to quit but she needs to just give me my own space about this?

P.S. I know the health ramifications of smoking so please do not reply with those, I'm asking for advice about the problem in my relationship not to hear how bad it is for me.

**melrich** · 08-16-2007, 01:16 AM

Quote:

What should I do to let her know that I'm going to quit but she needs to just give me my own space about this?

Do you want to quit? Would you be quitting if she had no problem with it? I think you have to work that out first because if you quit only because she wants yo to, you may come to resent her for that.

But assuming you also want to quit, I think in anything like this, you have to set a date. You can't just keep saying "I will, I will". That is frustrating for both of you.

Agree a date and then work toward that date. Get some literature on tips to help you give the habit up.

sweetheart607 · 08-16-2007, 01:25 AM

Tell her that'll you'll do it in your own time and that it is sweet that she cares but she's got to let you decide for yourself and at a time when you will actually have the will power to do it because its far more damaging to quit and fail so do it a time when u are determined.

LN99 · 08-16-2007, 01:57 AM

As a smoker, I can relate. It's HARD to quit. I've done it once already....for a good 4 months. Only reason I did it was because my bf (at the time) was concerned about my health. He would make little remarks from time to time over the course of a yr. Then finally I said to myself, "I'm gonna quit this week on Saturday." I didn't tell him about it at first, because I needed to get myself through that first week on my own. I bought the patch and slapped it on. It wasn't so bad the first two days, but by the third day, I was starting to "miss" the hand/ mouth cooridination. So, I took up latchhooking and also chewed a lot of gum. I was doing great, (even going thru my dad's unexpected death and breaking up w/ my bf for other reasons) and then I went on vacation w/ a friend of mine who is a heavy smoker and caved in. Since then, its been too hard to quit. It definately took a lot of willpower that I just didn't have....or even have now.

Definately do it when you're ready. You can't do it for someone else. I know I tried to, but I just couldn't. I plan on quitting someday when I start a family.. I just enjoy it. I think you know what I mean by that. It totally takes the edge off and it's definately a social thing (even at work). Just explain to her that you understand her concern for you, but that YOU need to do it when you are ready.

**arwen** · 08-16-2007, 03:40 AM

As an 'ex' smoker (over 2 months... still goin' strong

), I can relate to how hard it is. My bf never smoked but also never pushed me into quitting. It was MY decision. However, your gf has the right to not want to be in a smoking area, and of course you will taste like an ashtray if you kiss her right after smoking.

I guess her main concern is your health- but yours is the nature of the addiction. I can recommend you the book of Kristina Ivings if YOU want to quit. It will be useless to quit if you don't want to get rid of the addiction yourself.

In addition, despite of all the healthrisks, also quitting for health reasons alone is proven to be quite hard. The most important thing and tool in quitting is to gain insight WHY you smoke and stop making excuses. You will always be exposed to smoking in some way unless the whole world quits, and you are lucky that your gf doesn't smoke so she won't remind you if you want to quit

Good luck and if you decide to quit, you can always pm me to exchange stories

Arwen

ghost69 · 08-16-2007, 10:53 AM

yeah it is a bad habit. i think if you at least show her you are progressing, she might back off a bit. have you been cutting down on how many a day?

beauty21 · 08-16-2007, 03:16 PM

Yeah, I need to cut back myself. It is hard and very addicitive. I still remember the first time I smoked I had the biggest headache, yet I still kept doing it. Anyway, I think you should just tell her you're not ready to stop yet. I mean, what else can you say.

08-16-2007, 01:12 AM	#1
DavidWebb Offline Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Gender: Male Posts: 24	Smoking... Just to start off this is my first time on this or any other advice site. Now that that's out of the way onto my problem... My girlfriend and I have been dating for quite a while now and we have a recurring problem that comes up at least once a month, the fact that I smoke. She wants me to quit and I'm just not at the point where I want to yet. She knew that I smoked before we began our relationship but I'm not sure what to do about it as time goes on. I want to quit at some point but not right now, I try to explain that with the line of work I'm in and the fact that I'm in the military where most of the people in my unit smoke, that it's harder for me because I'm always exposed to it. What should I do to let her know that I'm going to quit but she needs to just give me my own space about this? P.S. I know the health ramifications of smoking so please do not reply with those, I'm asking for advice about the problem in my relationship not to hear how bad it is for me.

