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Makes me sad when I see other people


Multivitamin

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These days I feel sad and depressed when i see Couples who are happy, or even pics of couples...makes me feel alone...ive always been alone and its just getting to me now....

 

Even when I overhear my friends talking to their boyfriends on the phone, i get all moody....even though on the surface im composed and cheerful.

 

I mean im happy for them..but it affects me. Why cant I have that kind of happiness too?

 

how can i stop feeling like this and just be normal?

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I agree with Elecktra on loving yourself.

It sounds as though you aren't happy with you.

You are wanting & wishing for to have a relationship that brings you happiness. When really the happiness comes from within.

When you love yourself & are happy with yourself...You won't be so bothered by other peoples happiness, plus you are more likly to enter into a healthy happy relationship.

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I think it's very normal to feel hurt when it seems everyone else around you has someone special. Just try not to feel guilty when you have those feelings. And try to find something to get your mind off it as soon as it hits.

 

You wouldn't believe how many threads I've read in the last few years from people who have the same feeling.

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I feel this way too. It bothers me so much that, for example, if I am on a train and I see a couple snuggling, I move to another car. It gives me migraines and especially during the holiday season, it brings me down physically. The only thing we can do about it is find someone. There is no other remedy, even if you love yourself to the fullest. They have what we want and they unintentionally shove it in our faces. I just shut myself off to it and get away as quickly as possible.

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You're definitely not alone in having feelings like this. I too have to avert my eyes and think about something else whenever I find myself around couples making public displays of affection. I couldn't even bring myself to be the best man at my best friend's wedding, or even attend the wedding for that matter, primarily because I felt like I would become physically ill at the wedding from the awareness that I'll never have any of that in my own life.

 

The only advice I can give you is to not allow yourself to dwell on it. Find something else to distract yourself.

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well... its easy to be somewhat jealous and get a lil moody when you see other couples happy and snuggling, showiing PDA, etc.

 

we all would love to be at that fase. but lemme tell u what i do when i feel a slight teensy bit of jealousy coming up: when i look at them it makes me happy, b/c even tho it isnt me, it reminds me that love really still does happen and it WILL be me like that someday again.

i specially feel happy when it happens to a friend of mine, knowing they have also gone thru heartache or something painfull, and then seeing that they DID make it and are happy again. they give me hope/positive outlook.

also... if you do find someone special again, i am sure you would want others to be happy for you so show some spirit... dont feel bad b/c you dont have someone special at the moment.

be happy on your own, love yourself and someday you too will be with your special someone... love comes again, lol.

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These days I feel sad and depressed when i see Couples who are happy, or even pics of couples...makes me feel alone...ive always been alone and its just getting to me now....

 

Even when I overhear my friends talking to their boyfriends on the phone, i get all moody....even though on the surface im composed and cheerful.

 

I mean im happy for them..but it affects me. Why cant I have that kind of happiness too?

 

how can i stop feeling like this and just be normal?

 

I suggest routinely kicking these people in the shins when you see them. It will make you feel better.

 

If that's too aggressive for your taste, then just join them (since you can't beat them). It helps to arm yourself with "World's Cutest Couple" stickers everywhere you go so you that you may approach the offending couple and tag them. Just lay a sticker on their shirt and coat much like a graffiti artist might tag the side of a bus with his avatar, and then tell them that they've been nominated. Now, you can share in their glory. Bliss and joy by proxy.

 

In truth, you can be this person too. You just have to choose that path. There are a lot of people that would love to receive a lot of love from you. You just have to learn to give it without fear.

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I suggest routinely kicking these people in the shins when you see them. It will make you feel better.

 

If that's too aggressive for your taste, then just join them (since you can't beat them). It helps to arm yourself with "World's Cutest Couple" stickers everywhere you go so you that you may approach the offending couple and tag them. Just lay a sticker on their shirt and coat much like a graffiti artist might tag the side of a bus with his avatar, and then tell them that they've been nominated. Now, you can share in their glory. Bliss and joy by proxy.

 

good one LMAO nicely planned out.

