13 years of marriage... gone

InDisarray · 08-05-2007, 01:33 PM

My wife and I have been married for 13 years. We have two wonderful children ages 7 and 10. Two weeks ago she comes back from a visit to her family out of state and tells me she wants a divorce. She met someone online who she has feelings for and she says she's no longer in love with me. She says that she doesn't know who she is anymore and that she has sacrificed herself too much in our marriage.

She went away this weekend to see the guy that she's been talking to online in another state. The kids are with me. She says that she hasn't cheated on me and doesn't plan on doing anything while we are married. I don't know whether to believe this or not. My gut feeling says she has. I guess it doesn't really matter though. If she's willing to drive 500 miles to see him, does it really matter if she actually has? She also saw this guy while she was up visiting her parents. He drove up there.

I guess I don't know what to do. My life has been turned upside down and I don't think there is really hope for us. I am not foolish enough to believe that there can be good that can come from this. She also says that it's not about him. She says that we've just grown apart.

I haven't eaten very well in the last two weeks. I have lost a total of 15 pounds. Does this go away? She is coming back tonight and I guess we will go from there.

Anyway, any advice would be appreciated. I'm sometimes not very good at putting my thoughts into words. I know this post reads very dis-jointed.

PeanutButter · 08-05-2007, 01:38 PM

Well look, she has already chosen to deciet the marriage. Its very ridiculous that she has been looking on-line for someone when shes already married. So I suppose that its true when you guys have gone their seperate ways. My advice would be to tell her that shes chosen this guy, seen him twice, even though you have kids tell her to get out of the house. You guys should just end this before it gets anymore complicated and before you kids start to get invovled in this mix. Try to get custody of them. Your wife has already made it clear she doesn't want to work on this marriage by meeting a guy off line. So look don't be waiting for her to come home, don't let her think that if things don't go fly with this guy that she can just come back to you as a rebound. That you will be there with whatever guy she decides to run off with on a bit. You guys are grown its pretty childish for her to take off for a few days to see some guy and leave you alone with your children. Change the locks tell her you want her out of the house.

And for Gods sakes!! eat!! don't let this bring you down, shes not a good person, she showed you that!! be thankful for what you have and that she didnt drag your kids down along with her. i'm surprised you didnt end it when she said shes going to meet up with him. im sorry this happened to you, but theres more out there for you.

tylercdurden2004 · 08-05-2007, 01:40 PM

Get as much in writing in regards to her seeing this man. You will want this come custody battle time. I sure it wont feel good having another man raise your kids.

PeanutButter · 08-05-2007, 01:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tylercdurden2004

Get as much in writing in regards to her seeing this man. You will want this come custody battle time. I sure it wont feel good having another man raise your kids.

exactly what im saying, you need to take actions now. her being gone for a few days, see if you can get some info off the computer for proof. you don't want her to one day just leave with your kids and go to this guys house. be the one to file court papers first and put she had an affair, cuz plain and simple thats what it is. don't even say anything about agreeing with the divorce just go get the divorce papers and have them served to her. she can stay at her parents or even this guys house. so YOU DON'T NEED to let her back in the house.

InDisarray · 08-05-2007, 01:47 PM

That all sounds so simple. Change the locks, kick her out and all of that. I can't do that. She says that she's not going to go anywhere and she wants to do joint custody. My kids would be heartbroken without her in their lives. I don't want this to turn into a nasty custody battle. Does that ever serve a good purpose?

We have known each other since we were 15. We've been through a lot together. Don't I have to be an adult and put the kids first and foremost in this and try to get through this with as little battling as possible?

This is just so messed up. I never thought that she would do this. I haven't been the perfect husband but I've always been here. I don't drink, I've never cheated on her. I am a great dad. I don't understand why she wants to throw that all away.

tylercdurden2004 · 08-05-2007, 01:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by InDisarray

That all sounds so simple. Change the locks, kick her out and all of that. I can't do that. She says that she's not going to go anywhere and she wants to do joint custody. My kids would be heartbroken without her in their lives. I don't want this to turn into a nasty custody battle. Does that ever serve a good purpose?

We have known each other since we were 15. We've been through a lot together. Don't I have to be an adult and put the kids first and foremost in this and try to get through this with as little battling as possible?

This is just so messed up. I never thought that she would do this. I haven't been the perfect husband but I've always been here. I don't drink, I've never cheated on her. I am a great dad. I don't understand why she wants to throw that all away.

Oh good. You dont want it to be a nasty custody battle, but what about her?

