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Thread: Healing from break up - like grieving a death?

  1. #1
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    Healing from break up - like grieving a death?

    Something I thought though, you know how like when someone dies, we grieve but we still carry on with our daily lives go about our normal business after a few days or a week or so after they have passed. When that happens we put on a brave face and carry on as best we can, however every now and then your feelings come into play and we miss or think about the person the loss etc.

    Same goes for relationships ending. It's like someone dying. We have to grieve, but at the same time be strong and carry on with life. More importantly LIVE not just exist.

    Hope that makes sense.

    Apprantley we have to go through all four of these too truly grieve and move on if you miss one emotion out you might suffer in future relationships because you haven't moved on properly?

    Anger
    Sadness
    Fear
    Sorrow

    So when we grieve a death we must go throguh the above in the same way we go through these when we experience a death of a relationship.




     

    Once you start laughing you start healing.

    Being single DOES NOT equate to
    1) being alone 2) leading boring life 3) being unhappy

    Sometimes the best way to throw a punch is to take a step back - Million Dollar Baby

    It doesn't seem like it at the time, but everything happens for a reason.

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    Yep the end of a relationship is very similar to losing someone to death. The feelings are pretty much paralell.... thats been my experience at least....

    And it is gradual but you do actually release that person from your life although it's a painful ending....

    Thats when you truly begin to heal I think.

    Sandy

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    Platinum Member orchidrose's Avatar
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    Very similar, especially in certain instances. I think a lot of us feel like the person that we loved is gone. For whatever reason, they chose to move on with their lives and detach themselves from us, often very suddenly. I find myself grieving more for the man that I loved than thinking about who he is now or who he will be. That person that I loved is gone forever, and all that I can do now is grieve for him as if he is a person who actually died.

    I think those four steps are very applicable in that sense.

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    My relationship with my girlfriend ended a little over a week ago. I can tell you that the emotions associated with that are the same as when a loved one dies. There is dispair, extreme sadness, hopelessness, loneliness and fear. In my humble opinion there is a twist to it, the person you loved didn't die...they just don't want you anymore. Thats a tough one to swallow. I keep hearing that it just takes time to overcome these feelings, but man, its tough.
    Last edited by cabman; 07-30-2007 at 05:16 AM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by cabman View Post
    My relationship with my girlfriend ended a little over a week ago. I can tell you that the emotions associated with that are the same as when a loved one dies. There is dispair, extreme sadness, hopelessness, loneliness and fear. I my humble opinion there is a twist to it, the person you loved didn't die...they just don't want you anymore. Thats a tough one to swallow. I keep hearing that it just takes time to overcome these feelings, but man, its tough.
    So very true, and I think in a way can actually make the grieving process longer than for those we've lost due to death in some cases, because our minds can't accept that this person who we so loved is truly gone because, at least in sense that they are alive and able to love (someone else) they are still out there. I think for many of us we almost have to think of our ex's as if they've in fact died and stay in NC in order to really move through the stages of grieving that's been outlined here so well.

    A good friend of mine lost his girlfriend to cancer about a year ago. He was function very well within a couple of months but seems like he's having a tough time making connections to new women. I think that out of a breakup, once we can make a connection with someone new, the healing really accelerates quickly. I know for me it takes me many many months to get to that place after a signficant relationship breakup. Good thread Bubblyblond11!
    "I've given up on having a better past."

    "Pain in this lifetime is inevitableÖ itís the way of the world, but suffering, thatís a choice we make."

    "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...it's about learning to dance in the rain..."

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    I think that is it, because the person is still out there, it makes it harder to accept and come to terms with.

    Perhaps we need to pretend they are dead?
    Once you start laughing you start healing.

    Being single DOES NOT equate to
    1) being alone 2) leading boring life 3) being unhappy

    Sometimes the best way to throw a punch is to take a step back - Million Dollar Baby

    It doesn't seem like it at the time, but everything happens for a reason.

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    Gold Member benga's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bubblyblonde11 View Post
    I think that is it, because the person is still out there, it makes it harder to accept and come to terms with.

    Perhaps we need to pretend they are dead?
    Bingo!!! Death is final. Nothing can change it or reverse it! Breaking up with somebody you love and are still connected to you, gives you very similar feelings & emotions.. To compound the emotional woes, the ex's are still very much around high fiving their friends for having you out of their lives...
    A better future started yesterday

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    He can take any high fives and shove them where the sun only shines where his mum in concerned.....lol
    Once you start laughing you start healing.

    Being single DOES NOT equate to
    1) being alone 2) leading boring life 3) being unhappy

    Sometimes the best way to throw a punch is to take a step back - Million Dollar Baby

    It doesn't seem like it at the time, but everything happens for a reason.

  10. #9
    Gold Member papalazarou's Avatar
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    Its very much a living death because you know they are still alive.
    "Hello Dave....your my wife now!"

    Smokey Robinson & The Miracles:

    I don't like you, but I love you
    Seems that I'm always thinking of you
    Oh, oh, oh you treat me badly
    I love you madly
    You really got a hold on me

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    but wish they were...........ummm I am so naughty!!!
    Once you start laughing you start healing.

    Being single DOES NOT equate to
    1) being alone 2) leading boring life 3) being unhappy

    Sometimes the best way to throw a punch is to take a step back - Million Dollar Baby

    It doesn't seem like it at the time, but everything happens for a reason.

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