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Look at it this way, there are some people who are in unhappy relationships and when they see someone happy and single, they feel envious of their freedom and independence. The grass is always greener.

 

The point is, it's not a relationship with someone that creates happiness, that's just a bonus you get when you're happy enough with yourself that you have enough to share with another.

 

The only relationship that can create happiness for you is the one that you have with yourself, single or no.

 

If you're ready and open to the idea of a relationship, it will happen for you, don't worry.

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These days I feel sad and depressed when i see Couples who are happy, or even pics of couples...makes me feel alone...ive always been alone and its just getting to me now....

 

Even when I overhear my friends talking to their boyfriends on the phone, i get all moody....even though on the surface im composed and cheerful.

 

I mean im happy for them..but it affects me. Why cant I have that kind of happiness too?

 

how can i stop feeling like this and just be normal?

 

I feel the exact same way myself. It sucks so badly.

 

Why can't you have that happiness, too? Good question!

 

I don't see why you can't! Maybe you just need to start telling yourself that you do deserve to be happy, like them!

 

The best way to stop feeling this way is to find a mate. So, do all you can to accomplish that, then you'll feel better.

 

Good luck.

 

And PS - I don't think loving yourself has anything to do with feeling lonely or wanting a mate. That seems... almost ridiculous. I love myself more than almost anyone, yet I am extremely lonely and sad, especially when I see other happy, romantic couples. It really gets to me. I want what they have too! Is that so wrong? (Of course not! Rhetorical question. lol)

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Hey, it's ok. I feel this way sometimes myself. It especially sucks when you have just gotten out of something where the other person really hurt you.

 

Your time will come!

 

Remember - the same people that you see walking hand-in-hand may be married or divorced tomorrow! That's not to say that we wish ill will on anybody, but it's just important to not look at one situation, and then project that EVERYONE around you is happy and you are the only one who is unhappy. Try to avoid generalizations and other irrational thoughts.

 

Let's be realistic for a second. Take this website, for example. If everyone was having 100% fulfilling and loving relationships with mind-blowing sex, do you think so many people would be posting on here???

 

Sometimes, I feel as you do when I see a happy couple. However, sometimes, I can't help feeling happy and encouraged within, because I know that I will find the same thing someday.

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I feel like this all the time. And "loving myself" does not and will not make it better. That's ridiculous. The only solution is to find someone. Which has become an impossible dream of mine.

 

I'm not saying that loving yourself will replace your desire for having a mate. I'm saying having a mate won't make you happy. Only you can do that and once you've done that, you're ready to let someone into your life who you can share your happiness with and improve the quality of each others lives. It sucks being lonely, but the SO you seek is out there and you will find them as long as you're ready and open to the idea. If you are then you can count you're blessings because there are many people who are in relationships that entered into it before they were ready and just want a way back to being single again. It's easy to be envious of others, don't fall into that trap. Just keep doing what you're doing. It will happen for you.

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I'm not saying that loving yourself will replace your desire for having a mate. I'm saying having a mate won't make you happy. Only you can do that and once you've done that, you're ready to let someone into your life who you can share your happiness with and improve the quality of each others lives. It sucks being lonely, but the SO you seek is out there and you will find them as long as you're ready and open to the idea. If you are then you can count you're blessings because there are many people who are in relationships that entered into it before they were ready and just want a way back to being single again. It's easy to be envious of others, don't fall into that trap. Just keep doing what you're doing. It will happen for you.

 

Yes it will. I cannot be happy being single. Of course I won't settle for just anyone. But after being alone for over 2 years, I'm so ready for a relationship.

 

Don't take it personal but I hate it when people say "it will happen for you." There is no guarantee that it will. It hasn't happened in 2 years. What makes me think it will happen in the future? It's not like I don't try. I have tried. I did work on myself. I do put myself out there. It just doesn't happen. There are some people who are just meant to be alone. Maybe I'm one of those people.

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It's not like I don't try. I have tried. I did work on myself. I do put myself out there. It just doesn't happen. There are some people who are just meant to be alone. Maybe I'm one of those people.