She has shown you what she is willing to do, hurt you and her children by stepping outside the marriage. Do you think she might consider them comes scaplin' time?

PeanutButter · 08-05-2007, 01:52 PM

Well of course have joint custody. I'm saying that she like basically ran off for a few days to be with some stranger. You guys have been with each other since you were 15, then it could be that she wanted to explore. This guy is just different to her. Your a wonderful and the reason I'm being so extreme with the locks changing is because it's not right of her to just take off and go see some other guy. Have your kids or has anything been said about her being gone for this time period? It is a good idea to not have so much battling in there, so my bad. But you should get the divorce and tell her its better if she moves out then, its going to have to happen eventually. You need to do whats best for you and your kids right now. You put a lot into the marriage, it went a good 13 years, you were a great husband to her. She just didn't appreciate you enough and wanted to explore her options.She did this in a bad way, and you are eventually going to have to tell her to move out. I said just kick her out now because she comes back for a few days then you say okay divorce move out, she may not and your the one who needs to stay there for the kids. If shes already out of the house and then comes back then she leaves? Your kids are going to get confused. Send them off to your parents house for a few days, when your wife comes back talk to her. Tell her its going to end. You need to figure it out and talk to her.

InDisarray · 08-05-2007, 02:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tylercdurden2004

Oh good. You dont want it to be a nasty custody battle, but what about her?

She has shown you what she is willing to do, hurt you and her children by stepping outside the marriage. Do you think she might consider them comes scaplin' time?

She says she doesn't want anything nasty either. She just wants to be done. She is really not a mean person. Although she has done a mean thing here.

InDisarray · 08-05-2007, 02:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tylercdurden2004

Oh good. You dont want it to be a nasty custody battle, but what about her?

She has shown you what she is willing to do, hurt you and her children by stepping outside the marriage. Do you think she might consider them comes scaplin' time?

Quote:

Originally Posted by PeanutButter

Well of course have joint custody. I'm saying that she like basically ran off for a few days to be with some stranger. You guys have been with each other since you were 15, then it could be that she wanted to explore. This guy is just different to her. Your a wonderful and the reason I'm being so extreme with the locks changing is because it's not right of her to just take off and go see some other guy. Have your kids or has anything been said about her being gone for this time period? It is a good idea to not have so much battling in there, so my bad. But you should get the divorce and tell her its better if she moves out then, its going to have to happen eventually. You need to do whats best for you and your kids right now. You put a lot into the marriage, it went a good 13 years, you were a great husband to her. She just didn't appreciate you enough and wanted to explore her options.She did this in a bad way, and you are eventually going to have to tell her to move out. I said just kick her out now because she comes back for a few days then you say okay divorce move out, she may not and your the one who needs to stay there for the kids. If shes already out of the house and then comes back then she leaves? Your kids are going to get confused. Send them off to your parents house for a few days, when your wife comes back talk to her. Tell her its going to end. You need to figure it out and talk to her.

As far as the kids know, she just went to be with a friend. They are somewhat oblivious. Although my oldest overheard me talking to my sister about it and I told her that nothing was set in stone and sometimes adults just talk and she seems to have accepted that.

This is all so confusing to me. We have been through a lot together. I just don't understand her unwillingness to want to try. It's hard too because she has no family here. I have family all around me to make it easier.

tylercdurden2004 · 08-05-2007, 02:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by InDisarray

As far as the kids know, she just went to be with a friend. They are somewhat oblivious. Although my oldest overheard me talking to my sister about it and I told her that nothing was set in stone and sometimes adults just talk and she seems to have accepted that.

This is all so confusing to me. We have been through a lot together. I just don't understand her unwillingness to want to try. It's hard too because she has no family here. I have family all around me to make it easier.

mate I understand you are hurting now but you have to get your head out. Your kids will pick up on much more that you think. Trust me on that one.

Her foot was out the door on this one ages ago. She probably tried to tell you through "hints". She probably isnt all that good at communicating.

Again you need to really think about protecting yoruself and your kids.

