Hi. I'm new here and this is my first post. I have been happily married for 12 years. We've had a few ups and downs, but never anything that caused us to think about the "D" word. Most of the time, we have a great relationship. We rarely fight.
My parents divorced when I was very young and I lived with my dad and stepmom, and visited my mom and stepdad on weekends. When I was at my dad's, I was always careful not to upset my stepmom and when I was at my mom's, I was terrified to upset my stepdad. They both had strong personalities and I knew if they weren't happy, nobody would be happy. So I never wanted to be the cause of their anger. I spent a good deal of my childhood walking on eggshells. Not a fun way to live. I swore I would never grow up to live that way.
I knew from the start that my husband's biggest fault is his temper. It doesn't show up too often, but when it does, it's not pretty. Very rarely have I been the reason for his outbursts. He has never physically abused me our our children.
Our kids are ages 6 and 9. Although they're pretty good kids, they have their ways and their moments, like all kids do. I feel my husband expects too much for their age. I find myself trying to make sure the kids behave properly so that he doesn't get angry. If they misbehave while he's gone, I don't always tell him about it. He seems to set the tone for the whole house. If he's happy, we're all pretty happy. If he's angry, we're all moody. Although I feel like I can talk to him about almost anything, I have a really hard time talking to him about his temper. He gets very defensive, or he gets very sullen and blames himself and puts himself down.
I love my husband with all my heart and I know he loves me. There are times when I don't think I could possibly be any happier. And the good times far outweight the bad. But then there are times when I get this horrible, familiar feeling in my gut--the feeling I would get when I was a kid and someone upset one of my parents. I don't want my kids to grow up that way.