 

Being closed off to the possiblity greatly decreases your chances of success. Nobody is meant to be alone who dosen't want to be. The key is being open to the possibility without worrying about if or when it will happen.

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I'm not saying that loving yourself will replace your desire for having a mate. I'm saying having a mate won't make you happy. Only you can do that and once you've done that, you're ready to let someone into your life who you can share your happiness with and improve the quality of each others lives. It sucks being lonely, but the SO you seek is out there and you will find them as long as you're ready and open to the idea. If you are then you can count you're blessings because there are many people who are in relationships that entered into it before they were ready and just want a way back to being single again. It's easy to be envious of others, don't fall into that trap. Just keep doing what you're doing. It will happen for you.

 

Having a mate made me happy. And now that I'm alone, I'm not. I haven't been since. Although truth be told, I wasn't as bad before than after. (Which begs the question: Is it truly better to have loved and lost than never at all...?) Anyhow, I used to always say, "I'm alone, but not lonely." But now, I'm not only alone, but also extremely lonely. The older I get, the more salient that becomes.

 

Adam wasn't happy being alone either, hence God's comment about being alone sucking, and His decision to give him a woman. Whenever anyone starts preaching to me about the "virtues" of singlehood or the necessity or requirement whereby one absolutely must be completely in love and infatuated with oneself prior to meeting the right person, I remember that fact. Puts everything nicely into perspective.

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I'm not saying that loving yourself will replace your desire for having a mate. I'm saying having a mate won't make you happy. Only you can do that and once you've done that, you're ready to let someone into your life who you can share your happiness with and improve the quality of each others lives.

Sorry, that's not true in this thread as you can see, otherwise this thread would not have been created. I mean, I just don't get this happy with yourself stuff I hear. How happy with yourself do you need to be? It's not like this is the last magical key to get into a relationship. It's irrelevant to us. We want to share feelings. Hold hands. Snuggle. Hug. Kiss. Hang out. Make out. Make love. Laugh together. Cry together. Go through thick and thin together. Grow old together. Raise a family together. Watch our kids grow up and go to college together. None of that has anything to do with being happy with oneself prior and if it did, why should it stop us from going for these feelings, emotions and life events? Some of us are in the stage where we want to meet someone and develop a relationship that has all of the things I just mentioned.

 

Did it ever cross people's minds that we could be happier with ourselves when we know someone out there actually loves us and cares for us, finds us attractive and would do anything for us? If someone says "you don't need someone to make yourself love yourself" which is what I hear right after, then they are not getting the point, which is that we are seeing someone to share our life and love with.

 

I'm ready to let someone in my life now, have been ready for the last 15 years. I am ready to meet someone and hopefully have the relationship blossom into something special. If it doesn't work, well then that's too bad. I'll try again. And again. And again until I get it right. I don't think I have to try to be lonely more than once because it's not really a life goal of mine.

 

Look at it this way, there are some people who are in unhappy relationships and when they see someone happy and single, they feel envious of their freedom and independence. The grass is always greener.

But the difference is, we are not happy and single. So they are not looking at us with envy. Those that are happy and single are single by choice, thereforeeee they are happy. Or they are optimistic that their time will come. That's not the case here. No optimism. No "single and happy" feelings. No, the grass is not greener on our side. Plus, those who are unhappy, most of them who don't have baggage with that person can simply leave one minute from now. We can't get into a relationship one minute from now.

 

The point is, it's not a relationship with someone that creates happiness, that's just a bonus you get when you're happy enough with yourself that you have enough to share with another.

 

The only relationship that can create happiness for you is the one that you have with yourself, single or no.

How do you know that we are not happy with ourselves, and that the only thing that is making us miserable is not having someone. Being happy with oneself does not change it because the point Multivitamin and others are making is that we are not happy being lonely. Forget about giving oneself a hug. This is about giving someone else a hug.

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Envy is an ugly emotion. It seems that you are not talking so much about your lack of a relationship, but about others' being fortunate to have something you desire which is highlighting that lack (in your mind).

