My bets friend's father is an alcoholic and she's blaming herself...need help

HyruleGuardian · 07-28-2007, 11:49 PM

My best friend's father has been an alcoholic his entire life. His liver is basically gone yet he still drinks heavily. He can't stop at 1 or 2 anymore; it's to the point where he keeps going until he blacks out and ends up in the hospital. This eats up my friend because her father means the world to her. Her mother moved away from the area and she's never been close to her. Her father is all she has for family anymore. She went over there the other day and basically gave him the ultimatum that either he stops drinking, or she's not going to talk to him anymore. It was really emotional and both of them were crying, with him giving her excuse after excuse. She went back over there today and found him wasted again. She ran out crying and came over to my house balling her eyes out. I basically just sat there and listened to her spill her heart out to me about how she felt. We both just sat in each others arms crying. It was probably the most emotional I've ever seen her before.

She's almost reached a breaking point where she doesn't even care if he dies or not because it would be easier not to worry anymore. All I told her was that she's done everything she can and he has to make his own decisions now. She then started saying it was her fault that she didn't do more to help him. I really don't know anything more she can do to make the situation right. He's a stubborn alcoholic that puts the drink about his daughter and it's eating her up inside.

I hate seeing my friend like this. She means a lot to me and I know how much her dad means to her. Has anyone been in a situation like this? If so, what'd you do to make your friend feel better? I'm trying all I can to support her but it doesn't seem like enough.

Timebandit · 07-29-2007, 05:06 AM

Having grown up in an alcoholc home, I can relate to your friends experience at some level. Often there is a lot of shame and guilt associated with growing up with an alcoholic parent.

I think that you are already an excellent friend, and there is probably not that much more that you can do. Giving her a place where she can be herself and spill her heart out without fearing not being accepted, means a great deal to her. No doubt about that.

But one thing you could consider: There are some organizations for relatives of alcoholics, such as Adult Children of Alcoholics an Al Anon.

Try to see if they exist in your local area, and perhaps have a chat with them. Perhaps they can give you some ideas on what to do. I also think, that your friend would benefit greatly by joining either of these organizations. But you cannot force her, and it will be her own choice.

Just let her know, that she deserves to get help.

07-28-2007, 11:49 PM	#1
HyruleGuardian Offline Silver Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Gender: Male Age: 21 Posts: 567	My bets friend's father is an alcoholic and she's blaming herself...need help My best friend's father has been an alcoholic his entire life. His liver is basically gone yet he still drinks heavily. He can't stop at 1 or 2 anymore; it's to the point where he keeps going until he blacks out and ends up in the hospital. This eats up my friend because her father means the world to her. Her mother moved away from the area and she's never been close to her. Her father is all she has for family anymore. She went over there the other day and basically gave him the ultimatum that either he stops drinking, or she's not going to talk to him anymore. It was really emotional and both of them were crying, with him giving her excuse after excuse. She went back over there today and found him wasted again. She ran out crying and came over to my house balling her eyes out. I basically just sat there and listened to her spill her heart out to me about how she felt. We both just sat in each others arms crying. It was probably the most emotional I've ever seen her before. She's almost reached a breaking point where she doesn't even care if he dies or not because it would be easier not to worry anymore. All I told her was that she's done everything she can and he has to make his own decisions now. She then started saying it was her fault that she didn't do more to help him. I really don't know anything more she can do to make the situation right. He's a stubborn alcoholic that puts the drink about his daughter and it's eating her up inside. I hate seeing my friend like this. She means a lot to me and I know how much her dad means to her. Has anyone been in a situation like this? If so, what'd you do to make your friend feel better? I'm trying all I can to support her but it doesn't seem like enough.

07-29-2007, 05:06 AM	#2
Timebandit Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Gender: Male Age: 36 Posts: 1,120	Having grown up in an alcoholc home, I can relate to your friends experience at some level. Often there is a lot of shame and guilt associated with growing up with an alcoholic parent. I think that you are already an excellent friend, and there is probably not that much more that you can do. Giving her a place where she can be herself and spill her heart out without fearing not being accepted, means a great deal to her. No doubt about that. But one thing you could consider: There are some organizations for relatives of alcoholics, such as Adult Children of Alcoholics an Al Anon. Try to see if they exist in your local area, and perhaps have a chat with them. Perhaps they can give you some ideas on what to do. I also think, that your friend would benefit greatly by joining either of these organizations. But you cannot force her, and it will be her own choice. Just let her know, that she deserves to get help.