08-16-2007, 01:25 AM	#3
sweetheart607 Offline Silver Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: England Gender: Female Age: 22 Posts: 309	Tell her that'll you'll do it in your own time and that it is sweet that she cares but she's got to let you decide for yourself and at a time when you will actually have the will power to do it because its far more damaging to quit and fail so do it a time when u are determined. __________________ 'Seldom, very seldom, does complete truth belong to any human disclosure; Seldom can it happen that something is not a little disguised, or a little mistaken' Jane Austen - Emma Admit nothing, deny everything and make counter-accusations. Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral or fattening.

08-16-2007, 01:57 AM	#4
LN99 Offline Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: The midwest Gender: Female Age: 28 Posts: 91	As a smoker, I can relate. It's HARD to quit. I've done it once already....for a good 4 months. Only reason I did it was because my bf (at the time) was concerned about my health. He would make little remarks from time to time over the course of a yr. Then finally I said to myself, "I'm gonna quit this week on Saturday." I didn't tell him about it at first, because I needed to get myself through that first week on my own. I bought the patch and slapped it on. It wasn't so bad the first two days, but by the third day, I was starting to "miss" the hand/ mouth cooridination. So, I took up latchhooking and also chewed a lot of gum. I was doing great, (even going thru my dad's unexpected death and breaking up w/ my bf for other reasons) and then I went on vacation w/ a friend of mine who is a heavy smoker and caved in. Since then, its been too hard to quit. It definately took a lot of willpower that I just didn't have....or even have now. Definately do it when you're ready. You can't do it for someone else. I know I tried to, but I just couldn't. I plan on quitting someday when I start a family.. I just enjoy it. I think you know what I mean by that. It totally takes the edge off and it's definately a social thing (even at work). Just explain to her that you understand her concern for you, but that YOU need to do it when you are ready. __________________ Appreciate the good times and learn from the bad times.

08-16-2007, 03:40 AM	#5
arwen Offline Super Moderator Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: The Netherlands Gender: Female Age: 29 Posts: 5,396	As an 'ex' smoker (over 2 months... still goin' strong ), I can relate to how hard it is. My bf never smoked but also never pushed me into quitting. It was MY decision. However, your gf has the right to not want to be in a smoking area, and of course you will taste like an ashtray if you kiss her right after smoking. I guess her main concern is your health- but yours is the nature of the addiction. I can recommend you the book of Kristina Ivings if YOU want to quit. It will be useless to quit if you don't want to get rid of the addiction yourself. In addition, despite of all the healthrisks, also quitting for health reasons alone is proven to be quite hard. The most important thing and tool in quitting is to gain insight WHY you smoke and stop making excuses. You will always be exposed to smoking in some way unless the whole world quits, and you are lucky that your gf doesn't smoke so she won't remind you if you want to quit Good luck and if you decide to quit, you can always pm me to exchange stories Arwen __________________ You always* have a choice.* 11 February 2010: [Only registered and activated users can see links. ]* is due!* Please see the forum rules for posting on enotalone.com

08-16-2007, 10:53 AM	#6
ghost69 Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Desert Gender: Male Posts: 33,424	yeah it is a bad habit. i think if you at least show her you are progressing, she might back off a bit. have you been cutting down on how many a day? __________________ Not only am I friendly, but I'm invisible too. Too perfect of a relationship is too weird-g69 If you say you are normal, I'd think you are weird-g69 The world can only get better, it depends on how you look at it-g69 'As wicked as you are, you're beautiful to me'-5fingerdeathpunch you cannot control the world, you can only live in it the best you can for you-g69 NooOoOoooOOoOoOoooooo

08-16-2007, 03:16 PM	#7
beauty21 Offline Gold Member Join Date: May 2007 Posts: 960	Yeah, I need to cut back myself. It is hard and very addicitive. I still remember the first time I smoked I had the biggest headache, yet I still kept doing it. Anyway, I think you should just tell her you're not ready to stop yet. I mean, what else can you say.