 

But you're making many assumptions when you see these couples. You don't know what their situations are. Perhaps one of the members of a couple you saw today is suffering from a terrible illness. Or has just lost a loved one. Would you still feel envious in that scenario?

 

How about viewing these couples as a hopeful, joyous sign that love does in fact exist? Turn your envy around. Find the joy in others' happiness. How can you expect to find love when you don't even want to see it displayed by others?

 

I often read about Buddhism, and although I don't practice it in the strict sense, I think the principles are really helpful in situations such as these. It gives me peace that I don't find in other philosophies. Maybe give it a look?

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But you're making many assumptions when you see these couples. You don't know what their situations are. Perhaps one of the members of a couple you saw today is suffering from a terrible illness. Or has just lost a loved one. Would you still feel envious in that scenario?

 

First off, I dislike the word "envy", because it implies a desire to steal away what the other person has, and I don't think that's how most of us lonely people feel. We're not hateful toward couples, we just feel bad about our own circumstances when confronted with the comparison. We don't wish to deprive others of having love in their lives, because we know better than anyone what it is like to live without love.

 

But as to the substance of your question, my answer is that you are making the equally wrong assumption that the "envious" person's only problem is being alone. Everyone in this world has bad stuff happening to them. Someone who is in a loving relationship at least has someone to lean on and to be loved, supported and cared for by while trying to deal with the bad things that happen to us all. Whereas when I get sick, or when a relative passes away, I have the additional burden of having to deal with it alone. (Being alone and sick is particularly bad. I'm constantly aware that if I fall down the stairs in my home and break my neck, no one is likely to even notice until at least a week or two have passed.)

 

How about viewing these couples as a hopeful, joyous sign that love does in fact exist?
Does a man with no legs celebrate when he sees people jogging, viewing it as a sign that legs do in fact exist? No, unfortunately the only sign I get from seeing others in love is that love exists for THEM ... and not for me.
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The jogging example is a faulty one, because someone without legs has no possibility of ever growing new ones. There is always a possibility of finding a mate, whether the people posting here believe it or not.

 

Then again, maybe the jogging example is a good one. Maybe it inspires someone like Oscar Pistorius, who runs on prosthetic legs. Maybe seeing someone jogging makes him want something enough to go for it even though everyone tells him it's impossible.

 

The definition of envy is such: a feeling of discontent or covetousness with regard to another's advantages, success, possessions, etc. Nowhere in that definition is there an implied meaning of wanting to steal anything or anyone away. That sounds like your own interpretation.

 

The whole point of my post is that it depends in what light you see a situation. Regarding your example of having to deal with a loss, an illness, etc., without anyone to support you, an optimist might say that it makes you that much stronger to handle it on your own. And there are other forms of support than that of a romantic love. If you are lacking in family/friends/other meaningful relationships, that might be the source of your loneliness and frustration as opposed to the lack of a romantic relationship.

 

My original post was in no way meant to hurt anyone, but to suggest an alternate way of looking at the same situation, thus lessening the hurt and bad feelings a lot of people experience.

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So true, same with your last post !!!

 

I've heard before & believe it to be true because of my life, that the void we feel in our life, can't be filled with a person only with a relationship with God. When it's filled with a person it's only temporary & will return. When filled with God, it last & it's real.

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Excellent post.

 

How am I suppose to love myself when nobody wants me? Being single makes me feel ugly and undiserable. How can I be happy with that?

 

You can't and it is precisely that unhappiness that is blocking your ability to be perceptive to new possibilites. It's a circuitous condundrum. If you want to have success, you can't worry about feeling lonely. It's ok to be lonely. It's a normal human function. It dosen't feel great, but feeling bad about it only makes it worse and greatly lowers your chances of finding what you desire. Could you see yourself having a strong attraction for someone who was sad and lonely? It is possible to be lonely and still be happy when you see others in love because it instills a sense of hope when you see love does exist in the world. It can and does happen. You can see it happening all the time. There's no reason why it can't happen for you. The key is to be happy and fufilled without it and open to the possibility without attachment to any fixed or predetermined outcomes.

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