08-05-2007, 01:33 PM	#1
InDisarray Offline Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Texas Gender: Male Posts: 18	13 years of marriage... gone My wife and I have been married for 13 years. We have two wonderful children ages 7 and 10. Two weeks ago she comes back from a visit to her family out of state and tells me she wants a divorce. She met someone online who she has feelings for and she says she's no longer in love with me. She says that she doesn't know who she is anymore and that she has sacrificed herself too much in our marriage. She went away this weekend to see the guy that she's been talking to online in another state. The kids are with me. She says that she hasn't cheated on me and doesn't plan on doing anything while we are married. I don't know whether to believe this or not. My gut feeling says she has. I guess it doesn't really matter though. If she's willing to drive 500 miles to see him, does it really matter if she actually has? She also saw this guy while she was up visiting her parents. He drove up there. I guess I don't know what to do. My life has been turned upside down and I don't think there is really hope for us. I am not foolish enough to believe that there can be good that can come from this. She also says that it's not about him. She says that we've just grown apart. I haven't eaten very well in the last two weeks. I have lost a total of 15 pounds. Does this go away? She is coming back tonight and I guess we will go from there. Anyway, any advice would be appreciated. I'm sometimes not very good at putting my thoughts into words. I know this post reads very dis-jointed.

08-05-2007, 01:40 PM	#3
tylercdurden2004 Offline Platinum Member Join Date: May 2004 Location: Middle East Gender: Male Age: 33 Posts: 3,696	Get as much in writing in regards to her seeing this man. You will want this come custody battle time. I sure it wont feel good having another man raise your kids. __________________ "Depend Upon it, Sir, when a man knows he is to be hanged in a fortnight, it concentrates his mind wonderfully." - Samuel Johnson "A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds" - Ralph Waldo Emerson Avatar: Whale Skin Hubcaps Dealer. Nice guys: www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=136757&highlight=horsey

08-05-2007, 01:52 PM	#7
PeanutButter Offline Join Date: Jul 2007 Gender: Female Posts: 1,336	Well of course have joint custody. I'm saying that she like basically ran off for a few days to be with some stranger. You guys have been with each other since you were 15, then it could be that she wanted to explore. This guy is just different to her. Your a wonderful and the reason I'm being so extreme with the locks changing is because it's not right of her to just take off and go see some other guy. Have your kids or has anything been said about her being gone for this time period? It is a good idea to not have so much battling in there, so my bad. But you should get the divorce and tell her its better if she moves out then, its going to have to happen eventually. You need to do whats best for you and your kids right now. You put a lot into the marriage, it went a good 13 years, you were a great husband to her. She just didn't appreciate you enough and wanted to explore her options.She did this in a bad way, and you are eventually going to have to tell her to move out. I said just kick her out now because she comes back for a few days then you say okay divorce move out, she may not and your the one who needs to stay there for the kids. If shes already out of the house and then comes back then she leaves? Your kids are going to get confused. Send them off to your parents house for a few days, when your wife comes back talk to her. Tell her its going to end. You need to figure it out and talk to her. Last edited by PeanutButter; 08-05-2007 at 01:54 PM.

08-05-2007, 01:38 PM	#2
PeanutButter Offline Join Date: Jul 2007 Gender: Female Posts: 1,336	Well look, she has already chosen to deciet the marriage. Its very ridiculous that she has been looking on-line for someone when shes already married. So I suppose that its true when you guys have gone their seperate ways. My advice would be to tell her that shes chosen this guy, seen him twice, even though you have kids tell her to get out of the house. You guys should just end this before it gets anymore complicated and before you kids start to get invovled in this mix. Try to get custody of them. Your wife has already made it clear she doesn't want to work on this marriage by meeting a guy off line. So look don't be waiting for her to come home, don't let her think that if things don't go fly with this guy that she can just come back to you as a rebound. That you will be there with whatever guy she decides to run off with on a bit. You guys are grown its pretty childish for her to take off for a few days to see some guy and leave you alone with your children. Change the locks tell her you want her out of the house. And for Gods sakes!! eat!! don't let this bring you down, shes not a good person, she showed you that!! be thankful for what you have and that she didnt drag your kids down along with her. i'm surprised you didnt end it when she said shes going to meet up with him. im sorry this happened to you, but theres more out there for you.

08-05-2007, 01:47 PM	#5
InDisarray Offline Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Texas Gender: Male Posts: 18	That all sounds so simple. Change the locks, kick her out and all of that. I can't do that. She says that she's not going to go anywhere and she wants to do joint custody. My kids would be heartbroken without her in their lives. I don't want this to turn into a nasty custody battle. Does that ever serve a good purpose? We have known each other since we were 15. We've been through a lot together. Don't I have to be an adult and put the kids first and foremost in this and try to get through this with as little battling as possible? This is just so messed up. I never thought that she would do this. I haven't been the perfect husband but I've always been here. I don't drink, I've never cheated on her. I am a great dad. I don't understand why she wants to throw that all away.